


the sun, the moon, and the stars.

by simplygolden



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Choking, Crimes & Criminals, Crossover, Daddy Kink, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light BDSM, Minor Violence, Romance, Sexual Content, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 101,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28165560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplygolden/pseuds/simplygolden
Summary: Y/N is the youngest White House press secretary there has ever been. What happens when the White House and the BAU collide?hotchxreader(also, this is a sorta slow burn everybody)it is also posted on wattpad under the same name and username!
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader, Austin (Criminal Minds)/Spencer Reid, Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 51
Kudos: 101





	1. disclaimer

Hi :) This is my first attempt at a fanfic haha so please be nice!! I'll try to post 2 or 3 chapters a week.

Firstly: This is a reader insert story! Y/n is female, and I am going to try my hardest to keep physical descriptions out of it. I want to be inclusive to everybody and I also want to apologize in advance to anybody who might feel excluded, that is far from my intention.

Next a little backstory: Y/n is 26 years old, and she is the current Press Secretary for the White House. She is extremely sassy, but it's what makes her so good at her job. This is a HotchxReader story.

ALSO!!!! I don't know much about politics lmaooo so a lot of this is my knowledge from Scandal, hence the little crossover I did in the beginning! :)

This story starts in the beginning of Season 4, right after "Paradise"

Read with caution, as there are some triggering things + sexual situations!

Don't read if you aren't okay with:  
violence  
descriptions of crime + violent situations (ya know, basically cm stuff lol)  
drug addiction/drug use (for these i'll give u warnings before the chapter starts)  
suicidal ideation (for these i'll give u warnings before the chapter starts)  
degradation  
choking  
super light bdsm stuff  
daddy kink  
spanking

If there's more I'll include it before the chapter starts! Happy reading!!! I hope y'all like Y/n as much as I do 🤩


	2. the oval office

"Thank you for the insightful questions, I'll see you tomorrow." I closed my binder, smoothed down my navy dress and started down the podium.

"She was born for this job." I heard a reporter say as I exited the room, and I started grinning to myself. I damn well was born for this job. President Grant handpicked me right out of undergraduate school to be his Press Secretary. I had interests in becoming an FBI agent and maybe even a profiler, but once I got into politics it was impossible for me to get out. I lived for the thrill of politics. For the power, the fame, that came along with being the youngest press secretary there had ever been. I'm twenty-six years old and I'm already running alongside some of the most powerful men in the country. I had a seat at the table. I was respected.

I grabbed a bottle of Voss Water off the table in the back and took a quick drink. No one ever tells you how dry your throat gets after talking for nearly 40 minutes straight, but it was a pain I welcomed. I looked up to see one of the undergraduate interns running towards me.

"Secretary Y/n, President Grant needs to see you urgently in his office. He says it's an emergency." I immediately flew to my feet, dropped my water, and began the quick walk to the Oval. I ran over everything humanly possible that I could have fucked up over the past few days, and nothing came to mind. But for President Grant to need me "urgently"...it had to be something. I've known President Grant for the past three years. He randomly showed up at my apartment right after I graduated and asked me to be his new Press Secretary. Apparently his girlfriend, Olivia, had been following my Political Talk Show on YouTube and when she found out he was looking for a new face she recommended me for the job. I've only met Olivia once, but she's one of the most ambitious people I have ever seen. I only strive to be her someday. I passed by President Grant's secretary and she waved for me to enter. I knocked on the door and a loud, "Come in." distracted me from my thoughts.

President Grant was pacing the room, and there was a toned, raven-haired man sitting on one of the couches. He wore a navy suit with a white shirt and a red tie, not a wrinkle in sight. His shirt was tight, but not uncomfortable. He appeared regal almost, and I didn't want to stop looking at him. When I entered, I noticed him look at me a little harder than normal, then his face softened. When President Grant saw me enter, he moved to sit on the chair in the middle, and I took that as my cue to sit on the other couch.

"President Grant, sir."

"Y/N, I've told you to call me Fitz. Several times. Don't make me order it." He said clearly joking, but I could tell that there was something beneath the surface.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to just 'call you Fitz', Mr. President." Joking was always our way of breaking the ice, so I knew that I wasn't in major trouble. I noticed that the man who sat across from me didn't smile once. I immediately thought he was from the NSA, because those guys are always ridiculously serious. He couldn't be from the White House because I knew all of them by name, but he had to be extremely important to be having a sit down with the President. And me. Why was I here?

President Grant seemed to notice the unanswered question on my mind and began to speak.

"Y/N, this is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the Federal Bureau of Investigations."

Aaron Hotchner. I'd heard this name before. I quickly scoured my brain to remember where I had heard it before I settled on an answer. I had been reading a few of his reports for the past year, I found it absolutely fascinating how his team was able to take down these serial killers, and most of it happened really quickly. And also, this was Spencer's boss.

"I read your report on the Fisher King last year. My best friend Spencer also works for you. He speaks very highly of you, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you." President Grant and Agent Hotchner looked pleased that I knew who he was, because President Grant then said,

"I told you she was a genius." President Grant laughed and I saw Agent Hotchner grin a little bit. It was then that I truly just let myself look at him. He was absolutely ethereal, he gave off an air of mystery mixed with seriousness. This man had to be at least fifteen years my senior....so why was I so drawn to him? Most importantly, why was he here?

"Well, I hope she can help us because this is a very rapidly moving situation." Agent Hotchner raised from the couch and crossed the space between us in two steps. He handed me a red file with the words "CONFIDENTIAL" and "FBI" stamped on it. I looked between the two men and opened the file. I held my breath in order to stop myself from immediately throwing up. The first file thing the file held was a brutally decapitated body, that was also missing a hand.

I looked up at the two men sitting in the room with me. "Why am I looking at a decapitated body." I said, and a more serious tone fell across this room.

"There's an unidentified subject abducting family members of prominent political figures. They've been taking a body part and then returning the family member outside a hospital exactly forty-eight hours after the abduction." Agent Hotchner said.

"The cuts are clean, so they're medically trained." I said aloud, then asked "If he's been taking a body part and returning them alive, what happened to the headless guy?"

"That's what my team is trying to find out. The unsub might be devolving. Nice catch on the cuts by the way." Agent Hotchner replied, and internally I was beaming at the idea that I had impressed him. I continued to flip through the file, counting four victims in total.

"None of these cuts on the previous victims were deadly. They were all body parts they could still manage without. The rage on this guy was personal." I began to stand and start pacing. "This...unsub as you called it, either knew this guy or he knew something about them. Have you identified him yet?"

"No, but our technical analyst is trying to figure this out now." I nodded at Agent Hotchner then turned to President Grant.

"Why aren't Olivia and her people handling this?" I didn't know specifically what Olivia did, but I knew this had to be right up her alley.

"They were. Initially they thought it was just blackmail, but once the headless body was found with the same M.O. she called me and I notified Agent Hotchner and his team this morning. Once it became murder, it got personal. Someone is harming these people, and it's getting close to the White House." I could tell that this entire idea was rubbing President Grant the wrong way. He's always been a more progressive President, especially as a Republican. This was his last few days before the next election, and I could tell that he didn't want this to be his legacy. We needed to get this handled, and we needed to do it quickly.

"I don't want to state the obvious, but could this be because of the election?" I asked, truly just trying to make sense of this.

"Agent Prentiss brought up the same thing, but attacking this administration doesn't have anything to do with this election, considering this is President Grant's last term. If someone wanted to make this about the election, they would be harming those running." Agent Hotchner responded.

"Y/N, Agent Hotchner needs you to call a press conference with all White House officials, Senators, and Representatives. They need to be aware that this is happening." President Grant told me, and I nodded. Agent Hotchner then stood.

"My team should have a profile by the end of the day, so having the conference early tomorrow morning would be best. We'll be in close contact with you and President Grant over the next few days. Hopefully we can get this unsub before anyone else is harmed." He paused. "I'll let Dr. Reid know we're working with you, and he can keep you updated. I trust your judgment and I know you will keep this discreet." He added before giving me a curt nod, President Grant a handshake, and exiting the room out of a door on the side.

President Grant stood from his chair, which signalled the end of the meeting. He turned to me and said, "I really appreciate this, Y/n. I know this isn't in your job description. The BAU is currently looking for a new Communications Liaison, and I just knew you were the right person for this particular case. I know Agent Hotchner appreciates it as well. Go ahead and let everyone know about the press conference, and I'll let you know if I have any updates."

"Of course Mr. President. I'll see you soon." I said as I exited his office through the main entrance. As I exited the West Wing, a million thoughts ran through my head. Why me? Why was I chosen? Sure, I majored in Psychology, Mass Communications, and Criminal Justice at Georgetown, but I didn't think President Grant cared enough to even know that about me.

Most importantly, why couldn't I get this Agent Hotchner out of my head? I'd memorized everything about him by the time the meeting was over. I noticed how he subconsciously ran his thumb slowly over his index finger, but it got faster the more stressed he was. I noticed that he had a tan where a wedding band once was, and how the spot was still indented. He must have recently gotten a divorce. I noticed how he wasn't too concerned about the politics, he just wanted the killing and pain to stop. I noticed how he was very serious, but there was a playful side to him if you knew where to look. I wanted to know everything about this man, and I'd only met him once.


	3. the briefing

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I looked down at my phone.

5AM, the bright display read, and I silently cursed myself for not turning it down before I succumbed to sleep last night.

I had finally gone to bed at 1AM, after Spencer and I spent the better part of last night discussing the case, or well, as much as they knew about the case. They had a little bit of a profile already, but they needed the victimology. All Spence could tell me was that they were looking for a narcissist and an accomplice, and they had to be tied to the White House in some way.

Of course, I tried to get information regarding Aaron Hotchner out of him, but he was very careful to not speak much about his boss to me. I couldn't pinpoint why, but every time I brought him up Spence quickly changed the subject.

I showered with a speed that was barely human, pulled on a bright red dress and some nude Louboutins. I quickly did some eyeshadow that heavily involved earth tones and decided to leave my hair natural today. I decided on a middle part, and used two pearl barrettes to clip my hair out of my face. It was entirely too early for me to struggle with my contacts, so I chose to wear my clear frames today. I finished my look off with a bold red lip.

I got away with dressing a lot more casual than any other press secretary has, and I was grateful for it. Fashion has always been my outlet, and President Grant was quick to allow me to express myself through my clothes (as long as it still counted as professional.) I honestly didn't think it was a big deal, but there's now a running column in Seventeen and Teen Vogue titled "What trend is Y/n doing today?" where they had my outfits from the week along with where I got my clothes. It was good for the administration, because a lot of millennials and Gen Z could relate to me.

I turned off the light to my room and quickly got my favorite reusable mug out of the dishwasher. I pulled my cold brew and Oat Milk out of the fridge, and added two packs of Splenda to my coffee. I decided to make Spence one as well, because I knew he would be just as tired as I was. I made sure to add at least a cup and a half of sugar to his, because he only drinks it if it barely resembles coffee.

5:45AM. I quickly grabbed my purse and my ID, locked my apartment, and hurried down the street to Spencer's. I never get much sleep in this job, but today I was exhausted. I really needed something a little stronger than the iced coffee I was holding, but I quickly shook that thought out of my head. I didn't have time to deal with that today. As I arrived as Spencer's, he opened the door.

"Blaze, hey! I was just about to call you." I handed him his coffee. I chuckled at the nickname. He's been calling me that ever since I accidentally set his kitchen on fire trying to cook a few months ago.

"Remind me why we stayed up so late last night?"

"You got all your questions answered, didn't you?" He joked and I got him a glare.

"Yeah, all except the ones that mattered." He laughed again.

"You'll have to ask him those." I shook my head and we started down the block. The BAU was coming to the briefing this morning, so Spence and I got to walk to work together, which never happens. I was thrilled to finally get some time with my best friend. We live two blocks away from the Capitol, where I then normally take the political metro to the White House.

"I know this metro exists, but I've never had a reason to ride it." Spencer giggles, completely glee ridden. The rest of his team had opted to drive, but he demanded to go in with me.

"I promise it's not that cool Spence." I laughed and we entered the Capitol Building through the side door. They knew Spence was coming with me and already had his visitor tag printed and ready for him. I glanced down at my phone again. 6:10 AM. the Press Conference was at 7, and I was really cutting it close. "Spencie we gotta go," I said to him, and basically had to pull him away from staring. I know he wasn't much for touristy places ("Think of all the germs, Y/n. Tourists are nasty" He had once said to me) but he was like a kid at a candy store glancing at all the beautiful statues and art that surrounded the interior of the building. Our schedules never line up, but I made a mental note to bring him here after hours one day and give him a real tour. We shuffled to the lower level and made our way to the metro. We got there just as soon as the next train pulled in, and I quickly got seated. Spence opted to stand.

"This is......wow." Was all he could say as the doors started to close. It was pretty packed for Wednesday morning at 6AM, but this briefing was for literally everybody. I recognized most of the people in the car, and smiled at those I didn't. Being a liberal working in a republican administration was extremely rare, but once I started the job I made it my mission to not allow that to affect my work and my relationships. We arrived at the White House in record time, and Spence and I were the first ones off.

"I can't believe you ride that everyday Blaze. That was incredible." It really doesn't take much to amuse Spence, but it made me happy that it did. He's been through so much in his life, especially recently, and I was thrilled that him seeing this small part of my life was enough to make him feel this way.

"Happy you enjoyed it!! Come on, we gotta go find the rest of your team." I navigated our way into the small office behind the Briefing room, where I found Agent Hotchner conversing with President Grant. I heard Spencer tense up behind me. I forgot he had never met the President before.

President Grant greeted me with a smile, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. President Grant stuck out his hand to Spencer and Spencer eagerly grabbed it. I had to stifle back a laugh. Spence hates touching others hands, he always tells me that it's "much safer to kiss" but I knew he would never turn down a handshake from the President.

"Fitz." He said, still shaking. "You must be Doctor Reid? Agent Hotchner has told me lots about you. You discovered we're looking for a team, correct?"

Spencer hardly had time to process what just happened, but he smiled. "Yes sir. It's nice to meet you. I just wish we were meeting under different circumstances."

"I'm just surprised Y/n hasn't invited you to any of our parties. You're much better company than the guys she usually brings." My head snapped up from the paperwork I was looking at.

"President Grant we aren't here to discuss my love life....or lack thereof." I said playfully, and President Grant smiled again, this time it reached his eyes. I turned to Agent Hotchner who had a small smile on his face after my last comment. "Did we find out who the body was?"

"Sadly yes. It was Senator Sandoval's father. She won't be at the briefing today, but we now know our victimology. The team is attacking Senators and Representatives who voted for the recent bill that just passed." The immigration bill. I completely disagreed with President Grant's view on immigration, and I knew this decision was going to have some push back. Hell, just the other day I had to argue with a reporter who got a little bit aggressive with me at the podium.

We all just sat with that information for a while, and I was honestly still trying to process how a legislative bill could cause something this extreme. This was something Spencer dealt with on a daily basis, but it was so much for me to wrap my head around. It was a lot for any normal person to wrap their head around.

"Excuse me, I need to go speak with Vice President Ballard and Chief Beene about the upcoming GA Summit, but thank you guys so much for handling this as discreetly as you have been. Remind me to tell Director Henderson that you guys will never run out of funding. " President Grant's voice cut through the silence. He gave me a smile, Agent Hotchner a half smile, and Spencer a shoulder clap, before opening the door to leave the small room.

That was something I always admired about President Grant. No matter who he was in a room with, he made sure to acknowledge every single person before exiting. I knew that Spencer took notice of it as well, and I made a mental note to subtly drag him later for not voting for the man. "Give the press conference and remind the staff to be extremely vigilant. And Y/n, please be careful." He exited the room through a side door. Not even thirty seconds later six other agents entered through the same door the President had just left from, making the already small room even smaller. I caught a black-haired agent with shoulder-length hair and bangs look at me a lot longer than the rest.

"This is Y/n Y/l/n, the current Press Secretary for the White House. She's helping us with this case and is responsible for keeping the politics out of this case as much as possible." Agent Hotchner said, and I felt the energy surrounding the tiny space immediately slow down. It almost as if they all felt some kind of anxiety about being in this place, or if they were worried about me, I couldn't quite figure it out.

I smiled at the other agents, as they began to introduce themselves. First was an extremely attractive bald, African-American man.

"SSA Derek Morgan." He said and smiled, showing his vividly white teeth. He shook my hand and then gave it a kiss. I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"Morgan, stop flirting with every girl you meet." The black-haired agent said and laughed. "Agent Emily Prentiss." We shook hands as well, and I noticed her staring at me even longer. Damn, she was attractive. I continued to blush. This was so embarrassing for me.

A pregnant blonde woman introduced herself as Jennifer Jareau, "JJ, if you like." and then I fist-bumped with David Rossi. David is an old friend of my father's, and he's usually a regular at the fancy parties I go to. It also helps that I've read every single one of his books.

"Y/n, It's been too long. How's Stephen?" Rossi asked.

"Better now that he's not dealing with you all the time!" I joked and everyone laughed. They seemed like such a nice group of people.

"So...I heard President Grant was in here...." SSA Morgan said, looking around.

"You just missed him. Sorry guys, I'll try to introduce you after the briefing." I apologized and I saw Spence look at Morgan smugly.

"He gave me a handshake." Spencer gloated and Morgan shook his head.

"Leave it to the kid to meet the President before I do." I looked at my phone again. 6:58.

"I think everyone's in the room, so do you want to get started a little earlier?" I asked Agent Hotchner.

"Of course." I led the way down the short hallway to the actual Briefing room, and Agent Hotchner opened the door for me before I could even pretend to. I turned around to thank him, and felt my breath catch in my throat. This was the first time I had ever really looked at Agent Hotchner, and I don't think I've ever seen anyone more attractive. This obviously wasn't the time for that, so I squeaked out a quick "Thank you" and hurried to the podium. As soon as I got settled in, the room fell silent. I looked out at my audience and noticed that there was barely even standing room left. I knew all the Senators were in the briefing room, and the Representatives were watching via Livestream in the Ballroom.

"Good morning. I know it's early, and that you guys never hear from me but this is extremely important. Over the past week, family members of Congress have been disappearing and showing up with a missing body part. Yesterday it progressed to murder." A loud uproar quickly took over the room, and I could hear several "What the hell?" and "Why are we just hearing about this?"

I looked down at the group, and waited for silence again.

"I know this is upsetting. I recently just found out as well. We have the best people for the job working this case, President Grant called them personally." I motioned to the group behind me. "This is the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, and they can answer any more questions you have. Agent Hotchner?" I said, then quickly moved out of the way.

I watched how he confidently and eloquently answered every question that was thrown his way, he didn't miss a beat. He was able to curb the widespread panic, and assure them that they would do everything to keep their families safe. The team went over the profile and how they were able to discover who they were looking for, and Agent Hotchner offered condolences to the missing Senator Sandoval.

My attention was slowly drifting towards Agent Hotchner and the large veins in his hands, when he said something that sparked my attention.

"We think the unsub has recently had a stressful event happen in his life. Being publicly humiliated for starters, or losing a job. He's good with speaking to people, all of his previous victims have claimed that he seemed charismatic when they could hear him. He has repeatedly left notes saying that 'We will pay for this'. He is not working alone as well. If you know of anyone that fits this description, please let Secretary Y/l/n know immediately. Thank you."

The conference ended, and we all filed into the room we were previously in. "Being publicly humiliated for starters, or losing a job."

Wait. Wait.

"Agent Hotchner, are we looking for a member of the media?" I asked, placing down the file I was holding.

Spencer and Agent Hotchner stopped to look at each other, and I saw the gears turn in Spencer's head.The rest of the BAU looked a little puzzled as well, especially Emily Prentiss.

"We could be...." He trailed off. "Is something sticking out to you, Secretary Y/l/n?"

"A few days ago, a reporter from CNN really gave it to me about the immigration bill. It's not a secret that I'm a democrat and that I vote blue, but he hounded me about the bill and how I could support it. It was beyond the normal reporter questioning, he seemed furious. He told me that I shouldn't be able to live with myself and that he hopes I don't. I took it with a grain of salt, obviously. But it was extremely aggressive....I think he said that we'll pay for it-" Agent Hotchner's eyes widened. I hurriedly spoke again, "I mean I didn't think anything of it! We're always getting called names and being the target of baseless threats. I just got some of his privileges revoked and never thought about it again."

"Did he get fired?" SSA Morgan asked immediately.

"I have no clue. I know he was embarrassed though, because I overheard a few other reporters speaking about it."

Agent Hotchner immediately pulled out his phone, and started dialing a number. SSA Prentiss, Rossi, and JJ did the same.

"So what just happened?" I asked Spence.

"I think you just found one of our unsubs. All of the living survivors said that their kidnapper kept saying 'they'll pay for it' and we found a note with Wade Sandoval's body that said the same. Do you remember the reporter's name?" He asked, pulling out a sheet of paper and his cell phone.

"He's new. His name was Ezra Young, I remember. I got his press pass revoked for a month because of how aggressive he was." Spencer immediately started typing on his cell phone as well.

"Garcia. I need you to run a name. Ezra Young. Yeah. Does he have a woman in his life? Really? Thank you. Yes, I'm here with them now." He turned to me, grinning. "We have our team. His accomplice is Sophia Roberts, his girlfriend. Garcia's sending an address."

The members of the BAU cleared out in record time, presumably to go arrest Young and Roberts at their shared address. There hadn't been another kidnapping, so we all assumed that Wade Sandoval was their last target. Senator Sandoval was very vocal about this bill being passed, and she said some pretty horrible things on the floor while discussions were happening. It made sense that she would be the object of their rage.

It was still pretty early and since I neglected on food this morning, I decided to treat myself to an Acai Bowl. I let my assistant at the front know where I was heading, and I stepped outside of the White House and walked down Pennsylvania Avenue to my favorite smoothie shop. I know I have interns for this, but after the past 48 hours, some fresh air was needed.

I took a shortcut between two streets, when I felt something hot at my right ankle. Then, searing pain. I looked down, thinking I had stepped on something and didn't see anything. As I bent down to examine it, I felt something heavy on the back of my head, then a crippling silence.


	4. the car ride

"Are you sure you didn't fucking kill her with how hard you hit her??" I heard a woman hiss.

"She's fine, Sophia. Stop being dramatic." A man said, and I quickly recognized the voice as Ezra Young.

Motherfucker. I guess Wade Sandoval wasn't their last victim. I tried to stay absolutely still so they would think I was still unconscious. The more information I could obtain, the better. I knew the BAU knew their names and knew where they lived, so it was only a matter of time before they found me. I was kind of happy I would get to see Agent Hotchner again, which was definitely a fucked up thought considering where I currently was.

I was seated on something cold. It felt like the ground, since my feet were level. My feet were tied together by something, and my arms were handcuffed behind a pole. I know my way around a pair of handcuffs, but I knew any movement would alert them that I was awake.

"Why are we doing this Ez? The others, I understand. She didn't do anything. She's still unconscious, we can still just return her and run." Sophia pleaded, and I made a mental note to tell Spence if I ever got out of this.

"Do you hear yourself? She's the spokesperson for them. She caused me to lose my job. She willingly spews their lies, and then acts like she's a princess. She's the worst of them all. She's going to suffer the worst." He snarled, and I felt my heart skip a beat. I did cause him to lose his job. I didn't mean to, but I should've been more cognizant of how taking away his press pass would affect him. But more importantly, was this why he was doing this? Did Wade Sandoval die because of my callousness? I felt my heart drop into my stomach and then realized that the longer I pretended to be passed out, the shorter the pain would be.

"Ezra please. She believes what we believe. You assaulted her on camera, what did you think would happen?" Sophia said again, trying to get him to reconsider his options. I heard the sound of flesh against flesh, and then a thud.

"If you want to defend her, you can join her. Do I make myself clear?" Ezra said coldly, and I heard Sophia whimper. I felt an ache in my chest, I almost felt bad for her. It was obvious Ezra was the alpha, and she probably just went along with his plan because she was scared he would hurt her.

"She deserves it." Sophia said quietly, not quite believing it herself. I heard footsteps come towards me, every step sounding louder than the last. I stayed still.

"I'm tired of waiting." I felt a searing pain across my cheek, and it took everything in me to not react. That was definitely gonna leave a mark. I heard Ezra grunt, visibly annoyed that I was still "unconscious." He slapped me again, this time even harder than the last. I knew I couldn't take another hit without breaking. I prayed that he would just get bored and decide to wait it out, but I remembered the information that Spencer gave me last night.

"The unsub is really narcissistic. He gets off on his power. The victims said that he seemed pleased the more scared they were. I think showing him no fear would've helped them, but of course they didn't know that. This guy seems dangerous. If we don't catch him, I don't know what he'll do. I hope we have the last victim. I don't want to know what a further decline looks like."

Another hit shook me out of my trance. My eyes flew open, and I could feel swelling starting in my left one. I knew my cover was blown and I couldn't fake being passed out anymore.

"Finally, Sleeping Beauty." Ezra said. I took in his appearance. His hair was extremely disheveled, like he had been running his hands through it. I looked down and my dress was ripped and I was barefoot.

I had a decision to make, and I had to make it quickly. I could either plead with him for my life (which is what I would've done if I knew nothing about the case or the situation) or I could act like I wasn't scared shitless. I settled on the latter.

"You couldn't spare my dress? Shit was expensive. And where the hell are my shoes? Those were Louboutin's." I spat, and his eyes narrowed.

"Of course you only care about your appearance, you shallow bitch." I laughed. I was scared out of my fucking mind, but I kept repeating Spencer's words in my head.

"I think showing him no fear would've helped them."

"Takes one to know one, baby." I was rewarded with another slap, this one kind of mild. "Oooh that's all you got? You should know I like hits like that."

He seemed taken aback at my tone, shocked that I wasn't cowering in fear.

"You aren't scared?" He questioned, and I made sure to laugh louder.

"Of a 130 pound red-headed pipe cleaner with eyes? Oh, I'm shivering." I put a smug look on my face. "Ezra, I wasn't scared of you after your little stunt at the White House and I'm not scared of you now."

"He gets off on his power."

"You should be. After what I'm going to do to you, everybody will be." Bingo. If I could get him to explain what he wanted to do to me, in explicit detail, it would be enough time for the BAU to find me. They had to find me.

"What are you going to do? You know I'm a bit of a masochist." Ezra got really close to my face. I noticed Sophia cowering in the corner, visibly afraid of him. I don't know what the BAU had determined about their relationship, but I knew Sophia couldn't have been involved in the murder of Wade Sandoval, I doubt she even knew that he was dead. I could use that.

"What am I going to do...." Ezra trailed off and put his thumb on my lip, pulling it down slightly. When he pulled his finger away it wasn't red, so either my setting spray was working wonders or my lipstick was gone. "I'm going to make you pay."

"Ezra, what are you even doing all of this for? Why are you guys hurting all these people? What does this have to do with the immigration bill?" I asked, letting my icy exterior falter a little.

"They'll see. After they find you, they'll see. Everyone will be afraid of me."

"Do you ever answer a damn question straight? I mean, seriously. As a reporter, isn't that your job? Maybe I'm not the real reason you got fired, maybe you're just shit at your job." I rattled off, praying that any moment Spencer and his team would burst through the door.

"I'm not fucking shit at my job! Everyone is going to know who I am and what I stand for after this." He turned to Sophia. "Get over here and put her on the table."

This was my chance.

"You're not shit about your job....so you know that the FBI are their way? That they know your names? They know where you live?" Sophia stopped in her tracks, and Ezra's face showed terror for a minute.

"What are you talking about?" Sophia asked, speaking her first word to me.

"Oh. Your boyfriend went off on me in front of everyone about a week ago. So after he beheaded Senator Sandoval's father and left his body in an alley, the FBI was called. One of the agents happens to be my best friend, and after he told me who they were looking for I was able to give him Ezra's name. They were on their way to your house before you kidnapped me." The blood drained out of Sophia's face.

"You..... you killed him? You said no one would die!!" Sophia screamed at him, and Ezra looked furious.

"She's lying. He's alive. And they don't know our names."

"Ezra, Ezra, Ezra...." I chuckled and shook my head. "You grabbed me in the middle of the work day. By now, I should be giving my first briefing. People are going to know I'm gone. I told my secretary that I was going to get an Açaí Bowl, so they'll know where I was. I don't see my phone, so I assume you left it where you smacked me. They'll find it. We had a briefing this morning, so everyone knows who you are and what you've done. You've lost. Even if you do kill me, they'll find you. You should've listened when Sophia told you to return me and run, but of course, listening to a woman is beneath you." I rattled off, fake confidence coursing through my veins. No quicker than I finished speaking, I heard a door being swung off its hinges.

"FBI!" I heard Agent Morgan yell, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew they would find me. Ezra quickly ran to me and placed a knife against my throat. Agents Hotchner, Prentiss, Morgan, and Spence entered the room.

"One more step and I'll spill her blood all over the floor." Ezra dared and I laughed again.

"No you won't, Ezra. If you even twitch Spencer is going to shoot you. Even if you succeed in killing me, you'll die and nobody will know why you did what you did. Wade Sandoval's death will be attributed to a gang, and we'll pay off your other victims. You'll be known as the psycho who was jealous of the young hot press secretary and I'll die a legend and have my body in the capitol building rotunda. Yours will be unclaimed in a morgue until they have to cremate you for space." I finished my spiel, and turned to Spencer, begging him to back up my story.

"She's right. We'll make sure of it." He said and I smiled. He always had my back.

"It's over, Ezra." Agent Hotchner said, and Ezra placed down his weapon.

"I need them to understand. They have to understand."

Agent Morgan placed him in handcuffs. Agent Prentiss followed behind him with Sophia in handcuffs. She surrendered as soon as they entered.

Spencer ran over to me and began to untie my feet. Rossi had easily found the handcuff key on a table across the room, and he tossed it to Spencer so he could remove my hands from around the pole. He helped me to my feet, and I gave him a giant hug.

"You said, I think showing him no fear would've helped them." I said, squeezing tighter.

"You remembered. Oh Y/n, I am so happy you're okay." He held onto me longer than I ever thought possible. I let him. I knew that him and his team would find me. The next person to come up to me was David. He gave me a high five and then held on to me so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"I promised your father we would find you." He said, finally pulling away. "I was honestly a little scared to find out what he would do to me if we didn't." I laughed, but the sound was foreign.

"I knew you guys would." Was all I could muster out, and he hugged me again.

"I'm just happy you're okay, kid. Let me go call your dad." With one more squeeze he vanished, and I was now left standing with Spence. Once Agent Hotchner saw Dave leave, he began to make his journey over to me. Spence took notice immediately, and squeezed my right hand before leaving. He knew I wanted to be alone, and I truly loved how well we knew each other.

"You're shaking." Was the first thing he said, and I looked down at my hands. They were almost vibrating, and the cold concrete floor on my bare feet wasn't helping either. He took off his FBI windbreaker and settled it around my frame. The heat automatically engulfed me, and I was eternally grateful for the feeling. I looked down at my feet. He took notice and said, "We found your shoes in the alley, but Prentiss went to get you an extra pair of flats out of her car. I figured you wouldn't want to walk in heels after the morning you've had."

"Thank you." I said, and wrapped up a little tighter in his jacket. We both awkwardly stood in silence for a moment, unsure of what to say. "How did you find me?" I finally asked, deciding to be the one to speak next.

"When we got to Ezra's and Sophia's place and realized they weren't there, Our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia checked all of their prior connections and family connections. Ezra's grandfather owned this warehouse before he died, and it's been abandoned. It was the perfect place. We were on our way here when Fitz called me personally to tell me you had been taken. We got here just as you were waking up actually." My head snapped up.

"Oh fuck. So you heard ... all of that?" I asked, feeling absolutely embarrassed. I mean?? I made a joke about being a masochist for fucks sake. I never wanted David fucking Rossi to know that about me.

Agent Hotchner chuckled for a minute. "We did. Y/n I have never heard anybody speak to an unsub the way you did. You really had him on his toes. You'd be pretty good at this job."

"Well thank you, Agent Hotchner. I just kept the profile in mind! You guys might know what you're talking about a little bit." We both laughed again, and at that moment Agent Prentiss entered with a pair of flats.

"I hope an 8 is okay." She said, handing me the black shoes.

"That's absolutely perfect, thank you so much, really." I started to use Agent Hotchner's shoulder for balance so I could slip them on but he stopped me.

"Here, sit. I'll do it for you." I cautiously sat on the table, and Agent Hotchner slipped the flats on my cold feet. This could not be real life. It felt like a Cinderella moment, like he was the prince I had been looking for my entire life. It was weird, but I realized why I couldn't stop thinking about this man. I had a crush. A big one.

"Is that good?" He said, and I smiled back at him.

"Yes, thank you so much Agent."

"Please, call me Aaron. I think we're past the formalities." I nodded, and he grabbed my hand to help me off the table. I caught Spencer giving me a bewildered look from across the room, and he started to make his way over to us again.

"Well, thank you Aaron." Today has been very eventful to say the least, but I still had a job to do. "How far are we away from the White House? Also, what time is it? I need to give a briefing at-"

"Absolutely not, Y/n." I heard Spencer say as he came up behind me. "You are on strict orders to take the rest of today off, and tomorrow if President Grant sees fit. You just got kidnapped by a murderer. You need time to process."

"Process what? I'm fine." I lied, just desperate to get back to something that felt normal. I knew I would have to deal with these feelings later, but for now I needed work. I had to work.

"Hotch is going to take you home, since I don't have my car. Someone President Grant knows named Huck is supposed to watch over your place tonight, and I'll be over as soon as the work day ends. He wanted Secret Service to follow you for the next few weeks, but I knew you wouldn't want that. He said you knew Huck, so we compromised." Spencer said and I nodded. I didn't know Huck per se, but I trusted him. Huck was a little odd, he spoke mainly in grunts and only smiled when he was watching reality tv shows but President Grant had once trusted him with Olivia's life, so I knew I was in good hands.

"Fine. I'm going to work tomorrow though, and that's a done deal. The election is next week, I don't have time for days off." I shot back at Spencer as we started to exit the warehouse.

Spencer just shook his head as we walked down the street to where the SUVs were parked. The DCPD and CSI were hurriedly trying to process the warehouse, so it was best for us to get out of the way.

When we reached the cars, Spencer turned around and pulled me into another hug.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Y/n." His voice started to break. I choked back tears as I squeezed him back even harder. Spencer and I met almost two years ago, at both of our lowest points imaginable. We were there for each other through it all, and our bond became impenetrable. I was really happy I had him in my life, and I knew he felt the same way. It's hard for both of us to express our feelings, but as we stood there hugging, we knew what the other wanted to say.

"Y/n, we should probably get you home." Aaron spoke suddenly, and Spence and I broke apart from our grasp.

"I'll be over as soon as I get off, Blaze. I'll even sit through the Bachelorette for you." Spencer said, wiping the tears that had formed under his eyes.

"I'll hold you to that." I gave him one more quick hug, and opened the door to Aaron's car. I noticed Emily, Derek, and Rossi off to the side gossiping to each other about something, probably Spencer and I's emotional goodbye. Spence had mentioned to me about how his team pokes fun at him for not being able to speak to girls, so if I could give him a little street cred with them, I would. I reached over to kiss him on the cheek, and I saw Derek's mouth fly open and he hit Emily's arm. Emily started chuckling, and I knew that he was never going to live that down.

I slid into Aaron's car and buckled my seatbelt, and he cranked the engine.

"I hope you don't mind Billy Joel." Aaron said as he placed the SUV in drive and turned down the street.

"Not at all. I'm a huge fan actually. Vienna is one of the best songs ever written."

"Vienna? Only the Good Die Young is a classic." He rebutted, and I turned to stare at him.

"You're kidding."

"Not at all."

"What's your opinion on Piano Man? Answer wisely, because if you give me the wrong answer I'm jumping out of this car and leaving you to fend on your own with President Grant." I teased and I saw the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile.

"Don't be so dramatic. It's good. I'll give you that. But his best song is-"

"New York State of Mind." We said in unison, and he smiled at me again.

"My mom would sing that song to get me to sleep at night," I explained. I wanted to tell him more about me. About my life, about my mom. I'm always so guarded because in my job I have to be, but I went against my better judgment. "She passed away a few years ago. Cancer." I looked down at my lap, avoiding the pitying look I knew was on his face. I get it from everyone, and I never wanted Aaron to look at me like that.

We rolled to a stop at a red light, and I started recognizing the area around me as Dupont Circle. I lifted my head to start staring out the window when I felt Aaron's hand slightly grab my chin and pull it towards his face.

"I know you looked away because you were scared of sharing that information with me. You were scared of my reaction." He profiled, and I silently cursed. How did I forget that about him so quickly? He sensed my hesitation and began again, "My mom died when I was young too. I know how hard it is to share something like that with someone, especially someone you just met. I really appreciate you telling me." I leaned into his hand and he smiled at me again. He's been smiling near me so much, I almost thought Spencer was lying when he had mentioned his boss as an "emotionless pit of despair", because this man sitting three feet away from me was anything but.

The light turned green, and we traveled the next few minutes in silence, humming along to Movin' Out. I had never felt this comfortable with someone in such a short time, and I could tell that he felt the same.

"How do you know President Grant?" I decided to ask once the song ended. I saw Aaron's hand's tense up a little around the wheel, and he waited a few moments before he spoke. He seemed to be really thinking about his answer before he finally got out,

"We're family friends. Our dads grew up together. Fitz is like an older brother to me." He didn't invite any more discussion, and I decided not to push it any further. I knew President Grant's father was dead, he died right before his first term started. The way Aaron mentioned his dad made me think he was deceased as well.

We were thankfully passing Spencer's apartment complex, so I pointed out that my townhouse was just ahead on the right. He sailed to a smooth stop in front, and I saw Huck standing outside my door with my purse from the office. I was eternally grateful, because I hadn't even thought about the fact that I didn't have a key on me.

"Thank you for the ride, Aaron." I stated, and began to open the door to the car.

"Y/n, wait. Here, take this." Aaron scrawled out something on a sheet on paper, and I recognized it as his phone number. "I know Dr. Reid is coming to check on you later, and I know that this Huck will watch out for you, but please call me if you need anything."

"You'll be the first to know if anything happens. I promise, Aaron." I held up my pinky as a joke, but he actually took it and we shook. I exited the car and I caught him staring as I sauntered off to Huck.

"Here uh, are your things." Huck grunted out. I grabbed my purse and started digging through it for my keys. Once I finally found them and unlocked the door, Aaron pulled off. He wanted to be sure I made it inside safely, and it warmed my heart at how thoughtful he was.

"Huck, you're more than welcome to come inside and make yourself at home. I'm just going to shower and sleep." I called out of the door, and he stood on the porch for a minute.

"Okay." He got out again, and came to sit on the couch. I left him with the TV remote, and made my way up the stairs to my room. I immediately shed my clothes, and ran to run the hottest shower I had ever taken. On my way up, I saw the clock on the microwave said 11:43, and I couldn't believe this morning had been so eventful.

I had been kidnapped, and nearly killed. That was so much to process, and I don't think my brain had fully comprehended what happened. After my shower, I wiped off some of the steam off my mirror and I stole a glimpse of myself. My barrettes were completely gone, probably lost in the alley or the warehouse, but I didn't even care. I was getting a slight bruise on my cheek, but that was the only indication that anything had even happened to me. I dried off, threw on some joggers and an old Georgetown long sleeve.

I fished my phone out of my purse and crawled into my bed, letting the pale pink comforter soothe me like it always does. I had a million texts from my dad and sister, and I quickly let them know that I was okay and that I would call as soon as I woke from my nap. I locked my phone back and was about to let the sleep take over when I got a text from Spencer.

Spence: Blaze, the last girl Hotch let call him Aaron he married

Spence: also thanks for the show, Morgan and Prentiss keep making fun of me. JJ is getting a kick out of it.

The last girl Hotch let call him Aaron he married. I didn't know if that excited me or scared me, but either way I was ready for what was next. I couldn't wait.


	5. the offer

It had been a few weeks since the Ezra incident. President Grant hardly let me out of his sight after it, and he'd been paying more visits to my office than normal. He'd disguise it as if he was giving me more work, but I knew he was just checking in on me. My injuries had all but healed, but it was taking my mental health a little longer. It had been an emotional few weeks, that's for sure.

I hadn't seen Spence since the night of the incident. He got called away on a case the very next day, and they had worked three cases back to back since then. They were really emotional ones for him, and we had some pretty lengthy phone calls at 2 am discussing them and discussing him finally seeing his father again. It didn't help that Election season just ended for me as well, and I was putting in 20-hour workdays.

This election season was none like I had ever imagined. On November 4th, the country voted for the next President. It was going to be a tight race. We all expected that. What we didn't expect was what happened after. There was a tie. Not just a "too close to call" but an actual tie. Senator Mellie Grant and Representative Frankie Vargas both received exactly 65,436,879 votes. After five recounts, the outcome was the same. Nobody knew what to do.

Mellie and Frankie both rejected the idea of a run-off election because they had both put their families through so much already. After about a week of deliberation, they finally decided on a coin toss. Yes, a coin toss. A coin toss decided the Presidency of the United States. Imagine having to explain that to the American people and to the press vultures. It was a nightmare. In order to maintain the integrity of the election though, both of them agreed to abandon their running mates, and the person who lost the coin toss would become Vice President. The country seemed to rally behind that, and since the Democrats controlled the Senate and the Republicans controlled the House, it was as close to a Bipartisan Leadership as possible.

The "Coin Toss Scandal" rocked the White House, and the actual event was broadcasted on all major networks. It had more views than the Royal Wedding. Frankie Vargas won with heads, and Senator Grant became his Vice President-elect. I was a little sad because Senator Grant would've become the first woman President, but Frankie Vargas was our first President of Color. Either way, they would've rewritten History.

Which brings me to right now. There's about a month until the Inauguration, and the Transition is well underway. President-elect Vargas has been picking his cabinet, and I knew that any day now I would be called to President Grant's office and be informed that I needed to be on the job lookout. I was a little sad because I really did love this job, but I had gotten offers to be a part-time anchor on CNN, FOX news, and to join the Today Show with a segment on Fashion and politics twice a week. I laughed at the FOX news offer, but I was seriously considering CNN and the Today Show. I hadn't mentioned the Today Show to Spencer yet, because it would potentially involve me moving to New York City, and I knew it would break him. We had been each other's rocks for so long, and honestly? I was terrified of leaving. Especially now.

A loud knock on the side of my office door dragged me out of my thoughts. I looked up from the briefing I was writing, to see my secretary standing in the doorway.

"Hey Sloane, what's up?" I asked, still typing at my computer.

"President Grant wants to see you." She replied and gave me a pitying look.

"Ah, shit. Thanks." I locked my computer and started the walk to his office. Getting fired is never fun. I made it to President Grant's office in record time, and his secretary waved me in before I even stopped. I knocked on the door and entered. The sight in front of me was far from what I expected. It felt like déjà vu. President Grant was sitting in one of his chairs and Aaron was sitting across on one of the couches. I looked at both of them and sat down.

"The last time you two called me in here I ended up getting kidnapped by a psycho. Please tell me that's not the case again. My face just healed." I asked, half-joking, but still being slightly serious.

"No, Y/n. That's not the case." President Grant laughed and Aaron cracked a smile. Man, did I miss that smile. I realized then that I hadn't spoken to him since the morning after the Ezra incident and even then it was just a quick text.

"Well, I figured I was getting fired, but I didn't really plan on having an audience." I replied and Aaron shifted in his seat.

"Well. Yes. That is happening because Frankie decided to bring in someone from his campaign trail for your job. But, we have another opportunity for you to soften the blow a little!" President Grant explained and I immediately perked up. Was Aaron about to offer me a job with him?

"Y/n, I was in awe of the way you handled the Young case. I told you that day that you would be great at this job, and since then I've gotten our technical analyst to do some research. I know you have a history in Psychology and you wanted to become a profiler before you started this job at the White House. I think you'd make a great Communication Liaison and after finishing the profiling coursework you could be a great profiler." Aaron said and I grinned.

"Oh, wow. That was....unexpected. Can I think about it?" I asked. I knew I was probably going to accept it, but I didn't want to seem too eager.

"Of course. I know you got offers from CNN and Today, and this is a change of pace from them. I'd like to have lunch with you so we can further discuss this and I can answer any questions you might have." Aaron stated and sat up a little taller.

"Lunch is great. Can we do it in my office in about thirty minutes? I need to finish writing the briefing on Fitz's Vermont move and then I'll be all yours." I knew this entire conversation could have been held over the phone, but it meant the world to me that Aaron came all the way down to the White House to see me. I also knew that we didn't need to have lunch, I could ask Spence about anything, but I jumped at the chance for more alone time with Aaron.

"I'll go get something for us." He said and we both stood to leave.

"Fitz, thank you for the leadership and wisdom you've given me the last three years. I'm really going to miss working for you." I looked at him and he opened his arms for a hug. I happily obliged.

"Y/n, you constantly surprise me every day. I know no matter what you choose, you'll excel at it. There's always a place for you in my foundation. Always." He said and we fell out of our embrace. "Now, don't get too sentimental on me, you still have to make it through the holidays and the inauguration." He joked, and it instantly lightened the mood.

"Of course, sir." I replied and Aaron and I left the office.

"I'm going to go grab something and I'll just meet you at your office, okay?" Aaron confirmed and I nodded. We parted ways. I all but ran back to my office to tidy up a little and check my appearance again.

Since it wasn't an extremely busy day, I decided on a hot pink pantsuit with a black turtleneck sweater underneath. I wore a silver dagger necklace (Spencer and I have matching ones, except his is gold), and small chunky silver hoop earrings. I decided to wear my hair up in a ponytail today, and I had two pieces curled in the front. I did bolder eyeshadow today, and I finished off the look with a super shiny pink gloss.

Just as I finished typing out the press briefing, another knock sounded at my office door. I half expected Sloane again, but it was just Aaron brandishing a bag of food. I quickly recognized the bags as take-out from Founding Farmer's, my favorite restaurant of all time.

"If there are Chicken and Waffles in that bag, I swear I'll bring you instead of Spencer to the Inaugural Ball." I said, immediately opening the to-go box as soon as he sat down.

"I think Dr. Reid would enjoy it more than me, but I appreciate the sentiment." He joked, and I was thrilled to see that there was also Mac and Cheese in the box as well.

"Oh man...how did you know that this was my favorite meal?" I asked between bites. I couldn't remember the last time I had a full meal. I knew I was hungry, but I didn't realize how much until I smelled the food.

"Honestly? It's my favorite restaurant. I figured Chicken and Waffles would be your go-to since you grew up in the south." He explained, and I stopped mid-chew.

"Did Spencer tell you that?" I asked, fully astonished how he knew that.

"He didn't have to. You still have an accent." I put down my fork. He seemed amused at my facial expression.

"I do not have an accent." I pouted.

"You do. You speak differently when you're in a professional setting or at the podium, but when you're casually having a conversation or when you're stressed, it comes out. I noticed it on the drive back from the warehouse. You're from Tennessee, right?"

"I-"

"You hide it because someone in power once told you that it was unprofessional. You take your job very seriously, and the last thing you want to be known as is unprofessional. It's why you overly enunciate your words too, especially in front of Fitz. It's also why you use such eloquent words in your briefings, you don't want to come across as uneducated. You have your degrees right behind your desk, so anyone who comes in knows that you're overqualified for this position. You speak to all your secretaries and assistants with the utmost admiration. You want to make sure not to step on any toes, and you want them to know that even though you're a little young, they should still respect you. And they do. I admire that." He profiled and took a bite out of his Avocado Bacon Burger while he waited for my response. I couldn't even be mad, because I knew he was the leader of the entire BAU. He was supposed to be good at this. I was just shocked that he read me quicker and more accurate than anybody I had ever met.

"Aaron, can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"If you EVER do that shit again, you'll really learn how someone from the south handles their business."

We both stared at each other for a few seconds, before we started laughing.

"You got it, Y/n."

"Good. Now tell me about this job before I decide to break your heart and turn it down." I picked up my fork again to continue eating lunch.

"I think it'll break the Doctor's heart more than mine." He teased again and I glared at him.

"Don't try me." I firmly said, and I saw his eyes dilate a tiny bit. He smirked a little and for a second I thought he was flirting with me.

"The job is pretty straightforward." He started and once he caught my eyes he continued. "You'll be what connects to BAU to the police departments we work with, and with the public and media. It's almost like what you're doing right now, but with crime. You'll also be responsible for choosing which cases we travel for and which ones we consult on. You'll also be expected to present the cases to the team, but you need to run them by me before you present them to everyone else. It's a full-time job because we can be on call at any moment. You'll need to be firearm certified because we might need you in the field at times, and you'll have to pass a fitness test." That sounded alright. And at the BAU, I'd be able to help so many people. And I'd be able to work with my best friend and the guy I had a weird crush on.

"Dress code?" I asked and he chuckled again.

"Professional. But what you wear is okay."

"I want to take Today too. I only have to be there once a week."

"Can you film on Saturdays or Sundays?"

"I'll see."

"What if we're on a case?"

"I'll do it remotely."

I finished chewing and matched my Y/e/c eyes to his brown ones. He waited to see if I had any more demands, and when I didn't he took another bite of his burger. When he finished chewing, he looked up at me.

"So, are you joining us in February?"

"If Today says okay, then yes."

"Let me know by next week?"

"Yeah, I will."

"JJ isn't due until March, so she'll be able to help you out until she goes on leave."

"Okay." Was my quick reply, and before I could say anything else Aaron's phone rang. He picked up quickly.

"Hotchner. Yeah. Yes. I'll be there in twenty." He hung up and turned to face me.

"Duty calls, I know. I enjoyed lunch." I said before he could even explain the situation.

"I enjoyed it too. I'd like to take you out for real sometime... if that's something you'd want to do with me." My breath caught in my throat. So he had been subtly flirting with me.

"Agent Hotchner, now that I'm your employee, is that really professional?" I decided to reply back with, mainly just trying to save time so my brain could process what the fuck just happened.

"You're not my employee yet." Was all he said, and his piercing brown eyes and his cute smile was all I needed to see for an answer.

"Yes. I'd like that." I tucked one of the pieces of hair behind my ear and looked up at him. It felt like slow motion, but Aaron leaned over and brushed the other strand behind my ear.

"You've got such a pretty face. You shouldn't hide it." He then stood to leave. I couldn't move. I was entirely frozen to my seat. This man had me panicking like a high schooler who had just been caught skipping class. "Oh, and Y/n?"

I just looked up. I couldn't do anything else.

"Don't talk back to me. I don't think you'd like the punishment for being a brat." He silently left my office, and my jaw hit the floor.

"Sloane." I managed to croak out, and she popped her head in. "Close my door and don't bother me for the rest of the day. Only come in here if President Grant and Vice President Ballard are dying." She nodded and did as I asked.

I sat in silence for the next thirty minutes trying to fully understand what the fuck just happened during that lunch. When I finally understood that Aaron was as interested in me as I was in him, I noticed a text pop up on my phone.

Aaron Hotchner: Sorry I left you with that.

Aaron Hotchner: ;)

Damn. This guy was going to be a lot of trouble.


	6. rockefeller plaza

tw: nsfw, light choking, talks of child abuse

As I stepped out of the NBC Building onto W 49th Street, I felt a newfound sense of pride. If you had asked me four years ago if I knew I was going to be reaching all my dreams and more by the age of 26, I would have laughed in your face. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I was going to make it to 26. But here I am. I just accepted the weekly segment on the Today Show, and they were more than willing to work with my schedule at the FBI. I only had to be in the studio on Sundays for about 4 hours, and if there was an emergency case I had to Skype in. I was doing a segment on how to make Business attire look fashionable, and I was so excited. They had even commented on my outfit today, explaining how much the viewers would love my segment.

I opted on wearing a heavy cream cardigan, with a light gray dress on underneath. I wore short gray booties on my feet, and I decided to straighten my hair and add a messy bun on top. I did natural makeup again and added some falsies to make my eyes pop. I finished the look with large silver hoops, my switchblade necklace, and clear lip gloss.

It was still early enough in the day, and I wasn't set to meet my sister and dad until later at our house. In all honesty, I thought this meeting would have taken a lot longer than it did, and I was surprised that I was already done within three hours. I had to come back next week for my headshots, but other than that I was ready to start the week after the inauguration. I looked down at my phone to check the time, hoping to still possibly make it to a matinee to surprise my sister. Before I could even register what time it was, my phone and bag were knocked out from my hands by a child. I saw a man run up to us, presumably the father. I was pretty grateful I wasn't the type of New Yorker to scream at someone for the smallest inconvenience, I tried to keep as much southern politeness in me as possible.

As I scrambled to pick up my papers from the sidewalk, the stranger bent down to help as well.

"I am so sorry ma'am. Sometimes my son just gets a little too excited. Jack, apologize to this sweet lady." I immediately snapped my head up. That voice was so familiar. It was too familiar. He confirmed my suspicions as he stood up. He recognized me as well, and I saw his face turn beet red. He was still holding on to the toddler's hand.

"Aaron?" I asked, too shocked to say anything else. In my head, a million thoughts were running around. The most important one? Aaron had a son???

"Y/n. Hi. What are you doing here?" He asked with a puzzled expression littering his face.

"Nope. You are outside my job. What are you doing here?" I shot back, and before he could answer a thin woman walked towards us from across the street at Free People. She was pretty tall, a lot taller than me but she matched Aaron's height perfectly. She had shoulder-length blonde hair, and it was in clear, organized curls. She was absolutely beautiful. I subconsciously adjusted my cream-colored cardigan and pushed my Kate Spade tote bag back on my shoulder.

"You look so familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?" She asked me, but I noticed there was a little venom laced in her speech. Aaron gripped Jack's hand a little tighter.

"Y/n Y/l/n." I reached out my hand to give her a proper handshake. "I work at the White House."

She recognized me immediately and shook my hand back.

"You're the one who had to explain that coin toss debacle. You know, I was happy Vargas won because I couldn't do another four years of the same administration we had been forced to deal with." With that, I turned to look at Aaron with a grimace. Does she not know about him and Fitz? Or did she just not care?

"I know Aaron and Fitz go way back, but I'm just happy for something new." Ah. So she just didn't care. "I'm Haley Hotchner, by the way. Aaron's wife."

When she said "wife", I felt like passing out or throwing up. I wasn't sure which one. Before I could even continue to let these anxious thoughts cloud my mind, Aaron spoke.

"Ex-wife." He corrected, and she shot him a glare.

"Jack's mom." She answered back, with the venom being evident now.

"It's so nice to meet you, Haley." I said, trying to slowly and subtly break the ice that was forming between the two.

"How do you know Aaron?" She asked, fully addressing me now. I noticed Aaron's face look worried, and I knew I wasn't supposed to mention the case.

"Fitz told him that I was interested in profiling. Since I was going to be unemployed after the new administration transitioned, they both figured out that the best way for me to become a profiler was to be the communication liaison for the BAU. So, he's technically my future boss."

"Boss? Does this mean you accept?" Aaron questioned and I turned to look at him.

"I'll see you in a few weeks at Quantico." He smiled at me, and the toddler on his arm suddenly pulled.

"Daddy, daddy! Ice cream."

"Okay, little man." Aaron didn't even try to argue with the little guy, and I noticed Haley roll her eyes. I figured Haley was the stricter parent and Aaron just tried to spend as much time with Jack as he possibly could.

"Van Leeuwen down the street has some of the best ice cream in Manhattan. The pumpkin cheesecake is to die for." I explained and Haley seemed to perk up.

"Oh, I love pumpkin. Aaron, I'll go take Jack if you need to finish discussing some work information with Y/n." Haley said. Aaron nodded and Haley turned to me again. "It was good meeting you."

"You too, Haley."

Aaron had to basically pry Jack's hand from his, with a promise to meet back up with a present. As they walked away, Aaron and I moved to a park bench across the street.

"You never answered why you're here." I immediately said once we sat down.

"To visit my brother. Haley had the weekend off and Jack hasn't been to New York City before, so we both decided to bring him. Haley and Jack are heading back to DC in a little bit though, since Sean doesn't get off until later."

I was shocked. I'd mentioned my sister before, but I had never heard Aaron mention anything about his family. "I didn't know you had a brother."

"We're not too close." He ran a hand through his hair and changed the subject before I could ask more. "Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?"

"I'm probably just going to go to my dad's. He doesn't live too far from here." He looked at me with a question on his lips and I spoke, "He's a cardiothoracic surgeon at Lenox Hill."

"How long has he lived here?"

"About ten years. We left Nashville when I was sixteen. He worked at Vanderbilt but he got the opportunity to be the Chief of Surgery here."

Aaron nodded. "What about your sister?"

"Belle lives here too. She's at AMDA for musical theatre." I explained and then proudly added, "She's currently the Elphaba understudy at Wicked and she's only twenty."

"You love your sister a lot, don't you?"

"She's one of the best people I've ever known. She and Spencer saved my life." I stopped. Aaron couldn't know how Spencer and I met. It wasn't my story to tell, and it could get Spencer in a lot of trouble. Too much trouble.

I turned my gaze to the children ice skating at the rink behind us, overlooking the larger than life Christmas tree that took residence in the plaza once a year.

"So many people prefer ice skating at Central Park, but this is my favorite place. There's something so serene and magical about skating under the tree. Makes my problems feel insignificant." I softly spoke, and Aaron placed his hand over mine.

"It's something I always wanted Jack to experience. Haley isn't much of an outdoor person, so we haven't taken him yet."

"How old is he?"

Aaron lightly smiled, excited to talk about his son. It warmed my heart. "He just turned three in October. He makes working this job worth it. I don't get to see him as much as I'd like, but knowing that every criminal we catch is one less that can hurt my child or anyone else's? It helps me sleep at night."

I figured that was the reason his marriage fell apart. I didn't bring it up because I didn't know how new the divorce was, and that also scared me. I didn't want to be anybody's rebound. I'm worth more than that.

We sat in silence for a few seconds and I saw Jack and Haley off in the distance. I reached down into my bag and pulled out one of those pens that write in multiple colors.

"You promised Jack you'd give him a present. I always keep one of these in my bag for when kids come to visit the White House." I handed Aaron the pen and he looked absolutely surprised.

"You constantly surprise me." I smiled and we both stood. "I'll see you later, Y/n. Drive safe."

"Bye, Aaron." I waved at Jack and Haley, and Jack quickly waved back. As I walked away I saw Aaron hand Jack the pen, and Jack started jumping up and down with how excited he was, almost dropping his little ice cream cone in the process.

It was only about a 15-minute walk to my dad's, so I opted to do that instead of taking the metro. I hadn't been to his house since my mom passed. It was too hard, too painful. I know it wasn't fair to him or Belle, it wasn't fair for me to completely cut out this part of my life. Every street I passed confused my feelings more and more until I finally saw the light brown brick house.

My mom insisted that we have it painted to that color. She said if she had to become a New York Housewife, she wanted to do it her way. Of course my dad agreed, because whatever my mom wanted from him she got.

I saw my car parked out front and I made a mental note to thank my dad for bringing it here. I left it in the parking lot at the hospital before my meeting, and I was grateful that he found a way to bring it back to me. I finally walked through the gate and up to the entry door. Before I could even knock, the door flew open and my five foot six sister came scrambling out.

"Y/n!!!!! It's been TOO long!!" Belle shrieked, hugging me so tight it was a struggle to get a breath out.

Once she felt it was long enough, she pulled away from me and looked at me up and down. I noticed she had cut her long hair to her shoulders, and she had dyed it a nice auburn color. It was wavy now, instead of the straight way she always wore it. She was a lot thinner too, and she was wearing leggings and an athletic top.

"Belle, aren't you supposed to be at Wicked? It's a Saturday." I said and she smiled, pulling me into the house.

"I took today off. It's not every day my big shot Press Secretary sister comes into town!!" We walked into the kitchen, and she immediately started taking out spinach, carrots, apples, ginger, lemon juice, mango, and a frozen banana. She grabbed the Vitamix from the cabinet and spoke again. "Tell me EVERYTHING. How's Spencer doing? What about the president? Is he still dating Olivia? The papers say that she's living back at her old apartment, is that true? What about your new job? Heard you got fired by the new administration, is that true? And what about the kidnapping? Are you okay? Do you have a cool scar?"

If there's one thing I didn't miss about Belle, it's her insane ability to ask a million questions at once and expect an answer to every single one. She was ten when we left Nashville, so she quickly adapted to the New York rate of speech. I didn't.

"Spence is great. Fitz is great. He and Olivia are still together, she still sleeps in the Residence every night. She's packing up her apartment, that's why she's there often. My new job is good! I'm working with the FBI like I always wanted, and I'll still be doing the today show. I didn't get 'fired', Frankie just decided to bring in someone from his campaign trail. He's very nice and very smart, I know he'll kill this job. The kidnapping was....scary. But it was months ago. Ezra is in jail, probably facing the death penalty and I don't have to testify in his trial. I'm fine. My pride and face were a little bruised, but I'm good. Also, no. No cool scar." I made sure to answer all her questions, not wanting to be accused of not listening to her. She does that a lot.

"Is Spencer still single?" She asked, and decided to blend her smoothie before I could give her an answer. Once she finished, she grabbed two glasses out of the cabinet, hoping to avoid my gaze.

"Yes, he's still single. He just doesn't date those who aren't legally allowed to drink."

Belle scoffed. "Oh well. I tried." She walked up to me with one of her green smoothies.

"Lindsay swears by these. She said they give her more breath support and help her with her energy on stage. I always get so fucking tired halfway through act two, so I can use anything possible."

Belle was really kind, truly. She knew of my past struggles and was always trying to help me find other alternatives, especially now. I knew that she made up that story about getting tired through act two to make me feel better, and I appreciated it.

"Tell me about school and Broadway." I said, taking a sip of the concoction she made. It actually tasted pretty decent. I made another mental note to tell Sloane about it.

"Oh my gosh." She started, and spent the next hour telling me about her classes, and about her job. She droned on about how much she used to hate dancing, but how good she's gotten at it. She finally hit the high note she improvised in "The Wizard and I" and got it approved to sing in the show. She talked about her friends at Wicked, and how kind everyone was. All the younger people on Broadway had a group chat, and she excitedly showed me all the inside jokes they had.

We talked about boys, restaurants, and clubs. I told her about Aaron (omitting the ex-wife and the child of course....and not mentioning him being my new boss) and she made another plea for me to talk her up to Spencer.

Hours passed, and it felt like seconds. My dad came home from work a little early, and we all opted to stay inside and order dinner in as a family.

As much as I hated to admit this, I really missed them. I always assumed I took my mom's death the hardest, but I never considered how my dad and Belle handled it. Her chair still sat at the table, and I noticed that there was still a place setting there, ready for her to come back at any moment. But she wouldn't.

My dad had aged a lot in the last year. He had more gray hair, and his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. I know he's been throwing himself into work lately, doing more surgeries than anybody else.

It was now 8 pm, and I knew I had to leave to make it back to work on time in the morning. I said my goodbyes, hugged my family, and made a promise to never go that long without seeing them again. A promise I intended to keep.

As I slid into my car, I saw a text from Aaron that had just come through.

Aaron: Just finished with my brother, what do you say we finally have that date?

I grinned to myself.

Me: Your choice or mine?

Less than a minute later, another text came through.

Aaron: It's your city. Your choice.

Me: Gelso + Grand?

Aaron: See you there.

Gelso + Grand almost always has a wild wait, but I knew that I could get us in by dropping my name. I almost never do that, but I felt a need to impress Aaron. I texted Sloane to get us a reservation, and she sent me a confirmation almost immediately. I'm going to miss her too.

I pulled into the adjoining parking garage thirty minutes later, silently humming along to the new Taylor Swift album. As I made my way downstairs to the restaurant, I saw Aaron about to enter. He caught my eye and waited for me to make my way to him.

"Did you get this suggestion from Dave?" He joked and I nodded.

"I hope you didn't think I'd make you have Italian that didn't have the David Rossi stamp of approval." I laughed and we made our way inside.

I gave the maître d' my name, and he personally sat us at a table in the back, away from peering eyes.

Aaron picked up his menu. "I feel like I'm traveling with a celebrity."

I laughed and replied, "You are."

When the waiter came back, Aaron ordered us two glasses of the Rosé. I didn't even ask how he knew that was my favorite wine, because I honestly did not want to know the answer.

We made small talk for a little bit, deciding what to order. We ordered the Truffled Honey Bruschetta for an appetizer and I settled on the Cacio e Pepe for my main entree. Aaron ordered the Brown Butter Gnocchi.

"So, how did you become a profiler?" I asked, trying to start a conversation while we waited for our food.

He sat up a little straighter in his chair. "I'm originally from Seattle. It's where my parents lived. I graduated from school there and attended George Washington for my undergrad degree in Criminal Justice. I immediately entered law school there and got my JD. I was a prosecutor for a while, but I didn't like that I was dealing with criminals after the fact. I wanted to catch them sooner. So, I joined the FBI Academy. I met Jason Gideon and Dave while I was there, and they both kind of took me under their wing. They taught me everything I know about profiling. After I finished, I got a job as a profiler at the Field Office in Seattle. I wanted to be closer to home, to my brother. I stayed there for a while. Five years ago, I got the promotion and the option to come head the BAU here, and I took it in a heartbeat."

"Do you ever regret the job?" I asked, and he shifted in his seat.

"I think the appropriate answer is yes, but I'd be lying. I don't regret it at all." He paused, almost like he wanted me to ask another question or to change the subject. Once he saw I wasn't going to, he spoke again. "This job took a lot from me. My marriage suffered because of it. But I know I'm doing good in the world."

"When did your marriage end?" I asked. I was so scared of the answer, but I had to know.

"We signed the papers a little over a year ago, but it was over as soon as Jack was born. I mean, I was never home. Before we had a child, Haley didn't mind much. She knew how important it was to me. We got married right out of high school, and she followed me everywhere I went. But after we had Jack, she wanted me to quit or transfer and I just couldn't. I tried, but I hated what I was doing. I began to resent her. As the resentment continued, she found someone else who could give her what I couldn't. I can't be mad at her for that. She's happy with Mark, and all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. Jack is my main focus now."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. So I wasn't a rebound. I decided to bring down my walls and be completely honest with Aaron from this moment on. It's how a relationship builds.

I reached over the table and grabbed his hand. "Jack is absolutely adorable, Aaron. You're doing a great job with him."

He smiled sweetly at me then said, "What about you? How did you end up with your job?"

I laughed. "Do you want the real version or the one I just tell everyone?"

"Hit me."

"Okay. Well, I mentioned earlier that my family left Nashville when I was sixteen. I finished my last two years of high school here and got a full ride to Georgetown. I stayed there from eighteen to twenty-three. While I was there, I got degrees in Mass Communications, Psychology, and Criminal Justice. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew if I had options I would figure it out. In my third year there, I was assigned a project for a Mass Comm class. I had to create a Youtube channel. I decided to make it about politics because I had always been interested in it. After I graduated, I applied to the FBI Academy to become a profiler. I was still making my weekly Youtube videos." I paused a moment to breathe, and our food arrived at that time. Aaron didn't even touch his until I finished speaking.

"So, I was sitting in my townhouse when I heard a knock at my door. I thought it was just the Chinese I ordered, but it was the President of the United States standing outside, waiting to be let in. Just know that I was wearing Lilo and Stitch pajama pants and a shirt that said 'Wine and Popcorn.'" Aaron immediately burst out laughing.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I can just imagine Fitz's face. I bet it was priceless."

"Oh, it was. I'm just grateful I cleaned my place that day. I obviously sprinted to my room to change and left the President sitting on my couch, watching my episode of Gossip Girl. So, I come back and Fitz basically tells me that Olivia watches my Youtube Channel every week and demanded he check it out. They watched it together one night, and he said when a job opened up at the White House, he'd give it to me. After Secretary Novak was murdered, many people in D.C. weren't too eager to take the job. Because the last two Press Secretaries had been murdered. My mom had just died, and honestly? I didn't care too much about myself. I eagerly took the job, and never looked back. And thanks to you, I didn't become Fitz's third Press Secretary to get murdered." I didn't even wait for Aaron's response before I dug my fork into the cheesy noodles.

"I'm happy we brought you in on the case and that you and Reid are so close. Speaking of Reid, how did you two meet again?"

I felt the blood drain from my face. I took extra time chewing so I could come up with an answer that didn't incriminate both of us. I didn't want to lie to Aaron, but I didn't want to tell him the whole truth either.

"We met outside of a coffee shop about two years ago." That was the truth. We did meet outside of a coffee shop. Just not while it was open.

"And you two just hit it off? He's a little socially awkward." Aaron chuckled, obviously not putting the timeline together. For once, I was grateful he wasn't using his profiling skills.

"He was reading my favorite book, so I just walked up to him. We talked about it for a while and just didn't stop talking. I think he just needed a friend and if I'm being honest, I needed one too." 

He nodded in understanding, and I took this opportunity to ask about his brother.

"How was your brother? Sean was his name, right?"

Aaron looked a little uncomfortable but answered honestly.

"Yeah, Sean." He paused for a moment, struggling to find the right words. "He's good. He dropped out of law school a few years ago and decided he wanted to work at a fast-food place. He just needed money. I gave it to him. It was the least I could do."

"What do you mean, it's the least you could do?" I didn't mean to pry, but I just wanted to know more about him and his family.

"I told you earlier that I left home after high school. I just turned forty, and Sean is twenty-seven. When I went to college, he was five. My mom died when Sean was two, and he barely even remembers her or remembers what my dad was like before she died. My dad became an alcoholic after my mom died, and he started physically abusing me. I selfishly left as soon as I could. I convinced myself that he wouldn't hurt Sean because he was so young. That wasn't the case. I left him there for years to endure my father. My dad died right after he graduated from high school. A heart attack." I was listening intently now, and Aaron grabbed my hand across the table and squeezed it.

"Sean has always resented me for that. I feel like I owe it to him to help him out as much as possible. We only have each other now. Even though we barely talk, I care deeply for him. I just worry."

"I am so sorry you had to go through that as a child. I appreciate you telling me, and I'm sorry if I pried into your life too much." I felt immediate regret at bothering him but he just smiled back at me.

"You didn't pry at all. I'm happy you asked. I never get a chance to talk about this."

We finished the rest of our dinner with much lighter conversation, playfully arguing over our favorite foods and favorite places in D.C. We argued over the check, and Aaron paid of course. I defiantly left the tip, and he made a comment about how stubborn I was.

"Can I take you someplace?" I asked and he nodded. "It's in Brooklyn, but it'll help you get to know me a little bit more."

We made our way to our cars, and I sent him the address of the bar. It was a fifteen-minute drive, so we both made it in record time. We parked down the street and made our way to the bar together.

"I've never been to this area of Brooklyn before." Aaron looked bewildered, while he slowly took in the area that surrounded us.

I opened the door to Baby Grand, my favorite karaoke bar.

The bar itself is pretty small, and Aaron had to duck a little to make it through the entryway.

This was a place my mom and I used to go, and I hadn't been back since she died. Jason, the bartender immediately recognized me and grinned as we walked over to him.

He looked up as he began to wipe down the 4 inches of wood that separated us. "Y/n, hey! How are you? I haven't seen you in years!"

I silently prayed that he didn't ask about my mom. Or I hoped that he already knew. It took a lot for me to come here but I really wanted Aaron to get to know who I was on a personal level. I had learned so much about him after our dinner, and I wanted to return the favor. "I'm good! Work keeps me busy."

"I figured. I'm always seeing you on my TV screen nowadays. Want the usual?"

I nodded and he began pouring two drinks. Aaron just stared in awe at the ambiance that engulfed this place, and I secretly hoped that one day we could make it our own. I had so many good memories here, but they began permanently entangled with heartbreaking ones as well.

I guess that's why I brought him here, to be honest. I wanted to slowly start to make the memories here bearable again.

Jason handed us our drinks, and Aaron and I made our way to a table in the back. As I settled down into the seat my mom always sat in, I felt this calmness wash over me. Like she was telling me she was okay.

"How did you find this place?" Aaron asked me and he started sipping on his drink.

"My mom found it. We sang here almost every week until she got sick."

He decided to bring up another point, which made me smile. "So, you can sing?"

Instead of answering, I looked up at the stage and saw that it was empty. I used to sing all of the time when I was younger, but after my mom died I stopped. I let Belle become the musical one in the family. Most people I know now didn't have a single clue that I used to spend my weekends in this bar in Brooklyn, singing every song my mom and I had in our arsenal. I hadn't sung in public in so long and I took this as a perfect opportunity.

"Decide for yourself."

He laughed again, the sound echoing through the bar. His laugh was like a melody, and no matter how much I heard it, I always craved to hear it again.

"Jason, do you mind?" I asked him and his face lit up.

"Please tell me you're gonna sing my favorite." I giggled and nodded, and waited for the familiar bass to start.

There is a house in New Orleans

They call the Rising Sun

And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

And God, I know I'm one

I stole a look at Aaron as I finished the first verse, and he was expressionless.

My mother was a tailor

She sewed my new blue jeans

My father was a gamblin' man

Down in New Orleans

Now the only thing a gambler needs

Is a suitcase and a trunk

And the only time he's satisfied

Is when he's all drunk

Oh mother, tell your children

Not to do what I have done

Spend your lives in sin and misery

In the House of the Rising Sun

Well, I got one foot on the platform

The other foot on the train

I'm goin' back to New Orleans

To wear that ball and chain

Well, there is a house in New Orleans

They call the Rising Sun

And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

And God, I know I'm one

I heard an uproar of applause, and I finally looked into the crowd. Aaron made his way up to me and gave me a hug, then slowly wiped the tears from my eyes that I didn't even know had formed. I had never had anyone treat me with the compassion he showed me, and I was surprised with myself because I let him do that for me.

With Aaron, I had begun to let my guard down. I knew whatever happened with us would be difficult, especially since he's recently divorced and because I'm his new employee. I hold myself very professionally, and I knew he did as well.

For a split second, I let myself dream of a life with him. A life of laughs, soft touches, glances across the office at work. A life of comfort, of happiness. A life like we both deserved.

The next hour passed by quickly. Before I knew it we were walking down the street to where we both parked.

I pulled my cardigan around my body tighter, trying to get some warmth that I knew wasn't coming. Aaron saw me adjust and immediately pulled off his own scarf and jacket to give to me.

"Absolutely not. I still have to give you back your windbreaker." I rejected and he ignored me as he wrapped his scarf around my neck.

"Stop arguing. You're shivering." He asserted his dominance and I reluctantly obliged. After he helped me get into the jacket, he then laced my hand with his, making sure to intertwine our fingers. My hands are much smaller than his, but the sentiment made me smile widely. We walked down the rest of the street in silence until we reached our cars.

I waited a moment, focusing mainly on my breathing and on my heart beating. "I really had an amazing time, Aaron. Thank you."

"I had a good time too. Next time it's my turn to show you around D.C. I've been told I'm an excellent tour guide." I looked up at his face, my new lashes clouding my vision a little.

"You do know I've lived in D.C. for the past eight years, right?"

"I promise I can take you to some places you never would've noticed before."

"Mm. That's only if I say yes to another date." I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth waiting for the response I hoped would be coming. His eyes flashed down to my lips before he harshly yanked his scarf and pulled me into a searing kiss.

Everything around me dissipated. I forgot I was in Brooklyn. I forgot about the emotionally loaded conversation we had over dinner, about the piano bar, about his history.

As I kissed him back, our lips began to move on their own, and it felt like I no longer had control over my body. His tongue timidly roamed my mouth, and I moaned at the sensation. He took that as a plea for more, and he deepened the kiss. We were flush together at this point, my back against the side of my baby blue Beetle.

One of his hands came up to grab the left side of my face, while the other pulled down the scarf, giving him complete access to the soft skin that was under it. He latched his lips to my neck hungrily, finally settling on the sweet spot right below my jaw. As he sucked and nipped on the quickly bruising skin, my moans began to increase. He placed a hand on my throat and lightly applied pressure.

"Fuck, Aaron." I breathed out, and he released my throat.

"Sweetheart, you need to keep it down." He said against my neck, as he continued to make the bruise more prominent. "Sweetheart" went straight to my throbbing pussy and I know he noticed.

It took all the strength in me to push him away and open the door to my car. I climbed in the back seat and took off his jacket. I didn't care where we were, I needed him so badly. Aaron looked down at me sprawled on the back seat of my car, and his pupils grew much larger. I noticed the outline of his dick in his pants become more prominent and I knew he was larger than anyone I had ever been with.

My pussy was soaking wet at this point, and I realized that it had been months since I had been touched like this. I reached up to pull him down on top of me and he ducked his head in my car. Instead of resuming where we left off, he grabbed his jacket from behind my head and made his way back outside of my car.

"What the fuck?" I asked harshly. I knew it came out bratty, but he couldn't be serious.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but I just don't fuck on the first date." He adjusted his pants and placed his jacket back on. "Especially in baby blue Beetles." He reached his hand down to help me out of my car, and I swatted it down. Absolutely not. He waited until I got seated in the driver's side of my car to unlock his own that was parked diagonally from mine.

I put my key in the ignition, turning it to start. "You are such a dick for that."

He seemed to be amused at my pout and replied, "You've got such a mouth on you. Maybe you could use it for something else the next time I see you."

I hated this man. He switched from being sweet and kind to dominating so quickly it was starting to give me whiplash.

I shifted in my seat because his words had obviously gotten to me.

He looked down and grinned. "I'll text you about our second date. Goodnight." He turned to walk over to his car. "Oh and Y/n?" I looked up and didn't give him a verbal response.

"You might want to keep that scarf for your press briefing tomorrow. You'd hate to look like a whore in front of all of those conservatives." He walked off to his car without even checking my expression, but I had no words. I immediately pulled down my sun visor to examine myself in the tiny mirror.

There was a slight handprint on my throat, but my neck was absolutely littered with red marks. I knew that in the morning they would be a dark purple, impossible to cover up with make-up. He did that on purpose. That son of a bitch. I dug my phone out of my purse quickly and dialed Spencer's number.

"Hey, Blaze! How was Today? And seeing your dad and sister?" He eagerly answered, and I honestly had forgotten that I had done all of that today,

"It was fine." I said vaguely, not wanting to get distracted with those minor details. I took my car out of park and began the 3-hour drive back to D.C. "We need to talk about your boss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I did not mean for that to happen...but it did and i hope you guys enjoyed :) The song y/n sings is called "House of the Rising Sun" and I listened to the version by Hannah Huston on repeat while writing this! It's my go-to karaoke song, and I wanted y/n to sing it as well. Next chapter is all about Y/n's last few days at the WH (very y/n and Spencer heavy because I miss him) and y/n's first case! she sees just how different Hotch is at work. A little teaser: we get the interaction between Hotch and Jordan, except Jordan is y/n ... ;)


	7. the hotel room

“SPENCER ALEXANDER REID!” I screamed up the stairs as I frantically tried to fit my new large gold hoops into my earlobes. “If I’m late for my first day at work because you can’t decide what color socks to wear, I will kill you.”

“I catch murderers, you won’t do shit!” He yelled back at me, still taking his sweet time upstairs in my bedroom. “Also, you KNOW that’s not my middle name!!”

“Fine. I just won’t sit by you on the jet.” The earring finally fit into place, and my outfit was now complete.

“You weren’t going to sit by me anyways, Blaze. You were going to sit by our boss. Who you’re currently sleeping with.”

I took the stairs two at a time while yelling, “WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX.”

I technically started at the BAU on Saturday. JJ had expected to go into labor a lot quicker than anticipated, so she ran through the basics with me then. It was fine. There wasn’t a new case, and I was just supposed to be going through the mounds of case files JJ left once she got promoted to a profiler. I didn’t fault anybody for it, especially once Spencer mentioned to me how Aaron and someone named Garcia had both been working overtime trying to get the job done.

Speaking of Aaron, we never got that second date. I was swamped with work and packing my office and the BAU had two wild cases that he was focused on. I hadn’t seen him since that night in Brooklyn, but he made sure to text me and check up on me as much as he could.

My last day at the White House was….emotional to say the least. He caught me wearing his scarf again (yes, I wore it to work the day after our date. I physically had no choice) and when he called to tease me about it I broke down over the phone. We spoke for an hour straight and he listened to every word I had to say. I cried to him about how the White House was my home and how scared I was to finally leave the place that helped me heal. He actually gave some pretty good advice back and he promised me that he would do everything in his power to make sure the BAU was home to me like the White House was.

When I finally arrived at my room, I found Spencer staring at himself in the mirror. All the anger I had at him slowly disappeared and I was left with a warm feeling in my stomach.

“What’s going on, Spence?”

“I can’t decide whether or not to wear my glasses. I’m supposed to be doing a seminar at the Academy today. I don’t want anybody to laugh when I introduce myself as Dr. Spencer Reid.” He furrowed his brow and put his glasses back on his face.

“They won’t be laughing at you because they don’t believe you’re a doctor. They’ll be laughing at you because of that existentialist joke.” I joked, and he crossed the room to smack me on the arm.

“You know how embarrassing that was for me. I mean, no one laughed. You told me people would find the joke funny!” I shook my head and started to re-do his dinosaur bow tie.

“I told you that people would find the situation amusing. Not that they would find the joke funny.” I finished doing his bow tie and he bent down to tie his worn-out converse.

“Then ‘Professor Rothschild’ acted like he appreciated it just because he kidnapped five people. I hate cases with kids.” He stood up, rubbed the length of my arms, and then said, “Are you sure you want to do this, our life? Some of these cases….they get to you.”

“Definitely. I want to help in any way I possibly can, Spence. I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“Okay.” He looked in the mirror to straighten his bow tie again. “I’m just happy I can actually talk about our cases with you now. It’s refreshing.”

The weight of this job was what actually brought Spencer and me together in a weird way. He was struggling with so much, as was I. We decided to leave our discussion at that, and we started down the stairs to the front door.

I grabbed my Kate Spade tote bag, my newly packed go bag, and my coffee off my counter, and Spencer grabbed his messenger bag and his coffee as well.

As I locked my door, I made sure to wave at my neighbor Ms. Robinson. She was sitting on her porch sewing something, and she eagerly waved back. After my mom died, she really took me in, bringing me food when she noticed I wasn’t eating, and just keeping me company when it was needed. When I got the job at the White House, she also started paying more attention to me and my little townhouse and made sure that nothing suspicious was happening while I was gone. She agreed to do the same once I told her I was working for the FBI.

Spencer and I walked to the metro and began the trek to work. I begged him to let me drive, but he hates morning traffic so I reluctantly agreed to go his normal route. It didn’t take long though, and before I knew it we were walking through the glass doors of the BAU.

JJ had only shown me my office, so I was a little overwhelmed at the sheer magnitude of chaos that was behind these doors. There were a lot of people, all with badges and guns, and I noticed Emily, Derek, and a brightly decorated blonde girl huddled off near the coffee machine. As Spence and I drew near I heard the blonde woman say,

“You guys met her? What’s she like? She seems so smart and strong. Oh! Is her hair really as shiny as it looks in photos and on TV?” Emily looked up at me and laughed.

“Just turn around and ask her, Penelope.” Penelope turned around, almost in low motion.

“Oh, so it is true!! Hi, Y/n!! I’m Penelope, the technical analyst. It’s so nice to finally meet you!” She squealed, and then immediately pulled me in for a hug. “I’m sorry, I’m a hugger!” I braced my coffee so I didn’t spill it, and Emily sweetly took it out of my hand so it didn’t end up on the back of Penelope’s bright yellow blazer. I mouthed ‘Thank you’ to her and she smiled back at me.

“I absolutely love your dress and blazer! Yellow looks so good on you.”

“Thank you!! I like your outfit too!! Looks like Prentiss is about to have some competition on the color red.” Derek and Spencer laughed and Emily rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend to see or a government agency to hack?” Emily forced out and Penelope just smiled back.

“Oh yeah, I was supposed to go meet Kevin!” She grabbed her pink octopus mug from underneath the Keurig machine and said, “It was nice meeting you Y/n! Come by later so we can have lunch!”

I turned to Emily and Derek. “She’s very energetic.”

“Definitely. But without her this place would be a lot more depressing.” Emily spoke between sips of her hot tea.

“Yeah. She’s Derek’s baby girl.” Spence said, putting air quotes around “baby girl.”

“Look, pretty boy. Don’t make me hit you in front of all these people.” Derek fake-threatened and I mouthed ‘Baby girl?’ at Emily. She laughed again.

Derek put his arm through mine and guided me to the bullpen area.

“Now, Y/n. What have you done to my man Hotch?”

“What do you mean? I haven’t done anything to him.” I replied back, confused. Aaron and I haven’t even really spoken about anything besides work after our date. Was he upset with me about not trying to make an effort? I stole a glance at his office up the stairs, but he was hard at work writing on something vigorously.

“He’s been on my ass recently, trying to make sure everything is perfect for you to start. Hell, he even got here an hour early this morning just to make sure your office was ready for you and he’s been staring out of his window all day waiting for you to show up.” Derek stated and plopped down in his chair.

I didn’t even try to stop my face from lighting up. “He has been?”

“Oh man. An office romance is just what we need to shake things up a little around here.” Derek chuckled to himself.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous.” I laughed and turned to go to my office. “If you have any real questions you know where to find me.” I exited the BAU and walked down the hallway until I reached the door that was now mine. Over the weekend, the black nameplate that said “Jennifer Jareau” had been replaced, and it now was a sterling silver that read “Y/n Y/l/n” I internally smiled to myself and opened the door. I was taken aback by the sight.

Instead of the two dusty chairs that sat there before, there was now a white couch. The wood desk had been replaced with a white one, and my degrees were mounted on the wall behind the desk. There were calla lilies in a pink vase on a counter and an assortment of colorful pens and pencils in a holder on the desk. The files were stacked neatly in one corner, and there was a brand new tablet and a planner in the center of my desk. It looked almost exactly the same as the office I left at the White House. As I placed down my bags and walked over to the white office chair, I noticed a yellow sticky note on top of the planner.

"I know it’s not the WH, but I wanted to make this your home. Hope you enjoy your first day. Come see me later for a proper arrival. -Aaron"

He was just perfect. I don’t even know how he managed to convince the budget team that I needed this, or why he even did it, but I was so thankful. Before I could even get situated, my work phone started ringing.

“SSA Y/n Y/l/n.”

On the other line was a detective from Atlanta. A young socialite, Vanessa Holden was found murdered in a hotel room. She had been cut right below her stomach and had her throat slit. The detective sent the files to my tablet and I promised her that I’d present it to the team before hanging up.

This sounded familiar. I racked through my brain and went through the files that were on my desk.

Bingo.

There were two murders exactly like this one that had taken place a year ago. Bleach, ammonia, and trash bags had been placed in a triangular pattern next to the victims. With this being the third murder, it’s now serial.

I all but ran out of my office, blood pumping through my veins. As I opened and walked through the doors of the BAU, I saw Derek and Emily watch me with a frown on their face. I could tell that they figured it was a case. I climbed the small stairs before Aaron’s office and knocked on the door. He looked up from his paperwork and smiled at me.

“Y/n. Did you get the note?”

“Yes, but I’m not here for that.” He immediately got a stern look on his face, the same one he had when I saw him for the first time. “I just got a call from a detective in Atlanta. They found a young socialite murdered in a hotel room. They need our help.”

“Y/n, we don’t travel for single murders. I can let the team look at it and-”

“It’s not a single murder Aaron. I think it’s serial.” I interrupted and he sat up a little straighter in his chair.

“Tell me why.” He mused and I placed the case files on top of his desk as well as my tablet with the newest case details.

“Anna Davis and Victoria Washington were both found a year ago in the same position. They had both been slashed in their lower stomachs and had their throats slit. There were also bleach, ammonia, and trash bags found in a triangular pattern. Bleach and ammonia were under their fingernails.” I explained, showing Aaron the details as I pointed them out.

“A year is a long cooling-off period. How do we know it’s not a copycat?” He questioned and I paused a moment to think.

“The triangle detail was never released to the press.” He nodded and closed the case files.

“I’ll go gather the team, you call Reid. Meet us at the round table.” He closed whatever he was previously working on and stood. “Good job.” He left his office and walked to the one next to his, which I figured was Rossi’s.

Spence picked up on the first ring and thanked me his entire walk back to the BAU. Apparently, they had him talking to new recruits and the agent he was supposed to do the seminar with called in sick.

We walked into the roundtable room together and were met with the eyes of everyone else staring at us.

“Y/n, when you’re ready.” Aaron said, his eyes flickering down to Spencer and my hands. We weren’t holding hands, he just quickly gave mine a squeeze before I started talking.

“Vanessa Holden, age 25. Last Friday night she was clubbing with her sister. A stranger, a white male, roughly her age, picked her up. They left the club at 1 am, went back to her place. He forced her on her hands and knees.” I pressed a button on the remote, praying that it would change the pictures on the TV monitor. It thankfully did. “And then he cut her open just below the stomach.”

Morgan had been twirling his pen this entire time, but once he saw the pictures he immediately stopped. “Whoa.”

“Yeah, pretty rough.” Rossi stated as well, keeping his eyes trained on the gruesome photos.

“The gutting causes the intestines to spill out. You can survive for a few hours, actually even days.” Spence added.

“Postmortem indicates that he slit her throat at 5 am.” I continued, and Rossi was the next to speak.

“So he disemboweled her but he didn’t kill her for four hours.”

Emily had been pretty quiet this entire time, and I noticed how intently she was analyzing the photos. Almost as if she was making sure not to say anything wrong or out of place. I made a mental note to ask Spencer how long she had been a part of the unit, maybe she was still trying to blend in.

“He could be a sexual sadist.” She finally spoke up.

“Yeah, I thought so too.” I started, feeling guilty that I had to correct her. “But I found two priors from a year ago. Prostitutes, actually. In motel rooms.”

“Okay. So keep running with it. Why do you think this is the same unsub?” Morgan questioned, mimicking the exact same thing Aaron had asked me earlier.

“In Vanessa Holden’s apartment the following were discovered. Bleach, ammonia, trash bags. All in a triangular pattern. One year ago, in the motel rooms bleach, ammonia, trash bags. Also found in a triangular pattern.”

“He’s cleaning up.” Emily said again.

“Maybe trying to hide his tracks?” Morgan wondered aloud.

“It could be a sign of remorse.” Spencer replied, and I took note of how they all bounced ideas off of each other.

“Apologizing for the murder by minimizing the mess.” Rossi said. I had one detail left that they hadn’t considered, and I figured it would make them understand why this case was so important.

“There’s one other commonality between all three murders. Bleach and ammonia were found under all the victim’s fingernails.”

Aaron slightly groaned and Morgan picked up his pen again. “So he’s making them clean up their own murder.”

“It’s the same unsub.” Aaron spoke for the first time since Spence and I entered the room. “Wheels up in thirty.”

I started to head to the printer to grab the paper files that I sent over from my office when I felt a hand on my lower back.

“Can I see you in my office?” Aaron said lowly in my ear, and I hurriedly grabbed the files and went to meet him.

“What’s up?” I spoke as I entered, and I made sure to close the door when I did. I wasn’t too sure why he wanted to meet, and I didn’t want to risk anybody hearing things they shouldn’t be hearing.

“Is there something going on between you and Reid that I need to be aware of?” He asked while he was grabbing things off his desk to throw in his go bag.

I scoffed at his question, surprised he was even bringing something like this up. “Aaron, if something was ever going to happen between Spencer and me, it would’ve already happened. He’s like a brother to me. He knows that. I’m not even his type and he’s not mine.”

He seemed pretty pleased at that answer because he put down his bag and walked over to me. He placed one of his hands on my hip and then said, “Good, because I like you, Y/n. I just want this to work.”

“We have to take this slow. Every time I take things fast they always end up going terribly. I don’t want that to happen with you.”

He nodded in affirmation. “I need you to know that I’m different at work. Once we step on that jet, I’m not the same person. We’re dealing with lives out in the field and one small lapse in judgment could be the difference between one of us living or dying. If I’m hard on you out there, it’s just because I want you to learn. You can’t take anything personally.”

“I get you.”

“Good. You have a go bag right?” I nodded, and he smiled. “You catch on quickly. Reid’s waiting on you in the bullpen.” I turned around, and sure enough, Spence was standing awkwardly, waiting for me to be done with my meeting in Aaron’s office.

I walked over to open his door when he spoke again, keeping his voice at the same level it was before. “Oh and sweetheart? Wear something a little less distracting next time. I actually need to focus on the case.”

I looked down at my red silk tie blouse that I had tucked into some black paper bag pants. Usually, I let his words get to me, but I decided to let him have a taste of his own medicine. “That sounds like a you problem. You’re a big boy. You’ll be okay.”

I didn’t even turn around to see his facial response, but I bet it was good. I doubted that Haley ever talked back to him, and I was having fun doing it.

Spencer and I made our way to the jet and by the time we settled in everyone else had arrived. The flight was short, only an hour and a half, so Aaron suggested we brief first because we were going to hit the ground running when we landed.

“So, if the unsub changed victimology does that make him organized or disorganized?” Emily spoke immediately once we opened our files.

“Well, the prostitutes point one way and the club goes another.” Morgan said, validating Emily’s concerns.

“The triangular arrangement of the cleaning supplies is interesting.” Spencer said as he pivoted the image around, trying to find a pattern.

“Obsessive-compulsive?” Aaron pondered out loud.

“Might have been institutionalized.” Emily said before she was interrupted by David.

“We’re missing the forest for the trees here. This guy started with prostitutes- a high-risk victimology. He took a year off, came back, and then killed a socialite.” He was right. It didn’t make any sense.

“No forced entry. No coercion of any kind.”

“Exactly. So how does our unsub go from loser of the year to Don Juan?” David added.

“Actually, as Byron interpreted him, Don Juan was an ironic reversal of sex roles. And when-” Spencer immediately stopped talking when he saw the look Aaron was giving him. It kind of made me sad, because I know how insecure he gets about his rambles. I love hearing his different facts, but this wasn’t the time for it. He understood it too because he didn’t even take offense. I figured that wasn’t the first time it’s happened. “That’s about it. Yeah.”

“Something must have happened between the last prostitute and Vanessa Holden to make him change his victimology.” Aaron spoke, so he could cover up Spencer’s embarrassment. That was kind of him.

“Could the unsub have known Vanessa?” I asked, hoping it didn’t seem like a dumb question.

“It’s unlikely. Sexual sadists attack anonymously.” Morgan rebutted and I looked back down at the file in my lap. My pride was a little wounded, but I know that he wasn’t trying to be mean.

“They have to sever a personal connection and see their victims as objects to perpetrate this level of torture.” Spencer added and I spoke up again.

“So for him to change his victimology this much, could he have also undergone some kind of transformation? Let’s say he lost weight or dyed his hair? Something to make him feel more confident speaking to a socialite?” All eyes were on me, and I felt my cheeks turn red. “Sorry if I spoke out of turn.”

“Y/n, no you didn’t. I told you that I want you to learn on the job, especially if you want to become a profiler. We’ll keep that in mind. Don’t apologize for speaking your mind.” Aaron replied.

“We need to build two profiles then. One for the unsub who kills prostitutes and one for the unsub who goes to clubs.” Emily sighed, and I realized that this case was a lot more complicated than I ever could’ve imagined.

“Prentiss is right. The victimology is so different that we’ll treat them as separate unsubs and see what overlaps.” Aaron said and turned to the team. “Reid, work up a geographic profile and focus on the location of the murders. Prentiss and Rossi, concentrate on the prostitutes. Y/n, Morgan, and I will go deal with Vanessa Holden.”

The rest of the flight passed by pretty quickly. I sat pouring over the files with Spence, and I let him tell me the rest of his fact about Don Juan. He knows so much about everything, and I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that I actually had time to sit and listen to everything he had to say now. Aaron and I stole glances at each other across the plane, and I’m honestly sure that Emily and Derek were talking about it the rest of the ride.

Before I knew it we were in Atlanta at the police station, and I was introducing Aaron, Morgan, and Spence to the detective I had spoken to earlier on the phone. Not only were the descriptions of the unsub completely all over the place, but the Holden’s were refusing to cooperate with the investigation now, even though we were now involved. Since part of my job is also speaking with the families, I needed to figure out how to make them talk to us. Aaron, Morgan, and I traveled to the Holden’s and I spent the entire time trying to figure out how to get them to speak to us. I settled on an answer. It was a more political way to handle the conversation, but I hoped Aaron would understand.

When we got to the Holden’s, a doorman opened the door. Vanessa’s mom appeared moments after. “Good afternoon. I’m sorry you came all the way out here, it’s a waste of time. Ashley knows absolutely nothing, and we want to get this behind us as soon as possible.”

Aaron looked at me, and I decided now was the moment to show him how convincing I could be. “Mrs. Holden, we can’t begin to fathom the loss you’ve suffered.”

“That’s right. You can’t.” Vanessa’s mom interrupted. I took a step closer.

“I lost my mom in a really terrible way. It was really hard on my entire family because my mom held us together. She was the responsible one. She was the one that my entire family counted on to take care of us. When my mom died, my father refused to let the police in. If he didn’t let them in, she wasn’t really dead. This man is a monster and we can catch him. We just need your daughter’s help.” I pleaded, and Vanessa’s mom took off her glasses and placed one of the tips in her mouth.

She turned to Morgan and Aaron. “If you two accuse her of anything, I will be on the phone so fast-”

“Ma’am, ma’am. We won’t.” Morgan interrupted and she showed us to her daughter. The interview was pretty standard. The sister didn’t know much of anything that could help us, except the fact that the unsub was extremely cocky and he played games with them. When we finally exited the Holden house, I could tell there was something on Aaron’s mind.

“Are you good?” I asked, assuming he was still brooding on the little information we got from the sister.

“The information about Vanessa Holden being the responsible sister, where did you get that?” He asked, and there was nothing but seriousness evidenced in his voice.

“Some of it was online and some of it was an educated guess based on birth order and my sister and me.” I explained and he scoffed.

“A guess. And in the process you lied.” Was he serious?

“That mother was shut down. I needed to salvage some rapport. And I did. I would hardly call it a lie anyway. My mother did die in a terrible way and what I said about being responsible was true.” I stopped walking and so did he. Morgan went to wait at the car, he must’ve sensed an argument was coming.

“I don’t know how you did things at the White House, but we don’t make it a habit to lie to get the job done.”

“I got you in the door, didn’t I?” I asked, the irritation being completely evident in my voice now.

“Not only do you represent the FBI, but you also represent this team. To the press, the police, and to the families who are struggling with some of the hardest times of their lives. If you get caught in a lie, the trust we depend on to help solve these crimes disappears. Y/n, you’re a household name. You’re lucky she didn’t recognize you. One google search and she would’ve known you were lying. Do I make myself clear?” He demanded, and I froze up completely.

“I’m sorry Agent Hotchner," I said, making sure he could tell how upset I was. "This is new to me. I’m used to bending the truth when it comes to salvaging people’s feelings. You know I come from politics, where we’re told to tell people what they want to hear, not what they should be hearing. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.” I forced out, still paralyzed at the weight of what I had done.

“No, it won’t.” He then paused for a moment, lost in thought. Almost like he didn’t know how to proceed. Was he sorry he just snapped on me in front of Morgan? Did he understand how little training I was actually given before I got this job? Or was he just disappointed in how I had embarrassed him? Did he expect more from me? He looked at me again and said, “When you get back I want you to prepare a press release about the unsub. Do not release it. Since I now know that you’re incompetent, everything has to go through me.” He finished harshly, then walked off to answer his phone.

It felt like the air had just gotten knocked out of my lungs.

The drive back to the police station was absolutely quiet. No one said anything and Morgan didn’t even turn the radio on. The tension between Aaron and I was unbearably thick, and I couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to talk to me like that. I had been treated like that by so many men, and it broke my heart that I now had to add Aaron to that list. Maybe he wasn’t the guy I thought he was.

When we got back to the station, I immediately left the car and went to the conference room on the other side. I could draft my press release there, away from Aaron’s judgmental eyes. The more I typed, the more anger I felt. Before I knew it I was wiping tears off my keyboard, frustrated with myself for even letting him get to me. I heard a knock on the door and looked up to find Emily looking at me sympathetically.

“Derek told me what happened.” She said and walked over to where I was. I looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes.

“I know it’s stupid that I’m crying over this. I just thought he was different.” I choked out and Emily pulled up a chair next to me.

“When I started at the BAU, Hotch didn’t listen to a word I said. He refused to even let me join at first and insinuated that I got my mom to give me this job because I couldn’t get it on my own. He treated me terribly, Y/n.” Emily started, and I felt my stomach drop. So this is what he meant when he said he was different at work.

“Then Reid got kidnapped. Hotch asked us to go around the room and name his worst qualities. Everyone was scared, but I took the opportunity. I told him that he didn’t trust women as much as he trusted men. He was taken aback a little by it, but after we got Reid back he really started working at it. He started asking for my opinions on cases, he started letting me go places without him, and he started trusting me wholeheartedly in the field. I’ve been here for two years and I just now feel comfortable stating my opinions and ideas out loud. He’s still learning, Y/n. But he’s trying.” I wiped a tear and shook my head.

“He shouldn’t have to learn to talk to me like I’m a person, Emily.” I replied and she nodded.

“I know. Trust me, I know. This field is incredibly sexist and you get this because yours was too. As women, we have to work twice as hard to get half of what they get. It’s not fair. You just have to take it with a grain of salt and work even harder. Tell him how you feel. He has a soft spot for you, and he’ll listen. I can even put in a word for you because he trusts me now. Don’t let him deter you from this field. You’re worth too much.” She squeezed my hand, and I squeezed back.

“Oh man, how have I lived my entire life without an Emily Prentiss by my side?” I asked with a shaky breath.

“I honestly have no clue.” She laughed and handed me a tissue from her pocket. “Come on, Hotch wants you so we can present the profile to the press.”

We presented the profile to the media and the police, and the case wrapped up pretty quickly after that. Aaron sent Emily and me to get some information from a man named “Viper” at a club and he sent Morgan and Spence over to another bar to hand out the sketch of the unsub. After some arguing with Viper and profiling on Emily and I’s part, we figured out that the unsub did know Vanessa. We talked back to the Holden family and we were able to get a name. He had already kidnapped another victim, a bartender named Austin that Spencer and Morgan met earlier. Austin had called Spencer right before she was kidnapped so they were able to save her before it was too late.

I was exhausted. I knew that this job was a lot physically, but I wasn’t prepared for the mental trials I would be going through. I was also just upset with Aaron. He hadn’t even pretended to speak to me since our first encounter with the Holden’s, only talking at me when there were others around.

It was really late, so we all decided on staying in the hotel for the night and returning to D.C. in the morning. I showered as soon as I got in the room, desperate to wash off the trauma of the day. I changed into some leggings, an oversized long sleeve, and threw my hair up in a bun. After that, I climbed into bed and put on a Schitt’s Creek rerun, letting myself escape into the fictional world of the Rose family.

I got through two episodes before my phone buzzed with a text from Aaron.

Aaron: Can you meet me in my room? We need to talk.

I sighed as I climbed out of bed and slid my fuzzy cotton candy-colored house shoes onto my feet. I really didn’t feel like talking to him unless he was going to apologize, but since it was already 1 in the morning, I figured that wasn’t going to happen. I took the elevator to the 7th floor and knocked on his door when I arrived. He opened it almost immediately after, and I took in his appearance. He was wearing dark gray sweatpants and a soft orange crewneck. His hair was completely free from product and it looked like he had run his hands through it several times.

“If you’re not going to apologize don’t even bother inviting me in.” I snapped at him, still hurt from his actions earlier.

“Y/n, will you please just come inside and stop being so damn stubborn?” He said and I reluctantly entered.

“What do you want?”

“Prentiss told me you were crying earlier.” He started, and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m going to fucking kill her.” I muttered under my breath and Aaron reached over to grab my hand and guide me over to his king-size bed.

“I’m happy she did. I’m sorry I made that happen. You have to believe me when I tell you that was far from my intentions. I told you before this case started that I wanted to push you, and if I was hard on you it was because I wanted you to learn.” He continued, and I felt anger bubble up inside of me.

“You couldn’t have done that without completely humiliating me in front of a colleague? You called me incompetent, Aaron.” I jumped back away from him and started pacing his room.

“Y/n, I-”

“You’ve said enough.” I took my hair out of its messy bun and began to lay into him. “My entire professional career I have dealt with men who have big egos. Men who think they are more superior only because of their gender. I have been looked down on, talked to like I was less than and treated like a child all because they have felt threatened by me. I have been sexualized by some of the biggest men in the political world. I have been treated like absolute garbage, just to get my ideas taken from me. Hotch, I never thought you would even begin to make me feel like those men have, and you did.” I didn’t mean to slip up and call him Hotch, but I noticed the hurt in his eyes when it rolled off my tongue.

“Please, I didn’t-”

“Stop fucking interrupting me. I’m not finished.” He looked shocked at the way I spoke to him, but he immediately got quiet and situated himself on the pillows of his bed. “I wasn’t crying because you reprimanded me. I’m a big girl, I can handle being corrected. I know I messed up. I was crying because of how frustrated I was with you. You made me feel inferior. I don’t know if that was your intention or not, but I’m not JJ. I’m not Emily. You can’t sit here and talk to me like I’m nothing and then expect me to come crawling into your bed the same day. I’m not the one. You have to treat me with respect because I have done nothing to not be treated with it. If you can’t do that, let me know now because I’m sure CNN will still want me.” I finished speaking and looked at him to let him know it was okay to talk.

“Y/n, I am so sorry. It was never my intention to make you feel inferior. You handled your first case better than anyone at the BAU, the men included… Myself included. That’s why I called you here. I wanted to tell you personally how much I appreciated your input. You snuffed out from the beginning that the unsub probably knew Vanessa and you mentioned a transformation before it was on any of our radars. You’re a better profiler than you know. I should’ve listened to you on the jet, and not shut you down the way I did. I’m sorry. From now on, if I have any questions about your performance I’ll come to you personally and away from everyone else.” He apologized, and I could tell that he sincerely meant it.

“Aaron you have to realize that I was barely trained. I had seven hours on a Saturday with a pregnant woman that could barely move around. You just have to tell me that I’m making a mistake and I won’t do it again. I need you to know that I can always take criticism. I welcome it. I just need to be spoken to like a human.” I sat down to join him on the bed and he took my hands in his again. He tenderly brought my left hand up to his lips, kissed it, and said

“You have my word. I’ll never make you feel that way again.” He hugged me and I hugged him back, letting myself melt into his embrace.

“Thank you.” I leaned further into him, and we stayed that way for a while.

“Will you stay tonight?” He suddenly asked, and part of me did. I wanted to stay locked in this embrace, never leaving the warmth and security that he had built around us. But I couldn’t.

“I just gave a long speech about feminism, I think I’d be insulting women everywhere if I spent the night with you.” I instead replied and tore myself from the warmth.

“Okay.” He took the rejection as well as I knew he would. “I can’t change your mind, can I?”

“Nope. You’ll be sleeping alone tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.” I said, heading for the door. He pulled my arm back towards him, and he pulled me back into a hug for a minute. He released me and kissed the top of my forehead.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

*******************************************************

“So tell me about this Austin girl, Spence! It’s not fair that I had to hear about her from Morgan.” I pouted as Spencer and I walked along the runway to where the jet was waiting for us.

His face turned a little red, and he put his head down as he smiled. “She’s really something, Blaze. She’s gorgeous and she seemed interested in what I had to say. I don’t know, I hope I can see her again.”

“Awww Spencer! I have my fingers crossed for you. You deserve someone good in your life.” I leaned over and gave him a quick side hug before boarding the jet.

I slid back into the comfortable leather seat of the airplane. Spencer sat next to me, and Emily and Aaron sat across from us.

“That was wild. Y’all do that all the time?” I asked and the three of them shared a look.

“Blaze, that was nothing compared to some of the things we’ve seen and been through.” My head snapped up.

“You’re kidding me.” I flatly said, and Emily shook her head. “Okay. Tell me the worst.”

“There was the time Hotch kicked the crap out of me to stop us from both being murdered by an unsub at a hospital.” Spencer said and Aaron looked down a little bit. I could tell that hit a sore spot with him.

“Don’t forget back in August when you and I got caught up in that cult bullshit. I took a pretty brutal beating, but it was worth it to save boy wonder’s life.” Emily said and smiled at Spencer.

“I never told you this Prentiss, but I got that guy fired.” Aaron spoke up and Emily whipped her head around.

“You didn’t.” She said in shock.

“As soon as you and Reid were safe, I called President Grant and he patched me through to David Rosen, the Attorney General. I told him everything. That guy was packing his things before our phone call ended. No one messes with my team.” Aaron looked back down at the open case file in his lap, like he was trying to take the attention off of what he just said.

“Hotch, wow. Thank you.” Spencer stated and Aaron hummed out an affirmation.

Emily jabbed Aaron’s side with her elbow. “You guys hear that?” She called out to Morgan and Rossi. ”Maybe he does care about us after all!”

Morgan and Rossi got up and worked their way over to us.

“I wanna be a part of the party. What’s going on over here?” Morgan asked and looked at Emily. Aaron’s face was getting a little red and I could tell he didn’t like the attention.

“What’s the worst case you’ve seen so far?” I looked at him, desperate to get the attention off of Aaron. It worked because he replied back with,

“They haven’t told you about the time I got arrested for murder?”

As Morgan launched into this elaborate story of a case that happened two years ago, Aaron looked at me in appreciation and I nodded back at him. No matter how much he irritated me on cases, I appreciated his dedication to the team. I knew he was just doing his job to the fullest extent and trying to make sure I did the same. I respected that. I respected the fact that he listened to every single thing I had to tell him last night and he apologized and promised to grow. That maturity, that depth. That’s what I want and need in a relationship.

As I looked over at Aaron while Morgan was telling his story, a realization finally hit me. This might become something real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sure you're surprised I'm updating because I am too!!! BUT I worked all day and finished it :) I hope you guys enjoyed! Just a heads up, I probably won't be posting Chapter 7 until after Christmas and probably around New Years. I hope you have a good holiday! 
> 
> Also! Never let a man make you feel inferior ♡


	8. the lincoln memorial.

tw: nsfw, choking, unprotected sex

“Truth or Dare!” Penelope screamed out to me and I groaned. I was hoping it didn’t land on me because she and Emily have been hounding me for information regarding Aaron and me. 

“Truth.” I reluctantly said and Emily started cackling. 

“What’s going on between you and the boss man?” She asked and batted her eyes while she waited for my response. 

“See, I knew coming here on my lunch break was a mistake.” I said, trying to slyly get out of giving her an answer. 

“I just had to tell you guys that I had a crush on Megan Kane, so you’re not getting out of this one Y/n.” Emily replied and I let out a sigh. 

“We’re just friends, you guys. He hasn’t asked me for anything else.” That was the truth. He really hasn’t asked for anything else, and it was starting to drive me crazy. 

“I thought you guys went on a date?” Penelope asked while she took a sip of the tea out of her unicorn mug. 

“Yeah, before I joined the BAU. He’s been really sweet lately, he leaves me a new note on my planner every single day and he always changes the flowers in my office. I think he still feels bad for what happened in Atlanta, and he’s working overtime to make sure I’m not upset at him anymore.” I explained. 

“Are you still mad at him for Atlanta?” Emily got a little closer to me to hear my response. 

“Not anymore. I mean, I was. I appreciated how he promised to change and how he has been changing, but it doesn’t change the fact that he made me feel the way he did. It took a few weeks to get over that, but I appreciate his efforts now.” 

“I understand that. I told you that Hotch has always been….hard on women. But he holds women up to a higher standard than he does men, and I honestly think that’s because he knows how society sees us. He just struggles to differentiate between being too nice and being too hard, and that’s why he comes off the way he does sometimes.” Emily added and Garcia enthusiastically nodded. 

“Does he know you forgive him? Maybe that’s why he isn’t making any moves.” Penelope wondered and I stopped in my tracks. He doesn’t know. I never told him I wasn’t angry anymore. I just started talking to him more and kept making excuses to see him at work, but I didn’t explicitly say what I was feeling. 

Emily noticed the gears turning in my head and she said, “Hotch might be one of the best profilers I’ve ever seen, but he’s still a guy. They need things explained to them.”

I looked between the two of them. “So….should I go talk to him?”

They both said “YES!” at the same time and all but forced me out of Penelope’s office. I smoothed down my turquoise dress and walked down the hall until I got to Aaron’s office. I passed by Spence on the phone with someone and he was holding his business card up to the light. 

I knocked on Aaron’s open door, and he told me to enter without even looking up from his paperwork. When he finally stopped and saw that it was me, he quickly put down his pen and gave me his full attention. 

“Y/n, hey. Is there a new case?” He asked, already starting to pull out his phone. I guess to make arrangements for Jack. 

“No, I just wanted to talk to you if that’s okay.” He put down his phone, crossed his hands, and pulled up a little closer to his desk. 

“What’s on your mind?”

“I just wanted you to know that I’m not upset with you anymore.” He gave me a quizzical look and I started panicking. “I mean, if that’s why you haven’t done anything lately. I get it if it’s too difficult because I work here, I’m sorry if I’m making assumptions.” 

“Y/n, hold on.” He said and he started grinning. “You’re adorable when you’re flustered.” 

I scrunched my face into a frown. “So, you did think I was still upset?”

“I knew I hurt you and I just wanted to give you the time you needed.” He waited a minute and corrected himself. “The time we needed.” 

“I appreciate that. Thank you.” I paused. “I also really appreciated the notes and the fresh flowers. Those better not stop now that we’re on good terms again.” 

He laughed and the sound warmed my entire body. I missed it. I missed him. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. 

“I’ll keep doing them if you agree to go out with me tonight. I think it’s my turn to show you my D.C.?” He coyly asked and I couldn’t even begin to contain my excitement. 

“As long as the serial killers decide to take tonight off, It’s a date.” I walked over to him to kiss him on the cheek, but I noticed my name on the papers he was filling out before I entered. “Are you talking about me?”

He chuckled and closed the file. “If you must know, Chief Strauss wanted a performance evaluation on you. She wanted one on the whole team actually, but she asked for yours first since they just got evaluated in August.” 

“I hope you wrote all good things.” I joked, but he actually opened the file for me to read. 

“I never let anyone read their evals, but I think it’s something you should see.” 

I picked up the file and began to quickly glance over what Aaron thought of me professionally, and it almost brought tears to my eyes.

S.S.A. Y/n Y/l/n has exceeded in more ways than one. I have to admit, at first I was skeptical about her joining the team, even though I was the one who brought her on. She was an enormous risk, but it was one I would continuously take again. She has an uncanny way of bringing peace to every situation, and it has helped in the field in every case she has been on. She’s a little green, but the fact that she hasn’t become jaded already is an asset. She doesn’t let anyone push her around and she is incredibly sympathetic to the families we see. She keeps a notebook of every family who has ever lost someone and writes them a handwritten letter when we get back from the cases. Her paperwork is always done early and I have never had to correct it. Agent Y/l/n thinks quick on her feet and fits in with the BAU like a glove. She is exceeding at her profiling hours and she asks provocative and appropriate questions on the job. I see her quickly rising through the ranks. She has my highest praise.

“Aaron...I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything. I meant everything I said. You have exceeded every expectation I had for you. I’m happy I decided to bring you on. I wanted you to read this so you don’t doubt your abilities for a second. I know I was hard on you in Atlanta, I was too hard. I’m so proud of the way you came back harder than ever and quickly became the best communication liaison the BAU has ever seen.” I don’t know what came over me, but I just leaned down and kissed him. He seemed surprised at first, but he reached for the back of my neck and kissed me back. 

After a few moments he pulled away. “Y/n, as much as I want to, we can’t do this here.” I put the file down and took a few steps back from him.

“I know. That’s what dates are for, right?” I replied as I opened the door to his office. 

“I’ll pick you up at 8.” He said with his calm workplace demeanor. I gave him one last smile before leaving, and I saw him put his head down and grin at his paperwork. As I walked down the steps to the bullpen, I noticed Spencer still looking at his business card, but this time he was looking at the back of it. I made my way over to him and hugged him from behind. 

“Guess who?” I asked, but he already knew it was me. Nobody else would even dare to sneak up on him. Before he could even answer, I saw that he was looking at a lipstick mark on the back of his card. “Who is sending you lipstick through the mail?” I added again and walked around to face him. He was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Blaze, remember that girl from Atlanta? The one who got kidnapped?”

“Austin, right?” I asked, even though I knew I remembered her name. 

“Yeah, her. She quit bartending after we left. She said a near death experience can change someone's life.” He explained and I sat on the corner of his desk.

“She’s not lying. Ezra made me change my entire career.” I added and he gave a small laugh. 

“She got into American University for journalism, Blaze. She’s moving here next week. She wants to see me.” Spencer finally got out and I jumped up and hugged him as tight as I could. 

“Oh my gosh, Spencer!!! What are you gonna do?” I exclaimed and his face turned a deep pink. 

“I don’t know. I mean, what if she doesn’t like me?”

“She will. You’re one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I have ever met. You care more about people than anyone. She’s gonna love you.” He smiled back at me. 

“Where should I take her? I’ve never even been on a date with a girl before, which is embarrassing considering my age.” He paused for a minute then added, “Should I do magic?”

“No. No magic.” I laughed and so did he. “You memorize geographical maps in your free time right?” He vigorously nodded. “Take her to a place in the area that most people wouldn’t know. Make a picnic for her. She’ll like that.”

“I can’t cook. My fridge consists of a single egg and a bottle of water.”

“You don’t have to cook, Spence. Ask her for her favorite food and get that. Make a charcuterie board and then get something sparkling to drink.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice. Thanks, Blaze.”

“Of course. I want to see your outfit before you go.” I added as I stood to leave to head back to my office. My lunch had honestly been over, and I needed to look through at least four more files today. 

“You’ll be picking it out.” He said and I squeezed him on the shoulder as I left. 

Working with Spencer was seriously one of the best things I could ever ask for. I always knew he was smart, a certified genius, but I had never really seen it in action. The BAU was a dream come true. Everybody was so willing, so welcome to invite me in with open arms. They created this warm environment for me, and I couldn’t have asked for better. 

The rest of the day passed by quickly. We got a case to consult on right after lunch, and we got to spend the rest of the day bouncing off ideas until we came up with an appropriate profile for the detectives. Aaron told us we could leave after that as long as we all promised to get our paperwork in over the weekend. Spencer and I raced to the metro to see who could get there the fastest (I won, but barely) and we spent the rest of our ride back to our stop talking about his date and about mine. 

When I got back to my house I decided to shower and pick out an outfit for tonight. Aaron refused to tell me where we were going, just to “dress like I always do.” After thirty straight minutes of me staring in my closet, I finally decided on a black off the shoulder knit sweater, a fitted forest green and black checkered mini skirt, black tights, black booties, and a fuzzy forest green jacket. I curled my hair with my Dyson Air Wrap and did darker eyeshadow. I finished off the look with a dark matte red lipstick and my favorite black Gucci bag. 

Two minutes before 8, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off my Schitt’s Creek rerun and raced down the stairs. Leave it to Aaron to not only be punctual, but to be the perfect gentleman. I opened the door, my breath caught in my throat at the sight. 

He was wearing tight black pants and a fitted long sleeve patterned button up. He had a red scarf draped across his neck, almost identical to the one I still had in my closet from our first date. He looked….good. I hadn’t seen him in street clothes in so long, I almost forgot what he looked like outside of a suit. I didn’t even know he owned clothes like this. 

“Y/n, you look amazing.” He finally got out and completely interrupted my thoughts, 

“You do too, Aaron. I’m thoroughly impressed.” I laughed and began to lock the door to my place. 

“Jack likes to watch the Today Show, so I might have caught a few of your segments over the past few weeks.” He mumbled and I stopped. I didn’t think anyone from the BAU would be remotely interested in my weekly segment, except Penelope of course. 

“You do know that my segment comes on after Jack goes to preschool, right?” I countered and Aaron shook his head. 

“You really couldn’t let me get away with that?” He asked and grabbed my hand to lead me to his car. 

“Absolutely not. As a profiler in training, it’s my civic duty to call out bullshit.” 

He chuckled and opened the passenger door to his car. I slid in the seat and he sat down next to me, intertwining our fingers as he began to drive. 

“Where are we headed?” I asked, letting my curiosity get the better of me. 

“My favorite place in all of D.C.” He simply replied and started to absentmindedly rub his thumb over mine. We hummed along to Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row and soon pulled into the parking lot for the National Arboretum. 

“I’ve lived here for 8 years and still have yet to make it here.” I said as I started to unbuckle my seatbelt. Aaron hurriedly hopped out of the car and ran to open my door before I could touch the handle. He was such a gentleman. 

As we walked hand in hand to the entrance, I began to notice the lack of cars and people surrounding us. “Is this place closed??”

“Fitz owed me a favor. And once he found out it was for you, he made the call immediately. Come on, there’s a place I want to show you.”

We walked along the indescribably beautiful flora and fauna that were surrounding us until we finally came to a path that was lined with green hedges with an assortment of light and dark pink flowers on the edges. 

“Aaron.” I breathed out, completely distracted by the beauty that we all around. “It’s stunning.”

“This place holds special significance for me. It was here when I found out I was going to be a father. It was here when I found out I was going to be the permanent unit chief of the BAU. It was here when I got the call telling me about the case, the one that led me to you.” He explained and I leaned up to kiss him. 

“When I first saw you in the Oval, I was absolutely paralyzed with the emotions that you unknowingly brought out of me. I didn’t stop thinking about you for the entire day, I don’t think I got any work done. And then you kept showing up in my life, especially in New York. I knew it was meant to be after that.”

“Of the millions of people in the city, Jack just had to run into you.”

“I’ve never been happier for a cracked phone screen.” I admitted and his eyes grew large. 

“Jack cracked your phone screen??”

“In his defense, he’s a toddler.” I joked and Aaron smiled and looked at the ground as we continued walking. 

“I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you somehow.” He asked and I laughed. 

“Oh, you’ll definitely be making it up to me.” He pulled a little closer to me, and we continued to walk a few steps more. A little further off in the distance on a hill, I saw a white table set up with two chairs. When we finally approached, my eyes widened. 

The food looked absolutely amazing. There were two plates with salmon, mashed potatoes, and asparagus, and a freshly baked loaf of sourdough bread that was cut into strips. 

He pulled out the chair for me again, and we ate dinner and made small talk, and he asked about my family, which meant the world to me. I’ve been seeing them much more often, almost every two weeks now that I’m in New York on Sundays. My dad and I got to see Belle in Wicked again last week, and we got to just be together as a family. I realized that when I shut myself off from them, I shut myself off from truly feeling happy. It was a mistake I didn’t want to make again, and they both made sure I didn't. 

After dinner, Aaron announced that he had another location in mind for us, a place that he likes to go to just think. We left the National Arboretum and drove to the Lincoln Memorial. Once I knew where we were going, I felt my hands clam up and my heart start pounding. This particular monument is one I’ve avoided for a long time, but I didn’t know how to tell Aaron that. 

We slowly walked up the path through the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial, and finally arrived at the destination. As we sat on the cool marble steps of the Lincoln Memorial a million memories came flooding back. Aaron noticed I was quieter than normal, and after a few minutes he finally said something. 

“What’s on your mind, Y/n?”

“You told me about that spot in the Arboretum. The one that holds significance for you.” I started to say and he nodded. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we looked out at the Reflecting Pool. “I’ve spent the past three and a half years avoiding this place. It was here when I found out my mom had cancer. She came to visit me for a weekend, claimed it was because she was tired of the hustle of New York. She said she needed something calmer. We had a good weekend. One of the best of my life. On her last day, she urged me to come up here and watch the sunrise with her. So I did. Just as we started to see the sun over the horizon, she told me about her diagnosis. She said something about beginnings and endings, and how a sunrise is a beautiful beginning to a new story. She never wanted us to think of her leaving us as the ending to anything.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry. If I had known-”

“No, I’m happy you brought me here. The day after she died, I came here and the sunrise was extraordinary. I mean, it was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. I knew she was telling me that she was okay. I guess, in a way, we’re starting something new here. I know she would’ve liked you.” I divulged and he pulled me into an embrace. 

“That means a lot to me, Y/n. I think my mom would’ve liked you too.” 

I watched as a group of runners jogged around the pool and tourists took pictures under Lincoln’s gaze. I glanced over at the WW2 memorial, just trying to wrap my head around Aaron and I’s budding relationship. Trying to figure out how it could work. I want it to work. 

“I want you to know that I’m all in.” He randomly said, completely reading my mind. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? For me?” I want nothing more than to be Aaron’s completely, but the idea of Haley was still clouding my mind at all hours. I mean, she’s the mother of his child. I don’t want to feel like I’m second to anyone. 

“I know you’re worried about Haley. You don’t have to be. We ended a long time ago. I told you I’ll always care for her, but I just don’t love her anymore.” I had two choices. I could trust him, believe in him, and start something that I’d only ever dreamed about. Or I could continue to let this cripple me, and keep doubting this new relationship. 

“So, were you just trying to ask me to be your girlfriend?” I decided, and his smile completely lit up his face. 

“Is this you accepting?” He replied back and I pushed our faces together, letting myself relax and melt into the kiss. It was short and sweet but full of so much meaning. 

“What about work?” I finally asked. 

“I’ll have to inform Erin. But since you’re not technically in the field with me at all right now, I don’t think she’d have a problem. There’s some HR paperwork we have to fill out of course, but it’s nothing too bad.” He explained and I nodded, satisfied with his answer. 

Another few minutes passed, and we gathered our belongings from the steps and walked hand and hand to where Aaron had parked his car. The drive back to my apartment wasn’t far at all from where we were, and he placed his hand on my upper thigh during the drive. 

We reached my townhouse in record time, and Aaron walked me up to the door. He looked as if he wanted to come in, but was too afraid to ask. Of course, I invited him in, and let him get situated on the couch while I ran to make hot chocolate and popcorn. We decided to watch Tangled, mainly because I begged to and he couldn’t turn me down.

As I laid down popcorn on the table, Aaron stretched his arms out to me. 

“Come here,” Aaron replied and I happily obliged. We sat together on the couch, my legs draped over his, my head leaning against his chest. I could feel every breath he took and every beat of his heart. It was beating fast, a lot faster than I thought it would be. Did I make him nervous? Me? 

“I like spending time with you, Aaron. I like the way you make me feel.” I blurted out, and I noticed his heartbeat immediately slow down. 

“I just want you to know how special you are. I want to prove that to you every day.” He replied and my heart soared. 

We sat there in silence for the next little while and Aaron slowly started dragging his hands up and down my thighs innocently. I tried to pay attention to the shenanigans of Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder, but soon his touch became impossible to ignore. I leaned up and kissed him innocently, trying to gauge where he wanted the situation to go. He used his other hand to pull my face closer to him, deepening the kiss. I let a moan escape that I had been trying so desperately to hold in.

“Sweetheart, are you sure this is something you want right now? I want to make sure you’re comfortable.” Aaron asked right after he broke apart from our kiss. I liked the fact that he even cared enough to ask about my thoughts because most guys don’t. They just get what they want from me and never take my feelings into consideration. 

“I need you. Now.” I replied and began to take off my shirt. As I undressed, I realized that it had been…a while since I’d had sex. Of course, working at the White House had its perks. I could pretty much sleep with anyone I wanted, but I hadn’t seriously enjoyed sex in a while. I’d had a few flings with some pretty prominent men in the political scene, but Aaron had already gotten me more turned on in five minutes than either of those two men had in the few months I “dated” them. 

Aaron intently watched as I peeled off the black sweater, my skirt, and my tights, a look of shock and arousal taking residence on his face when he saw the bright red lingerie set I wore for him tonight. 

“Did you wear that just for me? You just assumed that I was going to fuck you tonight?” He asked as his eyes raked up and down my body. He was looking at me with the same hunger he had in New York, except he was finally going to do something about the mounting sexual tension we had. 

“No, Spence was supposed to come over after you dropped me off.” I teased, knowing the reaction that would get out of him. I never would’ve expected what happened next. 

His eyes darkened and he forcefully threw me back on the couch and began kissing me vigorously. He started to shove his leg between mine, and I opened mine to give him easier access. He bit down on my neck, hard, and started to slowly drag his hand down to where I needed it most. 

“Did you hear everything I said to Ezra?” I suddenly asked and Aaron lifted his head from where he had been leaving bruises on my neck. 

“What?”

“I said, did you hear everything I said to Ezra?” I asked again and he still looked confused. 

“I did but-”

“Then stop treating me like I’m delicate and just fucking use me already. I’m getting bored.” I said before I could even register the words that came toppling out of my lips. 

“You know Y/n, at first I thought your attitude was endearing. Now I just find it irritating. Someone needs to teach you your manners.” He replied as he took off his belt and his shirt. 

“Oh, and you’re going to be the one-” I started to say but was cut off abruptly when he tenderly placed his hand on my throat before adding pressure gradually. 

“Your fucking mouth is going to get you in trouble one day, sweetheart. Watch your fucking tone.” He growled in my ear and finally traced his fingers up to my red lace covered slit. “You’re so wet and I haven’t even done anything yet. Has it really been that long since you’ve been fucked properly?” He asked, his fingers barely applying any pressure. 

“Y-yes.” I managed to get out and he slowly pushed my panties to the side. 

“Baby, I find that hard to believe.” He replied as his fingers abandoned my swollen clit. He slowly brought his hands up to my breasts, kneading at the soft tissue there. I was a moaning mess at this point, and he was taking pleasure in it. He pinched and squeezed my hard nipples, chuckling at the response it was getting from me.

“A-Aaron, stop teasing me. I need you to fuck me.”

“Look at you, begging for my cock. Wasn’t it just a few seconds ago you were saying you were bored? You know, naughty girls don’t get what they want.” He pulled back from me and moved to the opposite end of the couch. “Get naked and wait for me upstairs. Don’t think about touching yourself, or you can forget me fucking you for at least another two months.” 

It was embarrassing how quickly I ran up my stairs to my room. When I got there I hurriedly ran around making sure everything was in place before sitting on the edge of the bed. It was at least another five minutes before I finally heard him come up the stairs, and I was pretty proud of myself for obeying his commands. I’m never one to listen to any man when it comes to sex, but there was something about Aaron that made me want to do anything he needed from me. 

When he finally entered my room, he had an eyebrow raised at the sight of me calmly sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him. 

“Looks like someone can follow directions.” He chuckled and began to finish undressing. When he finally took off his boxers, I actually moaned at the sight. When he took his shirt off downstairs I had to do everything to control myself because holy shit, was he toned. After New York, I knew he was big, but I wasn’t expecting that. 

“Aaron, please.” Was all I could manage to get out, and he seemed amused at how incredibly speechless his hard cock had made me. 

“Is that all you can say sweetheart?” He started walking slowly towards me. “Do you want me? All you have to do is ask, sweet baby.” He taunted, and I snapped back into my senses. 

“Stop playing around and just fuck me or I swear to God-” I started to threaten.

“You swear what? You’re not going to do anything.” He replied, and I hated how right he was. 

“Please, I did what you asked.” I practically begged, and a wicked grin erupted on his face. 

“Get on your back.” He demanded, and I scrambled to do what he had asked of me. Once I was in a position that he decided was good enough, he pulled apart my legs with his large hands. “You’re so fucking wet for me. Just for me.” His mouth latched onto one of my breasts and he slowly inserted two fingers into my wet pussy. 

“Ever since the first time I saw you at the White House on David fucking Rosen’s arm, I knew I wanted you. He never made you feel like this, did he?” Aaron questioned, lifting his head up to look me in the eyes. I shook my head. “That’s not acceptable. Use your words, baby.” 

“No.” I moaned out, as his fingers continued their job on my tight clit. He put his head back down and continued biting and sucking on my hard nipple, enjoying every noise he was getting out of me. His fingers were pumping in and out of my clit vigorously until I was dangerously close to an orgasm. I let out a string of every curse word I could imagine, and right before I went over the edge, Aaron’s fingers stopped.

“What the FUCK.” I all but screamed and sat up to see him smiling at me. “What’s the fucking matter with you?”

“Apologize.” He blankly said and I scoffed. 

“You aren’t serious,” I replied, mimicking the same tone I had back in Atlanta. 

“Sweet baby, when are you going to learn that I’m never joking with you?” He sat up from his position between my legs and started to put his boxers and pants back on. 

“You are not leaving me like this again. Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I asked, annoyance dripping through my tone. 

“Back to my place if you don’t apologize. I’m not really in the mood to deal with a brat today.” He was having a field day with this. Slowly putting on his pants, just begging for me to stop him. I needed him. I needed him so fucking badly. 

“I’m sorry.” I said through gritted teeth, and he stopped his movement. 

“For what sweetheart? I’ve already told you to use your pretty little mouth.” I groaned again. I hated this stupid motherfucker, but more importantly? I hated how much his words were affecting me, I mean I was absolutely soaked at this point. 

“I’m sorry for being a brat.” I finally got out, hating the fact that this was probably going to lead to the best orgasm of my life. Giving up dominance was not something I did lightly, but I’d do anything for Aaron. 

“Mhmm. That’s not good enough.” He decided and stood up to do his belt. “You’ll have to try better next time.” What game was he playing at? I know Aaron was incredibly hard and he would’ve done anything to fuck me, so why was he being this way? I quickly racked my brain for an answer, trying to find one before he started putting on his shoes. 

“Daddy please.” I started and he dropped his shoe and coughed to cover up a moan. I continued. “Daddy, I’m sorry I’ve been such a brat. Will you please just come fuck me?” 

Before I could even register what was happening, Aaron tore off his clothes, and was back on top of me again, completely naked. He fully inserted himself into me, and I cried out in pleasure, letting my body adjust to his massive size. 

“Fuck, Aaron!” I finally got out as he leaned down to kiss me again. He harshly thrust in and out of me, and at this point, I was seeing stars. I was completely incoherent, the only thoughts going through my head being about Aaron and how good he was fucking me. He took notice of course. 

“You’re such a good girl for me now, aren’t you?” He asked as he brought his hand down to rub my clit again. 

“Daddy, yes!” I screamed out again, and he started rubbing even faster, his hips now moving at a pace that should be illegal. 

“Fucking good girl.” He replied and continued to slam in and out of me, attaching himself back to my neck. Before I even knew what I was saying, I blurted out,

“Come inside me.” He stopped for a minute, searching my eyes for permission again. “I’m on birth control. Please, daddy, I need it.” I begged again, and he wasted no time. 

I was already so close, as soon as he put his hand back around my neck and lightly squeezed, I completely became undone around his hard cock. It was a few seconds before he followed, completely filling me up. 

I laid there, absolutely unable to move. I physically could not lift up a single muscle I had, and he had only gotten me to cum once. I didn’t even want to think about what another time would be like, and how physically exhausted I would be after. He laid there for a moment as well and got up to go to the bathroom. He returned with warm towels to clean us both up with, tenderly placing soft kisses over my body as he did. He got me a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from my drawers, and I figured he found my secret stash of male clothes when I saw him come back from the bathroom in David Rosen’s “Attorney General” sweatshirt and Leo Bergen’s gray sweatpants.

“Was that okay for you?” He sweetly asked when he arrived back in bed, and I turned to face him. 

“That was more than okay. That was amazing.” I replied and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Will you stay?” I asked, and he nodded. 

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll let me.” I leaned down to cuddle into him, never wanting him to leave. As my breathing started to settle down, he murmured out, “Who’s fucking clothes am I even wearing?” 

I laughed, the noise filling the room. “David Rosen and Leo Bergen.” I replied, and this time it was Aaron’s time to laugh. 

“They’re mine now.” 

“They’re yours now.” I got out and then succumbed to the sleep that I had been craving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is not only late, but honestly? It's not the best. I was blocked almost the entire time writing it, but I have a really good idea for Chapter 8!! As always, I hope you enjoy and I really do appreciate the comments and the kudos :) Also!! 475 hits is WILD! Thank you for reading!!! I promise I have some good things lined up soon, and they really get the ball rolling :)


	9. the hill house

tw: violence/murder/cm stuff, this is really REALLY case heavy  
“We’re heading to Orange County, California. Ten days ago, Judy Hannity, a real estate worker and a mother was shotgunned on the 91 freeway.” I said as I sat down in the airplane seat right next to Spencer. I visibly shuttered as I passed out the prints of the car accident that ensued after the shooting, the images chilling me to my core. It never gets easier, looking at images of people’s last moments, or in this case, what was supposed to be their last moments. 

“She survived this?” Emily asked, confused. 

“Barely. She’s paralyzed from the waist down. The second and third victims were both dead on arrival. There were different vehicles for each shooting. There was a small black SUV, a black sedan, and a white sedan. No makes, no plates.” I explained. The call for this case had come in early this morning before I even took a sip of my Starbucks, and Aaron decided we didn’t have time to brief at the roundtable. When it comes to serial shooters we needed to act fast, which is why we came straight to the jet. 

“There are no solid witnesses?” Morgan asked, just as confused as Emily was. 

“The first victim described the shooter as a normal, middle-aged white guy in an SUV.”

Aaron spoke for the first time, his eyes never leaving the file in his lap. “She gave that description but she couldn’t remember anything else?”

“Isn’t that consistent with trauma victims?” I honestly had no clue, but over the past few cases I’ve learned that it’s much better to ask questions and get information this way than to be silent and let them do all the work. 

“Actually no.” Emily politely corrected then continued speaking again. “Trauma victims either remember everything or nothing.”

“Wait. The third victim was shot last week but we just got the phone call this morning? Why?” Spence wondered aloud, and it seemed as though he was irritated by that fact. 

“Well, until the third shooting, the locals weren’t convinced it was a serial shooter. There were different cars and in the first shooting there was a different weapon.” I explained, and Rossi shook his head and stood up. 

“The goddamn LAPD. It’s the same weapon.” 

“The shot patterns on the second and third one are much wider though.” Spence looked at the photo a little more, still not as sure as Rossi was. 

“He sawed off the shotgun. It’s the same shooter, and now he’s evolving, and quickly. We should've been told about this last week.” Rossi started walking up and down the jet, trying to calm himself down. Dave is extremely smart, I mean, he even started the BAU with Gideon. He knows what he’s talking about. He just doesn’t take too kindly to people who he perceives as incompetent. 

“The media has already dubbed him the Road Warrior.” I said and Emily sighed. 

“That explains why they wanted us there so quickly.” 

“What do you mean?” I asked her and Morgan hurriedly responded. 

“This type of unsub is the hardest to catch. They have totally impersonal victims. A third of the crime scene flees with him and his vehicle. The victim’s car is a wreck, so another third is almost completely unusable. The last third, the road, it’s contaminated by all the other cars that drive over it.” 

This case was giving me a headache and we hadn’t even touched down in L.A. yet. “If there’s no crime scene, no description, and two dead bodies, how are we supposed to find him?” 

“We build a solid profile and we release it to the public with an appeal for help. Somebody knows this guy.” Aaron stated, finally looking up from the file and at me. 

“And it’s my job to make them realize that they know him?” I asked again, a little overwhelmed. So far, I’ve just been sorting files and bringing cases to them and working on the cases that weren’t as convoluted as this one. This was my turn to actually help the team, and I could make or break this case. It was a lot of pressure. 

“You’re pretty convincing, Y/n. You could make anybody do anything. You also have a pretty big social media following, so people are bound to listen to a familiar face.” Emily said and smiled at me. 

“Yeah…” I trailed off, still terrified. 

“We’ll all go straight to the warehouse when we land since there isn’t a crime scene. We need to build this profile quickly and efficiently. We don’t know when he will strike next. Everyone, study the case file until we land, there’s something in here that will help us catch our unsub. I hope you got some sleep because you won’t be getting any more until we find this man.” Aaron commanded, and everyone got up to go to their separate areas of the jet. I usually sit across from Spence in the two-seater at the back, and today wasn’t any exception. 

“I know we’re supposed to be pouring over this case, but you have to tell me how the date with Austin went yesterday.” I pleaded with Spencer, and his eyes darted to where Aaron was sitting. He wasn’t listening to us in the slightest, and he had moved to the front of the plane out of earshot. Spencer was right to be paranoid because Aaron can get in a real mood when it comes to cases and discussing personal matters when we’re on one. 

“Only quickly, because I don’t want to get called out by the teacher.” Spencer whispered. 

“Okay, then what are you waiting for?” I whispered right back, and he gave me the little half-smile he gives when he’s nervous but excited. 

“She really liked the date. I picked her up at her apartment and I did what you said. I took her to a lesser-known spot and we had a picnic and just talked. She seemed interested in everything I had to say and I liked learning more about her.” He was blushing now, and my heart was starting to swell. Spencer has been through entirely too much and he deserved someone who made him happy. 

“What about what happened after?” I asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Lower your voice.” He said with his teeth clenched and looked around the jet again. Emily and Derek were very clearly discussing the case and Aaron and Rossi were sitting across from each other just reading intently to themselves. 

“I’m waiting.”

“Nothing really happened. I kissed her goodnight and she asked to see me again. We’re meeting up once we get back from this case. Are you satisfied?” He was avoiding my eyes now, and I had to stop myself from letting out a light chuckle. 

“Hardly. How do you feel about her?” I shot back and this was definitely enough to make him stop looking around in terror of Aaron.

“I mean, I like her. She didn’t hate my rambles, she’s very intellectual, and she has nothing to do with this part of my life. And she’s pretty. I want to keep seeing her.” 

“Spence, if I could hop over this table and give you a giant hug, I would. I’m so beyond happy for you. You deserve this.” I replied and he gave me a full teeth smile. 

“Thank you, Blaze.” 

“What are we thanking Y/l/n for?” Aaron said from behind my shoulder. I tensed up, but Spence has a great poker face. 

“I think she found a bit of the profile that could help. She pointed out that all the victims owned a luxury car.” He smoothly covered, and Aaron crossed in front of me. 

“I’m seriously beginning to think that your talents are wasted as a communications liaison. Good catch.” He patted me on the shoulder and returned to his seat in the front. 

“If you ever get bored of this, I’m sure Belle knows someone who can help you with acting.” I joked and he stifled a laugh. 

“Come on, let’s actually figure out something about this case before he kills one of us.”

**************************************************  
After we got to the warehouse, Emily and Aaron went to the hospital. Morgan and Rossi spent time talking to the detectives and trying to work out integral pieces of the profile. Spence was focusing on a geographical profile and I wrote up my first draft of the press release, which I could give after we narrowed down the profile. Once I finished, I went over to join Spencer. I’ve always wanted to learn how to narrow down a geographical profile, and once Spencer gets started with his maps he doesn’t know how to stop.

“What have you found?” I asked as soon as I walked in. Spence had three giant city maps open all around him, and he didn’t even look up when he answered. 

“When the victimology is this specific, we know the victims represent a specific person to him. Given the fact that he’s the same age and race as the victims, it’s likely a current or former wife or girlfriend.” He replied rapidly, still pouring over the maps. 

“Well, why wouldn’t he just kill the actual person? Is this a surrogate situation?”

“Yeah. In this case, she’s just a scapegoat for his own personal failings. He knows-”

“He knows if he kills her, he loses his scapegoat. Which is why he’s going around killing any women that remind him of her.” I completed his sentence and Spencer nodded. 

“When this type of killer gets triggered, they need to release the resentment quickly. Subsequently, they tend to strike close to the focus of that resentment.” 

“So if the focus is his wife, then he’s focusing on his home. Which must mean he lives near the crime scenes.” 

“Yeah, he almost certainly lives in this area. He pointed to a circle he had drawn on one of the maps. This is his kill zone.” He paused for a moment then pointed over the various markings on the map. “Do you know what these are?”

“I heard the detective earlier say those were for road work.” I answered and Spencer immediately stopped talking. He got this look in his eyes, the one where I know he was working something out. His eyes quickly darted back and forth over the map and he quickly grabbed the map and picked it up to rejoin the others. “Come on, I got something.” I followed him into the main room where Aaron and Emily had just gotten back as well. 

“Prentiss and I just got back from the hospital where we spoke with Judith Hannity. She remembers being impatient and cutting him off in traffic. The unsub tried to speak with her, but he couldn’t get anything out because she didn’t let him. She said he appeared normal, like an everyday kind of guy. The unsub shot her because she challenged him personally, before that he was almost apologetic.” 

Reid quickly walked through the room and laid down his map, taking the attention off of Aaron. 

“What’s going on?” Rossi immediately asked and Spencer didn’t even give anyone else a chance to reply. 

“Of the 30 roadwork sites in the kill zone, only two were alternate merges both less than 3 miles from the crime scenes.” We were all looking over his shoulder now, trying to make sense of what he was saying. 

“An alternate merge?” Emily asked the question that was on all of our lips. 

“Multiple lanes funneled down to one. One car per lane, alternating at the drivers’ discretion.” He finished and Morgan’s face showed understanding. 

“These sites allow him to set up the confrontation.” He explained and it suddenly all made sense. I pushed my hair behind my ear to get a closer look at the map. 

“A guy who follows the rules may lash out once, but to do it again he’d need similar provocation.” Rossi added. 

“So, he seeks out alternative merge sites, then he goes through them over and over again until he finds a woman that fits his victim type and who cuts him off. These weren’t random attacks.” Aaron said and I was in awe of how quickly Spencer figured that out. 

“We have to shut down every alternate merge in the county immediately and we need to talk to the crew that work these sites. They’ve seen this guy.” Emily blankly stated and left to go make a call on her phone, probably to a road commissioner. 

“So what does all this mean?” I looked at Aaron, begging for an explanation. 

“Impersonal killers are like drug addicts. The first time gives them the ultimate high, and after that, no high is as good. Unfortunately, the addict doesn’t know that. He will chase that high to the gates of insanity and death. By now, killing is all our unsub thinks about. He’s set up the exact same situation again and again hoping to get the same result. He’s probably beginning to think that he’s doing it wrong, and he’s becoming obsessed with improving his skills and honing his M.O. He thinks that if he can get it just right, if he can get his technique and his tools perfected, he’ll feel that first high again. He’s becoming more lethal and he won’t ever accept that his first high and gone and that it will never come back. This is crossing into dangerous territory, Y/n.” Aaron’s voice had a sense of coldness to it, not at me, but at the unsub. 

“What are we supposed to do?” I asked, my voice wavering a little. 

“I’m going to one of the merge sites with Detective Salinas and Dave. Stay here and find a way to appeal to the unsub. There might be some press outside, deal with them without giving too much away.” He replied and he turned to leave. I grasped his hand before he could fully leave. When he turned back around and I gave a simple,

“Be safe.” and he nodded and leaned down to kiss my hand.

“I will.”

The next hour and a half, I sat alone looking at the suspect board and at the maps Spencer had shown me earlier. I couldn’t make sense of it. What was causing this man to do this? I had still come up empty by the time Aaron, Rossi, and Detective Salinas made it back to the warehouse. They looked angry, Rossi had a look on his face that I had never seen before. 

“He has a goddamn wife and kids.” He said as he passed me, making his way to the front to give the profile. The unsub was suffering from an emasculating event that caused him to lose touch with reality. He’s having a psychotic break. He feels as if his children don’t need or respect him and that he’s unwanted and obsolete in their lives. This just made our already difficult case nearly impossible. 

This man is going to kill his entire family if we can’t find him, and soon. 

It was already nearly noon, we had been working straight through the night and we weren’t stopping any time soon. I ran to the bathroom to freshen up my makeup and pull my hair back into a low ponytail. I had to release this profile to the press and appeal to the unsub. Nobody else needed to die. I hurriedly looked over and memorized the sheet Aaron had given me ten minutes ago, and when I felt ready I stepped outside the warehouse to the waiting cameras that were going to stream me live on all stations. 

“Hello everyone. My name is SSA Y/n Y/l/n and I work with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. We ask that the public listens very carefully to the following description. Anyone who believes they recognize this individual should call our tip line immediately. We are looking for a white, middle-aged, married father. We believe his wife is blonde, approximately 40 years old. She resembles the victims and drives a luxury sedan. This individual drives a blue small-model SUV and most likely lives in this area.” I pointed to the circle on the map Spencer had drawn a few hours ago. “It is also very possible this individual recently suffered a personal trauma in his life. If you know someone like I have just described, please call our tip line. The number is at the bottom of your screen. Thank you.” As soon as I finished, I walked over to where Emily and Morgan were standing. 

“What do we do know?” I asked again, not knowing where to go from here. 

“We wait and let the tips come in. That’s all we can do. I’m gonna go call Garcia and see if she can find a name for us, and we go from there. Drink some coffee, Y/n. You’re gonna need it.” Morgan replied and left Emily and me standing there. 

“I hate this part. The waiting.” I said and joined Emily in her walk over to the coffee machine. 

“It doesn’t get any better.” She poured herself a cup and one for me as well. We had barely even finished our drinks when Morgan came running into the room. 

“Y/n, we need you.” Was all he said, and I quickly got up to join him. We got in his SUV and drove to another area that was already crawling with crime scene tape and cops. Aaron and Rossi were already there with Detective Salinas. 

Morgan took off first to join them, and I stayed behind to handle the media. After I promised to come back with answers, I started walking over to them. 

“Y/n went on air at noon. He was watching the news.” I heard Morgan say from afar, and I felt a sinking pit in my stomach. It was my fault. These people were dead because of me. I stopped in my tracks and took a minute to pull myself together. I felt like screaming, crying, throwing up, passing out. Maybe I’ll just do all four. 

Then, anger flooded my entire body. Aaron asked me to give this press conference. He asked me to let the public know about the profile and he knew the unsub was fucking watching the news. He used my naivety and in turn, people died. He used me. And not in the fun, sexual way. He actually used me and made me the scapegoat in this situation, and I wasn’t okay with that. 

“Did you know?” I all but yelled at Aaron as I stormed over to him at the crime scene, my heels almost stabbing the concrete during the process. 

“Excuse me,” Aaron said to Morgan and the detective, before grabbing my arm a little too aggressively and pulling me over to the side. “This is not the time or the place. You gonna do this in front of the press?”

“He KILLED those people because of something I said.” I exclaimed, not caring about who was around or who was now privy to this conversation. I was pissed, beyond pissed. 

“No. When we talk to the public, it’s always a possibility. That is part of the job. Tell me now if you can do it or not.” He replied his tone almost like ice. 

“Yes, I can fucking do this job. I just.” I threw my hands up in frustration. “People are dead because of me. People can’t go home to their children, to their spouses. They don’t get to live anymore because of something I did...After this case, you and I get to go home and act like nothing’s wrong but how am I supposed to sleep at night knowing these people can’t anymore because of me?” I choked out, and Aaron’s expression softened. 

“Y/n, I get that. I know we’ve only worked on cases that are a lot less intense than this one since you’ve been here, but the reality is that this is the job. You can’t make scenes with me out in public, especially since it’s a known fact that we’re together. I’m sorry it happened this way, but you need to get ready to do another press conference. You have to get it together.” He stated and placed his hand on my arm. “We’ll talk about this more later, okay?” I nodded and wiped a tear from my eyes. I can do this. I walked over to where the cameras were and waited for Aaron to give me a nod to release more information. 

“We are prepared to release to the public additional information about the individual responsible for the freeway shooting. The individual is a white, 45 to 55-year-old male of average build. He works in this area,” I pointed to a circle Spencer drew on the map just moments ago. “He wears a suit and tie to work and left work very abruptly, shortly after 2 pm, immediately after watching our earlier statement about him. If anyone has any additional information, please call our anonymous tip line immediately. Thank you.” I turned to leave but decided to go off-book for a second. I just prayed Aaron wouldn’t be too upset with me, and that this would work. 

“One last thing. This individual has committed horrible crimes and must be held to account. But he is a husband and a father. He’s violent and he’s troubled, but he must be capable of some degree of mercy and compassion. And so...we appeal to him. Do not hurt any more people. Please, turn yourself in.” I begged to the unsub and waited for the cameras to end. Aaron walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder again. 

“Nice touch, at the end. I know I didn’t tell you to do that, but I think it’ll help.” I shrugged his arm off. 

“Yeah.” I replied and walked off from him, still a little irritated about earlier. 

I sat in Morgan’s car, waiting for him to return and take us back to the station. When he made it back, I could tell he was shocked I wasn’t riding with Aaron, but he didn’t bring up anything and I was grateful he didn’t. Aaron was just doing his job. We agreed that this wouldn’t get in the way of our relationship, but it was damn hard for it not to. I don’t know how he could easily omit that information to me, but then again I never asked for it. And I should’ve. 

When we got back to the station, Emily and Spence were on the phones listening to tips from the tip line. Spencer got a viable lead, so they all left to go to an office. I stayed behind with Aaron, Rossi, and Detective Salinas and continued to answer tips from the tip line, just trying to help.

About thirty minutes later, Detective Salinas got a call about a chase, and the suspect was in the same model car we were looking for. I prayed we got to him before he harmed his wife and children. I can’t have that on my conscience too. 

“Morgan, we have a chase on 117 and Pacific. Okay. We’re on our way to the Hill house, if he’s having a break he could be on his way there to finish it. We’re on our way. Be careful.” Aaron said to Morgan as soon as he answered. “Y/n, you’re coming with us.”

The drive to the Hill house was quiet, like none of us wanted to make a sound. I knew Aaron was scared about what he would find. I was too. I sat in the front seat next to him, and it took everything in me not to intertwine our fingers while he was driving like I normally do. He placed one of his hands on the gear shift and I laid one of mine on the middle console. It was as close as we could get without touching, and I felt his calming presence the entire drive. 

We got there and record time, and the four of us rapidly exited the car. Rossi knocked on the door and there wasn’t an answer. “Maybe they went somewhere safe?” I asked, hoping for optimism. Aaron continued around back and all four of us laid eyes on a luxury sedan parked. The back door was open, so we entered the house, praying that what we all hoped wasn’t true. 

As soon as I walked into the kitchen area of the house, a truly acrid smell wafted through my nostrils. I felt my stomach churn. 

“Let’s split up. Y/n, you’re with me.” Aaron immediately said and we walked down one of the hallways in the house, the smell becoming more pungent. “We’ll do this together, okay?” I nodded and held onto his hand as he opened the first door. 

I’ve seen dead bodies before. In a morgue, covered up at a crime scene. My mom’s. It’s not new to me. What was new was the sheer magnitude of what I was looking at. The body of a young child covered with bullet holes. I felt Aaron squeeze my hand tighter, and I’m grateful he did because I felt like passing out. I felt tears prickle out of the corner of my eyes, and Aaron shut the door. 

“I know. You have to keep it together, okay baby?” Aaron said once he saw the way I was looking at him. We walked a little further down the hallway to another door, and this time I chose not to look inside. Aaron blankly shut the door, which made me believe the sight was even grimmer than the last. 

“Aaron, I have to go. I have to get out of this house.” I said and he squeezed my hand as if he was giving me permission. As I walked quickly through the house to the front door, I saw Dave leave Detective Salinas and follow after me. I can only assume they found the body of Vanessa Hill upstairs as well. 

I sat on the steps outside of the house, just trying to breathe in the fresh air. If I could focus on my breathing, I wouldn’t have to focus on anything else. Just in and out. In and out. 

“Kid?” Dave asked as he crouched down next to me, placing his hand on my back. I’ve known him all my life. I mean, my entire life. He’s seen me at the age of those two girls in that house, he’s seen me at my worst. 

“Aaron wants to protect me, but I need you to tell me the truth. Did I do that? Are they dead because of me? Did I actually kill five people in one day?” I flatly asked and Dave sat next to me. 

“Absolutely not kiddo. No way. By looking at the bodies, they’ve been gone since before we even got the case. This had nothing to do with you. We knew he would hurt his family. We just didn’t know he already had. And those two boys earlier? The only one to blame is the one who pulled the trigger.” 

“Dave, I...this is so much. I never expected this when Aaron walked into my office all those months ago. I don’t think I’m strong enough for this.” I said as I tried to force my tears not to fall. 

“Remember Kennedy Lancaster?” He suddenly asked and I looked up at him. I hadn’t heard that name in years, more importantly, I don’t know how he knew that name. 

“Yeah, of course I do.” 

“She would bully you in elementary school. One day, you punched her in the face. Your dad called me to tell me about it, convinced you were gonna become a sociopath because when he asked you how you felt, you told him that you would hit her again. Your mom on the other hand gave you a hug and said ‘That’s my girl.’ Kennedy never bothered you again. When your mom died, I never saw you cry. You held it together. You were the shoulder for Belle and for your dad, and you went to the White House. Kiddo, you are one of the strongest people I know. You can do this.” We both stood and I gave him a huge hug, one full of meaning. 

“Does it get easier? This job?” I pulled away and asked. 

“It does.” We made our way back to the SUV and waited there for the LAPD and CSI to come to the house. Dave, Aaron, and I left straight from there to the jet, where Emily was going into detail about the high speed chase they had been on. I was grateful because I wanted to get my mind off the horrors I had just witnessed. 

Morgan and Spence were already on the jet by the time Emily and I made it. 

“I heard you did some stellar driving earlier.” I joked with Morgan and Spencer groaned from across the plane. 

“He almost killed us.” He argued and Morgan and I looked at each other and laughed.

“He’s a better driver than you are, Spence. I feel safe riding with Morgan.” I replied and Spence scoffed.

“You wouldn’t have if you were riding in that car.” Emily took out one of her headphones to listen in on the conversation. 

“Reid, you’re just bad at giving directions. Next time you can drive in a high speed chase.” That completely shut Spence up, I figured he would rather do anything than drive in a car chase like that. I left them poking fun at Spencer still and headed to the back where Aaron was sitting, filling out a case file. 

“How are you doing?” He asked as soon as I sat down. I was grateful that he wanted to talk about the case and about my reaction to it. 

“I feel like I was spoiled in a way. I was so lucky to get the textbook cases, the ones that come straight out of the profiling manual. I mean, Aaron. What am I supposed to do with this? How am I supposed to sleep at night?” I asked while pulling my hair out of its ponytail. He put down the paperwork he was filling out and stared me in the eyes, his brown ones piercing mine. 

“You cope. You figure out some way to cope. Garcia watches funny animal videos and makes it a habit to bring light in every day. I go running. Reid well….he reads and memorizes things. Rossi cooks. Emily and Morgan go out and drink. You need to find something to take your mind off these things, or else you won’t make it.” He honestly said, not even trying to sugarcoat the truth. If there’s anything Aaron is, it’s always honest. I admire that. 

“I just. I wish I had known that those people were going to die.” I said calmly, not wanting to start an argument or strike a nerve. 

“There’s always a case that haunts us or causes us to question our careers. There’s a case that is never solved, a case where you empathize with the unsub, a case that you just cannot shake. You’re not alone in that, Y/n. We all have one.” I noticed a twinge of something in his eyes, I just couldn’t pinpoint what. 

“What’s yours?” I innocently asked and he leaned over to grab my hand over the little table. 

“A guy in Boston was killing couples. We were on his trail, and we were moments away from catching him, and he just stopped. Disappeared. No one knows what happened to him. They named him the Boston Reaper. That case always bothered me. Our profile was perfect. He wasn’t supposed to stop, and he just did. But I know I’ll catch him someday.” His demeanor shifted when he mentioned the Boston Reaper, and it was clear that his guy did a number on Aaron. 

“We. We’ll catch him.” I corrected and he looked up and smiled his award-winning smile at me. 

“We’ll catch him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy New Year’s everybody!! I wanted to get this chapter out because it’s one of my favorite cases in all of CM. I wanted to hone in on Y/n and her relationship with Rossi, and also Y/n and tougher crimes and cases. This story has been kind of light so far, so I wanted to bring this up to kind of serve as a segway because Foyet/Anthrax attack/Stabby stabby/Witsec/100…..is ALL on it’s way. :) Also!!! Thank you for 648 hits!! I swear two days ago we were at 475, so I'm just happy you guys like my story!!


	10. the “talk”

"I asked her to be my girlfriend." Spencer excitedly told me as soon I stepped into the bullpen around 11:30. Aaron let me come in a few hours later today since I didn't get in from New York until late last night. It had been about a month since the case in L.A., and I took up figure skating lessons to help cope. Aaron thought it was a great idea, and it was really helping me take my mind off everything we see daily. I have lessons in New York on Sunday, and my instructor just needed me to come later yesterday. I was grateful Aaron was so flexible, but I honestly think he'd let me do almost anything at this point. 

"Spencer, you WHAT?" I exclaimed and Derek whipped his head around. 

"Did I hear that correctly? Pretty boy got a girlfriend??" Spencer blushed, and Emily walked over to us. 

"Reid, a girlfriend? What's her name?" She questioned and I piped in. 

"It's Austin! The girl you guys saved in Atlanta." Derek and Emily's mouths hung wide open. 

"Her??? The one from the bar??? You're dating HER?" Morgan brought his hand up for Spence to give him a high five. "Up top man, she's cute!" 

Spence awkwardly gave him a high five and I leaned down to give him a hug. "I want to meet her. I think I'm the only one here who hasn't." I pouted. 

"I'll ask her about a double date." At the mention of a double date, Morgan trained his eyes on me. 

"Double date? Are you and Hotch?" he waved his eyebrows and made a suggestive face. 

"Yes, we're official. I'm surprised y'all didn't know. Must be some profilers." I joked and Morgan threw a paper ball at me. 

"Hey. Don't talk about the profiling skills. I know we have an agreement not to profile each other but keep talking mess and I'll bring up that southern accent of yours that continuously comes out." My mouth dropped. 

"I do NOT have a southern accent!" I countered and Emily, Spence, and Dave (who stuck his head out of his office JUST for this) replied back, 

"You do!"

"I can't stand y'all. Just for this, I'm eating lunch with Garcia and Kevin today." 

"You're not eating with your boyfriend?" Morgan teased and I threw the paper ball back at him and hit him square in the head. 

"No. He's eating with-"

"Haley." Spencer finished and I turned around to him. 

"Yeah, how did you-"

"No. Haley. Turn around." Haley had just gotten off the elevator and she had Jack's little hand in tow. I hadn't seen her since New York a few months ago, and she gave me a thin smile when she walked across the bullpen to Aaron's office. He told me that she knew about us but I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was hiding something from her. She had gotten a haircut since I'd last seen her, and she seemed a lot blonder. 

"Let me act like I'm doing some paperwork. He gets in a mood whenever she comes to the office." Derek stated and swiveled around back in his chair to face his desk. Emily walked back over to her desk, and I smiled at Spence before I turned to leave. Just as I was passing Aaron's office, I heard him call for me. I reluctantly turned and let my feet carry me up those few stairs, terrified about the group that awaited me. 

"Hey, you guys." I said when I entered, and it looked like the two of them had been in an argument. 

"Miss Y/n!" Jack screamed and hugged the bottom of my legs. I looked at Haley and Aaron while petting Jack's head. 

"Y/n, do you mind if Jack just hangs out in your office today?" Aaron sighed out and I saw Haley scoff as well. 

"No, I don't mind at all! Jack's a great kid." I tried to pay Haley a compliment but she didn't even look in my direction. 

"Aaron this has to stop. This is why our marriage fell apart. You have to stop putting work before your family." Haley demanded and I took that as my cue to play with Jack on the floor. Marital arguments are one thing that I do not want to be involved in, especially between my current boyfriend and his ex-wife. 

"There was a case a few days ago. I just need to finish this supplemental file and the write-up about the house. Can you please not do this here?" He responded, deadpan. 

"There's always a case, isn't there?" Haley shot right back and grabbed her purse off the chair. "Y/n, can you walk me to the elevator? I always get a little lost here." Haley said as she opened the door to leave Aaron's office. I was confused, but I agreed to follow her. You can literally see the elevator from Aaron's door, so I figured she just wanted to talk to me, probably to yell at me about keeping Jack today. I noticed Aaron looked just as confused, but I went with Haley anyway.

As we left the bullpen and approached the elevator Haley started. 

"I really appreciate how happy you make him. Jack seems to like you too, that's the only reason I'm okay with you watching him today."

"I adore Jack. I'm happy to help out however I can." I replied and waited for her to press the elevator button. She didn't. 

"I want you to know that I respect the fact that you don't look down on me because of what happened in Aaron and I's marriage. I know I made some mistakes, but I'm happy now. What happened was best for both of us. He's smiled more since he's been with you than he did in the last ten years of our marriage."

I appreciated her telling me this, but what was the point? I know Aaron was happier with me, he's told me before. I was getting slightly irritated before she spoke again. 

"Don't let him put his work before you two. He'll try. He'll start to push you away. Don't let him. As much as I hate saying this, I think you're the one for him. Don't let him ruin it." She paused. "He's a great guy, Y/n. One of the best I've ever known. How he came from his father, I'll never know. Just, watch out for him." She touched my shoulder and pressed the button for the elevator. 

"He lucked up with you." She said as the doors closed, not even giving me a chance to respond to what she told me. It echoed in my head. 'He'll start to push you away.'

Should I take her seriously? I mean, they were married for a long time. A really long time. She knows him better than anyone. But, we're good. Really good. And it's still new. We haven't even said 'I love you' yet or talked about our past relationships or what we want out of ours, we're just getting to know each other. 

I pushed those thoughts out of my head for now, locking them away for later. I walked back to Aaron's office to pick up Jack. 

"What did she want?" He asked as soon as I entered. 

"To tell me what to do and not to do with Jack." I smoothly lied, and Aaron didn't even notice. 

"I guess it's good that she's protective over him. But you'll be fine. Let me know if you need anything." He gave Jack a quick hug and Jack happily skipped over to me so I could bring him to my office. 

When we got there, Jack handed me something from his pockets. It seemed to be a mix of nuts and loose change. And it was sticky. 

"Did your mommy feed you?" I asked him. I don't know anything about kids, besides the fact that you hug them for photo ops. But Jack was a good one. He was always well-behaved and kind for a toddler, so I didn't hate being around him. Except when he hands me sticky things from his pocket. He smiled at me then shouted out, "I want to play!"

I grimaced. "Ha. Okay. I'm at work honey. Play with this." I threw away whatever he handed me, got a pump of hand sanitizer, and handed him a notebook and a new pack of crayons that I keep in my desk drawer. He seemed to be completely enthralled with the notebook and kept scribbling and screaming out random words like "Dinosaur" and "Rawr" for the next hour or so. 

I heard a knock on the door, and before I could even tell whoever it was to come in, Penelope peeked her head in. "Y/n, hey. There was a case that came up in VICAP that I- Oh my gosh!! Jack!!" 

"Auntie 'Nelope!!" He hopped off the couch and Penelope crouched down to give him a hug. 

"I didn't know he was here today!! How could you not tell me there's someone this adorable that you've been hanging out with?" She pinched his cheeks and he laughed. 

"You're so good with him. Do you want to keep him?" I asked, half-joking, half being dead serious. 

"Hotch trusted you with him, so he's all yours. Maybe if you talked to him Y/n, you could bond with him." Penelope sat on the couch and Jack went back to scribbling on the paper I provided earlier. 

"What the hell am I supposed to talk about with a toddler?" I asked incredulously. 

"Jack, what did you do today?" Penelope ignored my question entirely and turned to him. 

"Mommy made waffles and Mark drink something green. Then we came to see daddy. Mommy says he work too much." My eyes flew wide and so did Penelope's. 

"Is there something else that you want to do today?" I changed the subject and put down the pen that I had been writing with. 

"Ice cream. Mommy doesn't let me get ice cream. Daddy does." He never looked up from his paper. 

"What's your favorite ice cream? Mine is strawberry." I said and he got really excited. 

"Me too, me too!! Miss Y/n can we please get some!" I smiled. 

"Let me go ask your daddy. I'll be right back. Pen, can you take him to your bat cave?" She agreed and I left Jack with her and walked through the glass doors of the BAU. 

Emily and Morgan were arm wrestling over their desks, with Spence keeping score. Emily was winning, and Derek was not happy. Aaron's blinds were closed but his door was open, so I lightly tapped on the door frame. 

"Hey sweet girl. Come in." I walked in and shut the door. I honestly only wanted to ask him about ice cream, but I hoped to steal a kiss or two. "Wait, who's with Jack?"

"Penelope took him to her bat cave. He asked for ice cream, and I have some strawberry in the freezer. I just wanted to see if I could give it to him." 

"Of course you can. You shut the door for that?" He let out a slight chuckle and I walked a little closer to his desk.

"Well, that and this." I gave him a swift kiss on the lips and he pushed my face to him, deepening the kiss. I knew the blinds were shut and so was the door, so I boldly straddled and sat on his lap so we were facing each other. 

"Anyone could come in." Aaron said strongly, but I knew he didn't want me to stop. I put my lips back on his and slipped my tongue into his mouth, tenderly exploring it. I slid my hand down the length of his torso and scooted closer to his dick. His rough hands immediately pushed my hot pink dress over my hips. 

"I missed you." I between breaths. Aaron took that as an opportunity to attach his lips to my neck and start sucking on his favorite spot. "Don't fucking leave me a hickey or I swear to you I won't kiss you for two weeks."

He stopped and pulled his head back to look me in the eyes. "You're not supposed to be telling me what to do. Especially not in that dress."

I opened my mouth to give him a sassy response when someone knocked on the door. I flew from his lap and across the room in record time. I quickly took my hair out of its bun and started randomly talking. 

"But I found this random case in VICAP-"

"Come in!" Aaron interrupted me as he pushed up close to his desk, no doubt to hide the small tent in his pants. 

"The M.O.'s are the same, but they're across the country. They happened two days apart. Do serial killers travel like that?" I finished speaking and Aaron thanked me with his eyes. 

Section Chief Strauss entered, and I was so thankful that I came up with that case so fast. Her eyes darted between us but we seemed completely legitimate. 

"SSA Y/l/n, it's nice to see you. Is there any reason the door was shut?" She asked, trying to catch Aaron and me in a lie. 

"It's pretty easy to hear when the door's open, and I'm still a little insecure about questions like the one I just asked. I just wanted Hotch's opinion on it before I mentioned it to the rest of the team." It wasn't entirely a lie, it was just the political way of answering the question. 

"Yes, I was just about to tell you to forward Reid, Prentiss, Morgan, Derek, and I the two case files, and we can see if there's any overlap. See if Prentiss will look over it with you." I nodded and turned to leave. Strauss stopped me. 

"I've read your reports and see you give press conferences on the job. You're a natural. Just make sure you leave the door open." She complimented me and scolded me in the same sentence. I squealed out a quick,

"Yes ma'am." Before hurriedly leaving. Thank goodness Spence, Morgan, and Emily were oblivious to that entire encounter because I could not deal with the teasing right now. I grabbed the ice cream out of the freezer and walked down to Penelope's bat cave. I heard her and Jack discussing his favorite foods (He said his was "pasghetti" and I figured Haley had to make it because Aaron can't cook worth shit) and he seemed to really be enjoying himself. I knocked on the door and Pen answered. 

"Thank goodness you're back, I was running out of things to ask him. That took a while!" She exclaimed and I blushed and looked down. 

"Would've taken longer if Strauss hadn't interrupted." She burst out into laughter. 

"Oh man, Hotch getting it on at the office? If he ever catches Kevin and me, I'm gonna bring that up."

"You will do no such thing." I whispered at her and she laughed again. 

"Jack, Y/n is here with a treat!" He climbed down from Penelope's extra chair. 

"Ice cream!!"

"Yeah, ice cream!! Let's take it back to my office, your auntie Penelope doesn't like messes in her work area." I juggled the ice cream and spoons in one hand and his grip in the other. "Thank you so much Pen. Really. I owe you one."

"It's no problem!! I love the little guy." She waved him bye and we walked down the hall back to my office.

The rest of the day passed really quickly. Jack ate as much ice cream as he wanted (as I would allow) and he colored. When it was time to leave, Aaron, Jack, and I went to Gettysburger for dinner and took a walk around the National Mall again, because Jack wanted to see the "Really Tall Point." Haley came and got him from Aaron's a little while later, and she thanked me for watching him during the workday. She and Aaron made up at the door, so they left on good terms too. It made me happy because I know how hard he tries to keep the peace with her, even if she doesn't entirely deserve it sometimes. 

We put on Beauty and the Beast, and I told him about how my sister was named after Belle in the movie. Which is completely ironic, because they sound exactly the same when singing. My mom must've known she was going to grow up to be a little songbird. 

As the movie continued, I felt my mind drifting back to what Haley had mentioned earlier with Aaron. How he would begin to push me away. How he would start to put work before me. How he would start to doubt himself. I figured now was as good a time as any to finally have the relationship talk, the one that I don't look forward to in any relationship.

"Can we talk?" I asked and he sat up from where his head had been resting on my lap. 

"Of course. What are you thinking about?" He asked his attention fully on me. 

"We never had the relationship talk. Like, what we both want out of this one. We just kind of jumped into this and I think we should have that discussion. Also....past relationships." I blushed a little at that last part. I had a feeling Aaron has been in a lot fewer relationships than me, and it terrified me. I know he'd never ever judge me, but I was just scared. 

"Okay. Where do you want to start?" He didn't even seem fazed by the questions I asked and was willing to immediately dive in. 

"Are past relationships and why they didn't work out okay?" He chuckled a little. 

"You already know my history. I've only dated Haley. We got married immediately after high school and you know why that ended." He paused for a moment then said, "Unless you count Susie Kepler in middle school. We broke up because I wanted to sit with my friends at lunch." My stomach sank. 

"So you've only been with me and Haley?"

"I mean, there was a thing with an old FBI agent. Haley and I were on a break, we weren't even sleeping in the same bed. I got sent to Scotland Yard for a case, and I met a woman there. Kate Joyner was her name. We got drunk after a case and almost slept together. I stopped it before it got too far because I was still married. We still stayed friends and we worked a case together about a year ago." He stopped giving his explanation and looked down for a minute. "There was a bomb planted under our company vehicle. Kate and I were both in the explosion. She died. I didn't." 

"Aaron...I'm so sorry to hear about your friend." I pulled my arms around him, making sure to squeeze tightly. He returned and we stayed that way for a minute or so. 

"Thank you. What about you? What about your past relationships?" He changed the subject almost immediately, and I decided not to push it any further. It was obvious that there was still some pain there. 

"Please don't judge." I pleaded and he placed his hand on my upper thigh. 

"I'd never judge you."

"Okay. In high school there was Tyler Vaughn. We dated in Tennessee. When I moved to New York, I dated a girl named Riley Grimaldi for about a year and a half, we broke up right after graduation because she was going to school in California and neither of us wanted to do long distance. When I started undergrad, I had my first really serious relationship. We met at a bar. His name was Peter Lewis and we dated for 3 years. He worked for the NSA. I honestly thought I was going to marry him, he was the first person I ever truly loved. But, we argued a lot and neither of us was in a place to continue the relationship any further. He was always...a little too distant for my taste. But all NSA men are." I paused to take a breath.

"Um, after Pete I was single for a while. I went through a lot after that breakup. Too much. I got my job at the White House, and I think I slept with every member of congress that was under 35 and single within my first three months there. I dated Leo Bergen for about a year, but that was just for political purposes. After we "broke up" I dated David Rosen for another year. We broke up last May once campaign season got wild. I haven't been with anyone since. I know it's a lot." As those words toppled out of my mouth I could feel my cheeks getting redder. I'd never told anybody this before. Aaron laid his hand on my cheek. 

"You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. Absolutely nothing. There's nothing wrong with that." I felt the tension release from my body, a tension I didn't even know I had been holding. I let out a breath. 

"I was scared to tell you about Pete. I didn't know how you'd react."

"About your ex-boyfriend that you haven't spoken to in four years? Y/n, you saw my ex-wife and watched my son today, I don't think I have any standing to be upset about him. Even if I did, I wouldn't be. I trust you wholeheartedly. Thank you for telling me." He kissed me on the cheek and I leaned into him. 

"What's one thing you need out of a relationship?" I focused on his chest rising underneath my head. 

"Communication. You?"

"Loyalty."

We stayed that way for the next hour, asking each other questions and getting honest answers. It was one of the healthiest conversations I've ever had in a relationship about this, and I started feeling myself open myself up to him completely. After we finished our conversation, we decided to finish Beauty and the Beast (we're currently going through every single Disney movie) and drank hot chocolate. It was just a nice night. We fell asleep around 10 pm, and for once I didn't let my mind run wild about the relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I feel like I need to make a venn diagram of Y/n's relationships within the BAU 😂 I had originally only planned on Spencer/Rossi in my outline but when I was writing this chapter I got a really good idea about the Peter Lewis/ Mr. Scratch storyline and how I can tie it into the ending I want. :) Next chapter is Foyet! It might take about a week or so to get out, because I'm leaving my childhood home and going back to my apartment (I've been here for 2 months, so I've definitely been covid safe) and I just need to settle in there :) Hope you guys had a great and safe New Years! Also, THANK YOU on 800 hits!!! I honestly didn’t even expect to get one read, so I am beyond stoked ♡


	11. the case in boston

“Baby tell me that’s just Belle or Reid and it’s not a case?” Aaron groaned as I rolled over to grab my screaming phone off the nightstand.

“It’s my work phone.” I apologized and unlocked my phone to answer it. “SSA Y/n Y/l/n. Yeah. Wait, I’m sorry what? Yeah, yeah of course. I’ll let him know. Thank you.”

I turned to him with a puzzled look, confused as to why someone was calling me for Aaron. “That was Tom Shaunessy’s wife. She said that he’s on his deathbed, but he needs to talk to you immediately. It can’t wait till morning.”

All the color drained from his face. “Did you just say Shaunessy?”

“Yeah, in Boston.”

“I gotta go.” He flew from his bed and started making a bag.

“What’s going on? Who’s Shaunessy?” I sat up and grabbed my glasses off the nightstand so I could read the clock. “Aaron, it’s midnight.”

“Remember when we talked about that case? The Boston Reaper?” I nodded and waited for an explanation. “Shaunessy worked on the case with me. It’s got to be important if he needs me now.” He grabbed his toothbrush from the bathroom and threw on a three-quarter zip hoodie and a pair of khakis. “Can you let the team know that I won’t be in tomorrow? Leave Dave in charge. Don’t accept any new cases until I get back and don’t tell anybody where I am. If they ask, I’m sick.”

“Of course Aaron. Please be safe.” He leaned down to kiss me before rushing out of the door.

“I’m gonna text Dave separately and let him know what’s going on. I’ll see you soon, sweet girl. Don’t let the BAU fall apart without me.”

When Aaron left, the room immediately felt colder. I got this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it was one I couldn’t shake. I knew Aaron would be fine, but something about this entire ordeal made me feel queasy. Aaron hadn’t spoken to Shaunessy in at least five years, so for him to need something this urgent….It couldn’t have been good. Maybe that’s why Aaron seemed so scared walking out of the door but kept it together for me.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night. I never slept well without Aaron, and my brain couldn’t stop thinking about what he was currently dealing with. I got dressed for work, but I just chose black pants and a gold blouse. I pulled my hair out of its bun and didn’t spend any time on it or on my makeup. I just didn’t feel right. I hadn’t heard from Aaron at all since he left, he hadn’t responded to any of my calls or texts. I know he’s okay, but worry still flooded every aspect of my being for the entire morning.

Work that day was boring. I kept to myself, I didn’t eat lunch with Emily or Spencer, I didn’t even speak to them besides to relay the news that Aaron was sick. Of course, a group of profilers didn’t believe me, but they also knew me well enough to not ask questions. JJ was also back today, so they were all catching up with her and the new baby, which I didn’t mind.

As each hour passed I continually checked and checked my phone to no avail. Aaron hadn’t replied or read any of my texts. After work, I went back to Aaron’s instead of my townhouse. I knew he would go there first, and I needed to see him as soon as he got in. Plus, I knew if Spencer saw my car parked outside my place he’d come over to see what was wrong. I love Spence, but I couldn’t deal with that right now.

It was nearly 11 pm when I heard Aaron put his keys into the door. I sprang up from the chair I had been sitting in for the past five hours and started pacing. His eyes settled on me as soon as he opened the door.

“A text or call would’ve been nice.” I began and he sighed at me.

“I can’t do this right now, Y/n. I just can’t. I’m sorry for not contacting you but can we please just do this another time.” He sounded defeated. He removed his shoes and left them by the door, and began walking down the hallway to his room. I followed.

“What’s wrong?” Of course I was angry about him not letting me know he was okay, but he didn’t seem like himself.

“Shaunessy made a deal with the Reaper. That’s why he stopped killing.” He pulled out two sheets of paper from his bag, one of them pretty tattered.

My eyes quickly gazed across the page until I settled on the words, ‘As long as we both shall live.’

“Baby isn’t Shaunessy…” I trailed off my sentence, not even wanting to say the words aloud. Aaron scoffed.

“I don’t expect the son of a bitch to last another day.” He placed his bag on the freshly made bed and began taking his clothes off to switch into something more comfortable.

“What does all of this mean?” I naively asked, and Aaron stopped what he was doing. He whipped around to face me, wearing only his boxers and a plain white T-shirt.

“What does it mean? It means Tom betrayed the very thing that we stand for. He let the Reaper get away with it. With murder.” He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “We would’ve gotten a break.”

“How many people would’ve had to die.” I didn’t even mean to say the words out loud, and the death glare Aaron shot back at me made me wish I hadn’t.

“What did you just say?”

“How many people would’ve died before you caught that break.” He calmly got off the bed and started slowly pacing the room, his face expressionless.

“Tom asked the same thing, you know. He was trying to make himself feel better about the decision he made.”

“Aaron, think of all the lives you saved during the last five years, mine included. It outweighs letting the Reaper escape, doesn’t it? Who knows how many people he would’ve slaughtered if Tom hadn’t made that deal?”

“It wasn’t his choice to make!” Aaron was full-on yelling now, and I instinctively caught myself retreating from where he was standing. “He shouldn’t have gotten away with it! Now he’s going to go back to killing, and it’ll be Tom’s fault.”

“Would it have been yours if he didn’t take the deal?” I muttered under my breath.

“You need to leave.” He immediately retorted and started grabbing my toiletries from the bathroom. “I mean it, Y/n. Go.”

“You seriously cannot be throwing me out.”

“I didn’t even invite you over. Just leave. Please.” He threw my toiletries at me and handed me my fuzzy cotton-candy colored house shoes as he basically chased me down the hallway.

“You’re acting like a child right now. We need to discuss this, Aaron!” I screamed at him and he shook his head.

“No. Not tonight. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

“You are not throwing me out like I’m trash.” I dropped what was in my arms on the ground, and turned around to face him. His expression softened a little.

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I just need to be alone. I can’t have you here. I don’t want to say anything else that I’ll regret.” He apologized and bent down to pick up my things.

“You could’ve just said that. We really need to work on your delivery.” I snatched my things from his hands and opened the door to leave.

“Can you just let me know if you get any odd murders from Boston? Couples in cars, the males shot, females stabbed?”

“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on VICAP.”

“Baby.” Aaron grabbed my elbow as I was walking out of the door. “I appreciate you. I want you to know that.”

“Then act like you do.” I shook myself from his grip and took the elevator to the ground floor of his apartment building. I quickly got in my car and started the engine, just eager to get back to something that felt familiar, felt like home. I know Haley said that he would start to push me away, and after that little scene upstairs I knew she was right.

***************************************

“Something showed up in VICAP.” I said as I walked into Aaron’s office the next afternoon, just as he was hanging up after being on the phone with someone. I handed him the case file I had printed off. He flipped through it and dropped it on his desk.

“Shaunessy’s dead. He died last night.” He replied back, avoiding my eyes. He grabbed his go-bag. “We’re going to Boston.”

“We haven’t officially been invited yet, shouldn’t we wait for the request?” I said, chasing him down the stairs outside his office.

“We will be.” He didn’t slow up his walk at all, leaving me panting behind him. Morgan, Emily, JJ, and Spence stared at me as this scene was taking place, obviously noticing the hostility between Aaron and me.

“Well. It looks like we’re going to Boston.” Spence got up from where he was seated on Emily’s desk and JJ and Morgan started to get their things together. Dave heard the commotion and retreated from his office with his go bag in hand. “Y’all, walk with me. Aaron is not gonna want to explain this so I have to do it quickly.” I waited until they all nodded, and started walking down the hall to my office.

“This is Aaron’s one case. You know, the one that fucks you up? The Boston Reaper is back.” I quickly opened my office door and grabbed the bag that always sits right next to it.

“I’m sorry, did you just say the Boston Reaper?” Morgan replied back, utterly shocked.

“Yes. Tom Shaunessy and Hotch worked the case together. You guys know how the Reaper stopped killing?” I asked and didn’t even wait for a response. “Tom made a deal. If he stopped hunting the Reaper, the Reaper would stop killing until one of them died. Well, Tom died last night, and there was another murder last night. It’s not a copycat before one of y’all ask. It’s really him.” I handed them the original note as we made our way to the jet. When we got there, Aaron was already seated, waiting for us to arrive.

“The Reaper is driven by a need to dominate, control, and manipulate.” He started before the plane even took off. I quickly handed out the files I had gotten together that morning before the murder came into VICAP.

“So then why would he offer a deal that would stop him from doing that?” Emily asked, just as confused as the rest of the team.

“Well, killing gave him power but after so many the payoff began to diminish. So, he decided to switch tactics. Offering the deal gave him the ultimate power, even better than killing. He manipulated the police into voluntarily surrendering.” The words rattled off Aaron’s lips like he had been practicing them on a loop in his head for the last five years.

“He even got it in writing.” Reid piped in.

“If he won, why did he start killing again?” JJ asked, while still looking down at the casefile, not once looking up. It’s only her second day back, and I heard her mention to Spence yesterday how hard it is to be away from Henry, so I figured she was just trying to insert herself into work as much as possible to keep her mind off of it.

“Because the only person who knew he’d won, the person he made the deal with, just died.” Morgan quickly replied.

“Narcissistic killers need other people to recognize their power. That’s why they contact the media.” Rossi said and shook his head. “I never thought I’d see the Boston Reaper come back.”

“So how did he stop for so long? Sure, he got off on the power, but how did he stay out of the press? It doesn’t make sense.” Emily pulled on her green turtleneck to get some air.

“In Night of the Reaper, the author suggests he had been arrested for an unrelated crime or died. Perhaps he’s trying to correct that misconception?” Spence picked up the book of the table and opened it. All of this was nice to know, but I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore. What is it about this guy that has made everyone, even Aaron scared?

“What the fuck has he been doing all this time??” I asked and Emily’s eyes flickered to mine, almost like she was trying to hold in a laugh at my outburst. Aaron didn’t find it as amusing.

“Language, Y/n.” I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “He’s been planning what he would do if he started killing again.”

“So, in 3 years he shoots, stabs, and bludgeons 21 victims. Men, women, all ages, all types. No specific victimology or M.O. How did you build a profile from there?” Morgan questioned and Aaron replied immediately.

“We didn’t. Shaunessy sent us home before we had a chance. BTK, The Zodiac, and The Reaper all have similarities. They’re all highly intelligent, disciplined, sadistic killers who name themselves in the press.”

“Highly intelligent may be a bit of an understatement. The Reaper and The Zodiac Killer have never been arrested. The BTK Killer was only caught after 25 years because he went to the press to counter a book that said he’d died, moved away, or been locked up just like this one.” Spence compared the three and I scoffed.

“Speaking of the media, when this gets out it’s going to be a frenzy.” I held up the note that I had taken from Dave before we got on the jet. “If they get wind of this. They’re going to be all over the Boston Police. Shaunessy put them in a tough spot.” Aaron glared at me for a brief moment, not long enough for anybody else to pick up on it, but I definitely did. I stood by what I said last night, even though it made him upset. Shaunessy did what he thought was right at the time. I don’t blame him. I don’t know what I would do if I was offered the same deal.

I couldn’t stand the tension between Aaron and me anymore. We had barely spoken this morning, and there was no note from him on my planner like usual. He left me an iced Chai Latte from Starbucks, so I knew he wasn’t extremely upset but the ice between us was chilling me to my core.

“Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, and Morgan go down to the field office set up. Go through everything they have there. Reid, Y/n, and I will go to the crime scene. There isn’t much time left in the flight, so just mentally prepare yourselves for this case. It’s going to be a bad one.” Aaron broke from the huddle and went to his usual seat at the front of the plane. Dave always sits with him up there, but today he opted to sit with Emily and Morgan, probably to give Aaron and me the privacy we so desperately needed.

I made my way to the front and sat across from Aaron. “What? No gossiping with Reid today?” He said before I even sat down. I knew he was partially kidding, but his tone fell extremely flat.

“We needed to talk. Besides, he and JJ are catching up.” I pointed my head towards the back of the plane where Spence and JJ were sitting across from each other on the couch.

“I don’t have anything to say, Y/n.” He dropped his head to keep looking at the file, and I slid it from under his gaze.

“You can’t just do this Aaron. We had a disagreement. It happens. I agree that I shouldn’t have said anything last night when I didn’t know the details of the case. But now that I do, I still feel the same way. If you don’t, that’s okay. We don’t need to be mad at each other for it. I can’t stand you being mad at me for this.” He grabbed my hand from across the table.

“You’re so strong and confident in your opinions. It’s one of my favorite things about you. It’s just hard when our opinions don’t align, especially on something like this. I’m not angry, Y/n. It’s just different.”

“It’s different because Haley never disagreed?” I blankly stated and he nodded.

“Or she never said it if she didn’t.”

“Aaron, we’re going to disagree on a lot. This isn’t the first argument we’ve had because of a case. We can’t keep going in circles about it. I promise not to come to you hot-headed and angry about your decisions on cases if you promise me the same. You know how much I value communication.” He sighed.

“I know. I’m sorry, Y/n. You have my word.”

“Good. I’m sorry too.” I paused for a moment and decided to switch gears. “I know this case is going to be difficult for you, and I don’t want to make it any worse. What do you need from me when it comes to the media?”

We spent the rest of the flight designing and tweaking my media approach, before finally settling on floating the copycat narrative as far as I possibly could. The longer I could float it, the more of a chance we had at catching the actual killer. When the jet landed, Spence and I raced to the black SUV that had been dropped off for us and argued over who was going to sit in the front. We ended up doing a quick game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” when we saw Aaron approach and Spencer won. The ride to the crime scene was a comfortable silence, and the closer we got the more serious the atmosphere became.

Aaron got out as soon as we arrived, and gave Spence and I strict instructions to stay in the SUV until we were cleared to enter. We still hadn’t officially been invited, and I had no clue how Aaron was even going to get us on this case. Less than five minutes after he left the car, he signaled for us to come join.

“This is SSA Y/n Y/l/n and Dr. Spencer Reid. This is Sergeant Mike O’Mara.” Aaron introduced us as we approached.

“The rest of our team is setting up at the field office.” I added and O’Mara nodded.

“Okay. I’m done here. Give them anything they want.” O’Mara spoke to one of the beat cops behind us. Spence followed Aaron to the car, and I followed O’Mara to the media.

“This is definitely a change of speed for you, huh?” O’Mara asked as we walked over to the news reporters.

“Definitely.”

“I’d wish you luck because the Boston Reporters are nothing to joke around with, but I think you can handle it. Let me know if you need anything Agent Y/l/n.” O’Mara gave me a pat on the back and left.

I spent the next thirty minutes dodging questions and continuously affirming that the Boston Reaper hadn’t come back, even though we all knew I was lying. O’Mara was right, the Boston Reporters were very tough. So tough that I let out a sigh of relief when Aaron signaled for me to ride back to the field office with him and Spence. I rode in the front this time, and Aaron and Spencer went over the details of the scene and what they discovered. When we got there, Rossi, JJ, Morgan, and Emily had the board set up and were pouring over the old case filed from the previous murders.

“George Foyet, 28, was the ninth victim and the only one to survive The Reaper.” Aaron began as soon as we stepped foot into the conference room. JJ had already loaded up pictures of his injuries, and they were up on the TV. “Amanda Bertrand, 19, was his date for the evening and she was not as lucky. He likes to attack them inside or near their cars, at night, and on poorly lit or less populated roads.”

“Foyet said he approached them pretending to be a lost tourist. In the hospital, the Boston PD put Foyet with a sketch artist, but never got anything from it.” Emily said and Aaron nodded.

“The Reaper always uses some sort of ruse to get close to and spend time with his victims.”

“The eye as he depicts it appears to be the eye of providence, a symbol adopted by the U.S. government and incorporated into the Great Seal in 1782 with the words, ‘Annuit Coeptis’ inscribed beneath. That’s latin for ‘providence or fate has favored our undertakings.’ The Reaper seems to see himself as the personification of fate.” Spencer explained.

“If The Reaper never makes mistakes, how did Foyet survive?” I asked and JJ pressed play on a recording from a 911 operator. Apparently, The Reaper contacted the police after every kill telling them where to find the bodies. If he hadn’t called on the ninth victim, Foyet would have died. He never made another call.

All of a sudden my phone rang, and I answered it to hear security on the other line asking me about a reporter.

“Aaron? There’s a reporter downstairs that won’t stop asking to see you. His name is Roy Colson, he says he knows you? Do you want me to tell him to scram?” I interrupted as soon as I got off the phone.

“No, let me go speak with him.” Aaron immediately stood and left the conference room.

“Who’s Roy Colson?” I asked Spence and he pointed down to the book on the table.

“He wrote the book on the Reaper.” Yeah. That couldn’t be good.

**********************************

I didn’t see Aaron much after he went down to speak with Roy Colson. Garcia was tasked with finding George Foyet, and she still hadn’t. There was another murder that night, and we were still really no closer to finding the Reaper than we were before. Aaron and David presented a profile that Aaron had been working on, and they also discovered that we were looking for a hebephile. We all went to our separate hotel rooms, but Aaron didn’t sleep. He would wait until he thought I was asleep and get up to read over the case again, thinking that if he just read it one more time he’d figure out what he was missing.

The next day he figured out how to get in contact with George Foyet, so him and Rossi went to meet with him at one of his addresses. Foyet decided against police protection, which I thought was dumb, but I could understand where he was coming from. The Reaper had also dropped off a copy of the initial deal with Shaunessy to Roy Colson, who was generous enough to not print the story. We were all extremely grateful for that, especially me.

We didn’t get any more leads that day, and there weren’t any more murders. All of us went to the hotel rooms a little earlier, because there just wasn’t anything else to be done. I had just hopped out of the shower when Aaron finally came back.

“What took so long?” I asked as soon as he entered the room.

“I was going over the case again. I know I’m missing something, I just don’t know where to look.” He took off his suit jacket and sat at the small desk, pushing the coffee maker out of the way. I came up behind him, wrapping my arms around his chiseled chest.

“Baby, you’ve barely slept. Take tonight off and come to it with fresh eyes tomorrow. I always do my best thinking when I’m not thinking.” I kissed his cheek and he held my face there for a second.

“I’m going to shower and then take a quick nap, but only let me sleep for an hour.” I held up my pinky and he took it again, just like he had that day in the car all those months ago. He gave me a swift kiss before shedding his clothes and making his way into the bathroom. He stayed in there for a while, and as soon as I heard the water switch off the hotel phone rang. I didn’t know who would be calling this late, but it probably had to be O’Mara. I didn’t think anything of it when I answered the phone.

“SSA Y/l/n.” Nothing, just the sound of heavy breathing permeating the phone. “Hello? Who is this?” I asked and there was no response for a while. Then a low, guttural voice finally spoke.

“Put Hotchner on the phone.” I froze. The fucking Reaper was calling our hotel room. Aaron was due to come out any minute, but I knew what The Reaper was going to do, what he was going to ask of Aaron. I couldn’t have that on his conscience.

“Or what?”

“I will not ask again, Y/n. Put Hotchner on the phone or I will go to New York and kill your precious daddy and sister.” Aaron came out of the bathroom smiling, but his face immediately fell once he saw the look of horror I was sure was etched on mine. He quickly ran to me and took the phone from my trembling hands.

“Who is this?” He asked, and I waited in silence as Aaron continued the phone call. “You think I’d take that?” Then, his tone shifted and I realized he was putting the profile to use, just like I had with Ezra. “I’ve misjudged you. I thought you were smarter than this. And you’ve misjudged me.” Another pause. “I don’t make deals. I’m the guy who hunts guys like you.” Then a chilling, “I’ll see you soon.” Aaron harshly slammed the phone down and stumbled to the edge of the bed to sit. I sat down next to him, trying to comfort him but we were both shaking so terribly at this point, that neither of us was getting any kind of comfort.

“Are Belle and my dad safe?” I finally choked out and Aaron just shook his head.

“He’s in Boston right now. They’re safe for tonight.” I thought those words would offer me closure, but they didn’t. In fact, it was far from it. I was crying now, and he wrapped his arms around me to pull me close, his hands running through my hair.

“I am so sorry I brought you into this. If I hadn’t offered you this job, you would be nowhere near this.” He apologized.

“I signed up for this. It’s fine.”

“Y/n, if he lays a hand on you or your family I will stop at nothing to find him. And when I do, I’m going to kill him. And I’m going to sleep well.” I tried to pull him closer to me, but at this point we were so close it’s a wonder our bodies didn’t morph into one.

“Can we just sleep?” He nodded and I started to take off my dress when my work phone rang. Aaron and I looked at each other and I went to go answer it. I knew it wasn’t going to be good when I saw it was O’Mara calling, especially because of what had just happened.

“Yeah, O’Mara?” I answered and I heard him blow out air on the other end.

“He shot up a bus, Y/n. Killed seven people. Outside City Point. I need your team.” I sank to my knees, and Aaron hurried over to pick me up.

“We’ll be there.” I spoke in a hushed voice, surprised my voice was even working.

“Baby what is it? What happened?”

“He killed seven people Aaron. Seven fucking people.” I took a minute to collect myself before zipping my dress back up. “We have to go to the crime scene. I’ll go wake the others, I’ll meet you there.” I know I should’ve waited for Aaron’s response, should’ve been there for him, should’ve told him it wasn’t his fault….but I couldn’t get the words out. Even as I knocked on Emily’s, David’s, Morgan’s, JJ’s doors I could only say “Another crime scene, we have to go.” It wasn’t until I got to Spencer’s and he answered when I absolutely lost it.

“Blaze, what’s going on? Are you hurt? Is Hotch okay?” I quickly explained to him about the call, the threats, and the murders immediately after, trying hard to make my voice legible through the mounds of tears I was leaving.

“I need to forget, Spence.” I finally choked out, and he pushed my hair out of my face.

“I’ll call Greg when we get back, okay? I love you, Y/n.” He kissed my forehead and I just let him. We stayed that way for another minute before I tore myself from his arms.

“Will you drive? I need to go check on Aaron.” Spence nodded and we made our way to the crime scene, pulling up just as Aaron and Rossi exited the bus. The words “NO DEAL” along with the numbers 1488, 201, and 1439 were written in blood on the windows. I saw Dave chase Aaron into an alley, so I followed. I stopped right before the opening, but I was close enough to hear the conversation.

“He called me tonight at my hotel and offered me the deal.” Aaron said and Dave immediately replied.

“What did you say?”

“I hung up on him and then he did this. He threatened Y/n’s family, and then he did this. I promised her they were safe for tonight, Dave.”

“So you think this is your fault?”

“It is.” Those two words broke my heart, because I could hear Aaron’s voice break. He truly believed that.

“Well, here. Use mine. You convinced me. No, no, you hung up on him. You practically killed them yourself. Go ahead, get it over with. Don’t worry about us, we’ll get this guy without you.”

“Dave, I had five years to do something about this!” Aaron yelled out, his voice breaking at every syllable now. I knew he was crying. I would give anything to hold him, to wrap my arms around him, to tell him that I know it wasn’t his fault.

“Shaunessy made the deal. The killing stopped, so he closed the case and sent the BAU away. For five years you worked on other cases, active cases.”

“But I kept coming back to this one. I kept coming back to this profile.”

“Hey, I was retired. Should I blame myself for every victim who got killed while I was on my book tour?” Rossi paused for a moment then continued. “Look, I’m going to tell you what I told Y/n in L.A., but I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you. If you want to end up like Shaunessy, like Gideon, blaming yourself for everything? You go ahead. But that voice in your head? It’s not your conscience, it’s your ego. This isn’t about us, Aaron. It’s about the bad guys. That’s why we profile them. It’s their fault. We’re just guys doing a job. And when we stop doing it, someone else will. Trust me. I know.”

“You can put that away.” Was all Aaron responded, but I could hear him clearly now.

“You sure?”

“It’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”

“My wife always said I had a flair for the dramatic.”

“Which one?” Aaron joked, and I heard Dave smack him on the shoulder.

“All of them.”

“Thanks Dave, really. I just need a minute.”

“Any time.”

Dave walked past me, and it became obvious that I was listening to their conversation. He just nodded his head in Aaron’s direction, and I took that as a cue to go check on him. When I rounded the corner to the alley, I found Aaron standing alone with his back to the scene.

“Aaron?” I got his attention and he looked at me with tears rimming his eyes. The sight almost caused me to break again, but I stopped it. Aaron never shows emotion on scenes, at work, anywhere. Unless he’s with me. Emily once told me that they were all convinced Aaron was incapable of feeling emotions until he met me.

“I know we’re at a scene. I know I said we need to be professional at work, but can you please just come hold me?” He weakly said and I put my arms around him without hesitation.

“When Ezra took me, the first thought I had was of you. Isn’t that strange? I was handcuffed to a pole with a psychotic killer talking about cutting off my body parts, and I thought of seeing you again. Seeing your face, thinking of ways to make you smile, hoping that one day I could call you mine.” He pulled away from me to study my face. “If you hadn’t gotten Fitz to bring me in on the case, I would be dead. You saved my life. I’m just one example of all the good you’ve done in this job, Aaron. Don’t let him take that from you.” He leaned down and kissed me, keeping our lips pressed together until it was damn near impossible for either of us to breathe anymore.

“How did I get so lucky?” He said, and we slowly began walking back to the scene.

“I have no clue. I’m a real catch, aren’t I?” I replied and he squeezed my hand again before dropping it as we approached the bus.

“We can’t use the copycat theory anymore. You’re just going to have to tell them what we know. Make sure you mention that he’s impotent, and explain what that means. Say it three times at least, make him angry. He’ll make a mistake.” I nodded and went to deal with the reporters that had gathered around the crime scene. I did exactly what Aaron said to do. I harped on the fact that The Reaper was impotent, I explained what that meant in detail, and I also called him a coward for good measure. I was there for the better part of the night until I got a call from Aaron informing me that Morgan was injured and Sergeant O’Mara had died. The numbers on the bus were George Foyet’s addresses, so the team had split up to go to them. The Reaper was at the address that Morgan and O’Mara were at, and he killed O’Mara before he even saw it coming. Foyet was gone as well. Morgan was okay. He passed out before The Reaper could kill him, so he let him live.

Aaron and Spencer went separately. Knowing that one of them could have died...it put this case into a different perspective for me. This guy threatened my family. I had to find him. I now understand why Aaron was so determined to make him pay, why he was so angry at Shaunessy for making the deal, it all made sense. The Reaper was killing for sport. He was just taking lives because he could, and that is not okay with me. I quickly drafted a statement from the Bureau about O’Mara’s death and sent it to Strauss for her to approve and send it to Director Brown. I made my way back to the Field Office and went over the file again.

It was now 2 am, and I had been over this case so many times I felt like my eyes were going to fall out of my head. But then I saw it. “George Foyet was stabbed nine times.” That didn’t make sense.

“Aaron!” I yelled and ran down the hallway to the conference room, where the rest of the team was sitting as well.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” He asked and automatically gave me a once over, trying to be sure I wasn’t harmed.

“Why was Foyet stabbed?” Aaron scratched his head.

“What do you mean?”

“We keep focusing on why Foyet was special, why he survived. Why The Reaper still cares about him all these years later. I mean, face it. If The Reaper wanted Foyet dead, he’d be dead. The Reaper only stabbed his younger, female victims. That’s his M.O.” I explained and Aaron’s eyes opened wide.

“Amanda Bertrand came from Michigan to Boston to go to school. Foyet was her teacher’s assistant in one of her courses.” Emily said, and the air around the conference room immediately shifted.

“Michigan? That’s where The Reaper had Shaunessy post the personal ad in the paper.”

“That’s not a coincidence, Aaron.” I said and he agreed.

“He told us that she was the love of his life, that he was gonna propose.” Dave recalled and Derek countered.

“She just got here from Michigan. She was only in the class for four weeks before she was murdered.”

“So what? It was love at first sight? That still doesn’t account for Foyet being stabbed.” I argued.

“He’s a 28-year-old teacher’s assistant in freshman classes.” Spence said and I stood up.

“Oh my god. Foyet was stabbed because he needed to survive. Because he’s The Reaper!” Everyone looked at me, their eyes wide. Was it because my idea was so far-fetched that no one wanted to correct me? Aaron called Garcia and gave her Foyet’s aliases, trying to see if any of them had jobs in education. They all did. Except for William Parker. He had been fired for inappropriate behavior with his high school female students.

I was right. Roy Colson, the journalist, had gone to see Foyet earlier so they all raced to where his phone was last pinged. I had strict instructions to “stay put” until they needed me.

They took Foyet in without a fight, and when they came back Aaron gave me a hug in front of everyone. After a grueling last few days, I was so excited to finally have my boyfriend back, to have our family back.

On the ride back, Aaron sat across from Derek, and they talked for the entire time. I don’t know about what, but Derek seemed to be better when they stepped off the jet. At least he wasn’t fiddling around with the bullet anymore.

We walked into the bullpen, and Aaron and I immediately went into his office.

“I’m sorry for what I said about Shaunessy. You were right. I didn’t realize it until earlier tonight when Morgan almost died, but you were right. He didn’t deserve to get away with it.” I said while making Aaron and myself a cup of coffee from the maker he had stashed away in the back.

“At the end of the day, he didn’t. That’s all that matters.” He accepted the coffee from my hands and took a large sip. “I don’t want to talk about Foyet anymore. When are you going to sing for me again?”

I laughed, and before I got to answer my phone rang.

“SSA Y/l/n!” What I heard on the other line made me drop my coffee cup, the brown liquid splashing all over my nude flats. Aaron sprang up to come help me, and I moved past him to go get the rest of the team.

“Foyet fucking escaped.” I spat out and ran to turn the television in the bullpen on. “The guards found him in his cell vomiting blood and convulsing, so they rushed him to the prison hospital.”

“Boston Field Office just identified the documents from Foyet’s house-” Emily started to say but was interrupted by Spencer.

“They’re schematics for the electrical, heating, and water ducts for the East Woburn Correctional Facility.”

“He had the schematics??” Morgan questioned and Spence nodded.

“Not just for Woburn, but for every jail, prison, and courthouse in Massachusetts.”

“And he had five years to plan.” Dave threw down the pen he was holding. We were all pissed, but I was now terrified.

“My family….He threatened my family...They’re going to find him, right?” I pleaded with Aaron, hoping that he could give me a sense of security.

“No, Y/n. They’re not. Call the New York Field Office, we’re going to need a tail on your father and sister at all times. Call them too, they need to know what’s going on. We’re gonna need to be on our toes until Foyet is in our custody or dead, do I make myself clear?” We all nodded, then left to do our separate tasks.

What the fuck had I gotten myself into?


	12. the white powder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: hey guys! this chapter is very deep, and it’s important for me to have this A/N at the beginning of the chapter rather than the end. there is a lot of talk about drug addiction in the chapter, but I want to preface this by saying that drug addiction is a serious topic and should NEVER be joked about. say it with me: Dilaudid jokes AREN’T funny. y/n’s story is loosely based on my own struggles with my sobriety. I’ve taken Dilaudid before and been addicted to painkillers and Adderall before. I will not tolerate any drug addiction jokes or quips in the comments because it’s nothing to be joked about.
> 
> There is also a panic attack depicted in here as well, it’s only about a paragraph but please read at your own caution.
> 
> in addition: if you are dealing with anything that’s been mentioned in this chapter, please do not be afraid to get help. like y/n, I’ve been sober for about 2 and a half years now, and seeking help was one of the best decisions I ever could’ve made. you are not alone.
> 
> \- SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

“Spencer, come on. Aaron and I won fair and square.” I teased as we walked down the street from the church.

“No, because a coin toss is not an acceptable form of deciding something.”

“Tell that to the last Presidential Election.” He smacked my arm and I laughed, the foreign sound echoing through the empty street. “I hope you know that if I had seen what you were wearing this morning, I never would’ve let you leave your apartment.”

Spence quickly looked down at his outfit and came back up to meet my gaze. “What’s wrong with my outfit??”

“You’re wearing teal with black. I thought I told you that teal should never be in anyone’s closet? Especially when you match it with black and a polka dot tie.”

“Austin bought me this for our one month a few weeks ago.” He pouted and my expression softened.

“It’s just because I haven’t spent enough time with her to let my fashion sense rub off. But it will.” Spencer and I linked arms as we continued walking through downtown D.C, finally crossing into a busy intersection.

Ever since the case with Foyet, I could feel myself start to slowly diminish. I stopped doing things I normally found interesting, I began just going through the motions of every day.

Wake up. Pick an outfit. Do my hair and makeup. Kiss Aaron. Go to work. See Jack. Come home. Have sex with Aaron. Go to sleep. Get up and do the same thing. I got a little variety when I went to New York, but I’d been avoiding my family again because I felt so bad about Foyet targeting them.

I’d started having cravings again. I always threw myself into work to avoid those intrusive thoughts, to avoid thinking about the part of me that would always be there, but when Foyet murdered that bus full of people after speaking to Aaron and me, those feelings never went away.

The day after we got back from Boston, Spencer and I went to our first NA meeting in eight months. We were greeted by familiar faces, and it was refreshing to talk about the feelings I was having and to not be judged. I haven’t told Aaron about my past struggles. Partially because I was scared, partially because I didn’t want him to think of me any different. Everyone except Spencer and Belle have.

Spencer and I have been spending a lot of time together lately, and I know that Aaron was getting suspicious. Spencer told Austin about our past, and she encouraged us to spend time together. It was different for me because Aaron was our boss. Telling him would cause more confusion than it was worth, and neither of us wanted to deal with the consequences. I cared for Aaron more than I have ever cared for anyone, but this was the deepest, darkest secret I had. I was just scared.

We got to work about an hour early and Aaron’s office light was already on, which I expected. I knocked on the door frame, and he greeted me with a warm smile.

“How were the walk and the coffee with Reid this morning?”

“It was good!” I lied, hating myself for every word that came tumbling out of my mouth next. “He kept pointing out the different species of birds and where each one came from and then he started telling me about their mating rituals.”

“I’m not surprised. He got that from Gideon.” I nodded and handed him the cup I had been brandishing behind my back.

“Spencer was not happy about stopping at Starbucks, but I know how much you love your Americano.” He grinned as he took a sip.

“You know me so well.”

“I’ve missed you.” I admitted and he took my hand in his.

“I’ve missed you too. I don’t particularly mind you spending so much time with Reid, but I’ve resorted to watching Disney movies with Jack and he just keeps yelling weird things at the animals.”

I chuckled a little, thinking of Aaron just glaring at Jack while he made fun of the movies. I would’ve killed to be there. I wanted to be there, but what I was currently dealing with was too important, too fragile to let go.

“I’ll watch the Aristocats with you tonight.” I promised and he kissed the interior of my wrist while gazing into my eyes, something he usually only does after we make love and before we go to sleep.

“As long as we can do something else.” He suggested and I smacked him on the arm.

“Absolutely not. You’re going to pretend to be interested in the lives of Duchess, Berlioz, Marie, Toulouse, and Thomas O’Malley for the duration of the movie.” I teased and before he could make another word out, the US Army and soldiers from Fort Derrick came rushing into the doors of the BAU. My phone and Aaron’s phones started ringing simultaneously, and Rossi ran into the office.

“There’s been an attack.”

“What kind of attack?” I exclaimed and I joined Aaron and Rossi as we exited the office.

“An anthrax one.” Aaron hung up the phone. “Get the team, we need to meet in the conference room. Now.” I nodded and ran down the stairs, my heel clacking against the flooring. I got everyone and we were gathered at the round table in record time.

“Hello everyone, I am Dr. Linda Kumira, Chief of Special Pathogens with the Center for Disease Control. I am so sorry that we have to meet under these circumstances.” Dr. Kumira spoke, and the rest of the teams looked around confused.

“What circumstances?” Spencer quickly asked.

“We need to get started.” Aaron completely ignored Spencer’s question and Spencer caught my eye for a split second. That was odd. Of course, everyone has made it a running joke to make fun of Spence or to cut him off sometimes, but Aaron has never downright ignored him like that. I shook it off and hoped Spencer could as well.

“Last night twenty-five people checked into emergency rooms in and around Annapolis. They were all at the same park after 2 pm yesterday and within ten hours the first victim died. It’s now just past 7 am the next day and we have twelve dead.” I relayed the information I had only found out mere moments ago and handed out the files that Garcia had printed out for us.

“Lung failure and black lesions...anthrax?” Morgan exclaimed and closed the file he had just picked up.

“Anthrax doesn’t kill that fast.” Spencer replied, his head still buried in the file, probably trying to memorize everything so he didn’t have to look at it again.

“This strain does.” Dr. Kumira calmly said and Spencer’s eyes caught mine. I saw a small flash of terror course through them.

“What are we doing about potential mass targets? Airports, malls, trains?” Emily asked and I shook my head.

“There’s a media blackout.” Emily turned around to look at me, astonishment consuming her face.

“We’re not telling the public??”

“We’d have a mass exodus.” Derek interrupted.

“The psychology of group panic would cause more deaths than this last attack.” Rossi also added, and Emily rolled her eyes.

“And if this does get out, whoever did this might go underground or destroy their samples.” Spencer explained and Emily rolled her eyes again.

“Okay, or if they wanted attention and didn’t get it, they might attack again. Doesn’t the public have the right to know that?” JJ countered, completely agreeing with Emily.

“If there is another attack, there’s no way we’ll be able to keep it quiet. Our best chance of protecting the public is by building a profile as quickly as we can.” Aaron finally spoke, and the discussion immediately ended. Even though he can be a pain in my ass sometimes, I admired how he could command a room, how he could make an entire discussion simply cease by a few words.

“What do we know about this strain?” Spencer asked Dr. Kumira, and she seemed pleased to respond.

“The spores are weaponized, reduced to a respiral ideal that attacks deep in the lungs. Odorless and invisible.”

“A sophisticated strain. Only a scientist would know how to do that.” Rossi explained and I was grateful for it.

“These lesions are doubling in size in a matter of hours.” Morgan had opened the file again and was intently staring at each of the photos.

“It’s not the lesions I’m worried about. It’s the lungs. We don’t know how to combat the toxins once they’re inside. The reality is, we’ll probably lose them all.”

“The remaining survivors have been moved to a special wing at Walter Reed hospital. Our offices will become a small command center. We’ll be working with military scientists from Fort Detrick. Determining what strain this is will help us figure out who is responsible.” I finished and Aaron nodded in my direction.

“Reid, go with Dr. Kumira to the hospital and interview the victims. Morgan, Prentiss, JJ, there’s a hazmat team that will accompany you to the crime scene. There’s Cipro. Everybody needs to take it before we go.” Aaron picked up the tray of pills that had been sitting on the desk since our arrival. We all picked up one of the small cups that had two pills in it each.

“We don’t know if it’s effective against this strain, but it’s something.” Dr. Kumira spoke and picked up a cup herself.

“This is really happening?” Emily asked out loud, but her question was mainly to herself.

“We knew this could happen. We’ve done our homework. We’ve prepared for this. This is it.” Aaron said, took his two pills, and chased them down with water.

Who was prepared?? I wondered in my head, racking my brain, trying to figure out when the hell I would’ve learned to deal with something like this. Sure, we had a 6-hour debriefing on special pathogens about halfway through my time at the White House, but that was mainly about how to put on a mask and keep the President safe. I knew absolutely nothing about actually dealing with an anthrax attack hands on. I turned to JJ with the horror evident in my eyes and she mouthed ‘I’ll show you the binder.’ Before taking her pills as well.

After we all finished taking them, the rest of the team split off to their separate assignments, and JJ promised me that she would leave a binder on my desk before rushing off to follow Morgan and Emily. I turned to Aaron.

“Since there’s a media blackout, what do you need from me?” He waited until Rossi left the room as well, and placed his hand on my hip.

“Go over the binder, and sit with Garcia. I need a list of all of the victims from the park, and we need to look at people who can profit from this, people who have patents on anthrax vaccines. Also anyone with access to weaponized spores. Universities, scholars working in bioweapons research and employees of labs who can keep germ collections.”

“I find it adorable that you think I can remember all of that,” I said as I traced circles on his arm. He looked down at me and slightly grinned.

“Go, Y/n. Don’t distract me any more than you already have.” I let out a soft chuckle.

“Like I’m not always on your mind. Go save the world, Aaron Hotchner.” I blew him an imaginary kiss and he pretended to catch it. That’s what I like so much about him. How he knows when there’s a time to be serious, but he never lets it interfere with our light banter. I loved that I could bring out that side in him, to remind him that there’s so much more to life than the horrors and the ugliness that we see daily, even if sometimes I needed a little reminder too.

I stopped by my office to pick up the binder before heading to Penelope’s office. The next few hours were pretty boring on my part. I read through the entirety of the 300-page binder JJ had left for me, and I just hung out with Pen while she tried to narrow down our list of potential suspects.

The team was making some serious headway when it came to figuring out who was responsible, and they gave a profile quicker than they ever have. I usually give input, but today I just sat and listened, really trying to soak up all of this knowledge.

“Y/n, do you mind grabbing Spencer from the hospital and going to check out Nichols’ house? JJ, Morgan, and Prentiss are already together and the hospital is on the way.” Aaron said as he stuck his head into the bat cave about thirty minutes after they finished giving the profile.

“You’re really sending me out in the field?? Am I supposed to carry my gun??” I said, not being able to contain my excitement.

“Y/n, you’re always supposed to have your gun. Are you telling me that you haven’t been carrying it around?”

“No...I’m not saying that…” I trailed off and I saw his eyes flicker to my hips. “I just keep forgetting it in my office, okay?”

“We’ll be discussing that when you get back.” He replied seriously, and I figured I was in some kind of “trouble” but knowing him he’d start to reprimand me for it and get distracted as soon as I started to unbutton my shirt.

I went down to the garage and grabbed one of the fancy company vehicles, completely surprised at how easy it was to drive one of them. I called Spence on the way to the hospital, and he was already waiting for me when I got there. He updated me on the victims and what he had learned from there on the drive, and soon enough we made it to Nichols’ estate. The first thing I noticed was the sheer amount of greenery that encompassed the place, I felt like I was walking into one of the gardens on the tv show Bridgerton.

Spencer didn’t even wait for me to put the car in park before hopping out and making his way to the back of the house.

“Spence, wait up!” I yelled at him as I navigated the thick brush surrounding the house. He always walks so damn fast. I was interrupted by my phone ringing, but it was just Prentiss telling me that the lab was clean of anthrax. I felt a sinking pit in my stomach. If the lab was clean, Nichols had to be making anthrax somewhere else. “Spencer!” I yelled out again and heard no response. “Spence, I swear to God if you don’t answer me!” I was quickly beginning to panic.

There was no threat with Nichols, that’s mainly why Aaron sent me here. He was just a bitter old scientist, and he wasn’t going to hurt anyone. I pushed through the overgrown flowers until I saw a sliding door that was left open. As I headed in that direction, Spencer came from behind the door and slammed it closed in my face.

“Y/n, get back! Get back!! I mean it, get out of here!” He screamed, terror evident in his eyes.

“Spencer, what the fuck? Open the fucking door!” I screamed and tried to slide the door open myself.

“Stop arguing and get BACK!” He barked at me and swiftly locked the door. I stared at him, not understanding why he was being so weird all of the sudden.

Then I saw it. The broken vial of white powder on the floor, the papers slowly moving on the desk signaling the air that was moving through the small room.

We looked at each other for a second, neither of us knowing what to do or say.

“Spencer.” I finally said, my voice breaking.

“I really fucked up this time, didn’t I?” He never curses, ever. He hates to do it. When I heard that word fall from his lips, all hope disappeared. I knew that this was much more serious than I ever could’ve imagined.

“Yeah. You did.” I weakly got out, placing my hand on the glass door. A couple of inches separating me and my best friend.

“Blaze, you have to get back. Please.” I nodded and took a few steps back, pulling out my phone to call Aaron.

“Aaron.” I croaked out, and I heard him step away from the commotion that was surrounding the conference room.

“What’s wrong?”

“There was anthrax at the house...Spence....” He didn’t even give me a reply, he just started barking out orders to everyone that was within earshot.

“Ambulances and Dr. Kimura are on their way. Y/n, what happened?” He asked bluntly, and I heard him grab his keys.

“We walked to the house together. Emily called me to tell me that the lab was clean, Spence walks fast so he was already in the back of the house. He didn’t hear me call for him, Aaron. I should be in there with him.”

“No, you shouldn’t be there at all. You’re a media liaison. What was I thinking even sending you in the field in the first place?”

“It’s part of my job too.” Was all I responded, while still trying to look at Spence. He had stepped away from the door now, probably to rifle through the papers before he was no longer able to.

“Keep Reid company until we get there. I’ll be there soon, okay?” I swallowed and said okay, trying to process what was happening.

I dialed Spencer next, and he picked up on the first ring.

“Aaron and an ambulance are on their way.” I said, and he moved to the door so we could see each other’s faces.

“Nichols is in here, dead. Blunt force trauma to the head, he’s been here for two or three days.”

“So he couldn’t be responsible for the attack.” He ignored my remark completely.

“Blaze, I need you to listen to me. No snarky remarks, no sassy quips, no optimistic outbursts. I need you to really listen to me, can you promise me that?” His voice was completely devoid of emotion. I nodded. “I have three things to tell you. There’s a good chance I don’t survive this based on how quickly everyone is dying, and I need to tell you these things before anyone else gets here. One, be there for my mom. I know she can’t find out how I died if I do, but be there for her. I trust you to watch over her, take care of her. She loves you like you’re her own. Just, see her as much as you can.”

“Spencer, you’ll be able to-” I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before he interrupted me.

“You promised.”

“Fine.” I blew out air frustratedly and he continued.

“Two, make sure Austin knows how much I care for her. I never got to tell her this, but I love her. Tell her that. Make sure she knows, Blaze. She has to know.”

“Okay, Spence.” I wiped a tear from my eyes, this situation weighing on my chest like a ton of bricks.

“Three…” He paused for a second and wiped a tear as well. “Meeting you outside that coffee shop was the best thing to ever happen to me. You showed me what a real friendship was, what real love was. You changed my perspective on life. I don’t want my death to cause you to lose your sobriety. I know it’s incredibly selfish of me to make you promise that, so I won’t. I just want you to promise me that you’ll put up one hell of a fight.”

“I promise.”

“Good. I love you so much Blaze.” I could count on one hand the times Spencer has told me he loves me. This was only the third time, but it seemed so real, so raw. This one meant the most.

“I love you too, Spencer Walter Reid. I love you too.” I managed to get out, then hung up the phone and turned around to cry. He’s seen me cry before, but this was different. This was a full-body sob, which was fucking stupid considering he was still alive, and he could survive this. I know he hated putting me in this position, but I didn’t have much time to revel in my pain because I heard ambulance noises and within seconds Aaron was out of his car, running across the lawn to where I was.

“How’s Reid?”

“I mean, there’s white powder in the room and the air is blasting. So, I wouldn’t say he’s doing too good.” I snapped back at him, completely irritated that he even asked something like that. “I should’ve been right there with him. I shouldn’t have left him.”

“Y/n, stop. There’s no time for second guessing right now. What do we know?”

“Nichols had blunt force trauma to the head. Spence thinks he’s been dead for two or three days.” I changed the subject back to Spencer. “He took Cipro today, so he’s gotta be fine right?”

“I don’t know.” Aaron admitted and avoided my eyes while saying so. “It was precautionary. It’s not helping patients at the hospital.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t take it until they were basically dying. Spence took it before, so he should be fine.” I stated, not even bothering to give anybody else room to disagree. Aaron’s phone rang, and he placed it on speaker.

“Reid.”

“Hotch, I really messed up this time.” Spence said, repeating those same words he said to me not even fifteen minutes ago.

“Reid, we need to get you out and to the hospital.”

“No, I’m staying right here.” Spence demanded and I snatched the phone out of Aaron’s hands.

“No the fuck you aren’t!”

“I’m already exposed. It’s not going to do me any good to stop working the case. My best chance is to stay here, see if there’s a cure, and try to figure out who killed Dr. Nichols.” Spence put the phone and began fluttering around the space again.

“Aaron, I swear to God if you don’t talk some fucking sense into him, I’ll kill both of you myself.” I threatened, and Aaron and Dr. Kumira both stared at me.

“He’s right. His best chance is inside.” I shoved the phone back into Aaron’s hands and walked away. I heard him mention something about a suit and a mask, Spence disagreed, and soon enough they were out of earshot.

I started pacing, my mind running a mile a minute. He had to be okay. He was going to be okay. I started thinking of a life without Spence, a life where I was on my own. I thought of life before Spence, how dark it was. How I let it get that dark.

My mind flashed back to the nightly arguments with Peter, the screaming, the fighting, the drugs I would take to forget. The mornings I’d wake up not knowing where I had been the night before, just for Peter to look at me with extreme disappointment etched across his face. Seeing my mom take her last breath. Thinking of how utterly depressed and tired I was of life before I met Spence. These memories flashed behind my eyelids, one after another, in rapid succession...and I couldn’t escape them.

I felt my hands grow numb, quickly losing all feeling. I was becoming much more aware of my heartbeat now as well and it was beating faster than I have ever felt it. I was struggling for breath. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get any air in. I crouched down on the ground, trying to focus on my breathing but I couldn’t. It felt like all the air had gone from the atmosphere. I felt alone for the first time in years.

After a few moments, I was finally able to settle my breathing and my surroundings started coming into focus again. Aaron must have noticed me on the ground because he came running over.

“Are you alright?” I shook my head.

“This thing killed the first three victims within hours, Aaron. Hours.”

“Y/n, you’ve got to get it together. We cannot have the media liaison having a panic attack in the field. Dry your tears, plaster on a smile, and go be strong for Reid. He needs it. I need you on your A-game right now. Your outbursts, your cursing, this? It’s not professional.” He reprimanded and gave me his hand to help myself up. I was irritated at his little soliloquy so I didn’t take it, but he was right. I couldn’t let my personal feelings stop me from doing the job, no matter how broken I felt.

“Okay.” I finally said and he squeezed my shoulder as we headed back to the commotion near the house.

“I’m going back to the BAU. Funnel all the information you get to me, okay?” I nodded, and Aaron ran back to his car.

“Is there anything about Dr. Reid that I should know, Agent?” Dr. Kumira asked me as soon as she finished getting outfitted in her hazmat suit.

“Don’t offer him any narcotics.” I bluntly said and she gave me a quizzical look.

“Okay…” She trailed off and looked around for a second. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“He’s stubborn, so drag him out of there when you feel like you have to. He won’t leave willingly.” She nodded and began to walk towards the gray area that they set up.

A few minutes passed and Dr. Kumira waved me to walk into the gray area. When I arrived, they were hosing Spence down and he was now beginning to struggle to breathe.

“Go help Hotch.” He finally got out and I shook my head.

“He has plenty of people helping him.” I argued.

“He needs you more than I do.”

“Spence, I’m going with you to the hospital.”

“I’m about to get naked so that they can scrub me down. Is that something you really want to see?” He finally admitted.

“Not again.” He let out a light chuckle.

“I’m okay Blaze, really. Go back to the BAU.” He slightly begged and I finally agreed.

“If you die on me, I’ll bring you back to life just to kill you again. You’re going to tell Austin you love her yourself, okay? Take good care of him.” I said, pulling my cardigan closer to me to get some warmth.

“Go.” He silently mouthed and began to take his tie off. I gave him one last glance before turning around and walking back to where I had terribly parked the company vehicle earlier. It had only been about an hour since Aaron told me I could go out in the field, but it felt like an eternity. I drove back as soon as possible, but as soon as I walked into the BAU, Penelope had a troubled expression on her face.

“Dr. Kumira called. Reid’s in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? I just saw him.”

“He got way sicker on the way to the hospital. He’s in respiratory distress.”

“Listen, he’s with the people who can help him the most. I need everybody’s head here, right now. Do you understand?” Aaron came up from behind us and spoke, mainly directing it at me. Worrying about Spence wouldn’t help anything right now.

JJ, Derek, Aaron, and Penelope worked together to figure out where the unsub was heading with the homemade anthrax bombs. Before I knew it, I was alone in the BAU again with Penelope, just praying I didn’t lose my two favorite men in one day.

Thankfully, they were back in less than an hour. They used the profile and the guy surrendered before dropping any of the anthrax bombs he had made. Spencer was doing better, he found the antidote while he was still in the office. As soon as they confirmed it, they administered it to him. 

Aaron and I headed back to his place after he called Haley to speak to Jack. We needed to change before we went to spend time with Spence at the hospital. Austin was currently with him right now, so there wasn’t really a rush to get there.

After I changed into my leggings and hoodie, Aaron pulled me close to him and just held me for a while, my skin melting into his. We stayed that way for almost half an hour, my head on his lap, just focusing on my breathing. Suddenly, he spoke.

“Y/n, why do you care so much about Reid?” Aaron started, and I pulled my head up from its position on his lap. I knew this was coming. I knew he would see how terrified I was of losing Spence and he would ask questions. I had been dreading this since the moment Aaron and I laid eyes on each other.

“He saved my life.” I said and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Sweetheart, I know that. You’ve told me that before. But as your boyfriend….as your boss, I need to know what that means. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to right now, but we need to have this discussion. I’d rather have it casually than professionally at the office when I’m filling out the paperwork for this case. You acted a little irrationally.” He explained and I started shaking. He took notice immediately and pulled me close to him. His arms wrapped around me and he whispered in my ear, “It’s okay sweet baby. You can tell me anything.”

“When I told you I met Spence outside a coffee shop, that was true. He was standing outside reading my favorite book. I didn’t lie about that. I need you to know that I didn’t lie.” I started, panic fully coursing through my veins. I took a shaky breath.

“I believe you.”

“I just neglected to tell you that the coffee shop... it wasn’t open at the time. It was 3 in the morning when I first saw him. We met after you guys got back from that case in New Orleans. You know, the one where JJ met Will?”

“I know the case. Reid was definitely troubled by the case matter.” Aaron stated and I shook my head.

“It wasn’t the case he was troubled by. He reconnected with an ex of his while he was down there. A guy named Ethan. Ethan could tell that Spence wasn’t happy, he just didn’t know why. That bothered Spence, it’s why he was so open and willing to talk to me that night.” I continued. I shook myself out of Aaron's embrace and turned to face him. At this point we were sitting crisscrossed on his bed, our knees touching.

“I started casually taking Adderall once I moved to New York for high school. When I say casually, I mean I didn’t take it often, just to pass the tests and the exams I needed to get into Georgetown. I had always been good at school, but smart in Tennessee and smart in New York are two completely different things. When I moved, I was behind in classes, in extracurriculars, in everything. I had to take Adderall just to stay in the top 10%. Once I graduated and went to Georgetown, it didn’t stop. It just got worse and I was taking multiple pills a day. By the time it got to my last year, I was crushing and snorting the pills like it was nothing. Then my mom died and Adderall was no longer giving me the numbness and the high that I needed. I started cocaine around the same time I started at the White House. I don’t know if you’ve seen any of my briefings from my first few months there, but President Grant personally was about to fire me. That’s why I dated Leo Bergen, I was trying to help with appearances. It’s why Pete and I broke up. He got distant and I was always high on something. I went to that coffee shop to meet a dealer, and Spencer just happened to be buying from the same guy at the same time as I was.”

Aaron tenderly reached over and placed his hand over mine, almost as an invitation to keep going.

“Our guy was late. Spence and I stood out there for about ten minutes in silence until I finally spoke to him. I think I made a joke about the weather or about the season, and he broke down. I mean, he fell to the ground in sobs. I sat there with him for an hour, and just held him why he cried. When he was finally able to collect himself, we walked across the street to a park and talked until the sun came up. We both agreed that we couldn’t live the way we had been living anymore. He was my NA buddy. We went to every meeting together, and if he had to miss one because he was on a case, we went to make-up meetings together. I told President Grant, and that’s why he was always checking up on me. He wanted me to be okay. I wanted me to be okay. Neither Spencer nor I have used since that day. We just celebrated our two year a few weeks ago.” I finished, completely avoiding Aaron’s eyes at this point. Just like he did the first time I avoided his eyes, he put one hand on my cheek and turned it towards him.

“Baby… You are so unbelievably strong. I know that took a lot to tell me. I’m happy you did.” He said and I leaned into his hand.

“Recovery was the hardest thing I have ever done. The hardest. That’s why Spencer and I are so close. He’s seen me physically destroy my place because he wouldn’t let me get drugs. I have literally physically fought him over them. He’s called me terrible things, and I’ve called him even worse. I’ve done things to him that I’m not proud of. He’s done things to me that he isn’t proud of. But we both became so much stronger because of it. I would be dead if it wasn’t for him. I honestly believe the same would've happened for him if it wasn’t for me. That’s why I care about him so much. I owe him my life.” Aaron kissed me as soon as I finished speaking, and I felt my heart swell. I was so scared that he wasn’t going to care for me anymore, that he wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore after I told him about what happened. He suddenly jumped up from the bed and slid on his shoes.

“Come on, let’s go see Reid.” He never let go of my hand, and I got up as well.

“Let’s go see Spence.” We made our way through his apartment, shutting off the lights as we went.

“By the way, what did you end up telling Austin about why he was in the hospital?” Aaron asked me as he locked the front door.

“Toxic mold.” He gave me a confused look, probably wondering where the hell I pulled that from. “Gotta love Emily Prentiss.” He shook his head slightly as we made our way to his car.

“Let’s just hope that things settle down for a while.” He finally said as we reached his car.

I really hope they did. I don’t think I can take much of anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N #2: hi, again! This chapter was one of my favorites to write. As I mentioned earlier, I drew a lot of Y/n’s experiences from my own and from me and my best friend. I hope the wait for how Y/n and Spencer knew each other was worth it! Chapter 12 should be out before the end of the week! (Hint: Things did not settle down for another two chapters:)) 
> 
> Also! If you guys wanna leave comments while you're reading, I'd love that! I always wanna hear what you guys have to say :)


	13. the octopus mug

Spencer was in the hospital for two days following his anthrax attack. Dr. Kumira wanted to keep him for three, he only wanted to stay for one, but Austin and I convinced him to stay for two. I spent a lot of time with Austin after Spence left the hospital, and I quickly grew to learn why he loved her so much. She was amazing. She was extremely smart, charismatic, and she cared for him so much. She was continuously asking the doctors questions about his care, about his medicine, if he needed to do daily exercise, everything. When Spencer was finally cleared to go back to work, she made me promise her to take care of him, which I did.

We had just gotten off a weird fucking case in Canada, and all of us just wanted to sleep it off. It had been an intense week, and I neglected to spend the night at Aaron’s tonight. I just wanted to shower in my own bathroom, to sleep in my own bed, to wear the sweatpants I had stolen from Aaron a few weeks ago. He had Jack tonight, so I figured he just wanted to spend time with his son. I didn’t mind, of course, I love it when he spends time with him, and I promised I’d join them for breakfast in the morning before I left for New York.

I parked my Beetle and fished into my purse for the keys to unlock my townhouse. Ms. Robinson had just stepped out to throw her trash in the bin at the curb. I waved of course, and she waved back and mentioned something about the traffic lately. I finally found my keys in the bottom of my purse, and let myself in.

As I laid my go bag on the floor by the front door, I realized I forgot my gun in the trunk of my car again. Aaron had gotten on to me about that after the anthrax case, and I promised him that I wouldn’t forget it anymore. I had even gone out and gotten one of those fancy safes installed in my closet so I could put it up safely like I should’ve been doing in the first place.

I went to the kitchen to forage in my fridge for food, only to remember that I hadn’t gone grocery shopping before the Canada case. I decided to settle on a bag of popcorn, and I popped it in the microwave before heading to my room to quickly shower and change.

I was in and out in record time, and I slipped into Aaron’s sweatpants and my Ariana Grande tour t-shirt, throwing my hair into a loose ponytail before stepping out of my room. I could smell the fresh popcorn wafting through the air, and I nearly ran down the stairs once I felt my stomach rumbling.

Then, the coffee maker went off. I stopped for a moment.

I didn’t start the coffee maker.

As I crept closer to my kitchen, I started to smell freshly brewed coffee.

The living room light was on, and I know I didn’t turn that on either. I frantically scrambled through the pockets of Aaron’s sweatpants searching for my phone to no avail.

It had to just be Aaron or Spence, right? They’re the only ones who would ever just come into my place at night, unannounced. Although after this, they both better let me know before they get here.

“Aaron?” I called out, my voice a little shaky. No answer. “Spencer, this isn’t funny.” I said again. No response. I started to slowly make my way to the living room, scanning for something I could grab as a weapon. I finally settled on the small vase of flowers I kept on an end table. It wouldn’t do much, but at least I had something.

I rounded the corner to the living room and saw my favorite octopus mug on the table, a gift from Penelope once I mentioned how much I loved hers. It was filled to the brim with hot coffee. My heart was thumping so loudly, I could barely focus on anything. I quietly headed back to the kitchen, to see if I left my phone on my counter so I could call for help. It wasn’t there. I had been avoiding my front door because the line of sight from anywhere in the downstairs area was completely clear. If someone wanted to harm me, they could easily do so from there. But, I had no choice. I quickly started walking towards the front door, praying that a bullet didn’t come in my direction. I had almost reached it when I heard a low, chilling, but all too familiar voice.

“Don’t even think about it.”

I slowly turned around, and was face to face with a man in a black plastic mask, aiming a gun at me. Fucking Foyet.

“Let’s sit down. It’s time you and I had a little talk.” He waved his gun in the direction of my living room table, back to that dreaded cup of coffee. I reluctantly followed, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get out of this alive.

Foyet only kills those who are scared of him, he wants to see the fear in their eyes when he steals the thing most precious from him. He wants a rise out of someone, he thrives off the emotion he gets. I just wouldn’t give him any. He wouldn’t get any satisfaction from me, so he wouldn’t kill me. Or so I hoped.

“Will you take that thing off? You’re not fooling anybody, I already know who you are George.” I spat out after I got seated with him across from me. Surprisingly he did, and I got to look at his face for the first time. He wasn’t half bad looking. In all honesty, he’d be my type if he wasn’t a psycho killer pointing a gun at me.

“Cute place.” He said and then cracked his neck and his knuckles, that being the only sound that echoed through my house. I ignored his comment completely.

“So this is what you look like?” I asked, clearly trying to rile Foyet up. “You’re a lot…..smaller than I thought. And older. With a name like ‘The Reaper’ I expected someone who looked like The Rock, not Kevin Hart.”

He glared at me for a split second. “You’re a lot mouthier than I thought. I thought Hotchner liked his women quiet and obedient?” Foyet shot back.

“You thought wrong.” We continued staring at each other for another moment before I spoke again. “Can I at least get my popcorn out of the microwave? I figure you’re going to kill me, and I just think that dying on an empty stomach is a waste, don’t you?”

Before he could even give me a response, a knock on my door interrupted our conversation. I got up to answer it, and Foyet got up as well.

“If you even drop a hint that you’re not alone, I will kill whoever is at that door.” I rolled my eyes and shoved past him. He situated himself behind the interior of the door, giving him a perfect view and aim at who it was. I prayed it wasn’t Aaron or Spencer. Anybody but them.

I was completely surprised to see Ms. Robinson there, holding a cat in her arms. Then I remembered the deal from the White House. If she thought I was in trouble, she would come over and check on me. If I mentioned the word ‘peaches’, she knew to contact Spencer. I could do that and not throw Foyet off.

“Ms. Robinson, hi.” I started off and finally realized how I was going to spin this. I was so grateful she brought that cat over. “Aw, how is Loki doing over with your animals?”

“He loves it over there. Didn’t want to come back home.” She replied and didn’t miss a beat.

“Do you mind keeping him for another night? I’m just really exhausted and I can come get him in the morning before I go to New York.” I played with the cat’s soft fur, praying that she was picking up on the situation.

“Of course not, sweetie. You need some sleep. You’ve always worked too hard.” I grabbed the cat from her hands and started rubbing his belly.

“Go tell Peaches hi for me okay big guy?” I spoke directly to the cat, so I wouldn’t give anything away to Foyet. “I’ll see you in the morning, Ms. Robinson. Thanks for stopping by!” I quickly shut the door in her face and let out a sigh of relief.

“She’s nice. Maybe I won’t have to pay her a visit after all.” Foyet gloated and I scoffed.

I knew Mrs. Robinson was currently on her way to Spencer’s, or she had called him as soon as I shut the door. I knew that Spencer would call Aaron immediately and within ten minutes they’d be here to save me. I already knew that Foyet wouldn’t kill me unless he could get off on it, and the only way that would happen is if I showed him any fear. The thing is though, I wasn’t scared of him. My emotions had been in overdrive since Spencer’s anthrax attack and the idea of dealing with Foyet right now couldn’t have come at a better time. I simply had no emotion to give him.

“Let’s get seated again, we need to continue our conversation.” He spoke again and situated himself back at my living room table.

“We weren’t even having one. You were just staring at me like an 8th grader staring at his crush. I thought I was too old for you?” I got seated too and he let out a dry laugh.

“Says the girl who’s dating a man old enough to be her father.”

“So that’s what this is about? Do you have a crush on Aaron? You know, you could’ve just said that earlier and I would’ve given you his number. I might be a bitch, but I’m not evil.” I pulled my hair out of its ponytail and glanced down at my shirt again. I can’t believe I’m about to die while wearing an Ariana Grande t-shirt. Just why.

“Hotchner, Hotchner, Hotchner.” He chanted, repeating the mantra like he was in Beetlejuice. Maybe if he spoke it three times, Aaron would appear. “It’s his fault, you know. He’s the reason you’re going to suffer. Him and his ego.” He started to move closer to me. I glanced at the clock on my kitchen wall. I had six more minutes.

“You’re not going to kill me, George.” I blankly stated and he stopped.

“Oh?”

“You won’t get anything out of killing me. I seriously could care less whether you killed me or not. You only kill if you can get off on it. You can’t rationalize killing me because I’m not scared of you. Of death.”

“That’s a lot of talk about killing. I don’t want you dead. I just want Hotchner to know that I could.”

“Okay, then why are you still here? Ahh, you scared me!” I made a scared motion with my hands. “I’ll go tell Aaron that you said hello and that you’re in the area. Are we done here?”

“You keep looking at the clock.” He said as he laid down his gun and pulled a knife from his pocket. This didn’t look good. “You’re expecting someone. I guess now's the time to tell you that they aren’t coming. Or well, not as quickly as you thought.”

“What are you on about George.” I said trying not to let the immense fear that was currently ripping through my body come out. If he hurt Aaron or Spencer even in the slightest, I was going to slit his fucking throat. I completely dropped the act I was doing.

“I know you don’t have a pet. I do my research. I also know about Mrs. Robinson and the deal you have with her. She’s real chatty when it comes to a nice guy helping her with her garden.” He let out a chuckle of amusement. “I cut her phone line earlier, so she’s going to have to walk to Agent Reid’s apartment. Where he won’t be because I texted him from your phone and told him that you relapsed on the other side of town. Oops.”

“Aaron-” I hoarsely got out, and he laughed again.

“Hotchner? I texted him from your phone that Agent Reid relapsed and you were with him. It’ll be a while before they communicate with each other. More time for us to spend together.” He got up behind me and moved my hair off my shoulder with his knife. I immediately flinched, and he grabbed my shoulder harshly.

“Stop moving or this won’t be as enjoyable for me.” He snarled out.

“If you’re going to kill me, at least tell me how you knew about that.”

“About your little drug problem?” I nodded. “Only because I like your attitude. I’ve had yours and Hotchner’s places bugged for a while. I just needed something to get both of them out of the way for this.”

“You bugged my house??” I tried to turn around to face him, but he firmly kept me facing the direction I had been.

“It was good entertainment, hearing Hotchner pretend to be something he’s not...Although you do seem to be quite bored with him recently. And he says I’m the impotent one.” He let out a vile chuckle to himself. “You know, after seeing your father I never pegged you to be a girl with daddy issues.” As soon as he mentioned my dad, my blood ran cold and I completely froze up. Foyet noticed it too.

“Do not fucking go near my family.”

“Relax, sweet baby." He suddenly said, the words falling off his tongue so flawlessly, so effortlessly. It made me sick to my stomach. That was mine and Aaron's. No one else's. "I don’t want them. I don’t even want you. Although…” He pulled out his phone and dangled it in front of my face. “Your sister looks pretty nice here, doesn’t she? Just a tad too old for my taste.” I focused my eyes on the picture that was in front of me. Belle’s bright smile filled the screen and Foyet was grinning right next to her outside of the Wicked stagedoor.

An indescribable feeling of anger took over my entire body. I tore myself from his grasp, got out of the chair, and hit him square across his jaw. He took a few steps back in surprise. The next minute happened in slow motion. I grabbed the octopus mug from the table and threw the scalding contents on Foyet. While he was stumbling around, I knocked him in the head with it, hoping it would render him unconscious. He fell to the ground, and I started to run for the door. Just before I made it, he yanked me back by my shirt, and pinned me to the ground, blood now dripping from his forehead onto my cheek and my carpet.

“I really wasn’t going to kill you. I wasn’t even gonna hurt you too bad. You left me no other choice.” He pulled out the knife he had been fucking around with earlier and stabbed me right below my ribs. I let out a cry of anguish, and it seemed to encourage him more. He kept going. Stab after stab, searing pain after searing pain. Soon I became completely numb until I finally passed out, Foyet’s laugh echoing in the back of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for over 1300 hits!!! I'm in awe at the love!!! I hope you guys enjoy this and the little twist I had on the season 4 finale ;)))) i won't keep you waiting too long on the cliffhanger, i promise!


	14. the hospital room

"Y/n?”

I finally was able to make out a voice and I opened my eyes, immediately wishing I had kept them closed. A harsh, white light was surrounding every place I tried to look.

“Can someone turn the fucking lights off? Where the hell am I?” I took a quick look around and realized I was in some kind of a hospital bed, with wires coming everywhere out of my body.

“Y/n, you were attacked.” I finally looked for the source of the voice and my eyes settled on Belle who was sitting next to me, holding my hand.

“Am I dead?” I asked her and didn’t even wait for a response. “I guess I shouldn’t have been so sassy with Foyet if he was still going to kill me anyway. Stupid son of a bitch.”

“No, you’re not dead. Spencer and Hotch found you outside your car in Columbia Heights.” Belle explained, her hand never leaving mine.

“Where’s Aaron? And Spencer? Dad? What day is it?”

“It’s Tuesday morning. Dad and Aaron went to go get something to drink, and Spencer…..he actually got shot in the thigh on a case yesterday. He should be getting discharged soon, he’s just a few rooms over.” As soon as Belle finished speaking, Aaron and my dad came in.

“Y/n! You’re awake!” My dad rushed over to give me a hug, and I winced a little. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m happy you’re here. Do you guys mind if I speak with Aaron alone for a minute?” They both nodded and Belle squeezed my hand.

“I’ll kill you if you scare me like that again.” She fake threatened and I gave her a weak smile.

“I won’t. I promise.” As soon as they left, I sat up and faced Aaron but he started speaking before I could even get a word out.

“You need to go into Witness Protection.” He demanded, and I whipped my head around to look at him.

“Absolutely not.” I started frantically pulling at all the wires that were around my body and my bed, hoping to pull one free that would let me leave.

“Y/n, stop. You could have died.” Aaron grabbed my hands and I yanked them free, then audibly hissed at the pain I was in. I’m sure Aaron meant well by telling the hospital staff that I didn’t need anything stronger than Tylenol, but I think being stabbed several times would help me qualify for some fucking Dilaudid.

“What fucking happened to me.” Aaron paced a few steps in the small room before finally settling on an answer.

“Foyet. He broke into your house-”

“I know all that. I mean after. What happened after, Aaron.”

He sighed heavily again and took a seat on the edge of my bed. “He stabbed you twelve times. He put you in your car, drove you out to Columbia Heights, and just left you there to bleed out on the street.”

“Where were you.”

“I knew something was up when I got the text. You wouldn’t have texted me something like that, so I called Reid. He was already halfway to my place when I did, so I dropped Jack off at Garcia’s and we rode together back to your house. Your car was gone, and the front door was open.” He stopped for a moment, almost like he was scared to tell me what he saw next.

“What are you not telling me?” His eyes darted past me to the case file sitting on a table across the room that I didn’t notice earlier. “Give me that.”

“Y/n, please. I don’t think you need to see-”

“Give. It. To. Me.” I demanded, my eyes narrowing. I held out my hand as far as it would go and he reluctantly placed the file in my hand.

“Let me at least tell you-”

“Stop.” I held my hand up to interrupt him, and he stopped speaking. I know he was only trying to protect me, but this was my house. Foyet had attacked me, my place. I had to see it.

I opened the file and was first met with the picture I had taken on my first day of work. I remember that day vividly. I was both excited and scared, not knowing what this job could bring. It was kind of funny now, me looking at that picture as I’m laying in this bed. If only I knew.

I flipped past the picture and on the next page saw written details on my injuries. I looked down at my abdomen, and it was covered with an itchy white gauze. I flashed back to the file and just intently read.

After a few moments, I looked up and saw tears surrounding Aaron’s eyes.

“He wrote your name in my blood on the wall?” I breathed out and he slowly nodded.

“I thought I had lost you.” He paused. “Reid too. If I thought you were acting irrationally during the anthrax case, it was nothing compared to him and how he acted when we walked into your house.”

I pushed past a little further, and what I read next caused me to stop cold.

An unidentified female found in the upstairs bedroom. The word “FATE?” was present as well, this time in the victim’s blood.

The Female is African-American, shoulder-length gray hair. Between the age of 65-70, no ID was present.

“No.” I whispered, my lungs struggling for air. “No! No, he didn’t. He couldn’t. He-”

Aaron looked sympathetically at me. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. They ID’d her as Daphne Robinson.”

“FUCK!” I screamed out and immediately tried to swing my legs over the edge of the bed, completely ignoring Aaron’s pleas. “Why the hell am I alive?” I asked out loud, not wanting a response. I just needed to ask it. I sat with my head in my hands for a moment, running through my conversation with Foyet. “Wait. What did he take?”

“Your planner. I know you barely write in it, but did you leave anything that he would want?” I started to shake my head but paused. Panic flooded over me.

“Aaron, where's Jack??”

“Sweetheart, calm down. He’s in the lobby with Garcia. He didn’t want to leave until you woke up.”

“I know what he wanted in my planner.” My head was beginning to spin now. “I put Jack’s new schedule in it. The days that you have him and the days that Haley and Mark have him. I have their addresses in there too. Where’s my phone?”

“We haven’t recovered it yet.”

“He probably took that too. Aaron, if he wanted me dead, I’d be dead. He had plenty of time to do it. He didn’t have to stop himself after twelve, but he did.” Just as I finished, Spencer hobbled in, trying to maneuver his crutches.

“Belle told me you were awake. I’m so happy to see you!”

“Spence, help us figure this out. Why am I alive?” I asked and he quickly rattled off an answer.

“Foyet needs you. I listened to the recording from the bug that we found. He wouldn’t have gotten off on killing you, especially with how you were taunting him. He needed you to see something.”

“It wouldn’t have been Ms. Robinson. If he wanted to scare me, he would’ve shot her when she knocked on my door. So what did he need me to see? What are we missing?” All three of us sat in silence for a moment, then Aaron spoke.

“Jack’s supposed to go back to Haley this afternoon. He took your planner, your phone. He wants you to feel responsible for when he hurts Jack and Haley. That way he can hurt us both.” He pulled out his phone and quickly left the room, probably to call Haley.

“I don’t even want to think about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t woken up this morning.” I said to Spence and he sat down on the edge of my bed.

“You technically weren’t supposed to. They had to heavily sedate you once they found you and they didn’t expect you to wake up for at least five days.”

“And that’s what Foyet was counting on. That’s why he stabbed me so many times.” I paused. “What the hell happened to you?”

“An unsub was trying to kill the guy we were protecting so I jumped in front of the bullet.” Spence proudly said and I let out a weak laugh.

“I’ll be asking Emily to verify that story. Knowing you, you probably shot yourself in the leg when you were trying to pull out your weapon.” He scrunched his face up and opened his mouth to give a rebuttal but Aaron then walked back into the room, his face a pale shade of white.

“Haley and Mark aren’t answering their phones. I just sent the rest of the team and FBI SWAT to the address, but I have to go. Garcia is going to come in with Jack. Please don’t let them out of your sight.” He gave me a swift kiss on the forehead and ran out of the room. I prayed for both of our sakes that Haley was okay. That she just had her phone on Do Not Disturb, that she was just in a movie...anything. Jack couldn’t grow up without a mom.

“Oh, my furry friend...how are you?” Penelope said when she walked in with Jack not following too far behind her. She leaned down to give me a hug.

“I’ve seen better days.”

“Miss Y/n!!!” Jack jumped on the bed and placed his arms around me. I wanted to cry at the amount of pain that caused me, but I held it together. I gave him a weak squeeze back.

“Hey, little man.” Spence saw me wince and motioned for Pen to come pick him up.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, little guy. You know those superhero movies we watch together?” He nodded vigorously. “Sometimes they get banged up a bit, but after they heal, they always defeat the bad guy.”

He grinned from ear to ear. “So you’re like Iron Man?”

“Shh, don’t tell your dad that I told you my secret!” He did a motion like he was locking his lips and I smiled. I knew that this was going to be one of the last times I saw Jack this happy in a long time, that as soon as we found Haley and Mark he’d either be mourning the loss of his mom or he’d be going into Witness Protection. There was no way around it for him.

“How bad was it?” I asked and turned my attention from Jack. Penelope’s eyes flashed to him. Spencer saw us, and took Jack out of the room, saying he was going to show him a magic trick. Once we were alone, she started talking.

“It’s not looking good, Y/n. Your car was still warm when Hotch and Reid got there and they set up a 10-mile search radius immediately. Foyet was nowhere to be found. There’s a huge security detail on this entire floor in case he tries to come back, but none of us are expecting him too.” I just nodded. I didn’t have enough strength to do anything else, and I quickly felt myself fading quickly.

“How did they find me.” I asked, but my voice was starting to trail off.

“You still had a tracker on your car from the White House, I hacked into it.” She gave a brief answer because she knew I was falling back asleep. I nodded again and mumbled something intelligible before succumbing back to the exhaustion that had been plaguing me since I first woke up.

******************************

“Y/n?” I squinted my eyes a little, trying to adjust to the hospital lights.

“Why are these damn lights still assaulting me.” I held my hand up to the light in an effort to block it. I was trying to ignore the throbbing pain all over my body, but that nap didn’t help anything, it only made it worse.

“Y/n.” I recognized that voice as Haley and my eyes flew open.

“Haley? You’re okay?” She silently nodded. Aaron was standing across the room, and he looked absolutely defeated. “What’s happening?”

Haley sighed. “They said the Marshals Service is taking us straight from here and putting us into protective custody. Mark can’t come.”

“Haley, I’m sorry.” Aaron spoke and she gave a wry chuckle, and I knew it meant that she didn’t care for his apology.

“Do you have any clue where they’re going to take us?”

“No, we don’t. And that’s the point. I can’t know where you’re going. If you have any contact with anyone, he could track you.” Aaron explained, and Haley let out a loud scoff.

“Jack has school. He has friends. Just because this psycho attacked her,” She violently spit out that last word. “we all have to uproot our entire lives? I have a job now. I have a good boyfriend. I’m not leaving.”

“Haley, shut the fuck UP!” I finally screamed, tired of this pointless fucking argument that was now taking over my hospital room. She looked at me with her eyes wide, shocked that I was speaking back to her.

“Look at me!” I continued, gesturing down to my wounds. “I am in so much pain I can barely stay awake. Do you want to see what he did to me?” I started to undo the gauze that was encasing my abdomen. When I finally finished taking it off, I almost threw up at the sight. It was … bad. I hadn’t seen it before now, I didn’t look at the photos.

Haley took one look and turned her head, probably having the same reaction as me. I continued to speak, “It will take MONTHS for this to heal, and even then the psychological damage will take so much longer. Stop acting like this is about you because it isn’t. He wants to kill Jack. I can't say it more bluntly. He wants to kill your son. He will succeed if you don’t go into Witness Protection. Be grateful he decided to target practice with me first before showing up at your house and just doing the real deal.”

I was freely crying now, heartbroken at this entire situation we were dealing with. “I’m sorry for yelling, but this was a warning. No one else needs to go through this. Please.” Haley turned back to face me, tears streaming down her face.

“What am I supposed to tell Jack?”

“Tell him that it’s a vacation and that it won’t be for very long.” Aaron replied, his voice catching on the words.

“How am I supposed to keep him safe if there is no one I know to help me?” She finally choked out, her sobs echoing.

“Haley, you’re strong. You lived with me in this job, and you’ve practically raised Jack by yourself. You’re a great mother.” Aaron said and my chest ached at the last part of that sentence. Aaron loves Jack so much. I’ve seen his face light up on cases when Jack calls, his face when Jack gets an award at school, anything. Aaron transforms when he’s in Jack’s presence.

Haley wiped the tears that were streaming down her face. “Can you catch this man?”

“We will catch this man.” He said with absolute certainty. Haley’s eyes flickered to me.

“Are you two going to be safe?”

“He wants to see me suffer. He stabbed my girlfriend within an inch of her life and then left her on the side of the street to die.” My stomach churned at those words, I was just now realizing how fucked up what happened to me was. “And knowing that my son is out there and that I can’t see him? That’s better than killing me.”

She wiped her tears again. “Can I bring Jack in?”

We both nodded, eager to see the little guy again. When Haley returned with Jack, he looked much sadder than he was when I saw him before my nap. Aaron picked him up and brought him over to me.

“Jack, buddy. What’s wrong?” I said and he reached out to grab my hand.

“They said out there that you almost died.” I swallowed hard.

“I’m great! The doctors made sure that I’m completely fine.” I lied and ignored my pain to bring him onto my lap. Aaron stood next to us.

“Did mommy tell you that you two are gonna take a trip?” He said and Jack breathed out a small. “Yeah.”

“We’re not gonna see you for a while.” I added, and I swear I saw a little tear fall down Jack’s fragile face.

“Why?” Jack asked in the same flat tone he had been using since he entered the room. He’s normally so energetic, so excitable. Foyet was ruining even more than he could’ve ever imagined, and I knew that probably excited him.

“Think about it like when daddy goes away for work. Only this time, you and mommy get to go someplace. But, what do I tell you every time I go away?”

“You love me.”

“I love you more than what?” Aaron asked and Jack gave a faint trace of a smile.

“The sun, the moon, and the stars.” Aaron smiled.

“That’s right buddy. I love you more than the sun, the moon, and the stars.” Aaron leaned down to hug Jack, and the two embraced for a while. I saw Haley wipe another tear, and I did too.

“Daddy, I don’t want to leave you.” Aaron pulled from the hug and kissed Jack on the top of his forehead.

“I want you to know that I’m proud of you. Every single day, you amaze me. I’m so thankful to be your father. We’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.” Jack crawled up closer to me on the bed, and I had to bite my lip to stop the cry of agony I wanted to let out.

“Take care of your mom, okay?” He nodded and hugged me tightly. I held him for as long as I possibly could, and Aaron picked him up once he saw my pain was too much.

I turned away from them and let Aaron and Haley give their goodbyes. There’s still so much love between the two of them, and I thought it would be awkward if I was just staring at them through this. Mark was standing outside my hospital room, and I felt so so bad for him. I couldn’t even imagine if Aaron had to go into Witsec and I couldn’t go with him. It would turn my entire world upside down. By stabbing me, Foyet had caused a ripple of pain through those close to me. Aaron, Haley, Jack, Mark, me. None of us would ever be the same.

Aaron gave Jack one more large hug and finally, he and Haley left. The room felt dimmer and colder, and as Aaron walked back over to me I saw him tear up.

“We’ll get him, Aaron.” I swore because no matter what happens Foyet will pay for what he did to us.

“You heard me promise Haley that we would, but the truth is, if he stops killing we have no way of tracking him. He stopped killing for five years just for the pleasure of watching Shaunessy’s life fall apart.” He looked down, and his next few words caught in his throat. “What’s Jack going to remember about us in five years? Ten? Fifteen?”

“Baby, look at me. I’m telling you, we will get him and it won’t even take a year. This team we have? They’re the smartest people I have ever met. We’ll catch Foyet before Jack’s birthday.” He finally let out a sob and I held him close to me.

“I’m so scared, Y/n. I know that Foyet is all about power and control, but he has the ability to kill my family. Jack is my entire world.”

“Aaron, we can’t think like that. We can’t.” He pulled back for a second and looked me up and down, really studying my body.

“I want you to move in with me.”

“What?”

“I want you to move in with me.” He repeated verbatim but I still couldn’t process what he was saying.

“It’s a little early for that, don’t you think?” He stopped and wiped another tear.

“When you get out of the hospital, you can’t go back to your place. I don’t want you out of my sight until we catch Foyet, okay?” Any other time and I would’ve sassed him, would’ve told him that I could handle myself, but he was right. He had just gotten his child ripped out from underneath him, the least I could do was offer him some security by moving in.

“Fine, but you and Morgan are moving my shit. I won’t be touching a thing.” I crossed my arms and he gave me a small smile.

“Of course, sweet baby.”

I felt the color drain from my face and immediately felt the need to vomit. “Never fucking call me that again. Do you understand me? Don’t.” I gritted through my clenched teeth. Aaron looked utterly surprised at the coldness I suddenly showed him, taking a step back after I finished speaking. “I’m sorry baby, I just….Foyet called me that. He took that from us, from you. I don’t want to think about him right now. I just want you.”

He walked back to me and pressed our foreheads together. “I love you, Y/n.”

I stopped breathing. I mean, actually stopped breathing. I have only told one other person that in my entire life. I’ve never been one to throw around those words to significant others, I’ve never been one to even say it often to my family. He immediately noticed my stillness and continued speaking.

“You don’t have to say it back. I know you, I know you won’t until you’re absolutely sure. I am. I have been for a while, but after what just happened I couldn’t let you go another day without hearing that from me. I love you, Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n. You stole my heart the day I met you.” I didn’t respond, I mean I couldn’t respond.

I wanted to press our lips together and tell him how much I loved him too, to tell him that I never want to be without him again. I wanted to tell him that he’s the most important person in the world to me and that he makes my days better, my life worth living.

I didn’t.

I just laid there, frozen until my dad, Belle, Spence, Rossi, Emily, Morgan, Penelope, and JJ decided to crowd the room. I figured they were breaking some kind of hospital policy by them all being there, but I was so fucking grateful for the distraction. Aaron seemed to be as well, and we both entertained the group and avoided each other's eyes.

Belle seemed pretty impressed with Aaron, and she kept making faces at the two of us to show her approval. My dad was okay with it too, I’m guessing because he had a good talk with Rossi earlier. As I glanced around to everybody trying to make me feel better, making jokes about Spencer stealing my jello, I realized something. Foyet might try to take away everything we have, but he can never take this. He’ll never feel this sense of warmth, of family. Even if he won a battle today, we’ll win the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 1,500 hits!!!!! Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far :)


	15. the pharmacy

“He told me he loves me.” I told Spencer as we both slowly made our way to Penelope’s bat cave. 

“Hotch said that??” He whisper-screamed back and I nodded. “Well, what did you say back?”

“I didn’t. We haven’t talked about it since.” It’d been a little over a month since Jack and Haley went into Witsec. I had finally gotten released from the hospital about two weeks ago but I was still in incredible amounts of pain. I was cleared to go back to work which was amazing, but I wasn’t cleared for travel yet, which basically meant I couldn’t do anything at work but sit in mine and Penelope’s offices and handle things from the BAU. I wanted to be cleared for travel as soon as I was healed, but I know I wouldn’t pass the psych eval. There was absolutely no way I could be in the field right now, and I think Aaron knows that too. I honestly have no clue how he passed his psych eval because he’s not doing too well either.

“How has he been lately? I’m sure it’s hard.” I nodded again, thinking about how different Aaron had been. He had been more determined now than ever, but he was just so different. I know he missed Jack. I did too.

“He hasn’t been sleeping. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I’ll wake up and find him just laying in Jack’s bed, with one of his toys curled up next to him. It’s just hard because Foyet’s awol. Of course, Pen is tracking his meds but we’ve continuously been coming up empty. It’s discouraging. Foyet’s files have taken up our entire living room. If I don’t find him in Jack’s room, I find him at his desk rereading and rereading.” I sighed and Spencer grabbed my hand over his crutches.

“How are you managing?” I let out a dry chuckle. I didn’t even know how to respond to that.

“Today suspended my segment indefinitely because of Foyet. I went back to my place with Aaron the other day, and I couldn’t even make it past the front door without having a panic attack. I mean, Spence. I’m absolutely terrified. I don't feel safe anywhere. My dad has to have an armed escort to work every day. And Belle? If she’s on as Elphaba they have to physically pat down every single member of the audience and they have Foyet’s picture backstage. She has to have an armed escort when she goes to AMDA. This is fucking ridiculous.” I knocked on Penelope’s door and then hissed at the ripple of pain that went through my body.

“How are you doing mentally?” He asked me, his hazel eyes really staring into mine. I know he was wondering if I had any drug cravings, if we needed to call Greg, but I honestly hadn’t. That wasn’t the problem.

“Every time I get dressed I have to look down at what he did to me. I try to avoid the mirror at all costs. I feel the weight of his body on top of mine. I feel his blood dripping onto my forehead as he stabbed me. When it’s quiet I hear his laugh echoing in the back of my head. I can’t-” I took a shaky breath before I continued. “I can’t even let Aaron touch me like that anymore. I keep envisioning Foyet. I mean, he was listening to us having sex, Spence. He probably got off on it. I just-”

Pen opened the door and looked at both of us with a pitying smile. “The team is almost back if you guys want to stick around.” Spencer nodded and started to walk in, but I pulled my hand away.

“I’ll see you guys later. I just can’t be here right now.”

“Are you sure, lovebug? They’ll be here within the hour, I know everyone would love to see you.” I shook my head.

“I’m sure. Tell Aaron I have Anderson with me so he won’t freak out about me being alone.” I left the two of them in her office and grabbed Anderson before heading down to the garage. He didn’t even ask where I wanted to go, he already knew where to take me.

I soon found myself at a cemetery in Virginia, walking the familiar route before I settled on the gravestone that I’d been visiting nearly every day.

“I’m so sorry…” I murmured out as I fell to my knees and cried. It’s not fair. It just wasn’t fair. I stayed that way for a while until I heard the sound of crunching leaves behind me. I knew it was Aaron. I didn’t even have to turn around.

“Did you know she had a husband?” I finally spoke once I felt Aaron’s presence behind me. “He died a year or so after I moved in. It’s all kind of foggy, but I remember a gurney being brought out of her house. I remember seeing her house bustling with people for a month straight, then it all just stopped. Peter would go talk to her all of the time. I should probably call him. Tell him it’s my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault but Foyet’s.” I shook my head and continued to look at her gravestone.

“I tried to outsmart him. He did this because of me. He wanted me to know what he was capable of.” I felt Aaron put his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. “What am I supposed to tell her children? Her youngest daughter just had a new baby. How do I tell them that her mother is dead because of me?”

“They know that Foyet did this, Y/n. None of them blame you.” He tried to reassure me and I started crying again.

“He shot her and placed her in my bed, Aaron. How am I not to blame?” I said between my sobs and when he placed his hand on my shoulder this time, I covered it with mine, leaning into his touch.

“Remember Boston?” He asked and I nodded. “I thought the same thing. Dave was a little theatrical, but he basically told me that if we blame ourselves for every person who dies, we’re giving in to our ego. This is not your fault. Foyet will pay.” I heard that entire conversation in Boston, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. He was right. It was like the situation at the Hill house. It was just so hard to not blame myself in this situation.

“Aaron, I just really hope you’re with me the next time I see Foyet. Because I will kill him if we’re alone.” I hadn’t turned around this entire time, but after I made that confession, I did.

“Y/n, I don’t think you should be saying that to me.”

“Can you really tell me that you don’t feel the same way?” He didn’t answer. He knew I was thinking back to his comment in the hotel room in Boston when he said the exact same thing. Aaron said that if he hurt me or my family he’d kill him and sleep well. Here I am, twelve holes in my abdomen.

“Can we go home?” He held out his hand to help me up and I took it swiftly.

“We gotta stop by the Pharmacy to get my medicine first.” A present from Foyet. I’m on a million new medications now because apparently stabbing causes more than intense abdominal pain, it causes thyroid and heart problems too.

I took his hand as we walked slowly to the car, and he helped me in the passenger seat before buckling me in. I could do all of that myself, but Aaron’s been doing the little things for me, just to show that he cares.

It’s been hard for us as a couple, neither of us are in the right mindset currently. I’d convinced myself that he only said he loved me because of the emotions from that day, and we’ve never talked about the fact that I didn’t say it back.

We keep dancing around this giant elephant in the room, hoping that it will disappear without us having to address it. There are bigger things for us to worry about right now, like catching Foyet and getting Jack and Haley back.

Aaron rarely speaks about Jack to me. He puts on this brave front because he knows how hard we’re both struggling, but I know he misses his son.

A few days before the last case, I went to Spencer’s apartment to hang out with him and Austin. When I got back, I found Aaron in a t-shirt and boxers, sitting on the floor in Jack’s bedroom sobbing. Not just crying, but sobbing. He was shaking violently, his shoulders moving with a fierceness that I didn’t think was possible.

The room was a mess, and as I held him, I noticed two empty bottles of scotch. Aaron drank sometimes, but it wasn’t often. Not since I told him about my history with Adderall. I didn’t tell him to stop drinking, but he immediately stopped bringing it into the house. He was so thoughtful that way.

I sat with him and held him as close as I could while he cried, just trying to be there for him as much as possible. I could tell he was embarrassed that I walked in on him, but he continued to let me hold him as long as he needed. I wondered how many breakdowns he’s had like that that I haven’t been around for. What he’s doing in his hotel room on cases, now that I’m not there to hold him in bed.

Aaron’s hand on my thigh quickly snapped me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to realize that we were at the pharmacy. I begged him to let me go inside by myself, and he reluctantly agreed, but only if I stayed within his sight. I know he didn’t want me passing out or anything in public, but to be honest I haven’t done that since the first day I came home.

I made my way into the pharmacy and waited in the short line. When it was time for me to approach the counter, I gave the pharmacist my name with a smile.

“Miss Y/l/n, we actually don’t have the Naproxen in stock right now. I have your Tapazole here, but if you wanted to grab some Aleeve or Ibuprofen, they’d work just as well as the Naproxen!” I nodded and she placed some over the counter Aleeve in the bag, and I paid before heading out the door. As I opened the door, I thought about what she said.

An over the counter substitution. Foyet’s meds. We had been tracking his entire medicine sequence, but what if he could get some things over the counter? From a drug dealer? Holy fuck. 

I ran as quickly to the car as I could, and Aaron immediately got out to help me when he saw me.

“We’ve been tracking Foyet’s medicine wrong!!!!” I exclaimed as I swatted him away and slid into the passenger seat.

“Explain.”

“We’ve been tracking the entire sequence, he can get most of that stuff he’s on over the counter or from a good drug dealer. He and I are almost taking the same things, minus the millions of opioids he’s taking. We need to find the medicine that you can’t substitute that he has to have, like Tapazole. That’s how we find him!” Aaron studied my face for a quick moment and then threw the car into reverse.

“Call everyone and tell them to get back to the BAU ASAP.” He didn’t show any more emotion, any excitement, nothing. Just determination. God, I hoped I was right about this.

We were all gathered back in the BAU roundtable room in record time, and Penelope and Kevin determined that Tapazole was the only medication Foyet was taking that couldn’t be substituted by anything over the counter.

“The letters came from Fredericksburg, Virginia, and Westminster, Maryland.” Aaron told Penelope and she started typing.

“Okay, but why mail a letter from two cities?” JJ asked and Morgan interjected.

“Maybe it’s purely a forensic countermeasure. He knows that mailing letters close to home would lead us right to him, so he drives far away to mail the letters to throw us off his scent.”

“Yeah, the Unabomber did that and so did the 2001 Anthrax suspect.” Spencer added.

“He could’ve gone anywhere, but he’s trolling the D.C. area.” Rossi wondered aloud.

“There’s absolutely no way Haley and Jack are near D.C. He’s staying here to stay close to us, Aaron. Isn’t here? He wants to see me breaking down in front of Ms. Robinson’s gravesite, he wants to see me having panic attacks outside the place I called my home for 8 years.” Before Aaron could even respond I added, “Holy fuck. He wants to watch us slowly lose our minds, just like Shaunessy.”

“Okay, then what are we doing about the three cities? Usually, we need three points to get an accurate geographical profile.” JJ said and Spence shook his head almost immediately.

“We have three points. He left Blaze in Columbia Heights. He doesn’t do anything randomly, he left her there for a reason. He must’ve been camping out in the area. He left her on his doorstep, literally.” My eyes met Aaron’s.

Of course. How did we not get that? We were all so worried about me, that we didn’t even think about what actually happened, that Foyet leaving me where he did was a clue.

“Arlington, Virginia is the largest city in the middle of those three places. There’s 153 people on Tapazole in the area.” Penelope said, her nails clacking against the keyboard.

“He’s not gonna use his own name. What kind of aliases should we be looking for?” Morgan asked.

“He could have easily stolen someone’s identity.” Emily said and Aaron spoke without looking from his file.

“He’s a narcissist in love with his own mythology. He’d use a name connected with the case.”

“A victim maybe? A cop?” Rossi added and Penelope continued on her search. The air in the room right now was electric. We were on the cusp of something here, we were closer to finding Foyet than we had ever been.

“Wait a minute, guys. Foyet likes things to have meaning to him. The eye of providence, the addresses in blood he wrote on the bus that led us back to him. Writing Hotch’s name on Y/n’s wall to taunt us for his pleasure. Maybe he’s doing the same thing with the alias.” Spence had gotten up from the table halfway through speaking and he wrote ‘GEORGE FOYET’ on the whiteboard, and started crossing out letters, underlining, and drawing arrows.

“Like an anagram or something?” I asked and he nodded, his attention never wavering from the board.

“You see something, Reid?” Morgan asked and he shook his head.

“Not yet.”

“Reid, he named himself The Reaper.” Aaron said and Spence wrote that on the board as well and continued his process of crossing things out.

Peter Rhea.

There was one in Arlington, Virginia.

We found him.

“You. Stay here.” Aaron pointed at me as the team got ready to leave. “Do I make myself clear? Do not leave this building, Y/n.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but once I saw the look that flashed across Aaron’s face I closed it.

I followed Pen and Kevin back to the bat cave, where we just all kind of sat in silence for the next little while. Kevin wanted to know about Foyet, so I told him about all the murders and the stabbings of me and himself.

Pen’s phone rang about an hour after they left, and she answered it on the first ring.

“Where’s Y/n?” I heard Aaron asked and I replied “Right here.” Before Penelope could even speak. He didn’t acknowledge my answer, only telling Pen that she needed to hack into Foyet’s computer and stop the files from automatically deleting. I guess that meant that they weren’t able to get to him.

“He’s creepy good.” Pen said as she tried to recover what she could.

“How good?” I heard Spence ask on the other line.

“He wiped his hard drive. He might have been in a hurry to leave, but whatever was on there he did not want us to see.” She kept typing, but she was doing it much quicker now. 

“Garcia, tell me that you’re hacked in and that you can rebuild it.”

“He might be a cold-hearted stabbing murderer, but he’s no match to me with a computer. Watch me work.” I looked over her shoulder to see an alert come up.

“He had an alert on the name Peter Rhea, he got alerted as soon as we ran his shit.” I said into the phone.

“I’m not surprised.” Aaron said and Morgan yelled out,

“Garcia, wait a minute! Go back. Freeze it right there.” A picture of Mark flooded the screen.

“Y/n, have you talked to Mark lately??” Aaron asked, and I could tell he was beginning to get worried.

“He called two days ago. He told me he was leaving the country, going to stay with some family in Italy until Haley and Jack were out of Witsec.”

“This is time-stamped five days ago. You haven’t heard from him since then?” Pen asked me and I shook my head.

“We don’t talk like that.”

“Mark’s family is in Spain, not Italy.” Aaron sighed. I got a sick feeling over my stomach. “Foyet was probably there. Forced him to make that phone call. Mark knew that Sam Kassemeyer was assigned to Haley and Jack.” As soon as Aaron said Sam’s name, dozens of pictures of Sam pulled up on Pen’s laptop. All time-stamped from today and yesterday.

“Is that?” Emily said and I heard Aaron’s voice waver.

“That’s the U.S. Marshal assigned to my family. Y/n, send someone to Mark’s and SWAT to Kassemeyer’s.” The phone line went dead. Penelope, Kevin, and I looked at each other, fear crossing our faces.

“Foyet wouldn’t-” Pen started to say but I interrupted her.

“He would. Mark fucking told me Italy as a clue, and I didn’t catch it. What if he’s dead? What if Foyet killed him?” I asked aloud and quickly did what Aaron had asked of me.

Penelope pulled me close and hugged me. “Listen to me, Y/n. All we need to do right now is pray that Haley, Jack, and the rest of the team make it back, okay? We have to.” We continued to sit in silence for the next ten minutes or so until my phone rang.

“Y/n..?” The quiet voice on the other line answered.

“This is SSA Y/n Y/l/n, may I ask who is calling?”

“You’re alive?”

Haley.

“Haley??” I replied, and I saw Penelope jump out of her chair to call Aaron.

“He called from Sam’s phone...said you were dead...He said you, Aaron, and Mark were all dead…” She sounded absolutely terrified. I have never in my life been so happy to hear another voice on the phone.

“Aaron and I are alive, Haley. I promise you that. We’re alive.” I said as Pen tried to get Aaron on the phone.

“Mark?” She choked out and I ran my hands through my hair.

“I’m not sure. We deployed a unit to his apartment about ten minutes ago. Haley, what did this man say when he called?” My phone beeped and it was Aaron. “Hold on, let me merge you with Aaron.” When all three of us were on the line, I asked Haley again what Foyet had said.

“He said that everyone was dead, that I needed to dump my phone and buy a disposable and he’d tell me where to meet him.”

“Haley, what did you do? Where are you?” I heard ambulances in the background on Aaron’s side, something bad must’ve happened to Sam.

“I did what he said. I dumped my phone and bought a disposable. He wants me to meet him at our old house, the one where we started our family.”

“Where are you?” He asked again, his voice catching.

“I’m ten minutes from Quantico. I had to see for myself.” We both breathed out a sigh of relief, thankful for once that Haley hadn’t listened.

“Y/n is with Garcia in her office. Come straight up. I have to go. It’s time I had a talk with Foyet.” He hung up, and I looked at Penelope, my eyes wide.

“Hotch is calling Foyet.” What the fuck was he doing?? No but really, what the FUCK was he doing??

I pulled out my phone to call Spencer and catch him and the rest of the team up to date. They were thrilled that Haley had called me, and once they had the location that Foyet was supposed to be meeting Haley at, they were on their way.

“Y/n? I hacked into Hotch’s phone.” She whispered and took out her headphones.

“Be gentle? Just like I was with Y/n?” I heard Foyet say on the end of the line, and my blood started boiling. “What the hell took you so long? I was beginning to think this phone was dead or something.” More silence. “Why so quiet? You usually lash out when you’re frustrated.”

“I’m not frustrated. You’re just more predictable than you think.”

“I wasn’t predictable when I stabbed your little girlfriend within an inch of her life. How is she, by the way? She finally able to go back to her place without whining like a bitch?” He paused and waited for an answer, one Aaron didn’t give him. “Oh! I almost forgot! I saw our precious sweet baby at the gynecologist's last week, I’m betting she didn’t tell you the news she got?”

Penelope looked at me, and I felt tears starting to form. Of course, I hadn’t fucking told Aaron. How could I when Jack was gone?

“You couldn’t get Haley’s location, so you made her come to you.” Aaron ignored Foyet’s entire rant about me, but I knew it’d be a discussion we had later.

“Ah, changing the subject. I’ll bite. You make me sound lazy.” Foyet said, and I could hear his breath through the phone.

“Just another way for you to show control.”

“God, that’s terrible. Y/n was more interesting than this.”

“Your mother tried to protect you from your father, but she wasn’t strong enough. And you hated her for that, didn’t you? You decided that all women were weak.” I could hear the car in the background of Aaron’s side, and I didn’t know what he was playing at.

“Those are your words, not mine.”

“What were you, 9? When you killed them.” Aaron taunted but Foyet expertly said,

“It was a car accident.”

“That you couldn’t take credit for, that had to be hard for you. But poor George got another chance. The little orphan was saved by the wealthy, sterile, Eastside couple, the Foyet’s. And the story should have ended there.”

“I don’t believe in fairy tales, do you?” Foyet asked, sounding more involved now. “You must because the amount of Disney movies I heard you go through was enough to make anyone barf. I should’ve ripped out Y/n’s vocal cords since you love her singing so much.”

“George, you don’t have to-”

“I’m tired of listening to you, Agent Hotchner. Tell Y/n I said I miss her. I’m gonna go wait for Haley and Jackie Boy. What do you think is the best spot? The closet, the bedroom? Maybe behind a curtain in the living room.” The line went dead.

“Penelope, I told everyone where to go. Morgan sent SWAT. They’ll get him, right?” She dialed Morgan’s number again before speaking.

“Aaron is much closer, Y/n. He’s at least ten minutes ahead of everyone else.” I knew what that meant. Aaron wouldn’t wait. He’d storm in the house as quickly as he could, just to kill Foyet. Even though he knew Haley and Jack were safe. I called Aaron and he picked up on the first ring. 

“Do not go in that house alone. Morgan is ten minutes behind you with the team and with SWAT.” I begged and I heard him breathe heavily on the other line.

“We don’t have that time. When Haley doesn’t call, he’s going to know something’s wrong. This is the only chance we have to get him, Y/n.”

“Aaron, please.”

“When I told you I loved you, I meant it. I love you.”

I took a deep breath. “I...I love you too.” I finally admitted and I heard him release the breath he had been holding on the other line. “Do not fucking die on me, do you hear me?”

“I have to go.” Click.

I let my phone fall to the floor and I sank down into my chair. I never would’ve imagined any of this happening a few hours ago when Aaron and I stopped by the pharmacy for my medication.

“Pen, please tell me you have some good news about Mark.” She nodded.

“He wasn’t at his apartment, but they found him at Sibley Memorial. Foyet dropped him off after Mark gave up Sam’s name.” Haley and Jack knocked on the door, and I gave Haley a giant hug, ignoring the pain I was in.

“Thank you for calling me. You saved your life by doing that.” She hugged me tighter.

“Where’s Aaron?” I looked at Penelope, and she took Jack out of the room.

“He went to your house.”

“He what?? Does he have backup??” She asked, fear in her eyes.

“The team and SWAT are ten minutes behind him. He wouldn’t wait. I don’t know what’s going on right now, I’m not even cleared for the field yet.” I admitted and Haley sunk down into the chair I had just gotten up from.

“Is Mark?” I grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly.

“He’s alive. He’s at Sibley Memorial.” She let out a sigh of relief and a tear slid down her cheek. “Don’t be too excited, Haley. He was tortured. Foyet tortured him for Sam’s name. He has all his limbs and everything, but he’s not going to be the same.”

“I don’t care. As long as he’s alive.” Penelope brought Jack back in, and for the next ten minutes, we were all on edge. Then Penelope’s office phone rang. She answered it quickly, and the voice on the other end made my heart swell.

“Garcia, is my family there?” Aaron asked and Jack yelled out “Hey, daddy!” I could hear Aaron break down on the other end, and I knew that we were finally safe.

“Is he gone, Aaron?”

“He’s gone, Y/n. I made sure of it. We’ll be back soon.” Aaron then hung up and everyone (except little Jack) in the office let out a huge sigh of relief.

“So this is over? We can stay?” Haley asked, not really believing what Aaron had just said.

“You can stay.” She hugged me again, and I realized that maybe she isn’t as bad as I thought she was. I mean, she didn’t contact a single person in Witsec, and she knew to call me when Foyet tried to overwhelm her. She might be a little irritating, but I respected her. She was stronger than any of us could have thought.

We were all in the Roundtable room when the team got back, and the first person Aaron ran to was Jack. Aaron looked like he had a broken nose, and he was covered in blood, but it didn’t stop him from hugging his son as hard as possible. Spencer walked in not too much later, and I pulled him aside before Aaron could come up to me.

“What the hell happened?”

“We walked in and Hotch was beating Foyet with his bare fists. Strauss is going to want to do an investigation, to prove that it was self-defense.” He stopped and looked over his shoulder, making sure no one could hear what he was about to say. “Haley, Jack, nor you were there… He didn’t have to go in that house and he did. Of course, we all stand by his judgment and I’ll tell Strauss that it was self-defense, but I’m not sure if it was.”

I looked Spence dead in the eyes. “Foyet would have escaped prison again, and he would have slaughtered every single person that even knew Aaron’s name if he had just been arrested. He acted in self-defense.” Spencer nodded and we left it at that and walked in to join everyone in the conference room again.

Aaron gave me a giant hug and whispered in my ear, “We’re safe now,” and God, I wished I could believe that. I really did. Even if Foyet was gone, there was always going to be another murderer, another psychopath out there just waiting. Another shoe was always going to drop.

He took so much from me. My job. My happiness. My optimism. My house. My health. Was this job even worth this? I looked around at everyone laughing and hugging, and I thought to myself, do I even need this? Is this what I really want?

I’m not sure anymore.


	16. the couch

Strauss did an investigation on Foyet’s death and the case in general, but everything turned out fine. She tried to pin the entire thing on Aaron, tried to get us to turn against him, but we all stuck to the truth. She ended up ruling Foyet’s death self-defense, and she gave us all two weeks off unless we got an emergency case, which we hadn’t.

After we left the conference room, Aaron and Jack were nearly inseparable for a week. Haley wanted to spend time with Mark, Aaron wanted to see Jack, so it worked out perfectly. I didn’t mind either, I missed Jack just as much. We did everything he wanted to do, which meant visiting the Washington Monument at least ten times and eating Gettysburger for dinner every day. The best part is that Jack doesn’t even like Gettysburger, he just likes saying “Freedom Fries” and “Union Rings” so I always ended up making some kind of dessert when we got home.

He insisted that we watch the Cars movies and Aaron would softly graze my arm during them, just barely touching. I knew he wanted to talk about what Foyet had mentioned on the phone, but I didn’t. I pretended to fall asleep early every single night Jack was here because I just didn’t want to have the conversation. Aaron knew I was faking, but he also knew better than to push me. He also couldn’t really bring it up, especially since he was still under the impression that I didn’t listen to the phone call.

Tonight was the first night we had had together without Jack. We made light conversation through the duration of dinner and Jurassic Park (Aaron chose it...what is it with men and their obsession with dinosaurs??) After the movie ended neither of us moved for a while. We just laid there together, focusing on the others' breathing.

“I know you want to talk about what Foyet said to you on the phone.” I finally said, breaking the comfortable silence we had fallen into.

“You heard that conversation?” I nodded. I had my head laying comfortably on his chest, and I didn’t make any effort to move. I didn’t want to see his face when I told him this.

“My periods have been pretty spotty for the last six months or so. I didn’t think anything of it, but then they stopped coming. I was taking a pregnancy test every week and they always came up negative. Then after Foyet stabbed me I figured I would have some time to go to my gyno. So, I made an appointment.” I sighed a little before continuing. “I know it was irresponsible of me to not go to the doctors as soon as I first noticed it. I was just working at the White House still and I didn’t have time to go. But, you know how before the stabbing I was always kind of moody? I would switch from being depressed to being angry to being happy like it was nothing? How I would just randomly get hot after the stabbing, so often that you had to buy that fan?”

“Yeah, of course. I thought your mood was because of Boston and the anthrax case, and the hot things were because of the stabbing.” Aaron’s arm started caressing mine and I intertwined our fingers before continuing.

“Yeah, well it wasn’t that. They called it a ‘premature ovarian insufficiency’ which is just a fancy way of saying early menopause. I told them about how sad I’ve been even before the stabbing, and about my random periods of anxiety and difficulty sleeping. They did a blood test to check my hormones and they came back the way they expected. I mean, everyone on my mom’s side went through this, just no one this early.” Aaron adjusted in his seat, and placed his hand on my face, cupping my cheek.

“I am so sorry, Y/n.”

“It’s alright. I’ve always known this was coming. I’m not too heartbroken over this because I can still adopt when I’m ready. I’ve honestly always wanted to adopt. I’m okay, I promise.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me when you found out?”

“Haley and Jack had just gone into Witsec. I mean, in the most blunt way possible, we weren’t sure if they were ever going to come back. I thought it would be fucked up to tell you that I could never have your child, especially when you weren’t sure if you were ever going to get Jack back.” 

He paused for a moment like he was trying to process what I said. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I also needed to come to terms with it myself. Even though I always knew this was a possibility, it was still a little bit of a shock, you know? We had so many things happen to us at once, it just kind of felt like the universe was punishing me for something.” I admitted and Aarron kissed my forehead.

“This had nothing to do with Foyet?”

“I promise you, Foyet had absolutely nothing to do with this. I checked with the doctors. I figured he was watching me, absolutely ecstatic when I came out of the office teary-eyed. I’m sure he loved to think that this was all his doing, but it wasn’t.”

“What do you need from me?” I laughed a little and buried my head into his neck.

“If I’m a bitch to you for the next few months, don’t take it personally.” He let out a slight chuckle too and held me close to him. “Are you okay with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s your body, not mine. This doesn’t change anything between us. Just know that I’m always here for you if your opinion on it changes.” Those words were all I needed to hear. I knew he wasn’t going to be ridiculously upset about this, but I was just so scared that he wasn’t going to want me anymore because of it. The way he so effortlessly and maturely handled this entire situation made me realize that this was the guy I was destined to meet. The one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

“I love you, Aaron Graham Hotchner. I love you so much. I know I couldn’t say it at the hospital, I couldn’t say it after, but I mean it now. I love you.” I looked up at him and noticed that his eyes were glassy. “What’s wrong?”

“When Reid and I walked into your townhouse that night, I almost lost it. I held it together for you, for him, for everyone, but the thought of losing you terrified me more than anything else. And I put you in that position. I gave you this job knowing how much danger it would put you in. Seeing you in the hospital bed, unconscious…” He ran his hand through his hair. “For a moment there, they didn’t think you were going to make it, Y/n. The doctors called us in to say our goodbyes. Then everything turned around. Your internal bleeding stopped, your heart rate came back to normal, your blood pressure stabilized out. Those minutes though? The ones where you were doing poorly? I see that every time I close my eyes. I see you in that hospital bed.”

“Aaron, I-”

“Every moment of every day I wish that Foyet had stabbed me, I wish he had let me take that pain instead of you. I wish that he had broken into my apartment and tormented me and not you. I know that wishing won’t help anything, but I think about it all of the time. It’s what I was thinking about when I fought him last week.” When he mentioned the fight from last week, I finally took the opportunity to bring up what Spencer had not-so-subtly mentioned.

“Baby, why did you go inside that house? You knew that Haley, Jack, and I were all at Quantico and Mark was at the hospital. You knew that my dad and sister were safe. Why did you risk your life for nothing?”

He took a moment to collect his thoughts before answering as honestly as possible. “It wasn’t for nothing. He knew Haley and Jack were coming from New Jersey. He knew the amount of time it would take for Haley to drive to the house, and it was getting close. I couldn’t wait for backup. I had to get him while I could surprise him. If I hadn’t, he would’ve escaped and he would’ve stopped playing games. He would’ve killed every single person remotely close to me, and then he would’ve killed me. That wasn’t about to happen.”

“So you killed him?” I made sure my tone wasn’t accusatory, but he knew what I meant.

“I’m only going to speak on this once, and I don’t want it brought up again, do you understand?” I wordlessly nodded. “Between me and you, someone was going to end up coming out of that house in a body bag. I knew it as soon as I talked to Foyet. I came in the house through an upstairs window and once I got in view of a figure behind a curtain in the living room I fired off rounds. If he had died then, it wouldn’t have been self-defense. I knew that. I was willing to go to jail for that. He had on a vest he had stolen from Sam, and once I went down to inspect what I assumed would be a body, he attacked me. We fought for a bit, and he told me that after he finished me off he would go straight to you and do what he should’ve done in the first place. After he said that, a switch in me flipped and I just beat him and I didn’t stop until Morgan pulled me off. I don’t feel bad about it. So, you now have the full story.”

While he was talking he had subconsciously put distance between the two of us. I took notice of it and immediately put our bodies back together before saying, “Thank you.”

He looked at me with a puzzled expression in his eyes, probably wondering how I could say something like that after what he just told me. “Y/n, I just told you that I almost intentionally murdered someone.”

“Someone who traumatized every single person you know. And he was going to kill you too, so you need to start believing that it was self-defense.” I took a breath. “Babe, I know Foyet’s gone, but I hear his laugh every time it’s silent. I hate getting dressed in the morning because it’s just a permanent reminder of how he scarred my body. He left me for dead on the side of the road like I was something he needed to discard.” At my admission, Aaron slowly guided his hands to my top and started to pull it over my head. I was hesitant, but I let him. Once it was off, he slowly traced the dozen scars with his hand.

“Do you know what these are to me?” He asked and I shook my head. “These show me just how strong and resilient you are. You have to stop letting him win, Y/n.”

“I think we should go to therapy.” I blurted out. I’d been thinking about it ever since I got out of the hospital.

“Therapy? I don’t need that.” He objected and we situated ourselves so we were facing each other. I slid my hoodie back over my head before continuing.

“Aaron, I almost died. Haley almost died. Jack almost died. We’re grateful things worked out the way they did, but they could’ve gotten much worse. You killed somebody with your bare hands. You need to talk to someone about that.” I explained, nearly begging him to give it a shot. He wasn’t having it.

“I passed my psych eval.”

“Morgan told me that you wrote the questions.” I rebutted and he rolled his eyes slightly, probably cursing out Morgan in his head.

“Well, it was mainly Gideon.”

“Baby, please. I know I need to go. I need to get back to who I was. I want to start enjoying life again because I just haven’t been. I just want you to experience the same.” I tried convincing him again, and he got up from the couch and started to head to the kitchen. I followed.

“Have you ever been before?” He started making himself a cup of coffee and automatically started boiling water for a cup of tea for me.

“Yeah, when my mom was sick. I was lying to the therapist though, and I was always high so it was kind of a waste of everyone’s time and money. This time I want to put in the work to get better. I can‘t live like this anymore.” I settled on giving him my puppy dog eyes, and I pouted my lip a little. As soon as he turned around to face me, I knew I had won the argument.

“One session. I’ll go for one session to give it a chance.”

“Thank you!! I’ll go start looking for someone now.” I leaned up on my tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek before starting to leave the kitchen. He tenderly grabbed my hand which stopped me in my tracks.

“I’m willing to wait as long as you need.” I quickly realized that he wasn’t talking about a therapist or about anything we had already discussed today. He must’ve heard me talking to Emily on the phone the other day when she made a joke about “the loads of sex I must be having.”

“You heard Em, didn’t you?” He nodded. “I appreciate you more than you could ever know, Aaron. I promise I’ll let you know as soon as I’m ready. It’s partially why I want to go to therapy...I want to be able to feel you without feeling him.”

He paused for a moment, put down his coffee cup, and turned off the water he was boiling.

“Hey, I was looking forward to that tea!” I exclaimed and he started to drag me into the living room.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.”

“Go put on some clothes and then meet me back here. There’s somewhere we need to go.” I looked down at my outfit. I was wearing one of Aaron’s sweatpants and his GW hoodie. I’d been stealing clothes from him since I still haven’t gone back to my place to get anything. I quickly walked back to our room, stripping my clothes as I went. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans from a pile on the floor and a cream sweater from the closet before throwing my hair into a messy bun.

“I’m ready!” I said as I slipped my fuzzy crocs on.

“You’re absolutely adorable but if those shoes end up missing one day, it wasn’t me.” I jokingly hit his arm and fake-scoffed.

“If you take my crocs, I swear to god I’ll-”

“You’re not finishing that sentence. Come on sweetheart, let’s go.” I lightly rolled my eyes and followed him out of our apartment. We took his car and started driving, and after a few minutes, I realized where we were going.

“Aaron, I don’t think I’m ready.”

“What did I tell you earlier?” He replied and squeezed my hand. He had laced our fingers as soon as we started driving, which is something he’s been doing for the past few months. I’ll never tell him, but it’s one of my favorite things about him.

“That I was strong.”

“Which you are.” We sat in silence for the next few minutes before we passed Spencer’s apartment complex. His grip on my hand grew tighter as he pulled into my driveway. There was a blue Mini Cooper convertible parked in front.

“Who’s car is that? Where’s my Beetle?”

“Your dad sold it and bought this for you. I know how much you loved the Beetle, but we all thought it’d be too much for you. And I know how much you wanted a Mini Cooper.”

“I love it. Although I really could’ve gotten it for myself.” Aaron chuckled at that.

“Baby, when I tell you that I’ve talked to your dad more in the past month than I’ve talked to anyone in my entire life, I mean that. He has not stopped calling me about you. He loves you. I mentioned that you might not want to ride in the Beetle, and the next day this was here.”

I smiled. “He is very practical for his age.”

He opened the car door for me, and I grabbed his hand. We silently walked to the front door of my townhouse and Aaron unlocked it for me. The crime scene tape that was on the front door was gone, and when he flipped on the light in the entryway everything looked...normal. I started to focus on my breathing until I realized that I wasn’t breathing quickly at all. It was steady. I glanced around at my furniture.

“I still can’t believe President Grant sat on that couch. I remember telling Belle that I would never sell it.”

“Why wouldn’t you? You’d make millions.”

“I considered it, but it holds another memory for me now.” My mind flashed back to the morning after our second date at the Lincoln Memorial. I had woken up early to make Aaron breakfast and clean up my clothes off the floor. He came downstairs without a sound and snuck up behind me, planting a kiss on the top of my head. One thing led to another, and twenty minutes later I was screaming his name on that very couch, leaving another set of clothes for me to pick up. The smoke detectors went off that morning too, and he joked that Spencer was right by calling me Blaze.

“That’s one of my favorite memories together.” He kissed me on the top of my head just like he had that morning, and we made our way into the kitchen. Everything was in pristine condition, I wouldn’t have even known something happened here if it hadn’t happened to me. We finally walked into the dining room, and I tensed up a bit. I stared at the table, at the chair that I had sat in across from Foyet all those weeks ago. I made my way over to that very spot where I had almost gotten my life taken from me, and I squatted down.

“He straddled me right here. He put his legs over my body and sat while he stabbed me. He used one hand at first, then he used both. It seemed effortless for him.”

“It was effortless, sweetheart. He hurt so many people, but he can’t hurt anyone else anymore.” He helped me up from my position on the floor, and he started to head towards the door.

“I want to go upstairs.”

“Are you sure? I’m so proud of you for even walking in here, I know how difficult that must have been.”

“I’m sure.” I wasn’t, but I needed to see. I led the way upstairs to my bedroom, stopping by the wall that used to have “Hotchner” written on it in my blood. “How many coats of paint do you think that took?”

“Ask Reid. He and Austin painted your entire upstairs for you. I scrubbed off the blood, but he almost fought me when it came to painting. That’s why there are so many inconsistencies.” I felt tears start to swell.

“He did?”

“Emily, Garcia, and JJ swept and mopped the entire place.” We entered my room and I saw a new mattress and pale pink bed frame, and my room had been rearranged. “Morgan and Dave did this for you.”

I was letting a few tears fall now, overwhelmed by the kindness that I had been shown.

“We all love you, Y/n. Everyone was jumping over each other to do their part.”

“Aaron, you guy didn’t even know if I would’ve wanted to stay here. You did this on the off chance that I did?” He shyly nodded and I leaned up to press our lips together. They moved in sync, catching into a familiar rhythm.

“I’m not ready to stay here forever, but I think this was a good first step. Thank you for bringing me here.” He nodded and we walked over to my closet.

“Please pack something. JJ was in charge of getting your clothes, and I know you’re tired of the blues and blacks.” He was right. When I first opened the duffle bag that was packed I almost cried at the clothes that were picked out for me. I knew it wasn’t Penelope, because she would’ve grabbed every ounce of color I had. I knew it wasn’t Emily because there was no red, and I knew it wasn’t Spencer because the clothes somewhat matched. It made sense that this was JJ’s doing.

After I finished grabbing some extremely essential pieces of clothing, Aaron and I made our way back to the cars.

“I believe these are yours?” He tossed a pair of keys in my direction, and I surprisingly caught them.

“Fuck, I cannot wait to drive her.”

“Go ahead. I know you like to drive to clear your head. Just meet me at the apartment when you’re done. We’ll finally watch The Aristocats.” I gasped slightly and gave him a crushing hug.

“Thank you thank you thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah. If it doesn’t meet my standards, we’re doing the second Jurassic Park movie tomorrow.” I pulled back immediately.

“If you do that, I’m moving in with Emily.” I said it completely straight-faced, and Aaron sat there truly trying to figure out if I was joking or not. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer, just responding by unlocking my new car and popping open my trunk. “No heavy lifting, remember?”

He grumbled a response, but put my bags in immediately. As I got settled in the driver’s side and poked his head through the now open window.

“I love you.” I gave him a quick kiss before replying,

“I love you too.”

He backed out of the short driveway and made the turn to go back to our place. I went in the opposite direction, just driving the familiar streets of the city that I loved. Foyet might have taken a lot from me, but Aaron was right. He could never take my strength away. I wouldn’t let him. I’m going to get everything back and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	17. the interrogation

I’d been going to therapy twice a week for the past four months. Every week on Mondays and Thursdays, I would take an hour of my time to truly work on myself, and the results have been astounding. Not only did I finally work through Foyet, but I was also discussing the trauma I had been holding over my past relationships. I’d been harboring a lot of hate for myself, especially in how things ended with Pete. My therapist suggested that I reach out to him to try and make amends, which was coincidentally the only thing I skipped in recovery. I wasn’t ready yet, but I knew I would be soon.

Besides that, things have gotten back to normal. I started my segment at Today again, Belle got cast as Regina George in Mean Girls full time, and my dad was talking about retiring. After a long conversation with Aaron (and my therapist), I moved back into my townhouse. I initially started off staying there with Aaron for a week, and then I finally spent my first night alone. My dad and Aaron demanded that I install security cameras and a security system so I did, and I honestly felt the safest I had felt in a long time.

I was now spending work nights at my place and weekends at Aaron’s if the cases allowed. I took and passed my psych eval two months ago, so I was finally able to travel with the team again and do the part of the job I loved the most. Aaron also went to therapy for a month, and it was so beneficial for both of us. We started sleeping together again, and I didn’t have any memories or flashbacks of Foyet. We were finally getting our lives back.

After a small argument, Haley agreed to let us take Jack for two weekends a month. After Foyet she’s been a little colder towards us both, and I think it has something to do with how Mark is holding up. Unlike Aaron and I, he completely shut down the idea of therapy, and he blames us for Foyet torturing him. Mainly me, because I didn’t get his cry for help, but it honestly wasn’t my fault. I know he’s just channeling his anger into unhealthy ways, but I do wish there was something I could do to not make him so upset with me. All I can do now is see Jack when we can, and hope that Mark and Haley come around in a bit.

We had the previous weekend off, but I had gotten a call early this morning about a case in Boise, Idaho. Aaron spent the night with me last night so I texted in the BAU group chat about the case, just to be met with groans from everybody and JJ politely asking me to remove her since she had been reassigned on “Temporary Duty” for the next few months.

The whole “temporary duty” thing was a sore spot with Aaron because both he and JJ fought with Strauss to stop it from happening. Neither of them had a say in the matter, and Aaron refused to replace JJ with anybody. I put my profiling hours on the back burner because of Foyet, but after JJ left, I picked them up and I’d been flying through them. At this rate, I should be ready to go by the new year. Rossi finally hired someone new who was supposed to start today, but I wasn’t too excited. I tried to keep an open mind of course, but I just had a weird feeling about this Ashley Seaver girl.

Aaron and I both walked into the office at 6 am, and we were the first ones to arrive at the roundtable. We quickly sped through the setup and the distribution of the case files, hoping to have a few seconds to fool around, but Emily walked in just as we were finishing. Derek and Rossi followed, and we waited ten minutes before Spencer finally waddled in.

“What, did you join a boyband?” Aaron said as soon as Spencer sat down. I couldn’t even try to contain my laughter and the rest of the team didn’t try either.

“What? No.” He shot back and self-consciously touched his now short hair. “Austin just started cosmetology school and I let her practice on me.” We all continued to stare at him and he squeaked out, “She did Garcia’s too, okay?”

Penelope had come in the day before with bright red hair, and we had all gushed over it profusely. I’m sure Spence wanted the exact same reaction, but we were all shocked at how quickly he had cut off the locks he’d been growing ever since I met him.

“It looks nice, Spence.” I shot Aaron a glare and he rolled his eyes before looking back down at the case file in his hands. “Do you think she could do mine? I’ve always wanted to go with a lilac or lavender color.” Aaron looked up from his case file and gave me the same look he gives Spencer when he rambles randomly. “But that would be unprofessional. Anyways, this is Doris Archer. She’s the third woman to go missing in Boise, Idaho this year, along with Paula Renmar and Samantha Rush. They went missing roughly two months apart.”

Aaron knew better than to give me that glare, so I decided on a better way to get back at him. After I gave the initial details of the case, I waited while they all bounced ideas off each other like normal. As soon as Aaron glanced in my direction, I pulled my hair over to one side, giving him a clear view of my neck. Then, I let my eyes wander down his body, finally landing on his large hands. I wished they were wrapped around my neck, and I was so caught in my fantasy that I didn’t even notice that Aaron had announced that we were leaving in an hour and that the new girl would be joining us as well. On wobbly legs, I turned to leave the room with Emily not too far behind. She texted earlier that she needed to borrow a blazer and as we were on the way to my office, Penelope all but yanked us into her bat cave.

“Penelope, what the hell? I spilled beer on one of my blazers last case and I need to steal one from Y/n’s office before we leave.” Emily exclaimed as she plopped down on one of Pen’s extra seats.

“Oh, so I guess you don’t want to know what I found out about Ashley Seaver?” My head popped up immediately.

“Spill, we don’t have much time.”

Penelope excitedly pulled up her computer screen and showed us Ashley’s file. “Okay so talk about daddy issues. Her dad killed 25 women before she was a teenager.”

I looked at Emily and her face immediately showed recognition, and I realized who he was too. “HER DAD IS THE REDMOND RIPPER?” We both loudly exclaimed, and Penelope nodded her head so hard I thought it was going to fall off.

“Hotch and Rossi caught him back when Hotch first joined, that’s how they know her. She’s been trying to get in this unit for years. She actually applied for the communications liaison when it opened, but we got our beautiful Y/n here instead.”

“Holy fuck, Penelope.” I said as I scrolled through the file on her computer. Excellent test scores, in perfect physical condition, and a perfect shot. She was a little older than me, but not by much.

“Rossi wanted Ashley to tell us herself about her dad, but since Hotch didn’t order it I had to tell you guys.” Emily gave her a high five.

“I’m happy you did.”

“This makes sense. Aaron was so adamant about not wanting anyone to replace JJ, it was just odd that he was randomly okay with David bringing Ashley on. I’ll give her a chance though.” I turned to Emily. “We both know what it’s like joining a close-knit team like this, especially one who’s just lost someone.

Emily nodded as well, and we both decided to leave the office after thanking Pen for her findings. When we got back to my office, I let Emily quickly choose a blazer and she joked that she’d still beat me to the jet. I shook my head and rolled my eyes, throwing my last minute items in my go-bag.

“Hey, sweetheart.” I didn’t even need to look up to know that was Aaron at my door. He didn’t wait for me to invite him in either, and within seconds he was snaking his arms around my waist and nuzzling his head into my neck.

“What happened to wheels up in an hour?” I joked, not even turning around.

“There’s a reason why I said an hour and not thirty.”

“Agent Aaron Hotchner. I never thought you’d be one to try and get a quickie before a case.” I knew he loved it when I was sassy, especially recently.

“Please, I saw the way you were looking at me after I made fun of Reid’s hair. If anyone wanted this, it was you.” He replied and unbuttoned my shirt, massaging my breasts over my bra before I even had a chance to respond.

“The door. Did you lock the door?” I moaned out as he undid my bra and rolled one of my nipples in his fingers.

“Nope. So be quiet baby, I’d hate for someone to see you like this.”

“I can’t stand you, you know. I was trying to get back at you for looking at me the way you did.” I said, and I finally turned around to face him. He took that opportunity to go straight to my neck like always, because he knows that’s the best way to get me to shut up.

“You liked it.” He forced my shirt and bra off my shoulders, leaving me completely topless and exposed.

“No, I-”

“Stop talking.” I closed my mouth immediately and he let out a wide grin. “Good girl. Up on the desk.”

“Aaron, I’ve got papers up here, why can’t we just do it on the couch?” I practically begged. I had just organized those.

“On the desk or not at all.” He removed his lips from my neck and waited for me to make a decision. It wasn’t fair. He already knew what I was going to choose. With a deep sigh, I pushed all my papers to the end by my computer and I hopped on the desk.

He forcefully pulled my legs apart, standing between them as he hiked my skirt over my hips.

“Aaron, please.” I moaned out as he squeezed my now hard nipples in his hands.

“Shh. I need you to be a good girl for daddy today, okay sweetheart?” I eagerly nodded, hoping that by obeying as quickly as possible I could get the release I’ve been craving since this morning. “Use your words.”

“I’ll be good daddy.” He seemed utterly pleased at that, and he kissed me with a sense of urgency and forcefulness. My lips moved against his and I pulled his tie to bring him closer to me. I could feel his erection against my thigh so I brought my hands down from his torso to his belt buckle. I made quick work of his belt and his pants, and just as I was pulling down his boxers he grabbed my hands.

“I don’t remember telling you that you could do that.” He ordered and I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t remember you stopping me at any moment before now either.” I’ve been with Aaron long enough to know when I can get away with being a brat, and to know when I need to shut up and just let him fuck me into oblivion. I was already so desperate for him, and I would do anything if it meant that soon he would have his hands around my throat while he thrust in and out of me at a pace that should be considered murderous.

I couldn’t stop myself from letting a small smile escape when his hands almost immediately flew to my neck. He noticed it too and shook his head while he used one hand to pull his hard cock free.

“Look at you. I fucked you last night and you’re still this dirty and desperate for more.” He tangled his hand in the hair at the nape of my neck and pulled, arching my back up at him. “Oh, so now you have nothing to say? Speak, pretty girl. I don’t like to be kept waiting, remember?”

“I need you.” I managed to say and he laughed a little. He slid his hand under my skirt and pulled it back just as quickly when he realized I wasn’t wearing any underwear. “I never do. Every day I come into work without any on hoping that one day you’d stop being a wimp and fuck me during business hours.”

“Another word out of you and I’ll leave you in here like this.” He threatened, and I knew he was serious. He’s done it before. I knew he would collect himself and make his way to his seat on the jet, completely ignoring me for the duration of the flight. I shut up for the second time, and he slid his hand back under my skirt, slowly rubbing small circles on my clit. I let out a small moan and he kept going, pretty happy that I was now at his mercy.

Without warning, he slid two fingers in and I let out a louder moan, begging him to keep going.

“See what happens when you stop being such a brat? You get rewarded.” He lazily pumped his fingers in and out of my clit, attaching his lips to my breasts. He made sure to suck and bite on my nipples, eliciting even more moans from me. “Fuck, you’re so wet for me. I’ve barely even touched you, and you’re this wet for me.”

“Daddy, please fuck me. I need it. I need it now.” I breathed out and he removed his fingers. I whined at the loss of contact and he sat up to look at me.

“I thought I told you no more words. Why do you think you’re in control here?” I didn’t respond, which seemed to amuse him. “Hm. Maybe you’re learning, aren’t you pretty girl?”

I nodded and he placed one of his hands back on my throat before squeezing a little harder than normal. “If my pretty little girl wants daddy’s cock, that’s what she’ll get.” He pushed me onto his entire length, and it took everything in me not to cry out at the stimulation.

Neither of us had time to play any more games, especially with only 20 minutes before the jet took off. He harshly pounded in and out of me, hitting my sweet spot every single time. I was a moaning mess, and it didn’t help that Aaron kept saying things like “You’re taking my cock so well princess” and “All you think about is me fucking you, isn’t it?” Which wasn’t entirely false.

Neither of us lasted long, and before I knew it, I could feel myself clenching around him. He finished in me not too long after, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him as we both came down from our high.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful right now, you know that? You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.” He placed a kiss on my forehead as he slowly lifted me off of him. I whined at the sudden emptiness and he held me close again. After a long moment passed he said, “I’d give anything to stay here all day, but we have to go sweet girl.”

He was right. I released him from my grasp and hopped off my desk. Aaron handed me my bra and blouse off the floor, even helping me get dressed.

“I love you, baby.” I said and he leaned down to press a kiss on my cheek.

“I love you too, beautiful. Get the rest of your things and meet us on the jet, okay?” On his way out he unlocked the door, and I shot him a glare. “Oops.”

I shook my head as I threw the items that had been discarded to the corner of my desk into my go-bag. I quickly locked my office and made my way to the airstrip that wasn’t too far away. A few moments later, I slid into my seat on the jet across from Emily and Spencer, slightly wincing as I sat down. Emily noticed immediately and started cackling.

“What?” I whisper-screamed back and after a few moments she finally caught her breath.

“Nothing, just...you have a new accessory that you didn’t have earlier.” She started laughing again and I whipped my phone out to look at myself in the camera. That motherfucker. He barely spent any time at my neck and he somehow managed to give me one of the biggest hickeys I’ve ever had.

“Shit, is it obvious?” I started dabbing concealer on my neck, thinking that that would somehow make the newly purple skin turn back to my normal color.

“To an airplane full of profilers? Yes.” As soon as she finished speaking Aaron walked onto the jet. He gave me a sly look and continued his way to the front to sit near Rossi like normal. “Hotch and Y/n sitting in a tree…”

I pulled a random sheet of paper from the file, formed it into a paper ball, and threw it at Emily’s face. Spencer finally looked up from his book, completely oblivious to what had been happening for the past few minutes.

“What? What did that mean? What did I miss?”

“Did you not just hear Emily’s song??” I asked and he shook his head.

“The song meant something?”

“Oh, my god.” Emily cackled again and put her headphones on.

“Spencer, Aaron and I fucked in my office before I got on the jet. That’s why she was making fun of me.” I explained. I love Spence, but he doesn’t get many references and instead of ignoring him like everybody else does, I usually just tell him about them as bluntly as possible.

“Ew, Blaze!! I’ve sat on that couch!”

I slipped my sky blue Beats over my head before replying, “Who said it was on the couch?” I pressed play on the throwback Katy Perry album, leaving Spencer’s mouth wide open and his face an indescribable shade of red.

David and Ashley were the last to arrive, and we all gave a brief introduction to her. She sat next to Emily and across from Spence and me, so we chatted for a bit before the jet took off. She seemed nice enough, but I could tell that she was trying hard not to step on anybody’s toes. She would carefully wait for everyone to finish speaking before she thought out her answer, and I noticed how she fidgeted with her clothes when she was uncomfortable.

About halfway through the flight, Aaron called us together to go over the case and our assignments, and he formally introduced Ashley to all of us.

“So, if this unsub is using social networks to find his victims, why can’t we use that to find him?” Derek spoke up after he took off his headphones.

“Yeah, if these women each had 100 friends following them, then the unsub would pop up on each of their lists, right?” Emily added and pushed her hair behind her ear.

“The detective in charge, John Fordham, already looked into their groups. Everyone checked out.” I replied and Spencer picked up where I left off.

“Social networking sites are surprisingly insecure. Facebook recently tried to update all their privacy settings, and in doing so they made everybody’s profiles viewable.”

“Can somebody explain to me the appeal of these sites?” Rossi exclaimed and I let out a small giggle. “Eating sushi tonight, yum. Boss is keeping me late at work. Grr. Who’s life is so important that we’d be interested in this kind of detail?”

“That’s the running joke, isn’t it? I mean, I have Facebook but I was taught internet safety at a young age. I never tag anywhere until after I’ve left it, I don’t tag places I frequent, I never say when I’m alone at home. I didn’t even tell anyone outside of you guys and my immediate family what happened with Foyet. These women are putting every small detail of their lives on social media, which is so dangerous.” I said and Derek replied.

“You’re right, Y/n. I mean, most of these sites have a GPS built in. You can tell exactly where someone is every time they post a new comment or status.”

“This is telling us how he’s finding them, but it’s not telling us how he’s getting into their houses. I mean, at the very least I believe that he has copies of their keys.” Aaron said, never lifting his eyes from the paper. I loved that about him. When it’s time to be serious, he throws every aspect of himself into his work, into his cases.

“Doris Archer had a home security system installed, but the disable code was entered at 1:56 AM so he knew that too. He also found a way to deal with her dog. It was a German Shepherd that she adopted from the pound last year and it went missing the night she did.” Spence added.

“Alright, so this guy has gotta be in and out of the house well before the night of the disappearance. How did he do it?”

I spoke up again. “He could’ve come in through a window. We’ve already established that he’s proficient when it comes to computers, and he could’ve easily hacked a system. He could essentially come into a house as often as he pleases, especially when he knows that the women aren’t there because of the social media posts.”

“This guy is bold. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to sneak into people’s houses. He wants to be up close and personal with his victims. He wants them to know who he is and he gets off on the idea that he’s fooling them.” Aaron politely disagreed.

“How did you get that from what we have so far?” I challenged, and Rossi lifted an eyebrow, curious to what Aaron was going to reply.

Aaron leaned over me to flip to a page in my file, finally settling on one with the victim's latest social media posts. “Do you see how he posts on their own social media claiming that they are going on vacation? He did that for each victim. It gives him three days to do whatever he wants with them. If he was just going to sneak in and out without them knowing, he would’ve killed them in their houses. He wants them to see his face and he relishes in the fact that his face will be the last thing they see.”

I nodded, and he came back to his normal spot. It made sense.

“He comes up with some ruse, talks his way inside, then once he’s familiar enough with the house, he knows he can come back and kidnap them without disturbing anything.”

“What about the people that come into your house that you don’t consider a threat? Home repair guys, dog-walkers, someone fixing the internet?” Ashley finally spoke and Aaron nodded in her direction.

“Detective Fordham looked into that too. No one even came close to being a killer.” I rattled off.

“Morgan, Prentiss, and Seaver start with the last abduction sites. See if anything can point to his M.O. Y/n, you, Reid, and Dave go back over the women’s lives. Start with their friends on social networking sites. If this is how the unsub is finding them, maybe they’re connected to him without even realizing it.”

We broke apart and headed back to our seats. Spence and I spent the rest of the short flight reading the file and making notes on the different Facebook posts. I spent the better part of an hour explaining to Spencer the different types of websites and what each one was for, but finally decided to give up when he couldn’t grasp the need for Snapchat.

When the jet landed, I let Spence get out first, and I took some time grabbing my go-bag. I wanted to ride to the Field Office with Aaron, and I figured if I took some time grabbing my items, Dave and Spence would go ahead without us.

That wasn’t the case, however, because Aaron was the second person to leave the jet. When he walked past me he whispered in my ear, “I’m proud of you for speaking up earlier. You had some really good things to say. Now, finish those profiling hours.” and I couldn’t stop beaming. I grabbed my go-bag and started down the stairs, only to realize that there were only two SUVs available. I tried to beg Dave for the passenger seat, but he kept saying that “The kids sit in the back.” which was sickening considering both Spencer and I were nearly 30.

Aaron could tell how irritated I was, so he played Billy Joel the entire drive. When Zanzibar came on, he caught my eye in the rearview mirror and gave me a slight smile. A few weeks ago we were at my place reading Harry Potter, and once this song came on he made up the stupidest dance that I dragged him for, but I’d give anything to just have that time with him again.

I love our job, I love saving lives, and I love working on cases. I just love Aaron more. I think that being with him has shown me how precious life is and how you have to savor every moment you get. Even the small ones, like that second we just shared.

It’s really hard to believe that it’s nearly been a year since I first saw him in the oval office. It’s flown by.

We arrived at the Police Station, and I was the first one out of the SUV. I quickly made my way in and found Detective Fordham almost immediately.

“Detective Fordham.” I extended my hand and he gave me a small smile and shook it.

“Agent Y/l/n.”

“This is SSA Aaron Hotchner, SSA David Rossi, and Dr. Spencer Reid.” I gestured to the men behind me, and Spencer grinned when I introduced him as “doctor.” I’d always introduced him as “SSA Reid” but a few cases ago I noticed how happy it made him to be introduced as a doctor once I saw Aaron do it. I’ve done it ever since.

“Well, thank you for coming. We can really use your help.”

“Did you find anyone willing to talk to us about the victims?” Aaron answered quickly, getting straight to business.

“The problem wasn’t who to bring in, it was who not to.” Detective Fordham looked to the large group of people gathered off to the side, and all of our gazes followed as well.

“I’ll take Doris Archer’s family.” I stated and began to make my way over to the large group. Her boyfriend was already seated in a separate room, so it wasn’t hard to find him. As I entered, I felt a tug at my heart. Doris was probably already dead, and this sweet blonde boy in front of me had no clue. I couldn’t tell him of course, but part of me wanted to. I’d want to know if something happened to Aaron.

“Hey, Matthew. My name is Y/n Y/l/n. I’m with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. Is it okay if I ask you a few questions about your girlfriend’s disappearance?” I walked around the desk to take a seat, and I noticed that he had three crumpled tissues sitting next to his arm.

“That’s fine.” He flatly responded, never moving his eyes from an invisible spot on the desk.

“Did Doris ever mention letting someone in her home?”

“Like who?”

“Well, we’re just trying to figure out who would know the code to her home security. It must have been someone she trusted with the combination.” He shook his head slightly.

“There’s no one. I don’t even know the code to her home security, Miss Y/l/n. Doris was careful. She was smart. She took precautions. That’s the whole reason she got Bruno.” He explained, and I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

“Bruno, the dog? He was a guard dog?” If he was a guard dog, why didn’t he alert Doris that there was someone in the house?

“Yeah. She trained him for like six weeks.” That made no sense. I knew what I had to do next, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“I know these are hard to look at, but do you see anything different? Something he may have done to get himself inside?” I opened the file and pulled out the photos of Doris’s house, making sure to leave the police reports inside.

Matthew rifled through the photos haphazardly before landing on one. “Um, this isn’t right.”

“What’s that?” I asked, craning my neck to look at the photo from the correct angle.

“The photographs. This is when we first started dating. The one on the right should be on the left.”

“She wouldn’t have rearranged them herself?” I asked, and he was shaking his head furiously now.

“No. She arranged them a certain way to tell a story. It was uh, it was how we fell in love.” I noticed a tear form in his eye, so I handed him another tissue. He used it and added it to the pile. I excused myself and went to call Morgan who was at the house currently. He found what I was looking for, and discovered that the unsub was hanging cameras in the victims' apartments.

Aaron, Dave, and Spence left to go to the house and I stayed behind to talk to a few more of the victim’s family and friends. It was about another hour until Dave and Aaron got back, and I figured that they left everybody else to finish processing the scene. I made my way into the conference room where they were already on the phone with Penelope.

“It’s an internet relay.” Aaron said and gave me a small smile when he saw me enter.

“Precisely. Kids use them to get around blocked sites. Now, usually, one proxy is plenty but this piece of work is using dozens of proxy servers. He’s bounced his signal off China, North Korea, Russia, South Africa-”

“Garcia. Can you trace him back to Boise?” Aaron interrupted.

“Of course I can, and that’s what I’m doing. Time is the unfortunate ingredient I need, though.” It was silent for a moment before Penelope started speaking again. “This just in. Looks like one of our proxy servers archived what he was streaming on the night of Doris Archer’s disappearance.”

“Can we see it?” Aaron asked, already turning his attention to the TV screen. I came close behind him, terrified of what was going to play in a few seconds.

“Pulling it up now.”

The footage of a hooded figure entering the disable code to the house and crouching next to the dog flooded the screen.

“Well, Morgan was right. He knows the house.” Dave blankly stated and Aaron nodded.

“Oh, please don’t hurt that doggie.” Penelope said on the other end, and I knew what was coming next.

“How many trips inside the house would that take?” I asked as we watched the unsub open the door to let the dog out.

“Probably a dozen,” Aaron replied, and neither of their eyes left the TV screen. The unsub made his way up the stairs, stopping to stare into the eyes of the camera. It was dead silent on all fronts as we watched the unsub walk into Doris Archer’s bedroom. Suddenly, the camera switched angles.

“See that? The camera’s attached to him. It’s his point of view.” Aaron explained to me and Dave left out a giant sigh.

“So he can relive it over and over again.” The unsub woke Doris up and began strangling her with his bare hands.

“Please, can someone tell me when this is over.” Penelope begged through the phone, and Dave gave her an affirmation that he would. I buried my face in Aaron’s chest and he slowly rubbed my back while Doris Archer’s screams filled the room. Once they stopped, I finally turned to the screen to see the unsub wipe a tear from Doris’s corpse.

“It’s over, Pen.” I said, a chilly feeling seeping into my bones.

“He’s tender to her. She means more to him as a corpse than as a living person.” Neither Dave nor Aaron were phased at all by the snuff film that we were all just forced to watch.

“Garcia, we need to find the unsub’s network. Even if it’s a rough area, it’ll help narrow the geographic profile.

I could hear Penelope’s fingers clacking across the keys, but when she spoke this time her voice was shaky. I knew she was feeling exactly the same way I was. “Yeah, sir, that’s totally what I’m trying to figure out. Uh, there is something else kind of huge that you need to know about. Do you see this line of code there?”

She enlarged a box full of random letters and numbers. It took me a second to focus in on what she was talking about, then I saw it.

_** “You see that here? It’s the code that shows the comment section on your YouTube channel. If someone says something rude, I can just modify it and delete it.” Peter beamed up at me, completely enthralled in his new hack._

_“You don’t have to do that for me, bubs. I can handle a negative comment or two.” I was sitting on Peter’s lap, trying to act entertained with his hacker talk. I didn’t mind it though, any time spent with Peter when we were both sober was worth every minute._

_“You shouldn’t have to, Y/n. I love you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to shelter you from the harshness of the world. Come on, I want to show you how to unblur the flashcards on StudyBlue. I know you have a big Criminology test this week.” He leaned up and kissed me quickly, before turning his gaze back to the computer.**_

“It enables a chat room, doesn’t it Garcia? It means there were people fucking watching this.” I quickly answered, shoving that unwelcome memory out of my mind.

“Yes, it does. How did you know that angel? I didn’t know you were fluent in C++.”

“I’m not. It’s just something I picked up from an ex.” I quickly replied, and Aaron turned his gaze to me. He chose to ignore what I said and instead answered,

“We thought he was posting these after the fact. He’s not. He wants people to experience it with him. He wants an audience.”

“Are you telling me that this creep has fans?” I exclaimed and Dave nodded almost immediately after I finished my sentence.

“Y/n, can you go draft up a press release? We’re almost ready to give the profile. Be discreet about what we just saw.” I turned around and left the conference room, and as I left I heard Aaron mention something to Dave about calling the rest of the group.

As I made my way into a quiet corner of the station to draft my release, I heard my name being called out, no louder than a whisper. I followed the sound of the voice, only to become face to face with Matthew, Doris’s boyfriend. The Doris who’s life I had just watched end on a TV screen not too far away from where we were currently standing.

“Matthew? How can I help you?”

“You’d tell me if she was...you know? Right? You’d tell me so I could give up hope?” His voice broke at the last syllable, and he threw his arms around me to cry on my shoulder. I completely froze up, not knowing what to say or how to react.

“Matthew, I promise you know as much as we do right now.” I lied, my heart thumping faster with every word.

“I wanted to marry her. Bought a ring and everything. Please, God, just let me give it to her. Don’t take her from me.” He prayed and continued to hold onto me as tightly as possible. We stayed that way for a minute before I caught Aaron’s eye across the station. I shot him an unfair glare, and he raised an eyebrow at me. I figured we were going to talk about it later.

I quickly ran to finish the press release, just as the rest of the team arrived and finished the profile. They presented it to the cops, with the slight pushback that we all expected. Spencer noticed a symmetry with the victim’s features, so we were able to compile a rough sketch of what the unsub looked like. We were getting close, and it was only the first day.

After I finished giving the press release, Aaron decided to let us go back to the hotel to “continue to work” but we knew that meant we could sleep. There was no one currently in imminent danger, and it didn’t make sense to continuously go over and over what we already had if no new information could come from it.

When Aaron and I arrived at our hotel room, I showered and changed without a word, doing the rest of my bathroom routine once he stepped in the shower. When he got out I was already under the covers, just wanting to sleep away the haunting images I’d seen today.

“Are you okay?” Aaron finally asked once he settled under the covers next to me. He’s never one to go immediately to bed. He always stays up much later than me on cases. I’ve caught him reading case files with his phone light before, too scared he’d wake me with the lamp by the desk.

“Just thinking about Matthew. I had to lie to him today. After I watched Doris’s snuff film. He asked me if I knew anything and I told him no. But I did. I knew that the person he loved was dead…” I flipped over to face Aaron, laying my hand on his cheek. “I’d want to know if you were dead.” Aaron traced circles on my back and took a deep breath before he spoke.

“I know that was hard for you baby. I’m so sorry. Look at it this way. If you had told him that, not only would you have crushed his entire world, but you would’ve crushed the world of the other victims as well. You did a good thing, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

“Can we just go to sleep?” I asked and flipped over to my side, my tone very short.

“No, we can’t. It’s not healthy for you to go to sleep with this much on your mind.”

“Sometimes I regret making you go to therapy, you know that right?” I rolled back over and he let out a small laugh. He kissed the top of my forehead before saying,

“What’s really on your mind pretty girl?”

“Sometimes I wonder if this job is worth it. I know we’re doing so much good and that helps me sleep, but it’s almost been a year since we met. I’ve nearly died more times than I’d like to count. I’ve had to bend my morals too. I just struggle with it.” I let out a sigh of relief after explaining my struggles. He was right, it felt good to finally get that out.

“I know. I know it breaks your heart when you see families leave without their children, or when you see people lose their lives. It doesn’t get easier. I know that’s a little harsh, but it doesn’t. But Y/n, you are so strong. You’re the strongest woman I have ever met. You can do this.”

“I love you. Can I sleep now?” I asked again, and he brought his arm around my waist. He gave me another kiss on the forehead before burying his neck in my neck.

“Yes, baby. Now you can sleep.”

************************************

Overnight Garcia figured out who was watching the live stream, and the rest of the team went to go apprehend the suspects. I didn’t do much the rest of the day, just making sure I kept the media off the scent of the murders being live-streamed.

Spencer found the next target, but by the time he, Morgan, Seaver, and Emily got there, she was gone and so was the unsub. He hadn’t live-streamed anything, so we knew the woman he kidnapped was still alive. Emily, Dave, and Morgan interviewed the three guys from the chat room that were apprehended earlier, but before Morgan and Dave finished, Emily came scrambling out of an interrogation room.

“He’s killing her tonight. It’s already 7 o’clock, Hotch.” Emily’s tone was calm and steady, but she ran her hands through her hair twice. That was her tell. Just like Aaron when he rubs his pointer finger and thumb together. She was worried.

A phone rang in the conference room, and Aaron swiftly walked to answer it. “Go ahead, Garcia.”

“Watcher 89. I got him.” She exclaimed and Aaron didn’t miss a beat.

“Does he have his own network?”

“He doesn’t need one. He’s got a whole city to leech off of.”

“He’s killing Lucy Masters tonight, Garcia. We have to find her before that happens.”

“Aaron.” I pointed to the TV screen where Pen had left the unsub’s website up. “He’s live again.”

Lucy Masters was on the screen, bound and gagged, hanging from a ceiling. She was still squirming which meant she was alive, but I wasn’t entirely too optimistic that it would be for long.

“Garcia, can you tell where the video is being transmitted to?”

“I can’t tell. He’s not logged in as Watcher 89. He’s not using any of the regular proxy servers. If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t know that this was him.” She paused for a minute and all we heard was her keyboard for a few seconds. “Damn it! He’s encrypted his connection to the proxies.”

“English?” Dave countered and I let out a big sigh.

“It means there’s nothing she can do. We’re fucked. Lucy is fucked.”

“Wait. Garcia, can you enlarge the video?” Spencer finally spoke up. He had been abnormally silent this entire time, and I realized that he has been going over and over the statements the men in interrogation had given.

“Yeah, of course. I can do that.” The image grew larger, and we all noticed it at exactly the same time.

“It’s a walk-in freezer.” Aaron and I spoke simultaneously and Dave stood up from his chair as well.

“I know where he got it. Send Derek, Emily, and Seaver to the scrapyard. It’s near there.” Dave started walking back to Austin Chapman’s interrogation room, and Aaron pulled me aside.

“Y/n, go in there with Dave. Try to get him to break.” Aaron commanded and a jolt of panic ran through my body.

“Me? You want me to go in there?” I started to argue back, but Aaron’s face was absolutely stony.

“Do not argue. Go.” Those four commanding words alone made me follow Dave on his heels as we nearly ran to the interrogation room.

“We didn’t catch you by mistake, did we Austin?” Dave started, and the older gentlemen rolled his eyes.

“What? You couldn’t get me to admit to a lie so you brought in America’s Next Top Model to do it?”

America’s Next Top Model. He doesn’t respect women. I racked my brain, trying to figure out how the hell I could get him to give us the location. Then, bingo. He wouldn’t listen to a woman, but he’d listen to a woman who knew men in high places.

“-You gave him a place to hide the bodies!” I tuned back in to hear Dave exclaiming at Austin.

He angrily shifted in his seat. “That’s not true! Talk to my wife! I’m home by 6 every night-”

“That’s the first thing voyeurs learn. How to cover their tracks. How to stalk between the hours of 9 and 5. That’s why there was no porn on your computer. You had something better!”

“THIS IS A CRIME! I would NEVER do what you’re describing. And even if you don’t believe me, my wife knows. My kids, my grandkids. I hate computers. I don’t even know how they work!” Austin finally screamed, and I knew that Dave had gotten him right where he needed to be. Right at the tipping point. One more blow and it would be over.

“Hi, Austin. America’s Next Top Model here.” I finally spoke, making sure my voice was soft, light, and feminine. He flipped his gaze to me immediately, seemingly disgusted that I was even speaking to him. “You don’t know me, so I’m going to give you a quick rundown. Hi, I’m SSA Y/n Y/l/n. Former Press Secretary to the White House and President Grant owes me a favor. I’ve got an ex-boyfriend in the NSA, an ex-boyfriend that’s currently the Attorney General of the United States, and an ex-boyfriend who ruins lives for fun. Now, you’re going to jail. That was solidified the minute you degraded me. Unless you cooperate with me now, in just one phone call,” I held up a finger to make my point. My tone now turned calm and cold. “when your wife, kids, and grandkids google you they will find out what kind of a monster Grandpa really is. I’ll ask you once. What's. The. Address. To. The. Freezer.”

“1823 Hudson.” He muttered out, and I ran out of the room, Dave hot on my heels this time. “Wait! How do I know you won’t make those phone calls?” I slammed the door in his face, pulling out my phone to call Morgan and give him the address.

It was less than three minutes from where they currently were, and they thankfully found the girl before the unsub killed her. I shot a text to Leo Bergen as soon as I hung up with Morgan, and after he dragged me for not speaking to him for two years, he agreed to get a story published about Austin Chapman. By the time we got our files cleaned up, the jet on standby, and the rest of the team back to the office, Leo texted me saying that it was done. I quickly swiped a laptop from one of the detectives and went to the story. I walked into Austin’s interrogation room, a large grin on my face.

“Just for the record, I definitely did this. I guess this model’s good for something, huh?” I left the laptop screen up, but just out of his reach. He’d be forced to stare at it until they came to process him. And by the looks of it, it’ll be a while.

After about an hour, we all made our way to the jet. It was a little after 10 pm, so we wouldn’t touch down in DC until about 2:30 am. I settled onto the couch, praying that Aaron would come to join me there instead of Spencer. He did of course, practically pushing Spence out of the way to claim his spot. The one thing I loved about the team was how accepting they were about Aaron and me being together. They all welcomed me in with open arms, and each of them has told me how much happier I’ve made him. He’s still a non-smiling hardass on cases, but when they’re over, he resorts back to his childish ways.

He opened his arms as an invitation for me to come between them and once I got situated, he draped them over my body and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. That’s become his thing now, and I didn’t want to complain one bit.

After about 30 minutes of us just laying there in each other’s company, I finally decided to ask the question that had been burning in my brain for the past two hours. “Why did you make me do that?”

“Strauss didn’t think you were prepared to be a profiler. We both agree that you are,” He joking lifted his fingers up in quotation marks for the next word, “‘killing’ the role of communication liaison, but she expressed genuine worry at you going into the field. She didn’t think you had what it took to do the hard things, and she was skeptical about my honest opinion because of us. So I proved her wrong.”

“Wait, so that was a test??”

“Yes, and you passed. I didn’t doubt you for a second, baby.”

“It was kind of fun, honestly. I liked picking the small things he said and using them against him later. It made me feel good when we recovered Lucy Masters alive, knowing that that was because of something I did.” I admitted, and Aaron leaned down to kiss me again.

“You are amazing.”

“Speaking of amazing, if I get Mark an Edible Arrangement do you think he’ll stop hating me?” I changed the subject and Aaron stared at me, his brows furrowed a little.

“An Edible Arrangement won’t make up for hours of torture. But, he’ll come around. He has to.”

“What about if I get you an Edible Arrangement? Someone’s forty-second is coming up soon!” He hissed at me to keep my voice down once I reminded him of his upcoming birthday.

“Stop acting like your birthday isn’t right before mine.” My eyes grew wide when he mentioned that.

“Can we please have a Halloween party/ Birthday Party for me, you, and Spencer?” I whispered gleefully, not even being able to contain my excitement. Spence and I always celebrate as close to our birthdays as possible, but since his is on October 28th, mine is October 31st, and Aaron’s is November 2nd, a Halloween party was perfect.

“I always take Jack trick-or-treating.” He said, trying to cling to the first excuse he could think of.

“The party probably won’t start until later anyways. Please, baby? I’ll let you pick my costume.” I teased, and he seemed absolutely thrilled once I brought that up.

“Fine. But you tell Reid that this is your day and he better not make it about him.” I looked up at him, and his face was completely serious, unmoving. After a minute, we both started laughing, and he held me closer than he had previously been.

“I can’t wait to spend another year with you.” I snuggled down into his chest, and he immediately pulled off his suit coat to drape it over my torso.

“Me neither pretty girl. Me neither.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long!! i found myself writing chapter 17, chapter 20, and the epilogue instead of writing this one haha. as always, thank you for so many hits and comments and bookmarks!!! i hope you guys are enjoying!! one last thing, this story is going to have 30 chapters in total and an epilogue :) and mini-spoiler: y/n meets a very special ex next chapter!!


	18. the three boxes

**tw: The italics at the very beginning of this chapter show Y/n and Peter’s relationship. Abuse is depicted and briefly mentioned in the therapy session after. If you want to skip that part, I’ve added “**” when the section starts and ends. There’s also some smut in here kinda a fourth of the way down, but it’s the normal stuff, nothing too crazy. Happy reading!**

_** “I don’t know what else you were expecting, Peter. Get the fuck over it.”_

_“This is the third time you’ve flaked out on me. And for what? What were you on last night?” He followed me around his apartment, not letting this conversation go._

_“I don’t know. I woke up at Noelle’s and I came here immediately after. I’m here now, so can we stop arguing? I said I was sorry.”_

_“I told you that you weren’t allowed to see Noelle. Why can’t you follow simple instructions, Y/n? I know you aren’t dumb.”_

_I threw down my backpack and whirled around to face him. “Why are you always picking a fucking fight with me? There’s always something I’ve been doing wrong recently, always something that you’re not pleased with me about. Have you ever considered that the reason I’m out all of the time is because of you? Because you’ve been placing all this fucking_ **_pressure_ ** _on me?”_

_“Don’t you dare blame this on me, Y/n. This is your problem. When I met you, I knew you were damaged, and I jumped at the chance to be with you, to help you carry that pain. But I cannot do this anymore. What’s wrong with you, Y/n? Did your rich mommy and daddy not give you enough love as a child? People have it worse than you, you know. You’re so fucking pathetic.” Those last few words hit deep. Because they weren’t true. My parents treated me like gold. I had an amazing childhood, an amazing home environment. I knew Peter didn’t. He never spoke about his parents much. I knew his mom died when he was a kid, and his father was killed in prison. He never really told me why his dad was incarcerated, only focusing on the happier memories and his time at Harvard._

_“Your weird jealousy issues have nothing to do with me. You sit here and you place the blame solely on me for all of our problems. I’ve never hit you, Peter. I’ve never even raised my voice towards you, never called you anything out of your name. In this one conversation, you’ve hurled out three personal insults towards me. And you wonder why I’m always high. I’m trying to forget this fucking relationship.”_

_“You’re trying to forget this relationship?” He stepped closer to me, pulling my body towards his. I let out a giant sigh but didn’t move. He always did this, using sex to end an argument. When I didn’t respond, he pushed me back towards the wall in his bedroom and his hand across my chest so I couldn’t move. “You’re trying to forget this relationship?”_

_“I didn’t mean it.” I choked out and he brought his other hand to my face, keeping my jaw in place._

_“Say you love me. Just say it, and we can be happy again. Don’t you want to be happy again?”_

_“I love you, Peter, okay?” He loosened his grip, letting his hands fall to the side. I took a few deep breaths of air before continuing, “I love you so much it’s draining. The love I have for you is intoxicating. It scares me. Is that what you wanted?”_

_He brought his hands around my back and started kissing my neck. “That’s exactly what I wanted, baby girl. You’re so good at following instructions. Do you know how pretty you look just silent like this? You should just stop talking. You know no one will tolerate you the way I do, that no one could ever love you the way I do.”_

“Where did you just go, Y/n?” Dr. Harrison’s voice shook me out of my memory. I took a deep breath and focused on my surroundings. White walls, tan couch, white chair. Wooden table, wooden desk with a computer. A window.

“The night Peter and I broke up.” I said, my voice slightly breaking. I wiped a tear.

“That elicited a painful reaction from you. Are you ready to talk about what happened that night?” She asked me, her calm tone comforting.

“We had another fight. It was bad. He threw me against a wall to end it, so I stopped arguing. He then forced me to have sex with him, to end the fighting. I fell asleep after and when I woke up he had packed all my things and he threw me out. Told me it was my fault. Everything was my fault. And I believed him.” I whispered. Saying the words out loud was scary.

“From what you’ve told me in our sessions, it doesn’t seem to be solely your fault. I think it’s responsible for you to accept blame when needed, but I don’t think it’s wholly needed.” She leaned over the table to hand me a tissue and I took it eagerly.

“What do you mean?”

“Was that the only time he’d been aggressive with you or used sex to end an argument?” She pressed.

“No, it’s how we always ended them. My parents never fought, they never even raised their voices at one another. I guess I just didn’t really know how a fight was supposed to end. Not until I started dating Aaron.”

“What does an argument between Agent Hotchner and you look like?”

I paused for a second, racking my brain for the last time we had a bad fight. “He initiated this rule. We never argue in bed. If we get a little worked up before sleeping, we turn on all the lights and stand up until we work it out. We also never go to sleep angry. We’ll stay up all night if it means that we’re okay.” As I was talking, I started to realize how incredibly healthy my relationship with Aaron was, and how incredibly _unhealthy_ my relationship with Peter was. “We end every fight with ‘I love you.’ In our line of work, you never know when it’ll be the last time you see somebody. Neither of us wants our last interaction to be something we’ll regret.”

“Something happened to you there, in the middle of speaking. You realized something, didn’t you?” Damn, Dr. Harrison is good at her job.

“Yeah. I realized that you were right. All this time I’ve been blaming myself completely for what happened with Peter, but it wasn’t entirely my fault. He was abusive, wasn’t he?” I asked, hoping for an answer that I knew she wouldn’t give.

“What you experienced was abuse, yes. I’m proud of you for coming to that realization and I’m proud of you for not going back to him. I know that was probably hard for you.”

“It actually wasn’t. I threw myself so hard into school, into work, into drugs, that I never really craved Peter anymore. After I met Spence, he just became an afterthought.” I admitted. I looked down at my hands and realized my nail beds were red. I’d started picking at them again and I didn’t even notice.

“During our past few sessions this situation has been weighing on you, I can tell. What do you think you need to do to help alleviate these feelings?”

** “I think...I think I need to see him.” The thought was terrifying. I hadn’t seen Peter since that night. I’d ignored his phone calls for the following year, but once I got with Leo the messages stopped. They never picked up again. For all I know Peter could’ve moved.

“What’s the best case scenario if you see him again?” Dr. Harrison asked again, and she slightly leaned forward to show me that she was giving her full attention.

“He’ll apologize. He’ll admit that he treated me terribly, and he’ll want to make it up to me. We’ll end on good terms.” That seemed so far-fetched, so unattainable.

“What’s the worst case?”

“He won’t have changed at all. He’ll try to gaslight me again, telling me it was all my fault. He’ll try to pull me back to him.”

“And if he does?”

“I won’t let him. I know I’m not to blame entirely.” Dr. Harrison gave me a small smile.

“Then let’s text him together.”

I pulled out my phone to see a text from Aaron and a text from Spence. Aaron was just letting me know that he was sitting outside and that he brought me a chai latte that he made himself. I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Aaron in my kitchen trying his hardest to remember the intricacies of my daily drink.

The text from Spence was a little more somber. Austin cheated on him while we were on the case two weeks ago, and they’ve been trying to make it work. I guess they didn’t, because the text just read “We ended it. Need lots of alcohol.” I felt so bad for him, he really loved her. I promised him I wouldn’t go slash her tires, but the fact that she dumped him on his fucking birthday?? She better be happy she dropped journalism because I would’ve gotten her black-balled from every single news site in the area.

**Y/n: Peter, I know we haven’t spoken in a long time. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t want to hear from me ever again. I’ve started going to therapy, and I’ve been talking and thinking a lot about you. I don’t like the way we ended things. If you’re still in the area, would you be willing to meet up somewhere and talk?**

The text back came less than a minute later. He was never one to keep someone waiting, He thought it was “absolutely asinine” to not respond to a text right away.

**Peter Lewis: It’s good to hear from you, Y/n. I’m still in the area. Our usual table at Olivia Macaron? Tomorrow at 11?**

**Y/n: Sounds perfect :)**

Dr. Harrison gave me a thumbs up after looking at the texts, and I promised to let her know how everything went next week.

I walked into the hallway after the session and was met with Aaron snoozing quietly in a corner of the waiting room. He looked so peaceful when he slept. It’s the only time he’s ever truly at peace, and I hate waking him from it. I let him sleep for a moment longer until I softly spoke his name. He jumped up and looked around, a smile finally settling on his face when he noticed me.

“Baby, hi. How was the session?” He asked calmly, then frantically searched around for the chai he promised me. When he finally found it, he all but shoved it into my hands, eagerly waiting for me to take a sip.

I tasted it with a smile and was pleasantly surprised with the taste. It wasn’t mine, but it was good. “It’s really good, love. And the session was freeing. I feel good.” He stood up and gave me a short kiss. He placed his hand on my lower back as we walked out of the office.

We got in his car and the soft sounds of Taylor Swift immediately filled the air. He pulled out of the parking lot, but he didn’t go in our normal direction back to his place.

“Where are we going?” I asked and he lightly squeezed my thigh.

“We’re going to get the first half of your birthday gift.”

“Aaron! You promised you wouldn’t do anything too elaborate!” I exclaimed, but secretly I was so happy he was spoiling me.

He chuckled before replying, “So did you, but the three Gucci ties and the 8.4 oz Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille cologne I found in your closet beg to differ.”

“You really couldn’t snoop?” I pouted and removed his hand from my thigh. “Also, that’s not too elaborate.”

“Yeah, not too elaborate for David Rossi maybe.” He saw the look on my face and dropped that aspect of the conversation completely instead replying, “I wasn’t trying, baby. I promise. I was trying to see if you had something I wanted to buy you, and I was opening your shoe boxes and I found it. ” I ignored his excuse completely.

“Uh huh.” He took the opportunity to lace our fingers together as he continued driving. When we got to the post office, I promised to keep my eyes closed the entire time and I did. When he got back in the car 10 minutes later, I craned my neck to see what the hell he had laid in the backseat. As soon as I started to turn my head, Aaron harshly grabbed my cheek.

“You were being so good for me baby. Don’t make me return your things.” I let out a huff and faced the front of the car again, keeping my arms crossed over my chest. “Good things come to pretty girls who wait, okay? It’s only two more days.”

“Yeah, yeah. Can we stop by Spencer’s on the way home? He’s a little depressed and I need to go make sure his apartment is still liveable. It needs to be aired out every now and then when he gets in this state.”

“So they really broke up?” Aaron asked, his voice full of wonder. As much as he tried to distance himself from the team’s personal lives, he cared so much about us. I know that if one of us is hurting, so is everyone else.

“Mmhmm, last night. He called me crying but begged me not to go over there. I thought it was just another fight, but he texted me during my session and said it wasn’t. I just feel so bad for him, you know? I don’t know what’s wrong with her, Spencer loved her so much.” As I let those words leave my lips, I realized what was wrong with Austin. It was the same thing with me and David Rosen. Spence loved her too much. It scared her. So she did what she knew best, she ran. She did something that he could never forgive her for, just to escape the commitment.

I knew she cared deeply for him. The anthrax attack proved that. She’d been in contact with me for months planning his birthday gift, so it didn’t make sense for her to do that yesterday. Unless she really wanted him to hate her.

We arrived at Spencer’s pretty quickly, and Aaron agreed to sit in the car while I went to go check on him. I climbed the stairs to his apartment and let myself in. We had given each other keys back when we were in recovery, but I had never had to use his until right now.

Yup. Just what I expected. It smelled like something had died in there.

“Spen, I’m gonna crack open a window okay?” He responded with a low grumble. I took that as a yes, and opened the window in his living room as wide as it would go. I walked back into his bedroom and sat on the bed. “Come here bubs.”

He clamored his way to my lap and laid his head there. We sat that way for a good ten minutes, him just breathing and me using my fingers to massage his scalp and play with his hair.

“How do you know that what you’re feeling about him...that it’s real love, Blaze?” Spencer mumbled out, lifting his head to meet my eyes. “I thought I had that with Austin but, what if I was just kidding myself?”

I paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to string the words together. “There are some loves and romances that are these giant affairs. The ones that are complicated and messy and cause more heartbreak and pain than anybody would ever find imaginable. There are loves that are calm and loyal, the ones that are a constant. And then there is the type of love like Aaron and I have...the type where you’re not complete without the other. Spence, I don’t feel whole without him. My heart physically aches when he’s not next to me. I would rather die than not have him in my life. I would do anything for him. You need to figure out what kind of love you need, and find someone who needs the exact same.”

Spencer chose not to reply to that. Instead, he just sat up and gave me a hug. “I appreciate you.”

I spent the next thirty minutes or so just sitting with Spencer. I cracked a few jokes to make him smile, then he finally got up to show me his party costume. Luckily he changed it after the problems with Austin started, so he wouldn’t end up going as half of a couple.

When I finally made my way back downstairs to the car, I wasn’t even surprised to see Aaron asleep behind the wheel again. He works himself entirely too hard. I gently knocked on the window, and he jumped to unlock the doors with lightning speed.

“You were in there for a while.” He observed, and I placed our hands together before he pulled out of the parking spot.

“He was pretty sad.” I clicked my seatbelt into place. “Can we stop by my place quickly? I need to grab something.

“Of course.” I didn’t need anything, but Aaron needed a nap. I knew he wouldn’t have stopped if I suggested that he just take a nap (he says that sleeping isn’t necessary) but I could always lure him into one.

We pulled into my driveway in less than a minute, and Aaron led the way into my townhouse, never letting go of my hand. As soon as he shut the door, I flipped him around and kissed him urgently.

“Mmm, wait a minute. What’s this for?” He innocently asked, his rough hands slowly moving up and down the length of my arms.

“I just appreciate you.” I said, repeating Spencer’s words from earlier. “Do I have to have a reason to want to reward my remarkably attractive boyfriend?”

“Absolutely not.” He slightly pushed me against the door, placing one of his hands behind my head so it wouldn’t hurt. Once I was completely flush against the door he removed his hand. “Put your arms up.” He demanded and I happily obeyed. He peeled off my sweater, bringing his hands to both sides of my face. “You are so beautiful.” I started to blush. “I seriously cannot believe how I ended up with someone as stunning as you.”

“Aaron, that’s all great and everything, but I want you to fuck me.” His pupils darkened at my words, and I knew I got him out of that simp phase he gets into every now and then.

“Go upstairs and wait for me.”

That was the one thing I did not want to hear. Whenever I mouth off to him too much, he always makes me sit in a room by myself for at least 15 minutes. I’m never allowed to touch myself. I just have to sit there and wait for him. It’s excruciating. It’s the only punishment he’s found that I can’t stand.

“Daddy, please.” He didn’t budge.

“Upstairs. Now.” I sighed in exasperation and made my way to the stairs. “Leave your pants.”

I considered flipping him off as I unbuttoned my pants, but I knew if I did that I wouldn’t cum for another two weeks. He wouldn’t care if it was my birthday or not. So I did what I was told and I went to my bedroom.

After a solid ten minutes passed, I heard the coffee maker go off. He had got to be kidding me. There was absolutely no way he was _enjoying_ a cup of coffee while I was sitting on the bed waiting for him to fuck me. Two could play that game.

I waited another minute for him, but when I didn’t hear his footsteps I took off my bra and underwear. I started to touch myself, exaggerating my moans. Making them louder so he could hear them.

Within seconds I heard quick footsteps on my stairs. “You cannot be serious right now, Y/n. You’re already in fucking trouble.” I chose not to respond, just continuing to rub small circles onto my clit.

He roughly removed my hands from my body, completely ignoring my whines.

“If you’re going to act like a greedy slut, then I’m going to treat you like one.”

I really messed up. He’s been...irritated with me before, but never like this. But he’s been getting more adventurous with our sex life recently, we even came up with safe words. Red for stopping, yellow for slowing, and green for good. We’ve never had to use them, but this afternoon might be the first time. And all because I wanted him to take a goddamn nap.

He joined me on the bed, taking his tie and wrapping my hands in it. “What color is it if I tie them to the bedpost, baby?” He asked, his dominance leaving for just a moment.

“It’s green.” I said and he tenderly tightened the tie to keep them in place.

He tugged my hair back, giving him a perfect view of my neck. He latched his lips hungrily to the spot that always elicits the biggest moans from me, grinning against my skin when I finally gave in.

“Stop teasing me, daddy. You’ve already made me wait long enough.” I whined and attempted to move my hands. They didn’t budge of course, and Aaron chuckled a little at the sight.

“No. I might leave you here for a little while. It’ll give you time to think about your actions.” He threatened, but by the look of the bulge inside his pants, he wouldn’t dare.

He ignored my pleas as he kissed and sucked and made his way down my body, leaving a trail of bruises in his place. He finally stopped at my wet slit, using his tongue to lick a long stripe up.

“Aaron, fuck, right there.” I begged as he kept his mouth at that sensitive spot, using his fingers to stretch me even wider.

“You’re such a naughty little girl, all for me.” His words were enough to almost push me over and the edge, and he quickly took notice.

He removed his mouth and his fingers from me right as I was about to become undone, and before I could even complain he lined his cock right at my entrance, slowly teasing me with the tip.

“Aaron, I swear- _Fuck_!” I started to threaten him but was rendered completely silent when he finally slammed his cock into me. He slowly slid in and out of me, letting me feel every inch. “Faster, please.” I whined, tugging at my restraints some more.

“Beg for it.” He simply replied and started moving at an even slower pace. I was wrong earlier when I said that the only “punishment” he’s given me that I couldn’t stand was sitting in a room by myself. This was much worse.

“Daddy will you please fuck me? I promise I’ll stop being bratty.” He chuckled a little.

“You’ll never stop being bratty.” He was right, but my words made him go much faster, finally giving me what I needed.

He reached a hand up to untie my wrists from the bedpost, and I responded by sinking my nails into his bicep, begging him to go faster.

He squeezed one of my breasts, using it for support as he slammed in and out of me. My orgasm was already quickly approaching, and by his grunts I knew he was close too.

I dragged my nails along his back harshly, making sure to leave little crescent-shaped scars the way he liked. He brought his hands to my sensitive clit again, rubbing down on it forcefully.

“ _Fuck!_ ” I screamed out in pleasure, and he quickly put his hand on my throat, quieting me immediately.

“Quiet down. Do you want everybody on this street to know that you’re getting fucked like a whore right now?” His words went straight to my core.

“I want to be loud for you daddy, please let me.” I moaned out, trying hard not to focus on his cock still sliding in me at the same murderous pace as before.

“Okay, pretty girl.” He kept his hand at my throat, making sure to hit my most sensitive spot with every thrust. I couldn’t control my moans even if I wanted to. I was so loud I’d be surprised if Spencer couldn’t hear me down the street. Thank goodness I don’t live in an apartment building.

I let out a string of expletives as I reached my high, Aaron reaching his right after I did. We laid there for a few seconds after we finished, him just kissing my slightly dewy skin, telling me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me.

After a minute of light arguing against me getting up, I forced myself out of bed and quickly ran to the restroom.

“Did I hurt you? Sorry about the bruises, by the way.” He asked as soon as I crawled back in bed. I slowly shook my head and he started to rub my wrists, making sure I wasn’t in any pain at all.

“I’ll be fine. Sleep with me.” I murmured against his chest, and he softly brought my chin up so I could meet his eyes.

“Did you really just tire me out so I would take a nap?” I didn’t say a word and Aaron laughed, the sound warming my ears. “I love you so much, sweetheart. I hope you know that.”

“I love you.” That was the last thing I remember saying before falling asleep, Aaron’s strong arms protectively surrounding me.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing those words fall from those pretty lips.”

********************************************

“Hi.” I turned around and was face to face with Peter for the first time in nearly five years.

“Peter, hey.” I stood up to give him a hug, and he paused for a moment like he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He finally decided to wrap his arms around me and I laid my head on his shoulder like old times. Aaron always towers over me, so when I hug him my head always hits his chest. With Peter, he’s the perfect height for me to lay my head on his shoulder. We stayed that way for a minute, and I almost forgot all the negativity we had between us. I just felt serenity. As quickly as that moment came, it passed. Peter let go and took his seat across from me. I ordered him a black coffee. He took a sip before saying,

“You look good.” He was right. I looked so much happier and healthier than I was when I last saw him. But, I couldn’t really say the same for him. He looked … cold. The light had disappeared from his eyes, the smile that I fell in love with was long gone.

“It’s what two and a half years of sobriety did for me.” I replied and he ran a hand through his hair.

“So you get sober and I get stuck with the pain. Gotcha.” He coldly said and slouched back in his chair.

“Pete, what are you talking about?”

“We could’ve been married by now, had kids. You were it for me, Y/n. Do you know how painful it is to see you on TV nearly every day, glowing and acting as if you don’t have a care in the world? I can barely get out of bed most days, just wondering where I went wrong.” He finally admitted as he looked down at his shoes.

“Peter, look at me.” I waited until he finally stared into my eyes and I continued. “I never stopped thinking about you.” I said. I shouldn’t have told him that, but it was true.

“Was I not enough for you?”

“Peter...” I took a breath and remembered what Dr. Harrison and I had talked about the day before. “As much as you like to blame me for our break-up, it wasn’t entirely my fault. You had anger issues, and you took them out on me.”

He sighed again and ran his hands through his hair. His demeanor immediately switched, and I saw his hands tense up as he brought them back to the table, almost like he was trying not to make a fist. “You’re making up stories again, Y/n. This is why we didn’t work. I never did that.”

“Are you kidding me? You would constantly tell me that no one would love me the way you did. You would insult me in one breath and make love to me in the next. You made me feel like I would never be good enough for anyone. You really hurt me.”

He shook his head furiously. “You’re fine. Stop playing the victim, it’s not attractive. You haven’t been without a relationship in years. I couldn’t have ‘hurt you’ that badly.”

He was infuriating. I calmly laid down my coffee cup. I couldn’t let him gaslight me again. “You think I _wanted_ to date Leo fucking Bergen, Peter?? After we broke up I started doing cocaine, and I was forced to date Leo to keep my job. Once my job was secure we broke it off. Then there was David Rosen. David loved me more than anything, but I could never say the same to him because I never believed him. You did that to me. I didn’t believe that he could ever love me, so I broke up with him instead.”

Peter just rolled his eyes. “So where’s the excuse for Aaron Hotchner, huh? I always knew you had a thing for older guys, but your boss? I guess I was right about you sleeping your way to the top. I’d be surprised if you didn’t fuck the President while you were at it.”

“Are you fucking- This was a mistake.” I let the chair scrape on the floor behind me and I stood to leave.

“Of course you’re leaving. You could never finish conversations, could you?” He yelled out behind me, and I turned around so fast my hair hit me in the face.

“Do not contact me again, Peter. I mean it. I want nothing to do with you.”

“Enjoy what you have with Hotchner while it lasts.” He replied and picked up his coffee cup again.

It was weird how he came into this meeting pretending to be so broken, but as soon as I didn’t fall for it he became his same self. That switch was absolutely terrifying, and I mentally hated myself for not noticing it all those years ago. I was so blinded by love that I never saw it, but I see it clearly now.

“Oh, and Y/n?”

“What.”

“Enjoy your birthday.”

“Fuck off.” I spat out, my anger seeping through every orifice of my body.

Foyet didn’t even make me as angry as Peter just did. Dr. Harrison said this could happen, but I naively didn’t expect it to. I thought he would’ve grown, would’ve changed in the past few years. I had. I spent the entire drive back to my place completely seething, just replaying the conversation again and again in my head. There was really nothing I could’ve done differently in the situation. Peter just wasn’t willing to admit his role in our relationship ending, but that was okay.

When I arrived at my townhouse, Aaron’s car was missing. That was weird. He promised he’d be home when I got back. He wanted to get dressed together, which made sense considering I didn’t even know what our costumes were.

I really hoped he’d be here. I needed someone to talk to about that conversation, and I honestly just needed his validation. This morning when I left I told Aaron I was going for a walk instead of being transparent and telling him exactly what I was doing. I know I was wrong for that, but I didn’t want any distractions today. I really hope he’d understand.

On my bed, he had laid out a beautiful purple and pink corset dress, my longest hair extensions, and about a million little flowers. Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder. He was so damn sentimental. There was a note on top of the dress, and I recognized it as Aaron’s adorable chicken-scratch.

**After Jack first met you he asked me if you were a princess. I thought this was fitting. I’ll be home soon my love.**

I smiled to myself as I started to clip in the extensions. It took me about 30 minutes to finish my hair and make-up and by the time I was making my way back to my bedroom, I heard Aaron come in the front door.

“In here!” I yelled out, so he knew where to find me. He entered the room silently, completely ignoring me as he got dressed. I walked to the bed, and he didn’t even acknowledge my presence. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He coldly spat out.

“Did something happen with Haley?” I pressed again, and he finally turned to look at me.

“Why can’t you understand that when I say it’s nothing, it’s nothing.”

His tone took me aback for a second. “If you’re going to catch an attitude with me, the door is right there.” I replied, not giving in to his bullshit. What the hell was the matter with him?

“Let’s just finish getting dressed so we can leave.” He turned his back to me again and went to the bathroom to finish his hair.

“Whatever.” I muttered and went to put my dress on. I cursed under my breath when I realized it was a corset dress. “Can you come help me with my dress when you’re done?” I asked, trying my absolute hardest to keep my tone light. He was really starting to upset me, but I knew if I lashed out neither of us would end up going to the party tonight.

He didn’t reply to me, but when he emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later he came directly over. I was already in it, I just needed him to tie the back.

“Let me know if it’s too tight, I don’t want to hurt you.” He slowly started to tie the corset, his fingers lightly tracing my spine as he did so.

After we both finished getting ready, he started the drive to the party. We sat in absolute silence for the entire thirty minutes. I was scared to say anything, he was obviously too mad to say anything.

“Where were you?” Aaron asked as soon as we pulled into the driveway of Dave’s mansion. His knuckles were gripping the steering wheel so hard they were turning white.

“I could ask you the same.” I curtly responded. He didn’t say anything back, just cracked his knuckles. “I told you I went for a walk.”

“And your ex just happened to be there?” He gritted out and I let out a scoff. So that’s what he was upset about?

“So what? We’re following each other now?”

“I went by Olivia Macaron to get your birthday gift.” My blood ran cold. I remembered mentioning the place to him back in February. I was late to work one day because I stopped by there for a macaron, and I told Aaron that they were my favorite.

“You remembered? After all these months, you remembered?” I tried to change the subject, but Aaron wasn’t having it.

“That’s not the point.”

“Can we please talk about this later? I’ll tell you everything just, not now. You don’t have anything to worry about, baby. I promise.” I begged and he turned off the car.

“Fine, but we’re not done discussing this.”

“I know. I love you.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then got out of the car. He hurried to open my car door before I got out.

“I love you too, Y/n. I’m sorry for being passive-aggressive earlier, I was just angry.”

“It’s okay. We’ll talk later.” He kissed me on the forehead and placed his hand on the small of my back as we walked to Rossi’s front door.

Rossi opened the door to let us in before we even knocked. He had decorated his living room with _hundreds_ of fake spider-webs and the lights were doing some kind of strobe effect. He was dressed as Frankenstein and he ushered us further into the living room, saying that we were one of the last to arrive.

Before I could even begin to focus on all the chaos around us, I saw a familiar face across the crowd. “Belle?” I yelled, and we met up in the middle of the living room to give each other hugs. “How are you here right now?”

“I took tonight’s show off, that’s how!!” I stepped away from her for a second. She had dyed her hair blonde and she was dressed up as Regina George...of course.

“Don’t tell me you stole that from wardrobe.” She chuckled a little.

“Stop being ridiculous.” I raised an eyebrow at her. “I didn’t steal it.” This time I cocked my head to the side, and she let out a sigh of exasperation. “I can’t get anything on it, okay?”

“Whatever you say.”

“Where’s Spencer?” She quickly asked again, her eyes rapidly scanning the room.

“You’ve been here longer than me! You haven’t seen him?” I was starting to get a little worried. He promised me he’d come tonight.

“I just showed up two minutes ago. I did have to do the matinee, you know.” She didn’t look at me as she said that, she was still searching for Spence.

“Belle, he just got out of a serious relationship. He’s vulnerable. Don’t do anything that could ruin our friendship, okay?” She smiled a little.

“I won’t, I won’t...I’ll just...go keep him company.” She squeezed me on the shoulder and then continued to float her way towards the kitchen, on her hunt for Spencer. Now that she was legally 21, there was really nothing I could do to stop her. I’ve seen the way she’s looked at Spencer ever since I met him, and what Belle wants, Belle gets.

I looked around at the insane crowd and was absolutely shocked. Rossi had not only invited the BAU, but he invited a few of Aaron’s old friends and some of my friends from the White House. Aaron and I split up to make our rounds. I made sure to speak to Sloan, Huck, Fitz (I finally did it!), and Olivia. I was surprised to be met by David Rosen, and when Aaron saw him, he quickly made his way over to us and grabbed my waist a little possessively. Dave introduced us to his current fiance, Abby Whelan, and as soon as that introduction was made, Aaron loosened his grip on his side.

I’m sure he didn’t appreciate me seeing two of my exes in one day, and I prayed very hard that Leo Bergen didn’t show up either.

An hour passed, and I slowly drifted away from Aaron, making my way into the kitchen. I spotted Belle and Spence sitting on one of the stairwells in the back, and as soon as Belle saw me she winked. I mouthed a threat at her and she rolled her eyes and then turned his gaze back to Spencer.

I spotted Emily in another corner of the kitchen, her gaze trained on the window. I walked over to her, making sure that nobody else was around.

“Emily, are you okay?” I said, placing my hand on her shoulder. She actually jumped, before she turned around to see that it was me, her hand placed over her heart.

“Why would you ask me that? I’m fine.” I looked at her hard. “You just scared me. I’ve never been one to really celebrate Halloween.”

“Okay. You just seemed a little jumpy, that’s all.” She paused for a moment and then plastered a fake grin on her face.

“I promise I’m fine, Y/n. Can we just have a girls night soon? Just me and you?” She asked quietly, lowering her voice so nobody could really hear.

“Of course, Em. Come here.” She pulled me into a hug before I could initiate it, and I could feel her shaking underneath her clothes. I heard her sniffle a little before she pulled back to look me in the eye.

“I have a gift for you. I wanted to give it to you when you were alone. It’s just something that’s always meant a lot to me, and I wanted you to have it.”

“Aw, Em. You didn’t have to get me anything.” She gave me a baby smile, and it didn’t even begin to reach her eyes at all.

My feelings for Emily have always been more than just a friend. I’ve always found her attractive, always craved to be in her presence, always lived for this weird tie that we had between us. I honestly think that if things hadn’t been so far with Aaron when I joined the BAU, I would’ve ended up with Emily.

I knew something was wrong though, knew something was coming. She just seemed...off. She seemed scared. It wasn’t nerves from a case either. She reminded me of Aaron when Foyet was at large, threatening his family. I didn’t push it any further though. She would tell me when she needed to.

“You mean a lot to me, Y/n.”

“You do too, Em. Come on. I’m finally going to sing for you guys.”

Together we walked into the living room where the party was still heavily underway. I scanned the room for Dave, and when he saw my eyes, he gave me a quick nod before leaving.

I walked over to the DJ booth and promptly turned it off. I waited for complete silence before speaking.

“Hi everyone! I just wanted to initially thank you for coming to Aaron, Spence, and I’s birthday party. We’ve all had a pretty interesting year, and I’m just grateful that everybody was able to come together and celebrate us.” A few people clapped, and I noticed Aaron making his way to the front of the crowd. I’m sure he was wondering what I was up to. I spotted Belle and Spencer in the back. “Everyone knows how stubborn Aaron is, and since he wouldn’t let anybody get him a tangible birthday present… And since y’all have been begging to hear me sing…” Dave came back at that moment with a guitar from one of his spare rooms.

“YES!” I heard Garcia shout from across the room, and everybody laughed. She had been the main one. I shook my head while smiling, and placed the guitar around my body.

I started to play the first few chords and Aaron’s face completely lit up. Even though we both love Billy Joel, the White Album by the Beatles is his absolute favorite. He hums this song underneath his breath when he thinks I’ve gone to sleep. Sometimes I even pretend to be asleep just to hear him sing this song to me.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free_

_Blackbird fly, blackbird fly_

_Into the light of a dark black night_

_Blackbird fly, blackbird fly_

_Into the light of a dark black night_

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

Once I finished, Aaron made his way over to me and kissed me in front of the crowd of people. It was so out of character for him and it warmed my heart so much. I knew we needed to have a conversation about Peter tonight but with that kiss...I knew he wasn’t too upset with me.

The rest of the night flew by. Everyone sang Happy Birthday to Spence, Aaron, and me, and we each got one collective gift from the BAU (against Aaron’s wishes.) It was something sentimental for each of us, and mine brought tears to my eyes.

Inside my box was a brand new octopus mug, a new Ariana Grande tour shirt exactly like the one Foyet had ruined, and a new planner for the new year. The planner was engraved on the bottom with the words “SSA Y/n Y/l/n, Profiler.”

Aaron got a framed picture of me, him, and Jack as well as a limited edition vinyl of the White Album. Spencer got a stack of books in Russian, and when he opened his gift it was the first time I’d seen him smile in weeks.

The party ended around 11:45 pm, Dave claimed that he needed his “beauty rest” so we had to “get our asses out of his mansion.” Aaron and I drove back to my place, and the energy much lighter than it had been before.

“I need to know what you were doing with Peter.” He said as soon as I unlocked the door to my townhouse and entered the living room. I disabled the alarm, before saying,

“Nothing happened.” I turned away from him and walked up the stairs, fully expecting him to follow. Of course, I wasn’t done with this conversation, but I did want to get out of this restricting costume.

As upset as Aaron was with me, he followed me up the stairs and helped me get out of the corset dress I was wearing.

“I believe you. I do. I just don’t understand why you lied to me. We don’t do that, Y/n. We don’t lie to each other.” He moved to sit on the edge of my bed before continuing. “You know how important trust is to me.”

I threw on a hoodie and leggings before responding to Aaron. “You know I had therapy the other day, right?” He nodded. “I went over Peter and I’s breakup in the session, and Dr. Harrison pointed out that I might be blaming myself for situations that weren’t my fault. So, I told her about every argument we ever had. She pointed out a commonality. That Peter would use aggressive words or behaviors as soon as he was over a conversation. And when I wouldn’t drop it, he would force me to have sex with him to forget it.”

Aaron’s face softened a little, and he patted the bed next to him. I sat down. “Angel, why on earth would you want to see someone like that again?”

“I thought that if I looked at him in person, it’d be different. I would finally get that closure I’ve been craving for four and a half years. But it wasn’t, and I didn’t. He flipped the blame on me again, tried to make me believe it was my fault. That’s why I lied to you. It’s why I didn’t tell you I went to see him. I didn’t want you to know how guilty I felt for a situation that wasn’t even my fucking fault. He’s so goddamn infuriating, Aaron.” Aaron reached up to wipe the tears that were forming, holding my hand in his.

“Y/n, this guy really did a number on you, didn’t he?” I just nodded and sniffled, wiping my face with the sleeve of my hoodie. My makeup transferred onto the sleeve, and I stood up in a huff.

“I forgot to take off my fucking makeup.” I turned to leave, but Aaron didn’t let go of my arm.

“Let me.” He guided me back to the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he arrived with all my skincare products in hand, beaming a little. He had also changed when he was in the bathroom because he was now wearing my favorite orange sweatshirt of his and black sweatpants. “Did I get the right things?” He asked, and it brought a little smile to my face. He knew he got the right items, he just wanted the validation.

“Of course you did.”

We spent the next few minutes in silence, while Aaron concentrated on taking my makeup off as carefully as possible. Once he finished applying my moisturizing cream, I pulled him into a tight hug.

“We were engaged. A week before we broke up, he proposed after we finished arguing.”

“You never told me.” His tone wasn’t accusatory at all, it was just a tad sad. Like he believed I didn’t trust him.

“I never told anyone. He didn’t even buy me a ring. It was just his way of keeping me with him. He was trying everything.”

“Y/n, you know I’d never do that to you, right?” His brown eyes were peering into mine, almost like he was begging me to believe him. I did. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me.

“I know. I just hate that he took that away from me. An engagement meant so much to me. I just wanted my first one to be my last one.” He nodded in understanding and began to undo my hair.

“Your next one will be.” He said quietly, then his eyes grew wide once he realized what he had said out loud.

“I hope you know you’ll always be the Eugene Fitzherbert to my Rapunzel.” I quickly added, acting like I didn’t hear what he said.

A look of gratitude flashed across his face. “And you’ll always be the Rapunzel to my Eugene.” He finished undoing my hair, then vanished into my closet. He came back with three large boxes.

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s your birthday present. It’s after midnight.”

I squealed excitedly and held out my hands for him to put the first box in them. I tore open the wrapping. Inside was a brand new pair of hot pink fuzzy crocs.

“Aaron!!” I exclaimed as I put the shoes on my feet. “You hate my fuzzy crocs!”

He just smiled at me, his eyes crinkling a little. “But you love them and I love you. It’s also the newest color, I had to put them on hold three months ago.”

“Thank you so much, Aaron. Really.”

He laid the next box on the bed. “I got us a reservation at Fiola Mare on Monday night, and I wanted you to wear this.”

I tore into that box just as quickly as I had with the first. Inside was the Starry Pastel Pink Mini Dress from Teuta Matoshi.

“How did you?” Was all I could muster out. I’d been looking at this dress for months. Actual months. I’d continuously talked myself out of buying it, saying that I had no need for it. How did he know?

“I might have enlisted help from Penelope.” He blushed a little and I held the dress up to my body, absolutely falling in love with the material. As soon as he mentioned Pen, I knew what was in the last box.

“If what I think is in that last box is actually in that last box…” He handed it to me.

“You decide.”

I was right. Inside was a pair of baby pink Altilege stilettos from Christian Louboutin. “This is too much. It’s way too much.”

“What have I been telling you? Whatever my pretty girl wants, she gets.” I gingerly removed the boxes from the bed and set them on the chair in the corner of my room. I walked back over to Aaron, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed. I situated myself on his lap, my legs draped across his.

I kissed him soft and slow, focusing on the movement between our two lips. He slowly detached his lips from mine and started slowly making his way down my neck, and my chest. “I want to take my time with you tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” I mustered out before my brain started to go fuzzy.

The sex we had tonight was slow, tender, and full of so much love. Aaron kept muttering how much he loved me with every movement. He kept saying that he would never ever hurt me, that he would die loving me. He apologized for how he acted earlier, promising that he would never make me feel like that again. We both exchanged I love yous as we reached our climaxes, and for the very first time, I felt that love. It felt different than before. I truly believed every word that came out of his mouth.

When we were done, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. “Happy birthday, my love.” He whispered into my ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for this long ass chapter!! Hopefully, it'll tie you over because chapter eighteen won't be posted until the 17th/28th :( I have a big test this weekend that I need to study for. Also thank you for 2600 hits!!! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave comments because I love reading them haha ♡


	19. the gold necklace

“Spence, open up!” I said as I pounded on his apartment door, slightly out of breath. “I know you’re in there, I saw your car outside!”

I heard some rustling and hushed voices. “Spencer? Are you okay?” I asked again, and then it got quiet.

“I’m coming!” He finally breathed out behind the door. I heard heavy footsteps and then the sound of the door unlocking. He opened it just wide enough for him to stick his head through the door, and I could tell he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“Am I interrupting something?” My eyes darted around the room before settling on his Christmas lights that were still up. It was January 8th. The Christmas lights needed to go. He noticed my eyes looking around his living room, and he closed his door a little more, obviously trying not to let me see inside.

“Yeah, I’m just kind of busy right now, can you come back later?” He rushed out.

“Oh my god, do you have a girl in there? Is it Austin? Because I need to talk to her.” I craned my head in the door but didn’t see anyone.

“Why are you here Blaze?” He sighed out, keeping his grip firm on the door.

“Aaron’s at a father/son thing with Jack, Emily’s AWOL, and I’m bored. I wanted to watch The Rise of Skywalker. I even brought my own popcorn!” I held up the popcorn that was in my other hand before giving him a quick smile.

“Normal people let others know before they show up at their apartments unannounced.”

“Why are you being so fucking weird right now?” I asked before my eyes settled on a bright pink backpack in the corner. It had the words “Mean Girls” sewn in.

That’s Belle’s show backpack.

He saw my face as soon as I laid eyes on the backpack, and his face turned an indescribable shade of red.

“Let me in.” I said very calmly, and he opened the door in defeat. He was only wearing boxers, and I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Belle Genevieve Y/l/n. Get. Out. Here.” I gritted through my teeth and the door to Spencer’s bedroom slowly opened.

“Hey, sis! You look good! Did your hair get longer? Your outfit is so cute by the way, is that from Pacsun or Urban? The shirt I mean. I know that’s my skirt. We should probably talk about you giving that back sometime.” She rattled off. She was trying to change the subject, but there was no way in _hell_ I was letting her do that.

“Your pants are on backwards.” I shot back and she quickly looked down. “Someone start talking.” I crossed the threshold into Spencer’s apartment and laid my popcorn on the kitchen table. Belle looked at Spencer awkwardly and Spence just shook his head. He knew better than to try to rationalize with me when I was in this state.

“It just happened after your birthday party! Neither of us planned for it.” Belle explained and I scoffed loudly.

“Please, you’ve wanted this ever since you saw the first picture of Spencer.” She tilted her head in defeat and Spencer turned to face her.

“Wait, you’ve liked me for that long? Why didn’t you say something?”

“Y/n threatened my life on more than one occasion.” Belle said, shooting me a glare.

“Nah, you’re not blaming this on me.” I threw a piece of popcorn at her, but she surprisingly caught it and lobbed it back at my face.

“Well, now you know. I love you sis, but can you go so we can finish round two? You’re killing my buzz.” My mouth dropped. “He usually keeps me going for hours.” She added and looked at Spence with a mischievous look in her eye. He kept looking at the ground, his face now the color of a tomato.

I looked between the two of them, my mouth still agape. I could not even pretend to process what the hell I was witnessing. “My best friend and my sister.” I shook my head and started to leave.

“Blaze.” Spencer finally piped up, grabbing my arm. “I do really like her.”

He released my arm from his grasp as I walked out of the apartment, shooting the fastest text to Aaron telling him what I just had to see. I sent one to Emily too, but she left me on read. Aaron on the other hand responded with lightning speed saying:

 **aaron hotchner** ♡ ♥ **: Wow. Didn’t think he had it in him. BTW- I’ll be home a little later than I planned. Jack wanted ice cream and Haley doesn’t have any. He says he misses you.**

I missed Jack too. I fired off another text before climbing in my Mini Cooper and driving to Aaron’s apartment. When I got there, I made some coffee and ended up falling asleep on the couch watching reruns of New Girl.

Aaron woke me up at 6:30 the following morning, claiming that we had an important case to consult on. I fired off a text to the group chat before dragging myself out of bed. I left my hair down today, just wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans and a black sheer blouse.

We talked a little about Spencer and Belle on the drive to work, but I made him change the subject to him and Jack. I didn’t want to get too irritated, especially if I was about to see Spencer. It didn’t work of course, because I started yelling at him as soon as I saw him.

“Spencer you have got to be kidding me. I mean? She’s my SISTER!” I screeched at him as I chased him up the stairs to the conference room.

“She’s legal, it was mutual, and it was consensual. And she initiated it, Blaze.”

“I’ll fucking kill her. And you. I’ll fucking kill you. It’s been two months, and NEITHER of you thought to tell me? What would you have done if I didn’t walk in on you two?”

Morgan and Rossi chose that _exact_ moment to walk into the conference room, and Morgan’s jaw dropped.

“Pretty boy did what?”

“Oh my god.” Spencer sank into his chair and put his hands over his face that was turning redder by the second.

“You should be ashamed.” I smacked him on the back of the head as I passed out the case files. “How did y’all even do it? She lives in the city and she hasn’t missed a show. And we’ve been on cases.”

“A lot of late nights.” He finally murmured out and Morgan erupted into laughter.

“Naughty boy.” Penelope added as she entered the room, Seaver and Aaron not too far behind.

“Reid, do better.” Aaron chastised before sitting down. “Y/n, I just got in your scores on your profiling exam.”

“What the hell? And you’re gonna spring that on me in front of everybody? What is it with everybody and springing news on me today?” I rambled, my heart thumping in my chest. I took the exam right after Christmas, and I did not think I did too hot.

“You passed. This is going to be the last case you present for us.” He said calmly, his voice staying dull. He flashed me a small smile before looking down at the papers below him.

“Congrats Y/n!!” Penelope squealed out and gave me a crushing hug. I was frozen for a moment. I passed. I’m a profiler. Holy shit.

“Strauss?” I turned to Aaron, still holding Pen’s arms to me.

“We’ll discuss that after this case. We need to get started.” I figured we would wait for Emily before starting, but it was already past 8. Where was she? And why had she been so hard to reach lately?

I quickly brought myself back to reality and shot Spence another glare before presenting the case. “Two D.C. homes torched. Two families, both last night.” I pressed the button on the remote, and images of the fires came up. It was hard, knowing that last night I was yelling at Spencer and Belle and these two families were enduring the worst moments of their lives.

“I’m surprised it still hasn’t hit the news. It’s already past the morning news cycle.” Derek responded, flipping through the papers I provided them.

“Yeah. All anyone’s talking about is this storm that may or may not hit.”

“I managed to find an online article about the fires written by this guy, Jeff Hastings. But, no one’s running with it.” Penelope added.

“That’s strange. They usually thrive on tragedy.” Rossi did not seem impressed or convinced. He just seemed tired.

“It gets weirder.” I pressed another button and Aaron spoke up.

“Ron and Lauren Cosenza and their 10-year-old son were found in the master bedroom of their home, each shot through the forehead. The gun belonged to the father.”

“Murder-suicide?” Seaver asked and Derek responded before I even got a chance to.

“It looks like Metro P.D.’s investigation is going that way, but it’s still the first 48. They want our help.”

“Kerry and Frank Fagan, like the Cosenzas, were found in their master bedroom from a suspected gas leak.”

“It had to be massive to cause that. I mean, how does the news miss a house explosion?” Dave responded to Reid, but the second part of his question was mainly directed towards me.

“I have absolutely no clue. No one is returning my calls either. Pen, did you find a connection between the families?” She shook her head.

“Only one. A continent. Kerry Fagan was born in Germany and Ron Cosenza is from Italy.”

“So two of the five victims are from Europe. How does that help?” Derek countered.

“It doesn’t. I’m just stating the facts, and the facts happen to be-”

“Guys, I’m sorry I’m late.” Emily spoke quickly as she rushed into the room. She grabbed the seat next to me and gave me the tiniest smile.

“You okay?” Aaron and I asked simultaneously, looking at each other after we did so. Maybe we’re spending too much time together.

“Yeah, it’s just one of those weeks I guess. I’m sorry. What did I miss? An arsonist?” She quickly turned the attention off herself and flipped through the case, trying to get caught up.

“One appears to be a murder-suicide, the other a freak accident.” I responded.

“So why are we looking at it?”

“House fires are rare. Add to that a few miles apart, within the same hour, kind of tips the scales of coincidence.” Rossi said and Spencer spoke up again.

“If somebody did this, they’re highly motivated and organized.”

“And if he wants to strike again, he’s got 72 hours before the storm shuts the city down. Prentiss, Dave, you two go to the Cosenza’s. Seaver, Penelope, Reid, monitor the situation from here. Y/n, Morgan, and I will go to the Morgue.” Aaron got up from his seat, and we all stood to follow, me right behind him. I noticed Pen and Emily stayed behind a little, and the conversation didn’t look too pleasant. “Y/n, my office first.”

I followed him into his office, and he opted to leave the door and windows open. “I’m letting Penelope deal with the media aspect of this case. I want you in the field. I figured you could follow Prentiss around after she gets back from the house, get a sense of how she works cases. I know you two are close and I figured you wouldn’t really want to be around Reid right now.”

“You figured right. What did Strauss say about this?” He sighed a little and then crossed in front of me to close the door.

“She’s still a little cautious. She doesn’t doubt you or your abilities at all, it’s our relationship that she’s worried about. If it comes down to it, she knows I’ll risk my life for you and you’ll do the same. She doesn’t want us in the field alone together. That’s her only rule. Maybe in a few months she’ll let up, but for right now that’s just how things have to be.” He opened the door again. “You’ll be doing on-the-job training for this case. It doesn’t seem to be a bad one either, we just need to figure out what happened with these families.”

He pressed on the small of my back to signal that we were leaving the office and we both joined Derek in the bullpen. Derek decided to drive and Aaron even gave me the passenger seat on the way to the morgue. This was so exciting, and it was all happening so fast. I’ve never really been in the field, dealing with these things hands-on.

About fifteen minutes later we pulled into the morgue, and Aaron led the way to the Medical Examiner we were supposed to meet.

“Hi, Dr. Tucker, I’m SSA Y/n Y/l/n and these are SSAs Aaron Hotchner and Derek Morgan.” I introduced ourselves and he stopped to shake all of our hands.

“So, what do you think?” Morgan asked while Dr. Tucker put on a pair of gloves.

“Two families, the same night, mysterious deaths. It doesn’t happen every day.”

“The gas leak at the Fagan house and then the other fire suspected to be set by Mr. Cosenza to cover the murder-suicide.” Aaron added, and I picked up the report that was sitting on the table next to the bodies.

“Well, I know the investigators reported that, but it doesn’t fit with what I found. Cosenza family didn’t have any smoke in their lungs.”

“He killed them, set the fire, then killed himself. That fits.” Derek argued, but it didn’t fit with what I was reading.

“Ron didn’t have any smoke in his lungs either, even though the fire started in the master bedroom. If what you said happened, Ron would have at least a trace of smoke. It was clean.” I added and Dr. Tucker pointed at me.

“The young lady is right. Ron Cosenza was dead when the fire started.”

There wasn’t much more information to gather at the morgue, so Aaron, Derek, and I left quickly after we finished the conversation. When we got back to the BAU, they went straight to the conference room, but I hung back for a minute to speak to Emily. Pen texted me while we were at the morgue, saying that Emily had said something kind of rude to her earlier. I just wanted to check in on her.

“Em?” I asked and placed my hand on her shoulder. She turned around a little angrily saying,

“What is it with everyone invading my personal space today? I said I was fucking fine.” Emily snapped at me and I jumped back a little, stung by her words. She saw my face, and her expression softened. “No, don’t look at me like that. You know how much I hate it when you look at me with those puppy dog eyes.”

“I was just worried, Emily. Penelope told me what you said to her earlier. You’ve been acting differently, is all. Ever since the party you’ve been distant. Not replying to phone calls or texts, not coming out with us anymore, nothing. If you’re feeling depressed or down, or if this job is getting to you, please speak to someone. I feel like I’m losing you.” I finally admitted, wiping a tear. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

“You won’t lose me, Y/n. I promise. I’m just dealing with family stuff. My mom’s been on my case recently. I’m sorry I took it out on you. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Hotch told me that he paired us together for the rest of this case.”

I sniffled a little and nodded. “Yeah, he wanted me to learn from you. He decided against putting me with Spence.”

“He was right with that. Speaking of Reid, how are you doing with him and Belle?” I rolled my eyes at the mention of them as we made our way to the conference room.

“I mean, there’s technically nothing wrong with it. It’s just weird. I guess since it’s just sex, it should be okay. I’m worried about what’ll happen if they end on bad terms. Spencer is my best friend. I would absolutely hate to lose him because my sister jumped on him the first chance she got.”

“I’ve known Reid longer than you, Y/n. I knew him when he was at the peak of his drug use. I was there the night he got taken by Tobias Hankel. I watched Tobias play Russian Roulette with him and I watched Reid be forced to choose a member of our team to die.” Spence never told me about that night with Tobias. Every time he started to, he would freeze up and change the subject. I never knew that happened to him. I stopped walking when Emily mentioned it, and she turned around. “You didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I mentioned it because he was going down a dark path. After he met you, he changed completely. I mean, the boy did a complete 180. Even if things end up badly between him and Belle, he would never cut you out of his life.” She was right. Spencer doesn’t have many people he’s close to, and he would never end our friendship. I mean, if he didn’t end it when we were in recovery, he wouldn’t end it now.

“Thanks, Em.”

“Of course.”

“Y/n!” I heard Aaron say loudly, and Emily and I walked the last few steps into the conference room. “Join Morgan and Prentiss. They’re heading to Byron Delaney’s house.”

“And we’re heading out again.” I joked and followed Morgan and Emily to the garage I had just come from. Morgan demanded that he drive again, but this time I let Emily have the passenger seat.

“What’s your take on these guys, Morgan?” I asked and he rattled off an answer immediately.

“They’re contradicting themselves. Exposing bodies but then going through all of this to hide it.”

“Do you think they wanted us on the case?” Emily interjected.

“Us? The BAU? Why would they?”

“Ego, control. Some kind of agenda.” She added and I noticed a slight inflection in her tone. Like she knew something the rest of us didn’t.

“I don’t think we’re even on their radar, Prentiss. Do you?” Derek turned to Emily for a second, and she trained her gaze on the window.

“You’re right. Why would we be?” She softly replied, and the car ride was silent the rest of the drive to Delaney’s house. When we pulled up, all the lights were out.

“Are you sure this is it, Em?”

“Yeah. Maybe nobody’s home.”

“Garcia never got an answer,” Derek replied and he and Prentiss easily undid their seatbelts and opened the doors to get out. It was just my luck that my seatbelt was jammed and I was struggling to get it open.

“Y’all don’t leave me, this thing won’t budge,” I grunted out.

“Of course we won’t leave you, Y/n. Let me come help.” I heard her car door shut, and at the same time my belt popped free. Just as I was getting ready to open my door, Derek screamed out,

“Prentiss, Y/n, GET DOWN!” The only thing I remember was hitting the floor of the SUV, and feeling broken glass come shattering down around me. It felt like a thousand paper cuts. I mentally cursed myself for wearing the thin blouse I currently had on, and I was able to pull down a blanket from the opposite seat and place it over my head. I didn’t care about my back or my clothes, but that glass shattering around my head would’ve killed me.

The gunfire continued for a solid minute, and then the back window of the SUV was shot out. I didn’t move. Didn’t budge. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I heard the gunfire get farther away from the car, but I decided to wait until I heard back from Emily or Derek.

Another two minutes passed and I heard pounding footsteps on the pavement outside.

“Y/n! Y/n, are you okay? Please, God, tell me you’re okay!” Emily yelled.

“I’m okay.” I weakly replied, removing the blanket from my head, the glass falling off it.

Emily finally got to me, her face turning pale at my current state. “Morgan’s calling SWAT, an ambulance, and Hotch.”

“Help me out of here, will you?” I asked because I couldn’t bring myself to move.

“No, you should stay there. You’ve got glass in your back. Wait for an ambulance.”

“Emily, those guys could’ve easily taken us out. Why didn’t they?” I questioned, still laying on the floor of the SUV.

“I don’t know. I don’t even think you were supposed to get hurt. They didn’t know you were inside.”

“Where’s Morgan?”

“He’s inspecting the body. I hit one of the unsubs in the leg and the leader took him out so he couldn’t talk.” I just nodded in silence.

“It isn’t really that bad, is it?” I asked, angling my head up to show I was talking about my back.

“It’s not. There’s just a lot of blood.” She curtly responded and got up to go check out the rest of the vehicle. She wasn’t gone for long before the ambulance showed up and the EMT helped me get to a gurney. He had just started fixing me up when I heard Aaron’s voice.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Aaron rushed up to me as I was laying on my stomach in the ambulance.

“Once they get this shit out of my back I’ll be fine.” I said before wincing at the pain. “Do y’all not have any topical pain-relieving shit you can give me? My God.”

“I’m sending you home when they’re finished.” He demanded and I sat my head up to look him in the face.

“Would you send Emily or Morgan home if this was them?”

“If they had shards of glass in their back? Yes.” He answered without hesitation.

“I’m staying.” I argued and he let out a sigh before leaning against the door of the ambulance.

“There’s nothing to do here. Dave and I are going to look inside the house, and when we come back out we’re going to go to the BAU.”

“Then I’ll go back to the BAU with you.”

“When she gets wrapped up here, is she okay to just sit up for the rest of the day?” Aaron asked the EMT, ignoring my last comment.

“She’ll be fine. They’re all flesh wounds and they're not too bad. They're almost like paper cuts.” The EMT came across to face me, squatting so we were both at the same level. “You were smart to put the blanket over your head. It would’ve been a different story if you hadn’t.” He stood up back to Aaron’s eye level. “Just make sure this one isn’t in any more shoot-outs for the next week or so.”

Aaron then removed his suit coat and gave it to the EMT. “Give this to her when you’re done.”

“Aaron, I’m fine. I promise. Go check out the house.”

He stood there for a moment trying to decide whether or not to believe me. He leaned down to kiss my forehead before saying, “If you need anything, I’ll be right inside with Dave.”

The EMT spent the next few minutes quickly pulling the glass out of my back before rubbing something that felt cool to the touch on it. By the time he was wrapping me up, Aaron, Dave, Emily, and Morgan were headed back to the ambulance.

“Does it hurt?” Morgan asked as I put on Aaron’s suit coat and used a scrunchie to put my hair up.

“Eh. I’ll be fine. Let’s just go catch these sons of a bitch.”

“Damn right. If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s being shot at. I can’t stand being shot at.” Morgan gave me his hand as I hopped down from the ambulance. Aaron was still talking to the EMT, probably getting information on my care. I carefully made my way to the SUV and laid down in the back row. I wanted the passenger seat, but making Rossi or Morgan sit in the very back was not something I wanted to deal with right now.

Everyone kept asking if I was okay on the drive back to the BAU, and Aaron kept trying to catch my eye through the rearview mirror. When we got back, I quickly changed into clothes from my go bag, and when I got back Spence was finishing his drawing of the tattoo that had been destroyed on the dead unsub.

“Reid, you got anything?” Morgan asked almost immediately, and Spencer didn’t waste a second before replying,

“The damage is pretty extensive, but luckily some of the tattoo remains.”

“Seaver, get the victim’s photo out to the press.” Aaron turned to Ashely and she quickly pulled out her phone.

“I think I know who dug the hole. The journo told me to follow the money, like straight up that’s what he told me, so I did. It turns out ‘The Gazette’ is owned by a multinational global conglomerate. Oil, new technologies, shipping, air, and ground transportation. All of which employ the services of one company- CWS.” Penelope said as she rushed up to us. Aaron knitted his brow

“Clear Water Securities?”

Penelope enthusiastically nodded.

“You know them?” I asked and Aaron sat on the edge of Spencer’s desk.

“I’ve come across them. They’re a private counterintelligence group out of Geneva.”

“Ron Cosenza, Byron Delaney, and Kerry Fagan all worked for CWS.” There was the connection we needed.

“How long ago?” Emily interrupted.

“7 years,” Penelope replied and Aaron turned to Seaver.

“Seaver, hang up.” She did exactly what he asked, but I could tell she was confused. So was I.

“Do we have a problem?” Rossi crossed his arms as he turned to face Aaron. He scoffed.

“No, but CWS does.”

“Got it!” Spencer exclaimed and turned his yellow legal pad around to show us the rendering of the tattoo he just finished.

Everyone was too busy looking at the drawing, but I caught the look on Emily’s face as soon as Spencer turned it around. It was a look of pure horror, like something from her past had come back to haunt her. Emily immediately walked away from the group, and Penelope went to follow her. That probably wasn’t a good idea on Pen’s part, but it was none of my business.

Spencer started explaining the significance of the tattoo, and Aaron walked away to make a phone call.

“Go get Emily. I need her in the SCIF.” He almost barked at me, and I went to the bathroom to get her.

“-I know what the world can do to a girl who only sees beauty in it. Like you. Somehow you, you always make me smile. And I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for that.” I heard Emily say through the muffled door.

“Em, Aaron needs you in the SCIF.” I said as I opened the door to the restroom, interrupting whatever conversation she and Penelope were having.

“Y/n, come here.” I reluctantly walked in, taking note of how heavy the atmosphere was. “You both have made my time at the BAU absolutely remarkable. I mean it. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how hard you’ve made me laugh or how much I enjoy our weekly lunches.”

She gave us both a weak smile before leaving the bathroom. Penelope and I just looked at each other, both of us trying to figure what the hell was the matter with Emily. I shrugged it off and left, running into Spencer full force on the way out.

“Can we talk?” He asked after he fixed his tie.

“You talk, I’ll listen.” We made our way past Seaver and went inside the conference room.

“I would never hurt her, Y/n. Ever.”

“I know you wouldn’t. But my little sister? I mean, she’s 21. She’s still a child.” I replied as I sat on the edge of the table.

“Blaze, she’s an adult.” He quietly argued. “What were you doing at 21?”

Doing drugs and dating my abusive ex. That’s what I was doing at 21. I chose not to respond to him, instead just looking down at my shoes.

“It’s not just sex for me anymore. I’m really starting to have feelings.”

“Spencer, you just broke up with Austin. How am I supposed to believe that you have feelings for Belle if you haven’t even sorted out your problems with your ex? I don’t want my younger sister to be your rebound. I don’t want you to get her hopes up, and then you leave her because then I’d have to become one of those unsubs that we profile. And none of us want that.” I turned back to look at him and he had a confused expression on his face.

“What’s a rebound?” He asked innocently, and it caused me to erupt into laughter.

“Damn, you make it hard to stay mad at you.” He smiled slightly. “I just need some time to sit with this, is all. You mean the world to me. I’m just worried that if things between you and Belle don’t work out, things between you and I will be different.” I admitted and Spencer walked over to where I was sitting, before sitting down next to me.

“I would never let anything interfere with our friendship.” I wrapped my arms around him, giving him a short embrace. I wasn’t okay with it now, but I knew I could be in time. I’d just have to see what happened.

“Ian Doyle is officially on everyone’s list. His mug is all over the place. He’s not gonna be able to get out of the district unless he sprouts wings himself.” Penelope said as she bounced into the conference room with Aaron, Derek, Emily, Dave, and Seaver all trailing behind her. Spence and I hopped up from the table, ignoring the look Aaron was giving us.

“It’s not that I’m not happy that we have his name, but how are we supposed to know who’s on his list?” Seaver asked. Did she even know what profiling was?

“We need to study his life and study those that he came in contact with. Build a profile.” I nonchalantly said and Seaver shot a glare at me. It was short, but I caught it. It was noted.

“Look, Doyle’s been away for 7 years but he still managed to figure out who the players were. Maybe we should start with how he got out of prison.” Emily added and Derek nodded.

“Where was he locked up?”

“Russia, I think.”

“Actually, there are no extradition papers on him.” Seaver quickly responded, almost like she had something to prove. Aaron ignored her completely.

“Prentiss, was Doyle on your radar when you were at Interpol?” He directed towards Emily and it took her a split second longer to answer.

“Uh, sure, I had heard of him but direct contact? I’d have to ask around.”

“Do.” He simply said and Emily quickly left the room.

“Good guys and bad guys keep files close to them.”

“What are in these files?” Penelope asked and Rossi replied, continuing his thought from earlier.

“It’s intel. Insurance. Protection. Things for times like this.”

“So, should we check out Byron Delaney’s house? Maybe he had something that could help us.” I said and Derek agreed.

“That might be helpful.”

“Y/n, are you okay to go with Prentiss? She worked at Interpol, so she might have some insight. I know I mentioned wanting you two in the field together, but if you aren’t feeling up for it I could always send Morgan.” Aaron directed at me.

“No, I’m okay. I’ll grab her.”

Emily was already standing near the elevator, so it was easy to grab her and head down to the garage. I drove this time because Emily still needed to get in contact with her intel from Interpol. She was glued to her phone almost the entire drive, not speaking a word to me. It was a stark contrast from how she acted earlier with Penelope and me. I finally decided to break the ice.

“No one’s getting back to you?”

“I only have a couple of contacts, but they’ll get back to me.” She quickly replied before looking out the side mirror.

“What is someone following us?” I joked but she didn’t give in to it in the slightest.

“You should go through the city. 66 is gonna be miserable right now.”

“Eh, we’ll get there. I hate driving through the city anyways. Too many tourists not watching where they’re going. I can imagine the headlines now, ‘Tourist ran over by FBI’. I think Strauss would definitely fire me for that.” I replied and Emily let out a huff.

“Will we get there before Doyle takes somebody else out? He’s shooting up federal agents, what’s he gonna do next? He already hurt you.”

“Em, what would you like me to do? I’m getting us there as quickly as possible.” I retorted and stepped on the gas a little.

“Get creative with your driving.”

“Oh, and I didn’t see you jumping to drive earlier.” I started to argue when her phone rang. Thank god for the distraction, because Emily was really starting to piss me off. Her mood switches were beyond irritating. Maybe she was pregnant like Penelope thought.

“Hey. Thanks for getting back. I need some intel on Ian Doyle.” She paused for a second, presumably to let the other person on the line speak. “Not at all. Anything you can spare.”

“Are your team in danger?” I faintly heard a male voice with a European accent say. Emily’s next words chilled me to my core.

“Absolutely. You should start with our victims, Ron Cosenza, Kerry Fagan, and Byron Delaney. See if they connect to Doyle in any way.” She paused again. “I’ll be waiting for it. Thanks.”

I started to grip the wheel a little tighter. Why would Emily say that we’re in danger? What does she know?

“Do they have anything?” I asked, giving her an out to explain to me what was going on.

“I don’t know. We’ll see.” She started to stare out the window again, and frankly, I had had enough.

“You know Emily, you really need to trust people.” I finally blurted out and she whipped her head over to stare me straight in the eyes.

“I trust people. I trust you.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t trust people because you can’t. I completely understand it. I mean, every time you tried to count on someone they’ve let you down, so you go it alone. I was the same way. The difference between us is that you’ll never admit it because you’re too damn stubborn.” Her eyes widened at my words, and I turned to look back at the road. We were almost at Delaney’s anyways. “It doesn’t really matter. But I’ll tell you what does matter. You can trust me, Emily. You can trust me with absolutely anything, and you already know that. I just want you to know that no matter how awful you think it is, you are not alone. I just wish you’d believe that. I just wish you could understand how much I care about you.” I didn’t take my eyes off the road.

“I do.” She finally muttered under her breath. I tore my eyes away from the road for a second, and she just looked at me. I could tell she wanted to say something badly, maybe to explain her behavior or that phone call, but she kept it to herself. “You profile me again and you’ll wish you hadn’t.” She sarcastically said before giving me a small smile.

“That’s almost the same exact thing I said to Aaron the first time he profiled me.” I replied back before looking out the window to make a left turn onto Delaney’s street. I parked at almost the same place Morgan had parked earlier, but this time there was still a heavy police presence outside. “What are we looking for again?”

“An envelope of some sorts. Check in the upstairs bedroom. Look for a hollow floor, a hole in the wall, anything.” Emily replied, and I made my way upstairs to the bedroom. There was a safe behind a big painting, but I didn’t think it would be there. It’s too obvious. It would be somewhere else. I opened the drawers beside the bed, trying to feel for a button of some sort. After searching in the room for about ten minutes, I finally gave up on the idea that it was up there. I went downstairs to see if Emily was having the same luck.

“There’s a safe behind a big painting in the bedroom.”

“Yeah, it’s not gonna be in there.” She quickly replied while searching the living room. “It’s gonna be somewhere he can sit and still gain access to it.” She sat in the burnt orange leather armchair and started opening the compartments. She focused her gaze on a certain part of the wall, before getting up and pressing on it. It miraculously opened, and a manilla envelope came out of it.

“Holy shit.” I replied while Emily opened the contents. “Wait, that’s Kerry Fagan and Ron Cosenza. But Delaney isn’t in it. Why would he have that photo?”

“He was their handler.” Emily just rushed out and headed back to the car. “I’m driving.” She bossed, and I quickly settled into the passenger seat. We got back to the BAU in much less time than I took, but I blamed it on traffic of course.

I gave the pictures to Penelope who hurriedly scanned them in and placed them on the big screen.

“Here’s the million-dollar question. Anyone know what language that is?”

“Those are villages in North Korea.” Emily spoke before Spencer could pipe in.

“I love you. Of course, she does.” Penelope sat down. Aaron was now looking at the screen intently, rubbing his thumb against his pointer finger slowly.

“There’s a political prison near Haengyong-Ni. Camp 22. Kwan-Li-So. North Korea denies it exists.” Emily rattled off, almost in disbelief.

“You think they took Doyle there?” Morgan asked and I spoke up.

“That would explain why he’s after them. Why he went to them first.”

“All we know is that he was never married, had multiple residences, and was arrested at his Tuscan Villa.” Seaver spoke as soon as I finished, almost talking over me.

“There’s paperwork to back that up?” Emily asked and Seaver hummed out an affirmation.

“And a list of who was there that day. There might be photographs. Reid is looking into that now.”

“Right. So those people need to be warned that he’s on the warpath.”

“They have been. But, there’s a whole different life he’s led, one that isn’t in any file.”

“Prentiss, did you hear from your European associates?” Aaron said, keeping his eyes trained on her.

“I’m waiting for them to send me a document.”

“We need it now.” He apologetically said, and Emily immediately got up. His fingers were rubbing together faster now, and I took that as my cue to subtly take his hand from the table and intertwine our fingers underneath it. He only rubs them together when he’s stressed, and I know my touch comforts him.

“He’s locked in this hellhole for 7 years. How did he get out?” Rossi said and Morgan piped up.

“Does it really matter?”

Aaron turned his focus to me for a split second. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. I’m barely in pain.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He spoke under his breath, his pupils getting a little darker.

“I’m. Fine. It’s just a couple of scratches.” I said again, and he stared at my face for another moment before turning away. Just then, Emily came back in with a sheet of paper.

“You get a document from your contacts?” Aaron asked, breaking apart our fingers to grab the paper from Emily.

“Bank accounts traceable to our first two victims. We might be able to match the rest of those faces.”

“Good. We’re gonna need help. This is no longer just a BAU case.” Aaron got up and Dave followed, presumably to call in reinforcements.

I turned to Spencer. “And to think that this morning we thought it was a routine arsonist case.”

“I never thought that.” Seaver sneered from across the table and Spencer’s eyes grew wide.

“And I never thought that I’d have a Walmart JJ sitting across from me in cheap knock-offs.” I shot back and Seaver gave me a death glare before leaving the conference room.

“Was that really needed, Blaze?”

“She’s been cutting me off all day and asking dumbass questions. Someone needed to humble her.” I replied. Spencer and I spent the next thirty minutes looking through the footage from the Sedan’s on the day Doyle was arrested, but the hours were missing. Almost like someone erased them.

By now, the bullpen was surrounded with reps from at least five different agencies, all awaiting a signal.

“I’m gonna go check with Aaron.” I spoke out loud and walked down to his office. “What’s holding us up?” I asked as I popped my head in. Dave and Emily were both standing around Aaron’s desk looking at some kind of paperwork.

“We’re waiting for somebody from D.C. Metro Police and then we can start.”

“Who’s got updates on roadblocks?”

“They will. All parkways and interstates in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia have station checkpoints.” Aaron replied.

“Doyle has the means to get in and out of the country. What makes you think he won’t get out of the district?” Emily asked and Aaron let out a sigh.

“It’s the best we’ve got right now.”

Derek tapped me on the shoulder before ushering us both into Aaron’s office.

“Metro P.D. got held up. There’s a double homicide on K and 9th. They want me to take a look.”

“Doyle?”

“Vic’s apartment looks like a black market forger.” Morgan replied and Emily’s face went pale.

“The other victim?” She asked quickly.

“A woman in her 30s. No ID, outside his door.”

“I’m coming with you.” She demanded and started to leave the office.

“Y/n, go too. You’ve never seen a crime scene before.” Aaron added and I nodded before following Emily and Derek out of the office.

“This is a hell of a case to train her on. If she gets hurt again, her dad is going to kill us both.” I heard Dave say, but I couldn’t hear Aaron’s response back.

Emily, Derek, and I quickly ran down to the garage again, and we made it to the crime scene in record time.

“This guy took two in the chest. He went quickly.” Morgan made his way back to the hallway where Emily and I were standing. Emily knew this victim. The reaction she gave when she saw the body was enough for me to know. “She took one straight to the forehead. The holes were made by a .45. So, she comes to the door and he shoots her. She didn’t stand a chance. This has to be the work of our guy. She might be on our list. We should run her prints.”

The more Derek talked, the harder it was getting for Emily to keep her tears in. I grabbed her hand, but she shook it off immediately. “I need some air.” She said before leaving both Derek and me in the hallway.

“I’m going to go check on her.” He replied, quickly following her out. I got the Metro P.D. to get a copy of her prints and I sent them to Penelope before heading outside as well.

We got back in the SUV, but we went to Emily’s apartment instead of the BAU.

“I’ll be quick. Y/n, do you mind coming with me?” I got out as well, leaving Derek with the engine still running. I followed Emily into her apartment and sat on her couch while she changed in her bedroom.

She came out in jeans and a leather jacket with a cinched waist. “Em, you look hot. Who are you trying to impress?” I joked, but she didn’t respond. Instead, she sat on the couch with me and looked me in the eyes.

“Take this necklace. Do not take it off, do you understand me?” She forced a gold chain in my hands. The pendant was a gold ring, with two inter clasping hands on it.

“This is beautiful, Emily. Why are you giving it to me?” I asked and she stood up.

“Don’t ask questions and don’t tell Morgan. Keep it on.” I put the necklace on, tucking the charm under my blouse. We got back in the car and drove back to the BAU, just in time to hear Aaron speak on Doyle in front of the agencies gathered.

I turned around to look at Emily, and just as I did I saw her leave through the glass doors by the bullpen.

“Em? Where are you going?” I whispered as I all but chased her out of the bullpen. She turned around to me, with tears falling down her cheeks.

“I just need to go make a phone call.” She was lying. I knew she was lying, she knew I knew she was lying, and we both stood there for a solid minute trying to decide what we were actually going to do.

“You’ll call me? When you get to wherever you’re going?” I finally said, and her face showed a sign of relief.

“I’ll be fine.” She simply responded and squeezed my hand once before getting on the elevator.

I didn’t know what the next two days had in store for us. If I had, I never would’ve let her get on that elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You guys are probably wondering 1. why I’m updating a week early and 2. why i’m including this storyline. To answer #1, it’s the one year anniversary of CM ending!! And with the news today of the reboot and Kirsten and Paget basically confirming it, I felt like I needed to. And to answer #2, I established a Y/n and Emily relationship early on, and I think that this storyline was needed to tie in some stuff with Y/n and Hotch! Chapter 19 is based on Lauren and Chapter 20 is what happens after. See you next week!


	20. the simple black headband

After Emily left, I walked back into the bullpen. Nobody even noticed I had stepped out, and I tried to absorb as much information about Ian Doyle as I possibly could. When Aaron finished explaining what he needed from the different agencies, he pulled us aside and gave us our tasks as well. It wasn’t too long before Derek found something.

“I’ve got four names on the bottom of the list Prentiss gave us. Luke Renalt, Lawrence Riley, Lila Rafferty, and Lyle Rogers.” Derek said as he walked to the evidence board with a freshly printed sheet of paper.

“All with the initials L.R.” Seaver pointed out and I rolled my eyes. She was always pointing out the most obvious things.

“The CIA uses cryptograms like that to assign to non-official cover agents working the same case.” I spoke up and everyone turned to me with their eyes a little wider than normal. I think they all forgot that I worked at a place that was just as classified as this before I came here. “I came across a lot of things like this during my time at the White House.” I added and they nodded in understanding.

“Y/n’s right. It’s not just the CIA that does this, but lots of other foreign countries as well. These last four names are covers. Spies.” Morgan pointed to the paper and Penelope narrowed her eyes to get a better look.

“Wait. No. This isn’t right. Do you see this space? That shouldn’t be there.” She gestured to an empty row on the spreadsheet.

“Could it be a formatting error?” Spence piped up and Penelope shook her head.

“No, this is a spreadsheet template. The formatting doesn’t allow for this. There’s a missing name on here.”

“It’s another spy whose cover is L.R.” Aaron replied and I scratched my head.

“Why would Emily give us a document that’s obviously been tampered with?” I asked aloud, and Spencer let out a small gasp.

“Lauren Reynolds is dead.”

“What?” Aaron and I both said at the same time again and Spencer jumped up from his desk.

“Lauren Reynolds is dead! Prentiss said that on a phone call seventeen days ago, but her intonation wasn’t surprise or grief, it was like a mantra. Like she was reminding herself. Lauren Reynolds, L.R.” Aaron immediately pulled out his phone to call Emily, but as soon as I heard the vibrations in the desk, I knew my worst suspicions had come true.

“If Prentiss is the last name on that list, she’s on Doyle’s list too.” Seaver said out loud, like the rest of us didn’t glean that from the last few seconds of conversation.

“That explains her behavior for the past few months. The secrets, the evasion.” Rossi said and Spencer eagerly added,

“She’s been biting her fingernails again, too.”

“Guys.” Aaron showed us Emily’s phone, her badge, and her gun.

“She left her badge and gun? Why would she do that?”

“That doesn’t make sense. Why run? We’re her family. We can help.” Spencer’s voice broke a little and I finally lifted my head up.

“Doyle’s killing families.” I softly said and everyone’s eyes were on me again. “Em isn’t close to her real family, hardly talks to her mom and dad. She’s not married, not dating anyone. Doyle must’ve been ready to take us out. She ran to protect us.”

Morgan threw down the paper he was holding and let out a loud sigh. He was frustrated. Nobody could blame him a bit. We were all frustrated.

“Y/n, can I speak to you in my office?” Aaron demanded and started quickly making his way to the back of the bullpen. He didn’t even wait for me to follow, making the short journey there himself. Spence and I exchanged a look before I rushed to meet Aaron.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re not telling me something. What is it?” He said as he shut the door.

“What do you mean?” I tried lying and he shook his head.

“Drop the bullshit, Y/n. What are you not telling me? This is not the time for games.”

“Emily knew the last victim at the crime scene we went to earlier today. She didn’t explicitly say it, but she got pale when she saw the body. She was holding in tears and she threw up outside.” I admitted and Aaron knitted his brow.

“What else is there?”

“That’s it. Just that-”

“Stop.” He held his hand up and started pacing his office. “I will only ask you one more time. Think hard and think fast about whether or not you want to keep wasting time when Emily’s life is on the line. What are you not telling me.”

His brown eyes were staring into mine, looking for any indication that I would lie to him again. I gave up. “This afternoon when she and I went back to Delaney’s house to look for the papers, she got a phone call. I don’t know who was on the other end. It was a man with a European accent. Emily said he was her contact at Interpol, but I heard him ask if the team was in trouble, and Em responded back and said absolutely. She shut me down when I brought it up and wouldn’t mention it again.”

He let out a heavy sigh before sitting on the edge of his desk. “And what? You didn’t think I needed to know that?”

“I didn’t think anything of it, Aaron. How was I supposed to know that that had something to do with the case?” I exclaimed and he walked up to me, his hands slightly shaking.

“You are so much smarter than you give yourself credit for. Something inside of you _knew_ that that conversation had something to do with the case. Why didn’t you tell me? Be honest because we don’t have time for your lies right now.”

“My lies? Are you kidding me?” I lightly pushed on his chest to get him to take a step back. He looked down at the spot where I had pushed, almost like my touch burned him when I did so. “Did you ever think that I didn’t mention it because I trusted that Emily knew what was going on? I trusted that she would let us know if she needed help?”

“You trusted.” He scoffed in my direction before shaking his head sarcastically. “Look where that trust got us now.”

“Are we done here?” I shortly replied, turning to leave. “We need to be done here because if you keep this shit up it won’t be nice.”

“I’m not going to file your promotion paperwork anymore.” He said after a moment passed. My shoulders dropped as I slowly brought my head around to face him.

“You said you’re not _what_?”

“I’m sorry, Y/n. As a full-fledged member of this team, you have to be transparent about everything. You cannot keep secrets just because a friend told you to. Yes, we are a family here but work will always come first once you cross those glass doors. You might have the paperwork and the textbook stuff down, but you do not have the first clue about what it takes to be loyal to the _team_ , not to be loyal to each other.” His words stung far more than anything he’s ever said to me, each one cutting me deeper than the last.

“So, are we done here? Or did you want to add that I’m incompetent again...you know just for good measure.” I coldly replied before placing my hand on the door handle.

“We’re done.” He calmly stated and I made my way back down to the group, thoroughly pissed off. I caught Spencer’s eye on my way down, and just slightly shook my head. He made a quick “yikes” face then turned back to Rossi.

“She’s a trained spy. She doesn’t want to be found.”

“She knows all of our tricks. We don’t know any of hers.” Derek practically yelled, crossing his arms profusely.

“All right, then how do we find her?” Penelope asked, taking a break from the pacing she had been doing around the small area we were standing in.

“Here’s how. Ian Doyle is our unsub, Prentiss is our victim. We profile their behavior and we treat it like any other case.” Aaron spoke up from behind me. He must’ve come back from his office while Morgan was talking. “Because terrorism isn’t an area we specialize in I’ve reached out to an expert from the State Department. Someone who can also shed light on Prentiss’ past.”

“Who?” Spence asked as he stood up from the desk.

“Her.”

We all turned and saw JJ walking through the doors of the bullpen. Spence and Penelope almost ran over to her to shower her with hugs.

“JJ? I thought you were on TDY!” I exclaimed as I went to give her a hug as well.

“Yeah, I thought that’s where I was going to. After they forced me out of the BAU, they shoved me into terrorism with the State Department and it became clear that I wasn’t going to be coming back. I’m surprised Hotch didn’t tell you.” Yeah. I was surprised too. We both walked back to the group and JJ started to study the evidence board.

“Who saw her last?” She asked and everyone looked around at each other.

“It was probably me. After Morgan, Em, and I got back from the crime scene we came back here to listen to Aaron and Rossi do the briefing. I saw her head for the elevator but she told me she was just making a phone call and she’d be right back.” I said as we started to follow JJ from the evidence board and to the conference room.

“That was probably two hours ago, right?” JJ replied and I nodded. “Okay, on my way here I talked to a friend from Langley. He couldn’t give me Emily’s full CIA history but he could give me this.” She pressed a button on the screen and a file with Emily’s picture pulled up. She looked different in the picture, donning a shoulder-length curly brown haircut instead of her usual straight black look. “She assumed the identity of Lauren Reynolds as part of a special task force called JTF-12.”

“I’ve heard about them. They were profiling terrorists, weren’t they?” Rossi asked and JJ nodded again.

“Yeah, assembled after 9/11. CIA and western agencies contributed their best and brightest.”

“But serial killers and terrorists have different personality traits.” Seaver added and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes again. Spence completely ignored her comment and said,

“How does Doyle fit in?”

“He was their last case, and now the JTF is on his hit list. Jeremy Wolff was victim number one from Germany’s BND. Sean McAlister at Interpol was the second. He’s the one that brought the JTF to work the Doyle case. He was murdered last week in Brussels with his wife and daughter. Tsia Mosely of France’s DCRI. She got engaged to Jeremy earlier this year and after he died she fled to D.C. Lastly, there’s the team leader, Clyde Easter, British S.I.S. He hasn’t checked in since Tsia’s murder. He was also in D.C.” With every name, JJ pressed a button and pictures came up. Clyde Easter. He looked familiar, I just couldn’t put my finger on where I knew him from.

“Did JTF make the arrests?” Aaron asked.

“No, the host countries handled that and the team moved on to the next case. Emily transferred here next.”

“If all they did was deliver a profile, how does Doyle even know about them?” Aaron asked the question we were all wondering, but unsurprisingly JJ had an answer.

“Well, considering the shadowy nature of terrorist cells they utilize a skill that we don’t. Infiltration.”

“Who was undercover on Doyle?” Spence asked and I sat up in my chair. Aaron and I came to the same realization before JJ spoke again.

“Emily. She made contact with him in Boston to get intel on Valhalla. She was posing as another weapons dealer.” JJ handed Morgan some photos that had just been printed from the day Doyle was arrested and he rifled through them.

“Look at how she’s dressed. She seems awfully comfortable.” He replied with a hint of disgust present in his voice. I craned my head to see what he was looking at. Emily was just wearing white jeans and a white button-up shirt, with a few buttons undone. She looked fine. What the hell was Morgan talking about?

I looked up to see Rossi shoot him a glare, which he deserved.

“How close did she get to Doyle as part of her cover?” Aaron said and he started to look through the photos as well.

“The recon they did on Doyle included background on all of his romantic relationships. Emily was his type.”

Not surprising. She was everyone’s type.

“Y/n, Morgan, and Dave go back to Prentiss’ apartment and see if there’s something there that we can use.” Aaron said and the three of us got up. Em doesn’t live entirely too far from Quantico, so we got there in less than 20 minutes. We entered the apartment building and I walked up the stairs for the second time that day.

“She asked you to stop here earlier?” Rossi asked as we walked into Emily’s bedroom.

“Yeah. I guess she wanted to change her boots and get whatever she needed.” Derek almost spat out. He seemed thoroughly bothered by something, I just couldn’t pinpoint what.

“It’s never easy, you know. Having to dig through a friend’s life. But that’s not what’s bugging you, is it? You’re angry because she crossed the line with Doyle.” Rossi profiled as he squatted down to check the safe. I headed to her closet to see if she left anything in there.

“No, I’m not. I’m angry because a group of mercenaries just shot at me. I don’t much like being shot at, Rossi. Prentiss knew exactly what was going on, but she didn’t bother to tell any of us.” I wasn’t facing Morgan, but I could sense his anger. Which in turn made me angry as well. He was acting as if Emily had a choice. Which she didn’t.

“Why are you acting like a bitch baby right now?” I asked from the closet and poked my head out to see Morgan and Rossi’s shocked expressions. “You weren’t hurt. If anyone should be pissed, it should be me. I’m the one who had glass in her back, remember? I’m the one who came up here with Prentiss. I’m the one who was tailing her this entire case. I’m the one she consistently lied to. Even I understand what she did. Get over yourself.”

“Yeah, keep sticking up for your girlfriend. I’m sure Hotch would love knowing how much you’re defending her right now. She probably slept with you too.” He mumbled out and walked over to the bathroom. “I mean, she slept with a terrorist for a profile. Instead of coming clean with us about her dirty laundry, she just ran with it. How the hell are you okay with that?”

Rossi’s eyes got wider with every word Derek let fall from his mouth.

I don’t know what came over me, but I just lunged at him. I was so angry, so _infuriated_ at the sexist words he was saying, the way he had been acting this entire case, I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Rossi picked me up mid-stride, and he held my flailing body there for a solid minute.

“Let me at him, Rossi. He can handle it. Can’t you handle it, tough guy?” I screamed at Morgan while he stared at me, eyes wide.

“Y/n, absolutely not. We do not fight each other.” Rossi tried saying while I was still trying to fight my way off him.

“He changed that the moment he started making sexist comments about Emily. She’s our _friend_ , Derek! Our FRIEND! She needs our help, and instead of doing that you’re slut-shaming her? Are you fucking kidding me?” I continued screaming, but I stopped actively trying to fight him. I pushed my hair out of my face and just stared him down.

“Chill out, Y/n. I didn’t mean it that way.” His cool tone fired me up again, but this time I didn’t lunge for him. I just shook Rossi off and stood there.

“Do not talk to me again, Morgan. I fucking mean that.” I spat out and turned to leave the apartment, Rossi following. When I got outside, he placed his hand on my shoulder.

“I know it’s hard. Trust me. But you cannot let your emotions get the best of you.”

“Rossi-”

“No. Don’t forget that I’ve known you since you could walk. I know you’ve always been the person to stick up for others. I also know that you have a temper. I don’t need to see it again in a place of work, do you understand me?” He reprimanded and I nodded before sitting on the ground. “What’s wrong?”

“I knew something was wrong with Emily. Ever since my birthday party she’s been distant, cold. She’s been slowly detaching herself from everyone. All day today she was on edge. I let her go, Rossi. I let her get on the elevator knowing she probably wasn’t coming back. I lied to you guys for her. I didn’t tell you what I knew.” I brought my knees up to my chest and I wrapped my arms around them.

“Does Aaron know?”

“Of course he does. He already yelled at me about it. Told me I wasn’t ready to become a profiler because I had no loyalty. I hate him sometimes, but he was right. I don’t know how to put this job above my friendships. You guys are like a family to me. Is it wrong to want to protect you?” Rossi sat next to me and placed a hand on my knee.

“We all want to protect each other. I think Aaron’s upset because if you had told him what you knew about Emily when you found out, we could’ve helped her.” I shook my head.

“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” We sat in silence for another few moments. Before Rossi spoke again.

“Y/n, that necklace is new. Where did you get that from? Did Hotch give it to you?” In my anger at Morgan, I didn’t even notice that the necklace Emily had given me had become untucked from under my blouse.

“No….Emily did. Earlier. When we were last here. She told me not to take it off….and not to show anyone.” Rossi’s eyes widened.

“Y/n, you need to show Hotch.” I shook my head.

“Absolutely not, Rossi. He’s already furious with me. Can’t you just say you found it in Em’s apartment? He’s literally going to fire me if he finds out I didn’t mention this.” I pleaded and he looked at me with apologetic eyes.

“I’ll let the altercation with Derek slide because he deserved it, but you have to tell Hotch about that necklace.” Damn it. I knew he was right. I hated that he was right.

He stood up and gave me a hand to help me up as well. I went to go sit in the car to cool down while I waited for Morgan and Rossi to come back. The drive to Quantico was dead silent. Morgan kept trying to look at me through the rearview mirror, but I focused my gaze outside of the car. When we got back to the BAU, I went directly to Aaron’s office, just praying that he wouldn’t be too upset.

“She gave this to me when we stopped at her apartment earlier. I just forgot to mention it because I was panicking. I wasn’t trying to hide anything Aaron, I promise. I just forgot.” I blurted out as soon as I walked in. He stood from his desk and walked over to me. I unfastened the necklace and placed it in his outstretched palm.

“What did she say when she gave it to you? Tell me every word.” He studied the necklace with one hand and kept his other on my arm.

“Take this necklace. Do not take it off, do you understand me? Don’t ask questions and don’t tell Morgan. Keep it on.” I repeated exactly what Emily said to me earlier.

“Why would she give this to you? What does it mean?”

“Maybe Spence would know?” I questioned and he nodded.

“Go ask him.” He gave me back the necklace and I turned to leave. “Y/n?” I turned back to him. “I know I was harsh with you earlier. I-”

“I know, Aaron. As much as I hated to hear it, you were right. I should’ve told you. You can’t treat me differently just because you love me. I understand. I’m gonna prove to you that I can do this job.” He grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving.

“I know you can do this job, sweetheart. We’re just worried about Prentiss. All of us. We just want her back home safely.”

“I know. That’s what I want too.”

I ran down the stairs outside Aaron’s office and didn’t lose momentum until I reached Spence’s desk. I held out the necklace, and he replied immediately.

“It’s a gimmel ring. The husband and wife-to-be wear individual bands during the engagement and at the wedding.” He pulled apart the ring. “The markings in the middle are Gaelic. If this was from Prentiss, then Doyle probably gave it to her.” Just then Aaron came down with Rossi and Morgan.

“Sir, TSA just got a hit on one of Clyde Easter’s covers. He’s on a plane to Boston as we speak.” Penelope said as she rushed into the bullpen.

“Have him detained as soon as he steps off. Get your go-bags. We’re going to Boston. Garcia, you’re coming with us.” There was no ‘wheels up in thirty’, there was no time for us to gather anything we needed. We followed Aaron almost in single file until we reached the jet, Spence and I breathing heavily behind. It was nightfall already, and I knew we couldn’t catch up to Emily.

There was no new information yet, so we separated once we got on the jet. Aaron and I took the two-seater, Spence and JJ settled in on the couch, and the rest of them scrambled to find seats before the jet took off.

_“Oh, please Em. That guy was totally checking you out!” I smacked her on the arm as she dragged me out of the bar._

_“It’s cute.” She shortly responded and started walking down the street, a bounce in her step._

_“What’s cute?” I asked, completely oblivious._

_“How you think I’d ever be attracted to a man. I thought by now you would’ve realized that men are not my style. Never have been, never will be.” She never lightened up on her step, instead, she was almost dancing down the street. I’ve never seen her this loose, this carefree. Maybe it was the alcohol currently coursing through her system, but I was struggling to keep up. “I haven’t been with a man in almost six years.”_

_“Men are overrated.” I joked and her laugh echoed through the street._

_“Trust me, if it was voluntary, I never would’ve been with a man.” She continued on her way, and I continued running after her, trying to keep up._

“What were you just thinking about?”

“She had no choice, Aaron. Emily would _never_ sleep with a man on purpose. Not unless her life was at stake. It’s just really upsetting how Morgan is acting.” I rubbed my temples trying to ease the headache I knew was coming.

“Did he say something inappropriate? Why is this the first I’m hearing of it? Do you want me to say something to him?” Aaron rattled off defensively, his brow furrowed. I shook my head.

“No. I can handle it. He’s not the first man to be offensive towards me or towards someone I care about.”

“What did he say that bothered you so much?”

I let out a small scoff. “He insinuated that Emily was a whore for sleeping with Ian Doyle and when I defended her he said that she must’ve slept with me too.”

Aaron’s eyes grew wide and he turned around in his seat to look at Morgan, who was talking with Penelope across the jet. “I’ll be discussing that with him.”

“Aaron, no. It’s okay, really.” I argued and he placed his hand on my thigh.

“I will not accept that on my team. This goes far beyond us, this is an issue with professionalism. I do not want the women on my team to feel belittled. Am I making myself clear? You’ll tell me if he says anything else?” He all but demanded, and my heart started to swell a little.

“I promise.” He squeezed my thigh once before returning his hands back to his lap, rubbing his pointer finger along with his thumb again. “You’re anxious.”

“Huh?”

I nodded my head towards his fingers. “Your tell.”

“You have one too.” I laughed and pulled my hair into a low ponytail.

“What is it?”

He nodded in the direction of my hair. “You’ve worn eight different hairstyles since we left this morning. You usually only average one or two on normal days, but when you hit four I know that it’s a difficult case for you. Eight is the most I’ve ever seen you in. You averaged six right after Foyet.”

“I never would’ve thought that you’d notice my hairstyles.” He grinned a little.

“I never knew there were so many. Haley wore the same thing every single day.” I smiled back before staring out the window again.

“What’s your favorite?”

He scrunched his face a bit before responding. “I love anything on you, but I really like it when you just wear it naturally.”

“Emily likes the ponytail.” My voice cracked on the last syllable and I looked down at my hands in my lap. “I’m scared, Aaron. Absolutely terrified. What if we’re too late? What if we can’t find her in time? What if Doyle-”

“Y/n, stop. We can’t think about things like that. They have Clyde detained at BOS, and as soon as we touch down we’ll make him give us Doyle’s profile.”

“But-”

Penelope let out a blood-curling scream and we all gathered around her in seconds, trying to locate what would cause her to be this upset. “Emily walked into a trap. It looks like Doyle got into the SUV, but from this angle you can see that he didn’t, which I wish Boston P.D. would have told me before I started watching it. Sorry for the screaming.” She apologized, but her voice was shaking.

Pen pressed play on the video, and I saw Emily walk up to a blacked-out Range Rover holding some kind of automatic gun. She fired off several rounds into the car, then threw a flash-bang grenade into the window. We saw her ask something inaudible, then she fell backward like she had been shot. I let out a small gasp, but breathed a sigh of relief once I saw Ian Doyle walk over to her. She had been wearing a bullet-proof vest. She was fine, at least for now.

“She threw a flash-bang grenade into a car. She’s lucky the three people inside didn’t die, is anybody else bothered by that?” Derek asked, his tone incredulous.

“Just you, love.” I muttered under my breath and he looked up at me.

Rossi picked up on the tension and quickly added, “Well, three bad guys.”

“Illegal as it is, I think Prentiss knows she has to be as ruthless as Doyle.” Morgan looked away from Aaron and me, and I could tell that he was pissed that Aaron didn’t take his side.

“He’s come to the U.S. to wage a public vendetta and hired a group of mercenaries to remain loyal to him. He has nothing to lose so she has to act the same way. It’s smart.” I touched Spence lightly on the small of his back to thank him, and he leaned into my touch. Even though we aren’t in the best place right now, I can always count on him to have my back, no matter what.

“So, how did Doyle know that she was waiting for him?” Rossi asked and looked around to see if anybody had an answer.

“The mole must’ve told him.” JJ replied matter-of-factly and we all turned to look at her. No one mentioned a mole. “The same guy who’s been feeding Doyle the contractors and the agents? I mean, somebody has to know something.”

“Clyde Easter was just arrested with a suitcase full of cash. How would we get him to talk? He won’t cooperate willingly.”

“Y/n and I will handle that. The rest of you focus on Doyle’s location. JJ, use those connections, and Y/n, see if you know anybody who could help us before we land.” I nodded and pulled out my phone to use my one emergency call to Jake Ballard. I buried a scandal for him a few years ago (I’m pretty sure he murdered his wife, but I got it out of the press on our end) and he told me that he “owed me one.” Hopefully, this would be the one that he owed me.

“I hate to be the one to ask this, but…how long does Emily have?” Penelope directed towards Aaron and he took a deep breath before giving her an answer.

“Her best chance is also the most troubling. Doyle saved her for last because he views her as his stressor.” Aaron’s eyes got glassy for a second, but he composed himself as he added, “Which means he’ll take his time.”

I stepped away from the group to make my call. Unsurprisingly Jake picked up on the second ring.

“Y/n? I see you’re on a plane to Boston. What do you need?”

“I thought the NSA was supposed to deny the claims that it spies on the great citizens of the United States of America.” He chuckled and I heard him rifle through some papers on the other end of the phone.

“We deny the claims to people who don’t know better. You know better. Anyways, is this a favor from the head of the NSA, or is this a favor from the other Jake Ballard?”

“The other Jake Ballard.” I said under my breath, moving to an isolated part of the jet.

“Hold on.” I heard footsteps and then a few doors shutting. “Shoot.”

“I need the location of Ian Doyle.”

“Y/n, that’ll be difficult. He’s not a U.S. citizen and he’s a fugitive. It’s not like he just has a cell phone we can hack. B6-13 deals with foreign government assassinations and torture. The CIA deals with infiltration. They’re your best bet for information on Doyle. They’d know everything about him.”

“The CIA was absolutely no help. Jennifer Jareau, who works for the State Department, already got some of the files unsealed, but the information we need wouldn’t be in the CIA files. We need personal information on Doyle.” I begged and Aaron caught my eye from across the plane.

I heard the sounds of keys clacking quickly in the background. “You can’t ask Lauren Reynolds? Looks like here that she would know everything about Doyle. She was the one assigned to him.”

“No. Lauren is the one we’re trying to save. He’s torturing her right now.” Jake let out a sharp intake of breath. “She’s one of my closest friends, Jake. I’m calling in that favor you owe me. I can’t let her die.”

“Give me thirty minutes. Funnel any more information you find out, okay? Let’s just hope she can withstand the torture.” He hung up quickly, and I trusted that Jake would give me as much information as he possibly could.

************************

“In closing, I have never worked with a finer agent than Emily Prentiss. Her skill at analyzing and predicting terrorist behavior is unparalleled. Signed, Name Redacted.” Aaron read from the file in his hands while I stood right behind him. Clyde Easter had been transported to the Boston Field Office, and Aaron and I came in here as soon as the jet landed. Since Emily gave me the necklace from Doyle, Aaron assumed that she had mentioned me to Easter. We were using any leverage we had to get him to break. “You used all the right buzzwords, told us everything we wanted to hear. You sold her to us the same way you sold Doyle to the North Koreans.”

“I’ve seen you before.” Easter directed towards me, completely ignoring Aaron’s entire line of questioning. “You and Em rode the subway together a few weeks ago. After she had her first little run-in with Doyle, I never saw you with her again.”

That’s where I knew him from. Emily and I had gone running before work in early December, and this guy stared me down in the subway. His voice was familiar too.

“You were the one who asked if we were in danger, weren’t you?” I asked him and he chuckled a little before sitting back down in his chair.

“Doyle doesn’t want the rest of your team, Agent Hotchner. He just wants her dead.” He nodded his head in my direction before giving a loud, obnoxious yawn. “She’s the only one Em truly cares about. If she’s gone or if he kidnaps her, then Em will give him whatever he wants.” He propped his feet on the chair and gestured in my direction. “I’m thoroughly surprised you’re still alive, sweetheart.”

“Do not talk to her. You’re talking to me.” Aaron tried to command the room again, but Clyde was not having it.

“I understand why Em cares so much about you. You’re kind, unlike Mr. Alpha over here. You’re also drop-dead gorgeous. You’re sure you want to waste all that beauty on him?” He asked before cracking his neck. I decided to play into Clyde’s attitude, giving him my full attention. We needed Doyle’s location.

“It’s not wasted on him.” I turned to Aaron and took my hair out of the low ponytail, leaving it natural the way he liked. I just hoped he got the comparison. “Emily and I have been seeing each other for the past six months, Clyde.” I smoothly lied, and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I love her. If she dies, I don’t know what I would do with myself. She’s my reason for everything. Doyle has her and she doesn’t have much time left. Please. Is there anything you know that can help us?”

He carefully looked between Aaron and me, and I noticed that Aaron was gripping the file so tight that the manilla folder was starting to crinkle. Clyde noticed too and took that as confirmation that I was telling the truth.

“Alright. Do you guys have Fahey? He’s probably the one who told Doyle that Emily was in town. She uh... shot off his ear earlier and he called me to pay his medical bills. Fahey is a piece of shit, but Doyle kind of trusts him.”

“Thank you.” I leaned down to squeeze his hand before rushing out of the room to call Dave. He picked up on the first ring and said that they were already bringing Fahey into custody, but we needed more.

Aaron came out soon after. “Garcia says that Jeremy originally sold the list to Doyle, but he won’t give me anything.”

“We need the original profile. We combine that with what we have for him as a serial killer, and we can find him. I need to go back in there.” I turned away and placed my hand on the door handle, but Aaron’s arm on my shoulder caused me to stop mid-stride.

“You’re doing amazing. Bring it home.” I nodded and entered the holding room again.

“I need the original profile, Clyde.” He shook his head as he stood.

“You took an oath to protect the laws of your country, and I took an oath to protect the secrets of mine. Do you understand what you’re asking of me? This isn’t just about Emily anymore.”

“I know I’m asking for a lot.”

“I’ll do it. For you and for her, I’ll do it. But you have to give me something in return, because Agent Y/l/n, there’s no catching that man. He’ll escape from your prison as easily as he did North Korea and then, all hell breaks loose. If you want to stop that man, you have to put a bullet between his eyes yourself. Can you do that? Can you break your oath?”

“No. I can’t. I can’t kill somebody like that, Clyde.” He paused to look at me.

“Then you have to be ready to die. You’re the first person Doyle will come after.” I swallowed the massive lump in my throat.

“I’ll be fine.” I replied and he scoffed.

“Yeah. That’s what Emily thought too.” He hopped up from the table and started making his way towards the door. “Well? Come on, love. She hasn’t got all day.”

He left the room and started to head straight to the conference room, with Aaron and I trailing close behind. He started speaking as soon as he got in the vicinity, his authoritative tone causing everyone else to stop whatever it was that they were doing.

“Ian Doyle is a power-assertive psychopath. He’s highly controlling and very explosive when something doesn’t go as planned.” Clyde explained before Ashley spoke up. Pen had texted that while Aaron and I were getting our information from Clyde, the rest of the team had detained Fahey. They were getting somewhere with him until they let him outside for a smoke break and Doyle shot him right in front of Dave and Ashley.

“Okay, so how does this fit in with who he is as a family annihilator?”

Just then my phone buzzed with a text from Jake Ballard, and I had to reread the message several times to comprehend what I was seeing.

 **Jake Ballard:** Ian Doyle had a child. A son named Declan. He was murdered in Boston at a warehouse. 1518 Adams Street. I’ve attached photos in case you need them. Go save your friend. We’re even.

“Ian Doyle had a child! He was murdered here in Boston at 1518 Adams Street. That has to be where Emily is.” I exclaimed and shoved my phone in Aaron’s face.

“Wait, look at this.” Penelope had taken my phone and blown the photos up on her screen. Spence was pointing to a hand.

“Spit it out, Spencer.”

“The fingernails.”

“Oh my god.” Penelope exclaimed and I squinted my eyes to look at the photo longer. 

"This is fake. Think with me for a second. We all know Emily. She lived and worked with Declan and the housekeeper. She would never kill a child herself. She did this to keep him away from Doyle. She faked it so this little boy could have a life." 

“Y/n, go get SWAT. We’re going to go get Emily.” Aaron replied and I quickly exited the conference room and almost ran face-first into a SWAT team member. Strauss called them in as soon as we got on the plane to Boston, and for once I was grateful that she was being nosy.

Once they were all gathered in front of Aaron and Morgan, they both explained that Emily was the only one that was friendly. They were to kill everybody else, no questions asked. Once our presence was known, Emily was as good as dead if she wasn’t already. Aaron, Morgan, and Dave were the only ones trained in skilled SWAT raids, so the rest of us stayed put until we got word back.

Ten minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

Twenty minutes.

An hour.

Then JJ’s phone rang.

After she hung up, she looked at us with fear etched across her face. “She’s in the hospital. Doyle stabbed her. We need to go.”

Morgan rode with Emily in the ambulance, and Aaron and Dave came back to the field office to come get us. We piled into two separate cars, with Spence, Aaron, JJ, and I in one, and Pen, Seaver, and Dave in another.

We were absolutely silent on the drive to the hospital. I’ve never been one to seek solace in religion, but I prayed the entire time. I just prayed to whoever or whatever was up there that they would save Emily. They had to save Emily.

It was another two hours of endless waiting in the waiting room. Spencer and I took turns walking laps around the room and when I wasn’t anxiously pacing I was continuing to pray. Even when JJ walked into the waiting room, head hung low, tears in her eyes, I still continued to pray.

But then JJ said those seven words. The ones that made me stop praying. The words that changed my life forever.

“She never made it off the table.”

Everything was blurry after that.

Spence hugging JJ. Morgan hugging Penelope. Me clinging onto Aaron. I cried so much my head was pounding. I just held on to Aaron tightly and wouldn’t let go. And he didn’t make me. All I wanted was him. I only felt him.

***********************************

“I don’t want to go.” I said to Aaron. I was sitting on the edge of his bed, wearing a conservative knee-length black dress, with my hair pulled back by a simple black headband.

Right before my birthday, I mentioned to Emily about how I wanted to make wearing headbands my brand, just like how wearing red was hers. She encouraged me to do so, even buying me some for my birthday. I thought it was fitting.

“I know baby, but you have to. You know she would want you there.” Aaron sat next to me on the bed and placed his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in. I laid my head on his shoulder and just started to cry.

It seems like that’s all I’ve been doing the past few days. Sleeping and crying.

I was getting so tired of just sleeping and crying.

“If I hadn’t let her get on that elevator-” I sobbed out and Aaron pulled me closer.

“You know this is not your fault. She would’ve found a way to go even if you had stopped her. You know how stubborn Emily is. She’s just as bad as you.” He nudged me at that last part and I smiled a little. He was right. Emily was just as stubborn as I was, if not worse.

“Going to this...it makes it real. I don’t want to watch them lower her body into the ground, Aaron. I don’t want to say goodbye... I never got a chance to say goodbye.” My voice cracked at the last sentence and I started crying again.

“You know what you told me? Right before I asked you to be my girlfriend?” I looked up at him, my eyes full of wonder.

“Of course.”

“A sunrise is just the beginning of a new chapter of life. This is just a new chapter. We’ll get through this together.” I leaned over and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders. He pulled me onto his lap and we just sat there for a minute, his breath hot against my neck.

“Come on, sweet girl. Let’s go say goodbye.” I climbed off his lap and grabbed his hand as we walked out of his apartment together, on our way to start a new chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: this was …. hard to write. I decided to bring up jake ballard at the last moment because I realized we hadn’t had a scandal cameo recently!! also, we get a special guest in the next chapter :) it’s someone who’s been mentioned but i’ve never written them in, so I hope you guys are excited for that. (bonus points for whoever guesses it.)
> 
> I also want to mention again that I’m taking a small break. There’s going to be an 8 (or 10) month time jump in the next chapter, and there are a lot of intricacies I need to work out before I write it. It’s a lot of flashbacks. School has gotten...heavy to say the least, so I don’t really have the time to put out a new chapter every week anymore. But, I’ll see you sometime in April!! These last eleven chapters are the ones I’ve been looking forward to writing the most :)
> 
> One more thing, I’m sure you guys are wondering why the hell I’ve included this storyline and why it was so important that I mentioned Emily and Y/n’s relationship and Doyle wanting Y/n dead. It comes into play in the next chapter, I promise! (mini-spoiler: let's remember that jj wasn't the only one who knew emily was alive...wink wink) 


	21. update: please read ♡

hiiiiii guys i just wanted to let you know that over the next few weeks i'm going to be going through and rewriting the first 19 chapters and making them into second person!! i didn't really have much experience writing fanfic before and i honestly hate writing in second person, but i want to make it so you guys can imagine yourselves in the story :) 

another thing: i wrote a really gut-wrenching scene between y/n and reid while he’s in jail (s12) but because of how i outlined the ending, there’s absolutely no way i could include it. SO that made me start thinking!!! how would you guys like it if at the very end of the book i included some things that i wrote for it that just didn’t get added? for example it’d be the y/n and reid in jail scene, a conversation where y/n goes off on seaver (the “i’m sorry for asking” scene), a flashback between reid and y/n the night gideon leaves, stuff like that! just comment or something if it sounds like something you’d be interested in :)


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